A/N: This fanfic collaborates nicely with YouTube. So please pull up YouTube now in a different tab for later. :)
P.S. By the way, this is a pretty long one-shot. Hopefully it'll be interesting enough for you to read the whole thing. And I think you should. It's definitely well worth it. ;)
It's Carly, Sam, and Freddie's senior year at high school. They're sitting in Carly's living room with all of their boyfriends (and a girlfriend). "Celebrities Underwater" is on the TV.
"Ugh, why do we have to watch these stupid D-list actors drown?" Sam complained, tossing her head back in frustration.
"It's the only thing that's on!" Freddie snaps back at her. "And they're not drowning! They're trying to hold their breath!"
"Well, I'd rather watch a sappy movie like "The Notebook" than watch this chiz!" she spat.
That's when you know the show really sucks. Sam hates sappy romance movies. Her boyfriend Eric insisted on taking her out to one once, but her answer was clear when she poured all of her soda (ice included) down his shirt.
"Guys, stop complaining," Carly groaned. "It's already bad enough that we have to watch this crap, so don't make it worse."
Sam and Freddie stopped their bickering, putting their attention into their partners, grabbing their hands quickly.
After 5 minutes of complete nonsense streaming from the TV, Sam finally had it. She got up and headed to the kitchen, where she pulled out some of Carly's fresh made iced tea from the fridge and poured a glass. Hearing the clanking of the ice in the kitchen, Freddie had suddenly become aware of his thirst, heading to the kitchen as well, pulling his girlfriend Sarah along with him.
Sam heard them come into the kitchen and looked at their blurred figures through the glass of the cup as she sipped her iced tea. The coldness of the refreshing beverage felt good for her body, being that it was pretty hot in Carly's apartment. Not as hot as it was when Carly was finishing her Utopian city project about a year and a half ago, but pretty close.
Sam heard Freddie mumbling to his girlfriend about things as she heard the clink of two glasses on the wooden table in front of her. She heard the liquid from the pitcher pour into the glasses. After chugging down all of the iced tea, she stole a glance at the couple, who had begun kissing each other. Suddenly, Sam felt the strings of her heart tighten, feeling an awful ache, sending her lungs into an anxiety attack. Her throat closed, and she felt like she couldn't breathe. There were only three words that existed that could make it go away. Three simple words… that she knew would never be spoken to her by him. The strings tightened even more. There was only one way Sam could ease the pain:
"Ugh, could you guys wait until you got a room? Geesh," Sam said, acting frustrated.
They pulled away from each other, Freddie giving Sam a look with his eyebrow cocked. He smiled, knowing exactly what to say to piss her off, "You're just jealous 'cause you're not doing this with YOUR boyfriend." He resumed kissing Sarah.
Sam didn't care about Eric. She never cared about her current boyfriend at all. All she cared about was the wonderful guy standing right in front of her… her best friend of over 7 years… Eric was only a cover-up, someone to hide behind to try to convince Freddie that she was over him… The only problem was… she wasn't… and isn't.
It's been 14 months and 7 days since Sam had begun dating Freddie… the day that they kissed at the lock-in. April 9, 2011. (Yes, she had been counting.) 'Where had time gone?' Sam thought to herself, contemplating their entire life story. It was now June 16, 2012. She couldn't help but wonder how her life would be right now if Freddie agreed to keep dating her.
After the lock-in, Freddie had taken Sam out on a date at a restaurant with white and purple booths. They continued dating for over 7 months… and then Freddie called it off. He called it off sweetly, and since his brains and logical reasoning took effect in explaining to her why, she agreed with his terms. She didn't know why she agreed. She didn't know why, when she was so in love with him, that she gave in. Didn't know why he called it off… It hadn't occurred to her then that Freddie's explanation wasn't all that convincing. He'd explained to her how awkward it would get on the show if they kept going. More of his explanations soon convinced her somehow, because they were so carefully constructed with reason. 'I guess taking Psychology as an elective really paid off for Freddie,' she thought with a mixture of sadness and anger.
Sarah and Freddie had finally stopped kissing each other, and she stated that she had to go home. After a few minutes of whining and defiance by Freddie, he let her go, and she left. Sam suddenly realized that Eric was still there. But to her ultimate luck, he was just about to tell Sam that he was leaving. She walked into the living room, seeing him looking carefully at his phone at a text message. It was obviously from one of his parents.
"Sam," he started, "I've got to run. My dad's taking me to a fishing trip in Lake Michigan tomorrow. He says I have to start packing."
"Alright," Sam said, not having a problem with it at all. "Have fun," she said half-heartedly, as if he were only his friend.
He smiled and said, "I'll miss you."
She gave a half-grin and said in a monotone voice, "I'll miss you more."
He looked worried and said, "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, reassuring him. "Now go."
