Prompt from anon: What if Rae would have told everyone about her illness at the debrief because she wanted to talk about how Tix was in the hospital?
The title comes from the Sleeping With Sirens song "Free Now". I couldn't find an entirely appropriate song but I thought this one fit all right. (I like to get ideas from my iTunes library and/or title with songs that fit).
Rae walked into the chippy with a somber expression. Last night didn't go as it was supposed to. Not only were Finn and Chloe not supposed to kiss but she completely forgot about Tixie. The same Tixie who collapsed the night before and is now lying is a hospital bed, attached to machines, knowing that Rae forgot about her.
She stared at the ground as she made her way to the table holding the gang sans Izzy. Dropping her pack from her shoulder she set it on the floor and slumped into the seat.
"How you feeling, Rae?" Archie to her right asked her.
"I- Like shit. How about you lot?" she looked around the table trying not to stop at Finn. But whilst Finn was the object of her affection, her thoughts screamed with how much a failure and shit friend she was to poor Tixie.
Finn, Chop, and Archie grunted in response whilst Chloe gave an enthusiastic "Great!"
Rae resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but only barely. She noticed Chop's usually magnificently blue eyes dull and sad. She recalled him telling her about loving Izzy and later seeing her sucking scumbag Kendo's face. She gave him a sympathetic look.
Her head still raged with images of Tixie and how she wished she could take back everything she did last night to make Tixie wake up.
She'd made up her mind. She'll tell them. She wanted someone besides Kester to talk to about it and she worried of how Chloe would react in response if she told solely her.
"Guys…" she started timidly, unable to look at them. Instead she fiddled with her hands beneath the table in her lap.
"Yeah?" It was Chop that responded, suddenly looking concerned. He noticed there was something wrong in her voice.
"I- I want to tell you something. I just don't want you to hate me when I tell you." Finn's curiosity was piqued, his normal broody expression turned into interested and slightly fearful. What's so bad that they would hate her?
"Rae!" Chloe's eyes were wide. "Are you sure?" She sounded genuinely concerned.
Rae could only give her a sad nod in return. Taking a deep breath she started slowly.
"Do you guys remember when Chloe thought I was in France the past four months when I was in the car with my mum?" The guys nodded. "Well…I'd never gone to France. Hell, I've never left the country before." She had to stop to take another deep breath to calm her nerves. "I'd actually been in a mental home the whole time. My mum was driving me home from picking me up; I was just released."
She couldn't look at them but she noticed Chloe's hand slowly move towards hers sitting upon the table. She glanced at Chloe giving her a grateful smile that she returned and nodded with encouragement for her to continue.
"I kept trying to hurt myself. And one day when my mum was working the night shift I just snapped. I don't really know what caused it or why but I just lost it." She shook her head as a few silent tears streaked down her face.
"Your- your legs then?" It was the first thing Finn had spoken to her this morning. She risked a glance at him and nodded her head.
"Yeah. Mum found me bleeding on my bedroom floor when she got home. I had already lost consciousness by then. I was checked into the mental home right after I was released from the hospital for the wounds."
"Rae…" Chop's voice cracked from the other side of a dumbfounded Archie. "We could never hate you. We're just so fucking glad you're here."
He swiftly got up and pulled Rae out of her seat into a tight hug soon joined by Archie as Chloe looked on with a watery smile. Finn still sat in his seat just staring at her expressionless, still trying to process the information, fists clenched so much his knuckles were white.
"I'm getting better though. I see my therapist every week. And being accepted and friends with you guys has helped a hell of a lot."
Her thoughts then shot to Tixie's face. She sniffled and wiped her eyes.
"But that's not all."
"What?" Chloe was surprised because that had been Rae told her before during the night of the Oasis gig.
"I didn't tell you about Tixie. She's my best friend from the hospital. She's got a few problems but her main one is her eating disorder. Kester, my therapist, had set up a dinner for the two of us and Danny last night. She was doing to try and eat."
"Danny? The bloke from the party?" Finn asked.
"Yeah." Rae gave a laugh and rolled her eyes. "Danny-Two-Hats. He's from the hospital as well."
"Your ex-boyfriend." Finn voice was slightly edgy.
Rae laughed again, "No, we never dated." Finn let out a quiet sigh of relief, looking at the ceiling before turning back to her.
"But you were with us last night, Rae." Chop's input got Rae back on track with her story.
"Right. I forgot about the dinner and went to the rave." She looked down at her hands again. "I'm a selfish bitch," she muttered unconsciously.
"What? No, Rae. You're anything but selfish," Archie admonished from beside her, thinking of how she's keeping his secret.
"I really am. I got so caught up with fighting with my mum and the rave I completely forgot about the dinner." Rae choked back a sob as the continued, "Kester called me this morning telling me Tixie collapsed last night. She's in a coma."
"Oh, Rae!" Chloe grabbed her into a hug as Rae's body shook with sobs.
"I just really need someone besides Kester to talk to about it. I'm tired of carrying this backpack of bullshit around. I'm so tired of secrets. And now my best friend's in a coma. She wouldn't be if I'd not gone to the fucking rave."
Finn stood for the first time since she came in and grabbed his jacket. "C'mon, Rae." He began walking towards the door, grabbing her backpack as he passed motioning her with his head to follow.
Rae just stood there as Chloe sat back down. "What? What are you doing?"
"We're going to the hospital. You haven't been there to see Tixie yet, have you? So we're going to go check on her." He motioned again but by reaching his hand out for Rae's.
"What about the debrief?" She asked.
"Fuck the debrief, Rae." Archie said, now behind her. "Go see Tixie." Chop and Chloe nodded, agreeing with him.
Finn's hand was still outstretched for hers. "C'mon," he said again. "We're going to take the scooter."
Rae's hand shook as she reached for his. Finn smiled at her as he clasped his hand around hers and walked them out of the chippy.