Disclaimer: I own neither series. I know it's too early for Christmas fics but I wanted to post this now. Also, let me apologize ahead of time for whatever material you may find sensitive.
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"Dude," Cranky gasped. "Dude, look. Oh my god it looks like a butterfly!"
"Oh my god, it does!" Splinter said, pointing at the spilt (spiked) eggnog. "Lookkit!"
"H... how does it look even remotely like a butterfly?!" Wrinkly said, watching her husband and the ninja master laughing.
"That's why Mikey and Raph aren't allowed to touch the eggnog," Donatello said, shaking his head as he stifled a grin. "Once every Christmas, someone makes the mistake of letting one of them fix another batch and it goes unnoticed until this happens."
"So Splinter gets drunk at least once a year?"
"Well, not crap-faced like he is now. Cranky do this often?"
"Every weekend. But he doesn't drink this heavily until this time of year."
"Hey, man, what are Asian women like?" Cranky asked Splinter when they reached the end of their giggle fit. "Are they all like Lucy Liu?"
"Depends," Splinter replied, too hammered to think straight and remember who Lucy Liu was. "Are all American women like your wife?"
"A bitch? Most of 'em."
They laughed again until a boot collided with Splinter's chest, causing him to fall backwards out of his chair and thus making Cranky laugh harder, along with someone shouting, "I heard that!"
"Remind me to kill Raphael and Michelangelo later," Wrinkly told Don after retrieving her shoe.
"So-so-so you know how some couples will allow a break in their marriage if they meet their dream sex-partner?" Cranky asked as Splinter staggered back to his feet.
"No," the Japanese man replied, sitting down.
"Oh. Well, we both originally decided on people from Star Trek: The Original Series!"
"Oh god," Wrinkly said, putting her face in her hands and blushing like crazy.
"Who-who do you have?" Splinter asked his new drinking buddy.
"I've got Uhura," Cranky slurred, "and she's got Kirk."
"Cranky, please!" Wrinkly begged, turning to walk away.
"Of course, since then she's changed it to Takei then Nimoy then Rob Paulsen and now it's James Avery from that old Will Smith show from the 90's."
"I have to wonder how she can stand him," Don muttered to himself before following Wrinkly's example of making like a banana and splitting, shaking his head.