"'Kay," he said, giving her a light kiss on the lips. It was a heartless one. At least by Sam. She didn't even close her eyes. She watched him leave and plopped herself down on the area of the couch that he'd been sitting on. She sighed, leaning into the warmth and closing her eyes for a moment, wishing it were Freddie.
"Man, it's hot in here," she said.
They sat in silence, and it was only Carly's boyfriend that had to leave before it was just the three of them again. "Celebrities Underwater" had finally finished, and Carly flipped it to a different channel. Suddenly, the trailer for "The Art of Getting By" came on.
"Oh my god!" Carly suddenly squealed. "I've been dying to see this movie!"
"Really?" Freddie said. "Who's in it?"
"Freddie Highmore and Emma Roberts," Carly replied, resting her head on her boyfriend Adam's shoulder.
A/N: You have to watch the trailer to understand this next part. Search "The Art of Getting By Trailer" on YouTube. It should be the first to come up.
"You gotta' do something or, you might lose her," one of the actors said in the trailer.
"Hm," Carly said, thinking. "I think those two look really cute together."
"Psh, them?" Adam chimed in. "I always thought blondes and brunettes didn't go well together."
Sam had suddenly stolen a glance at Freddie, hearing Adam's thoughts.
"Why?" Carly said, feeling oddly offended.
"I don't know. I guess it's just because I always thought brunettes were always smarter than blondes."
"That's a terrible reason," Carly said, playfully pushing him.
"I'm sorry!" he said, putting his hands up and smiling.
"You should be," Carly said, laughing. She looked into his eyes and kissed him.
Freddie's elbow was on the arm rest to the left of him as he rolled his eyes, not wanting to look at Carly and Adam, still focusing on the trailer, which was coming to a close. Sam stared at the couple as the trailer was coming to an end. Freddie Highmore was catching his breath as Emma Roberts stood in front of her apartment door. She couldn't help but think of herself and her own Freddie. Freddie Highmore made a quick step forward, but the trailer suddenly cut off from there, presenting the end credits. Sam felt the strings of her heart tighten once again, quickly glancing at Freddie. She wished that was them… She wished for it more than anything else in the world…
Adam's phone rang, and the couple finally stopped kissing.
"Hello?" Adam said into the PearPhone. "Oh, really? Yeah… Yeah, I'll be there. Uh-huh. Okay."
He hung up the phone, looked at Carly, and frowned.
"I have to go," he said.
"Aww," she whined, looking into his eyes.
"I'm sorry, baby, but my parents have an anniversary dinner thingy tonight," he said, glancing at the clock. "And it's already 7:45. Their dinner reservation is at 8:30."
"Fine," she said, making her voice low, "you can go."
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow," he said, giving her a quick kiss as he fled out the door.
She sighed, getting up from the sofa and stretching. She let out a long yawn and plopped back down again.
"So what do you guys wanna' watch?" she asked.
"I don't know," Sam said. "I kinda' want to stop."
"Yeah, same here," Freddie said, putting a hand to his mouth, yawning.
"Oh, can we just listen to music?" Sam asked, pointing a finger to the stereo behind them.
"Fine," Carly said, picking up her PearPhone and plugging it into the speaker. "I'm gonna' go get us some pizza and smoothies."
Sam and Freddie's responses came at the same time.
"Yeah."
"Sounds good to me."
Carly headed out the door, taking her book bag and keys along with her.
Sam leaned into the soft sofa and closed her eyes. The song that was on introduced a nice few guitar chords. It was quite relaxing. What she didn't know was that the lyrics would impact her more than she expected.
A/N: The song is called "Never Had the Courage" by Chase Coy. I HIGHLY recommend you put it on while you read the lyrics. I promise you it doesn't take that long. It only takes 2 minutes… maybe 4 at MAX to pull it up. Seriously, I think it would be very well worth it if you listen to it while reading the lyrics.
I've dialed your number
Half a thousand times…
Hoping just to hear your voice on the other line…
I never had the courage
To finally make that call
Sam sat up to the perfection of the lyrics to her current situation and glanced at Freddie, whose eyes were closed and hands on the back of his head. He didn't seem to be paying very much attention to the lyrics, though.
I've been missing you so much
Have you been missing me at all?
I need you here now
More than ever before
Suddenly, Freddie spoke.
"I like this song," he said, smiling. "The guitar sounds nice. Can you see what song this is, Sam?"
"Why should I?" Sam asked, putting an act of "anger" for him. "You have legs." She knew the words hurt just like her others, but there was no other way to hide what she really wanted to say to him.
"Ugh, fine," he said, getting up and walking over to the PearPhone. He clicked on the button on the bottom, making the screen flash open to life. "Never Had the Courage by Chase Coy," he said. "Hm." He walked back over to the sofa and sat down again.
