Decision
Disclaimer: I do not own anything connecting to this show.
Summery: After a hard case Hotch has a difficult decision to make…
Decision
"You know what I regret the most? That I could never be with her. You know… like a normal couple. And this is just because I'm a coward."
These words were floating in the mind of Special Agent Aaron Hotchner in the past hours as he was sitting by his desk. They came back from San Diego that afternoon. In the last few days the team was working on an exceptionally hard case. A psychopath was killing single women who seemingly didn't have any connection with each other. Only after the sixth victim did it turn out that all of them were dating married men and the only aim of that sick bastard was to teach a lesson to those men who were cheating on their wives. It hit too close to home for Hotchner…
…and Elle Greenaway was too aware of that. As she stopped silently in front of the closed door of his boss' office, she knew what exactly he was thinking about. And she also knew that this time this subject cannot be ignored. However, it wasn't her place to make the decision. But whatever it would be, she was ready to accept it.
It weren't only the women and the fact that they were killed because of their married lover which made Hotch uneasy but the fact that he wasn't any better than those men. He had a beautiful wife and a baby boy and in spite of all of this he had another woman in his life. A woman who turned his life upside down and showed him what real love is.
He was really in love with Elle Greenaway. It made him smile in spite of his troubled thoughts. He knew from the beginning that this relationship would be different. Otherwise he wouldn't have let it go that far or even start it. But he fell in love with her and more and more felt that he wasn't cheating on his wife with Elle but the other way around.
Many times he wondered what made Elle accept her position as a second best and anytime he looked into her eyes, it became all too clear for him and made him ashamed of himself. She was in love with him, too. She was in love with him and she knew that he was in love with her and still she hadn't on one occasion did complain about being the other woman or tried to persuade him to leave his wife or just to spend more time with her. She was patient beyond words. And Hotch admired that in her.
And yet, in spite of all this he didn't make anything to change their situation.
He had a child after all and he had obligations. He would be a bastard if he had left his wife after a few months after the birth of their son. It was true that in the past months something had been missing from their marriage. That was one of the reasons that he ended up in Elle's arms. But it wasn't the only reason why he was still with his wife. When it turned out that he would be a father, he was determined that he'd give his child that childhood which he couldn't have. And he'd do it. But on what cost?
"You know what I regret the most? That I could never be with her. You know… like a normal couple. And this is just because I'm a coward."
One of the victims' boyfriends told him this and since then he couldn't forget it… and the look on the man's face. He was really in love with that woman. Just as he was in love with Elle. The case made him hate himself. And not because he was cheating on is wife but because of the way he was treating Elle. He didn't even tell her how he felt. It would have made his unfaithfulness too real. And he wasn't ready to face it. And to face the fact that he had failed as a husband.
He was a real coward.
However, he didn't want to end up like that man who would never forgive himself for not being able to give his love what she had deserved. He wanted to take Elle to the park for a picnic or make her breakfast in the morning. Or simply just hold her hands in a public place…
At that moment his glance met with Elle's who was still standing outside the door. They were looking into each other's eyes and at that moment something changed for ever. Elle gave a little but reassuring smile to Hotch then turned and left. She didn't talk to him but it was unnecessary. And she didn't want to say anything, either. It was Hotch's decision to make…
…and he had made it.
In the office Hotch suddenly sat up straight in his chair. He looked after Elle for a while with a smile forming on his lips then he grabbed his jacket and left his office. He had an important thing to do…
Later that night Elle was reading a book when someone knocked on her door. It was rather late but she didn't go to sleep yet. She was waiting.
"Hey, stranger!" She said smiling warmly after she had opened the door and took a look at Hotch. He was standing there tired and disheveled with a large suitcase next to him. But in contrast what she had seen in the office earlier he seemed relaxed.
"Do you have a place for me to stay for the night?" He asked sheepishly after a while. Elle leant against the doorframe pretending to be thinking hard.
"No." She said seriously. "Not for one night."
At this Hotch slowly stepped closer to her and sneaked his arms around her waist. Elle looked up into his eyes. They were smiling in spite of the fact that maybe he had the most difficult conversation of his life.
"I'll stay as long as you want me." He said barely audibly then leant forward and kissed her gently.
"Then, Mr Stranger, you won't leave for a very, very long time." She said after they had separated and were standing in front of each other forehead touching.
"Sounds good to me." He answered smiling but after a moment he became serious and stepped a little back to be able to look into her eyes. "I love you, Elle." And that was it. It was out. All of his heart belonged to her and only to her.
And Elle knew it.
"I love you, too."
THE END