What If...
For his twentieth birthday Blair organised a party
"Because it's about time you stop feeling guilty Chuck, you have nothing to feel guilty about."
She invited Lilly, Rufus, Serena, Nate, Eric, even Humphrey and Vanessa showed up (though Serena had been the one to invite them). The party hadn't been too bad, and afterwards he and Blair kissed while the lights of New York shone through the window. Chuck always remembered that birthday as his best.
Because it was the day that he and Blair stopped pretending they were anything other than inevitable.
Chuck Bass had his first legal drink at 12am May 12th at his new club with Serena, Nate and Blair. They clinked their glasses together and he'd drowned his down and they'd all laughed at the absurdity that his first legal drink came after he was already drunk.
Chuck Bass proposed to the love of his life in a limo. There was nothing spectacular about the proposal really, just two words, seven letters.
"Marry me."
Blair Waldorf looked across at the boy she loved, in the place where it had all began, and she thought the proposal was more perfect then anything she had ever dreamed.
Blair had planned something small but elegant for the wedding, because she could barely believe it was happening. She'd discarded her old scrapbook full of plans because she knew he wasn't a prince, and she wasn't a princess, and that when it came to Chuck and Blair nothing ever went according to plan. But somehow the simple dress she'd ordered was lost and all that was available was a stunning gown straight from her book. The white roses turned to red ones, the small venue to the palatial one she'd always dreamed of. And when she walked down the aisle from her fairytales, the only difference from her scrapbook were the peonies in her hand and the one in Chuck's button hole.
"You didn't think you were the only one who knew about the scrapbook did you?" his smirk told her.
And she knew then that he had always been the prince from her fairytales, he'd just been in disguise.
"I thought you'd be working late again?"
"I chose you."
Blair realised Chuck had grown up with those three simple words, nine letters.
Because he'd finally stopped playing the game. He'd stopped putting all his energy into his work, trying to gain his dead father's approval, leaving nothing for Blair. He'd realised that he had everything he had ever hoped for already, and he'd let her know that too.
"Stop pacing Nathanial you're going to make me dizzy," Chuck drawled as his friend moved from wall to wall.
"Well not all of us have scotch to keep the nerves away," Nate snapped at Chuck, reminding his friend of his one or three or five drinks before the ceremony. "At least I'm not planning on spewing."
"That's what you say now," Chuck smirked, and Nate glared at him.
"Why did I decide to make you my best man again?" he demanded.
"Because I made you mine," Chuck retorted as Nate growled in frustration and then went to the mirror to fiddle with his bow tie for the enth time.
"You've got to relax Nathanial," Chuck finally sighed, getting up from the couch he had been lazing on he went to his friend and straightened the bow tie with expert fingers.
"How can I when I don't even know if we're doing the right thing?" Nate asked Chuck, and he looked at his friend anxiously.
"Because you were meant to be," Chuck said simply.
"Did that help you at all when I said it?" Nate asked flatly, raising his eyebrows.
"About as much as it's helping you right now," Chuck smirked. "Besides if all else fails we can always run off to Vegas and extend the bucks party."
Nate actually laughed at this, despite his nerves. He supposed if his best friend had gotten through this, so could he. And if he couldn't, well there was always Vegas with Chuck...
"You look beautiful S." Blair gasped as she looked with satisfaction at her friend cloaked in white.
And that's when Serena's tears began to fall. Blair had run to find some makeup wipes to clear up her trailing eye liner. And Serena couldn't help smiling to see Blair running in her high heels, trying to stay stiff so her hair didn't fall out and her dress didn't tear.
"She's still a perfectionist," she'd commented to Chuck who stood at the doorway, watching Blair with a smile on his face. "And I'm such a mess."
"You look amazing to me sis. Just make sure you don't smudge your make up anymore or Blair might have a fit," he drawled and Serena laughed.
"You know I'm kind of glad that Lilly decided to marry Bart," Serena suddenly said impulsively, as she looked at Chuck in his tuxedo with his pink bow tie.
"You're not going to start crying again are you?" he asked sceptically.
"Maybe," she laughed.
Blair came in, moist toilette in hand and worked quickly to fix up her makeup, and then Serena was ready to take the biggest step of her life.
Chuck took her hand, and just as the music started to swell, and Blair swung open the double doors, she froze.
"I can't do this," she whispered to Chuck as Blair started walking down the aisle, and it was almost time for her to follow.
"If I can, so can you sis," he whispered back, "Now smile." She squeezed his hand hard, and without even looking at her, he took that first step, leading her along with him.
After the ceremony was over, and she actually came to herself again, Serena looked at Chuck with grateful eyes and he'd shrugged and smiled slightly as if to say what else were siblings for?
And right then she was more than 'kind of' glad that Chuck Bass was her brother.
