Notes: I wrote this for someone on tumblr and thought I'd finally upload it.
For the First time.
Rae's POV:
So tonight Finn decided to have this major cool party. That would have been great if it really was… cool. With Finn being so rubbish at taking the lead, unfortunately for us, Chop decided to run the thing instead. This meant instead of the world's best music and me dancing up against my gorgeous, super-cool boyfriend, I was sat in some kind of wonky circle with my friends playing 'Truth or Dare'. That's right. First Spin the Bottle, now Truth or Dare. We weren't fucking seven! Someone really needed to have a word with Chop about this. Still, I sat my arse on the floor and didn't complain. Finn sat next to me, he looked just as bored as I did. Chloe was next to him, giving him the eye, which was weird. Either he'd told her something I didn't know, or she was trying to get with my boyfriend again which was just typical of Chloe. I wasn't bothered this time. I knew he loved me. Wow. Never thought I'd ever be able to say that. Next to Chloe was Izzy, smiling as always and enjoying the game almost as much as Chop was. He was on the other side of Izz' and then some randoms were next to him. They looked pretty hammered and I wouldn't have been surprised if they were soon to pass out. Last but definitely not least was my gay, best friend, (but that was still a secret-the gay bit) Archie, who was next to them-and the other side of me. He looked as if he had a lot on his mind, but I didn't wanna ask about it; not in front of everyone.
It felt like this game was going on for fucking forever. Worse of all I dint get a go. Finn got asked if we'd slept together yet which he found seriously uncomfortable to answer. Yeah? Well maybe we would've slept together if we weren't always with the others playing these stupid bloody kids games! Oh, and to make it all ten times worse, shortly after that he got asked about his best sexual experience and blah, blah, blah. I knew he was trying to tone it down for my sake but I could tell he had some bloody brilliant time with this 'Julie' girl, whoever the fuck she was. I had to calm my head down so the anger didn't take over. I wanted to go and punch blimin' Chloe in the face when she asked Finn that question. I could've sworn she was after him again. I think Finn could tell I was getting a bit-well, quite a bit- annoyed.
"Rae, Rae, ya okay?" He asked, staring me in the eye as if he could see right into my mind. I often worried people could do that. Maybe he had like creepy mind-reading powers or something. I nodded my head.
"Yeah, yeah, fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I replied, with my best fake-happy-face. Finn just accepted what I had to say and took a swig from his bottle of booze. We sat there for at least ten more minutes before Finn got so bored he actually chose to do something about it. I was gazing into space as I suddenly felt his fingers take hold of my hand. He turned it over so my palm was facing upwards and began moving his finger around. This was it. He was going to give me some secret message, probably telling me he loved me or something-like he usually did. That was enough to happily distract me from this terrible game. No matter how many times he did it, it always made my heart beat faster. I kinda wished he'd say it out loud-he'd not done that yet, but we'd only been dating a month so it was understandable I s'pose. That was mostly because it was him though, I knew he was shit with words; in the opposite way to me. When I spoke it was like verbal diarrhea, with him he just couldn't get it out. Verbal constipation, I guess? Well that's gross.
The first letter I felt him trace on my bare skin was the letter L. L? What kind of sentence started with L? It wasn't like he was just going to write 'love' because that would make no sense on its own. Shortly after the L came a E. L-E-T-S-G-O-U-P-S-T-A-I-R-S… Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I was so not expecting that. Of all the things it could've been, why this? Why now? Maybe he just wanted to talk and get away from the boredom?
"Why? I'm quite happy 'ere actually," I told him, turning to face him, with a shrug.
"Nah ya ain't. Look at ya, ya dead bored," he replied, with a chuckle, seeing right the bloody way through me. He really could read my mind, couldn't he? "C'mon, I dunno how much more of this bullshit I can take." I felt the fingers of his right hand interlock with the fingers of my left. He was squeezing my hand together with his tightly whilst staring into my eyes. I tried not to look back at him.
"Oi, Chop. Ent it my turn yet? Proper wanna go, y'know," I yelled over to Chop, pulling my hand away from Finn's.
"Why ya bein' like this, Rae? Have I said summat to upset ya?" Shit. Now he thought I was being weird again. I was, I know, but I didn't want him to think that. I shook my head, still refraining from gaining eye-contact with him. Everyone began to stare at us, especially Choe. She began giving Finn these weird looks as if she was trying to get him to go out the room. I dunno. I dint understand it at all. He took my hand and led me out. As much as I wanted to go kicking and screaming, this was already way too embarrassing. Finn led me into the kitchen and looked pretty worried to be honest.
Once we were in there he pulled me into the tightest embrace I could ever imagine, followed by a lovely kiss that gave me goosebumps. What. Shit. I was enjoying this too much. I'd regret it later. I couldn't let the horniness than spun through my body take over. I had to be in control. I quickly pulled back away again with my mouth drooping open like a warn-out dog.
"I thought this is what you wanted, Rae? Ya go on about it enough." Shit. He really was thinking what I was thinking. I did go on about it enough. I wasn't sure how he knew that though. It wasn't like I talked to himabout this stuff. Just Chloe. Ah, Chloe. That was why she'd been acting the way she had been. She knewFinn wanted to have sex with me tonight.
"I do… I'm just…" For once I was the one who couldn't talk properly.