The name of the song burned in Sam's head. She wasn't sure how long she could hold on before bursting into tears. The lyrics made her head hurt. She couldn't do this. She couldn't sit across from him listening to this music without a need to hug him or kiss him. But she couldn't move. She was almost frozen solid to her spot, like she was forced to listen to the song.
I never had the courage
To tell you how I feel
But honestly, I've always loved you
And I promise I always will
Sam tensed up, feeling the familiar ache of her heart and feeling the water being produced at the back of her eyes threatening to pour out. The lyrics were too strong. Too real. It was almost like the guy took her true words and turned them into a song. About Freddie. About the guy she loved for so long, but never had worked up the courage to actually tell him how she felt.
The next few lyrics completely tore her apart:
Don't take your time
Coming home tonight
'Cause every second wasted
I'm here
Holding on for life
And with every breath I take
I pray you'll find…
That I'm the girl you can't get off your mind
Sam didn't hear "boy" at the last line. She heard "girl." Her. Sam felt the tears forming a glassy sheen on the surface of her eyes. They hurt. She had shed too much for him over the years, yet they still hurt. The strings of her heart almost suffocated her as she let out a gasp and let a tear roll down her cheek. Freddie shot one eye open at the sound.
He sat up quickly to see her sudden discomfort.
"Sam?" he asked in panic. "Sam? Are you okay?"
"Yes," she said very shakily, slowly being eaten away by heartache. "I'm fine."
"Sam," he said, putting a hand on her knee. His touch sent chills all around her body. She shivered. "Sam, I know you. You never cry. What's wrong?" He was confused. He'd never seen Sam cry before, let alone a Puckett. He wasn't sure what to say or do but to ask her what happened.
She suddenly got up and fled out of the room, swiping at the tears on her cheeks.
"Sam!" he exclaimed in panic. He watched the door slam as she left the room. He was so confused. What set her off like that? Suddenly, it hit him. The song. It was slow. Too slow.
He quickly walked over to the stereo. He thought about the name. Never Had the Courage. He realized he hadn't given the song a real listen. He wasn't paying attention to it. He didn't pay attention to the lyrics. He replayed the song and gave it a good listen. He knew what had set her off now. Everything made sense now. Everything. He knew what he wanted to do…
He got up from his crouched position and walked to Sam's apartment, hoping to fix whatever it was he had started.
When he reached Sam's door, he knocked cautiously, hoping Sam would respond.
"Sam?" he asked as he knocked. "Are you there? C'mon. I wanna' talk. What happened back there?"
"No, Freddie," she said shakily. "I don't want to talk."
"Sam, please," he said, resting his forehead on the door. "It's really important."
One minute passed by. Two. Freddie was almost giving up. Once three minutes passed by, he began to turn around. But to his ultimate luck, once he turned around, Sam had miraculously decided to open the door.
"What do you want?" she asked quietly, looking down at the floor. He couldn't see her face.
He turned around in shock.
"Sam, you heard what I want. We need to talk."
"But I don't want to!" she cried, suddenly lifting her head up.
"Sam, please! You've always run away from your problems. You've always hidden behind all of this aggression. You've always hidden from me!" Freddie burst out, surprised he had so much bravery to speak to Sam in that way.
She slapped him. Straight across the face. It stung. Freddie held his left cheek in surprise with eyes wide and mouth open. He looked up at Sam. He could see tears forming in her eyes quickly. They broke open.
"Oh my god. Freddie, I'm so sorry," she sobbed, pulling him into a hug.
"Sam…" he said with his mouth still gaped.
"Freddie. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry," she continued.
"No… No, it's okay, Sam," he said, smelling the sweetness of her hair.
After a few minutes of continuous hugging between them, pressed against each other. Sam had finally spoken. She'd spoken the words that she had been dying to tell him for so long.
"I love you," she whispered into his chest with eyes closed.
"What?" Freddie said, not completely sure if he had heard her right.
"I love you," she repeated, almost whimpering.
He sighed.
"Sam, let's go inside," he said quietly.
"Okay," she said, exhausted from the day's commotion.
They headed inside, Freddie gently pushing her from behind.
"Sit down," he directed, tossing his head to the direction of her couch.
She did as she was told and sat down. He got up from the coffee table across from her and headed out the door.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Hold on… I'll be right back, Sam."
She watched him go out the door.
After what seemed like an eternity, Freddie returned, guitar in hand.
"What's that for?" she asked quizzically.
He thought about what to say carefully.
"Something I should've done for you a long time ago," he replied, giving a half-smile.
A/N: Pull up "Like We Used To" by A Rocket to the Moon on YouTube… Oh, just pretend Freddie wrote it. :P
I can feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me
Sharing pillows and cold feet
She could feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat
Under blankets and warm sheets
If only I could be in that bed again
If only it were me instead of him…
Sam watched Freddie sing these lyrics to him, unable to register what he was doing. Suddenly, the tears in her eyes were replaced with smiling eyes and a warm smile. She knew what he was doing now.