"We are heading home now, right Chuck?" Eric asked his brother nervously on the private jet. Nate was passed out on one of the seats, snoring softly.
"Sure," Chuck smirked, "After one little stop before."
"Please tell me we are not going to watch the sunrise over the pyramids," Eric groaned. "Look this has been a great buck's night Chuck, really, but it will kind of be pointless if I'm late to my own wedding."
"Relax, I'll get you there on time," Chuck said. "You can't deny it would be the perfect ending to a spectacular night. Besides it's not like you have much choice, I am the one who pays the pilot"
"You realise that your beginning to sound like Blair? You're starting to scare me."
"That's what marriage does to you," Chuck smirked, "So be prepared to have your whole character moulded to your spouses will."
"Did I ever tell you that the timing of your advice really sucks," Eric pointed out.
Chuck had brunch with Lilly at least once a month. It was funny how things worked out. Eric had moved for work, and Serena was distracted as per usual, and out of the three of them it was Chuck who was the most reliable, the most devoted child.
For mother's day he'd send her a bouquet of lilies with a card reading, 'To the best mother I've ever had the pleasure of knowing-Charles'.
Lilly had the flowers put in water and kept in the kitchen until they were completely wilted. And she kept the card at the bottom of the drawer. She saw the irony in the words, but she thought they were sweet and well meant nonetheless.
It was weird, but whenever Dan was visiting Serena, or Nate, and Chuck was there, they managed to actually have a civil conversation. It was an effort on both parts, but they could shake hands and talk about the weather, or the latest novel. Maybe they were able to do this only now because Chuck had stopped being the guy Dan knew in high school. Maybe it was because he'd learnt some humility, had learnt to be sorry for his mistakes.
Whatever the reason on the occasional chance their paths crossed they were able acknowledge the others presence with a civil nod of the head and an awkward smile. They couldn't call each other friends exactly but they'd come a long way from Humpthrey Dumpty and the Jerk.
"I'm pregnant."
Those two simple words, ten letters, they were the scariest Blair had ever uttered. Because those two little words could, would change everything.
He'd seemed to go into a catatonic state for a second, his face paled, his mouth was open and his eyes were wide. She tried to read him, was it fear? Was he going to run here and now?
She gave him a few minutes to collect himself, but still he didn't move, she wondered if his heart had stopped.
"Chuck," she'd finally said softly, tentatively she reached out and put her hand on his cheek. "Are you going to say anything?"
He finally swallowed, blinked rapidly, looked at her.
"That's...that's great," he finally managed to rasp out. Giving her a smile that was unnatural and showed too much teeth, he wrapped his arms around her in a stiff hug.
She knew he was trying his hardest, pretending for her, and she appreciated that he hadn't followed his first instinct.
Still every morning she'd quickly sat up and looked over at his side of the bed, just to make sure he was still there.
She knew it wasn't her or even the baby, it was him he was doubting, his ability to be a father. He didn't even know how. But she was plagued with the same fears, and she worried about how they were they supposed to be parents together when they couldn't figure it out for themselves?
And when the child was finally born, when she looked over at their little baby boy in his arms and at Chuck's adoring face, she stopped worrying.
Sometimes they all wonder about these what ifs. It will be for a fleeting moment, on his birthday sharing a drink, at a wedding, on mother's day. A short few second, to think about a possible future that never came to be realised.
And in that second each one of them would think what if someone had found him just that little bit sooner? What if the bullet had been shot just an inch lower? What if they had never let him go?
The truth was that none of this had ever come to pass. These moments, each one, were all simply wistful what ifs.
Chuck Bass died at the age of nineteen. He was shot in the back by a coward in Prague.
He never did manage to reach twenty. He never got to share his first legal drink with his three closest friends. He never got to propose, never got to have a wedding.
He never did get to be best man at his best friend's wedding, never walked his sister down the aisle. He never got to organise his brother's buck's party. He never got to tell Lilly that he appreciated her as a mother. He never got to rectify some of his mistakes. He never got to have and hold a child. He never got to grow up.
Chuck Bass never did get a chance to realise the 'what ifs'.
He was here for only a moment, and then he was gone...
A/N: No idea why I wrote this, we all know Chuck doesn't die of course (he is Chuck Bass). But I just got to thinking of the what ifs and the idea wouldn't let me go. I actually stole the ending paragraph from this other fiction I was writing about this exact scenario but was less about what could have happened and more about what actually did. It was pages longer, don't know if I'll still complete it, is anyone interested? Of course the last line was pinched from the Lovely Bones.
This whole concept really depressing, sad and morbid, but that's where my muse took me.
So I hoped you gained some sort of enjoyment from this fic, and if you did please review. = )
For future reference the song My Love by Sia is great to listen to when reading this lol.