"Just what, Rae? Chloe said ya were ready. She said ya talk about sleepin' with me all the time, so what's the matter?" His voice sounded pretty disappointed, almost as if he'd planned tonight purely so we'd be able to… OH MY GOD. That was exactly what he'd done. He'd planned a party, told his Dad to go outbecause he was having a party and only really had it so we had time to… 'do it'. That was why he didn't seem overly bothered about the others playing the game instead of doing something interesting. How did I not see this coming? Shit. Coming was not the right word to use right now.
"Chloe said that, did she?" I rolled my eyes. I wasn't surprised. Even if I hadn't figured it out minutes before-hand then I still wouldn't have been fucking surprised. Was a best friend meant to do that? "Oh yeah? Well, maybe Chloe doesn't know… Maybe she does know how much I want to sleep with my perfect boyfriend. But what she doesn't know is the rest, Finn." I felt a tear run down my cheek. My heart began to beat faster; faster than was healthy. No. No, not now. I couldn't have some kind of panic attack right now.
"What're ya talking about? I don't understand. Ya need'a talk to me." Urgh, his words were so comforting yet terrifying at the very same time.
"Finn. What if I ain't no good, ey? You'll laugh, or compare me to Julie-what's her face-and my body… no guy's seen it before…not properly. I'm scared ya'll hate it; I'm scared I'll put ya off me for life," I cried, trying to take deep breaths and remain calm. I noticed his arm reach closer to me and begin to rub my arm. He stared deeply into my eyes. He looked a little uncomfortable, but I could tell he loved me and that was the main thing.
"Rae, don't worry so much, yeah? I ain't pushin' ya inta this, but I would never think tha'. Ya the most beautiful person I've ever met. And ah mean that, Rae. I don't care if ya don't believe it. 'cause it's true." He took my hand and began to swing it from side to side. "Only if ya want though, yeah?" Oh, how could I have even thought about refusing to sleep with my sex-god of a boyfriend. How lucky was I, ey? I nodded my head and smiled before wiping away the few tears that had managed to dribble their way down my face. "Ya sure? 'Cos we don't 'ave ta. We can just go upstairs and chat, or summat. Chloe don't have to know nuffin." I smiled at Finn's words. Could he get anymore perfect?! This time I took the lead. Taking hold of Finn's warm, sweaty hand, I tugged on it, making him follow me upstairs and into his room. He looked pretty tense all of a sudden. It was weird, but I tried to ignore it.
We walked up to and into his bedroom. It was proper tidy for a boy's room. It always was; even when I turned up unexpectedly. When I reached Finn's bed I froze like a right freak. I'd gone off into some wild daydream of worrying and it took Finn's comforting arm to wrap around me to allow me to snap out of it. I smile at him.
"Let's do this," I told him, with a smile. It was natural, this one. Not forced. I sat down nervously on the bed and stared at him as if he was a ghost. I'd let him take lead. I mean, god knows what I'd 'ave done if he were a virgin too. I dint exactly know what I were doin'. He sat down next to me. There was an awkward kind of grin on his face.
"Let's," he agreed, with a nod, looking almost as nervous as I did. I knew he was socially awkward, but I was his girlfriend and right now I needed him to hurry the fuck up and take lead before I ran away and hid under my bed with bloody embarrassment for days. Finally, much to my relief, I felt his wobbling hand place itself on my left cheek, followed by his lips fixating themselves on mine and his long tongue making its way into my mouth, exploring every single bit of it. I copied his motion, I mean, that's what I would usually do when we were snoggin' and he'd not ever complained, so I must've been kinda doing it right. I turned slightly so that it was easier for the two of us. My arms drooped over his shoulders and we continued intimately kissing without even thinking about anything. Finally. Finally I'd stopped worrying. For now anyway. Finn pulled his lips away from mine and laid down on the bed. I moved round too and we laid facing each other; both giggling a little. His hand reached up to my currently-scruffy hair, getting tangling in it as we stared deeply into each other's sparkling eyes. I quickly pushed my lips back towards his. Finn's hands crept their way up to my boobs, gracefully moving them around, squeezing, massaging, softly tugging. My hand slid down his body and to his trousers, touching his penis from the outside of his jeans, pleasantly surprised to feel his hand penis in my fingers. a
Right… Now I reckon that's enough with the details, don't you? Let's just say we had some bloody good sex. I mean, it hurt a little at first, but I could soon deal with it. Finn was dead good about it all; in between being awkward with it anyway. My first time and it was with Finn. Finn! I just could not believe my luck. When we'd finished, he rolled off of me and back to the side again, both panting and trying to cool ourselves down. All our clothes had come off in the process, yet it were still bloody hot! We stared into each other's eyes. We did it a lot, but this time it felt different. Like we were more connected now or summit.
"Rae…" I heard Finn's voice say quietly.
"What is it, Finn?"
"I need to tell ya summat." Oh no, this was it, he was gonna tell me I was shit and he didn't want me anymore 'cos I was just that shit. Or maybe my hideous body put him off. Or my bad breath…Or… My fear was obvious. I could see him almost chuckling to himself. That chuckling face quickly changed back a more serious one. "I love ya. I love you, Rae."
He said it! He actually said it. My smiled beamed. I could never remember smiling so much in my entire life.
"I love ya too, Finn," I replied to him, still smiling and unable to stop.