Does he watch your favorite movies?
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times?
Does he sing to all your music as you dance to "Purple Rain"?
Does he do all these things?
Like I used to?
While Freddie was singing, Sam had gone into a sudden rage of flashbacks. They scorched through her mind as she heard Freddie's strong voice asking her these questions. She remembered everything with him. She remembered the first time they made iCarly together. She remembered when they helped Gibby out with a girl he liked. She remembered him giving away his trip to save her from Missy. She remembered seeing him dance with Carly at the Groovy Smoothie. (Which made her heart ache as well, mind you.) She remembered Carly's failed attempt at pranking Gibby at school. And most of all, she remembered all the times they kissed. She remembered their first kiss on the fire escape. She remembered their second kiss at the lock-in. And she remembered all the other kisses she received when they were a couple. But here now, looking into his eyes, she saw them again. She didn't see "him and her," she saw "them." Something she hadn't seen in quite awhile. She was overjoyed to be able to see it again. Tears of complete happiness formed in her eyes, along with a toothy smile.
Fourteen months and seven days ago
Oh, I know you know
How we felt about that night
Freddie smiled at her and Sam smiled at him, too. She realized that he had been counting as well. April 9, 2011. She remembers it clearly. All she could do while listening to his voice was remember. Reminisce. A striped red shirt and a blue plaid shirt was all that was on her mind.
"I never said I hate you," a voice echoed in her head.
"I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there," another voice cooed. "'Cause you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back. Everyone feels that way. But you never know what might happen if you don't…"
She felt a vague feel of lips on her own. Of course, they weren't really there, but she remembered the way his lips fit perfectly on her own and the initial surprise he presented after their kiss.
Going back to Freddie now, she listened…
It should've been me inside that car
It should've been me instead of him in the dark
Freddie looked at her with a sly smirk and smiled. Sam knew what Freddie meant by those words. She knew that he knew that her boyfriend was only a cover-up. As he sang the chorus once again, she couldn't help but think where all this would lead up to. He reached the bridge.
I know, love
I'm a sucker for that feeling
Happens all the time, love
I always end up feeling cheated
You're on my mind, love
Or so that matter when I need it
It happens all the time, love, yeah
Does he love you like I love you?
Does he tell you every day?
Does he make you feel like you're invincible?
With every word he'll say?
Can you promise me, if this one's right: don't throw it all away?
Can you do all these things?
Will you do all these things?
Like we used to?
Freddie stopped there, letting go of the guitar. With one fluid motion, he pulled the guitar strap over his shoulder and placed it aside. He crouched down and looked up, into Sam's familiar blue eyes. He took both her hands in his.
He began the words that would change Sam's life forever, "Sam, I love you, more than anything else in the world… I know that we broke up. And I know that I ended it. But the problem is, I never got over you…"
He looked up quickly at the ceiling, feeling tears scratching behind his eyes.
"I guess that I was just scared... I was scared that you would break up with me and break my heart. The only problem is… I ended up breaking two hearts. And after seeing you fly out of the room after that song… I had realized that you felt the same for me as I did for you. You and I have something Sam. I know Eric is a cover-up. Sarah is, too. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I couldn't hold on to you… To us. I'm sorry. But now I know what I have right here in my hands right now is something that comes rarely to many people… And I've learned that I should never let this, right here…" He held up Sam's hands. "…go."
His hands had begun shaking, and a few tears had slid down his cheeks. Those blue eyes he hadn't had the chance to look at so close for so long made his heart ache. He had yearned for those eyes for so long… and now he had them there, almost only two inches away from his own chocolate brown ones.
Sam had missed his eyes as well. Those eyes that she wanted only for her. Not for anyone else. They stared at each other for some time. Then, a spark had been created between them. She felt it light up. And so did he.
He kissed her.
They kissed for the rest of the night. Their eyes were closed with their arms were wrapped around each other.
And all the while, Freddie couldn't help but see a future between them. He saw a white dress and a black suit. He saw a baby. He saw so many things. And he wanted all of them.
April 9, 2019
The man woke up in his chair in the office and yawned. He looked at the time. 7:23 AM. He held a hand to his mouth and ran his fingers through his hair. He got up from his chair and walked slowly upstairs, smiling to himself. Today was special.
When he got to the bedroom, he looked at the petite blonde woman in the bed and the silent baby boy in the crib next to her. He smiled and walked silently towards the girl.
He leaned down and kissed her very gently on the lips. Her eyes fluttered open at his gesture. He smiled as he looked down at her.
"Good morning, Princess," he said. "Happy anniversary."