Ephemeral Cold
By Ken Tanaka
Walking through the faceless crowd, staring at the gray sky, I was at a loss for words. The sheer sadness, wrapped around my heart, tore my whole and made it colder than the
everlasting snow. Couldn't relax, thinking of the future, I sat down in a near-torn bench that was covered in ice. "I can't believe Christmas is near," I said with a poker face, but, after some
time, my expression became, somewhat, dejected. Time was nothing but watches and clocks. I couldn't determine when I was or how long I had been in this world. The end of my rope,
the edge of my soul, I asked, "Where are you?"
Who am I talking to? What is my purpose in this God-forsaken world? The cold was really freezing my mind and body. I couldn't think straight and couldn't move. I was... alone in this
ceaseless winter. My friend once said, "Keep moving as the universe keeps on progressing." He never gave up until the end of his life. I was assured that he died a happy man. I stood up,
shaking and panting. I gave out a soft grin.
"He kept moving forward, eh?"
From the beginning, I was alone. My parents abandoned me and left me struggling for my own. They placed me in an orphanage, but in there, my very core cracked in agony. I ran away
when I was 13 years old. I strived, working on places that took me. At times, I faked my age and name to get away with it, just to have money. Eventually, I became able to rent an
apartment in Matsuro City, the City of Wonders. It had been 4 years now since I rented that apartment. I still found myself walking through this endless array of people.
On foot through and through, I had a sudden epiphany. People around me had families and had friends with them. Some even had lovers holding each other's hand. It made me glad to
think that we all still have the heart to love, but at the same time, it made my heart ache.
"This cold seems to last forever, doesn't it?" a girl, wearing such a fine red hood and big black boots, asked me. She seemed to be just 14 years old, maybe a bit younger than me in a
matter of 3 years. I quickly retorted but ate my words half way because of the coldness, "Yes, it... seems to be so."
"Well, thank you, mister, for talking with me. Merry Christmas!"
She ran through the crowd as if she was playing hide-and-seek, leaving me no time to reply to her. As she disappeared from the tons of people coming and going, I sighed. "Merry
Christmas," I whispered. When I looked down, I noticed a folded piece of paper. "This must be from her," I said as I unfolded the paper to see its contents. The paper was old and a bit
ripped from the sides. The only contents I saw were: Where are you, Mommy, Daddy?
I held the paper without saying a word from my mouth. As much as I wanted to go after her, I held myself back, turned around, going to my apartment. I kept the paper inside my jacket. I
didn't know why... but I had a feeling... just that feeling... of presence.
I sat on the bed, against the wall, thinking of the girl earlier. As far as I could remember, she was crying. Her tears were frozen, and her kind, tender face was, somehow, pale. I looked at
the contents of the piece of paper again and pictured her saying, "Where are you, Mommy, Daddy?"
And I finally remembered whom I was searching for. I took my jacket and dashed out from the apartment. I ran as fast as I could, trying to find the girl whom I met about 4 hours ago.
Fortunately, it wasn't as cold as before. I ran, and I ran. For once in my damned life, I felt... something... that presence. I felt I wasn't alone. My mind could barely keep up with my body,
but even so, I kept moving as my friend did.
"Keep moving as the universe keeps on progressing."
Panting, I finally stopped my tracks as I saw her sitting on the bench I sat on earlier. She was wiping her tears away. I sat beside her with a heavy sigh. "Mister, you are here," she
murmured, "why are you here?" As I recovered my breath, I reached into one of my pockets and gave her the paper.
"T-thi-this is mine... how did you..."
"I found it lying on the ground. I'm sorry..."
"You looked, didn't you?"
I nodded and looked down with a sorrowful face as if I lost my will. But... suddenly, I instinctively said, "I am alone." She didn't respond for a minute. Silence was all there was until… she
embraced me and said, "Me too..." I thought, it wasn't an eternal cold, but it was only ephemeral. When one keeps on moving like the universe does every single day in our lives, one
would know something will come along the way.