What The Cullens Really Get Up To, a twilight fanfic

What The Cullens Really Get Up To

I've accepted immortal life pretty easily. But the more time I spend with the Cullens and live the life they live, I see what they really get up to. And I can understand... boredom can come pretty easily but there are some things I see them do and I sit back and think to myself WHAT?! Here is an example scenario to explain what I mean. Queue flashback!

SNAP... CRASH

Alice and I go outside to see what all the noise is.

Alice: Edward! What are you doing!?

Edward is pulling the branches off the tree that neighbours his bedroom window. The branches have extended into his window. By the look of sheer anger on his face and the aggressive way he flings the branches away this has aggravated poor Edward.

Edward: Pulling these blasted branches off the tree away from my window. *Growl*

Alice: But the poor tree! Stop!

Alice reaches for Edward as he pulls the last branch off the tree. Edward is surrounded by a massacre of tree branches and leaves. The sight is horrifying to Alice. Edward then lets out one last growl and pushes the tree and it falls to its death.

Edward: Mwah ha ha take that tree! (He has a menacing, evil, crazed look on his face.)

Alice: You monster. (She looks away dramatically from the saddening scene)

Why would you do that?

Edward: Because I do not need the branches in my window. I am not like you Alice, I do not need to gracefully hop off branches into the windows of the house. I can simply jump from the tree into the window because I am awesome!

Alice: Your not awesome. You're a murderer!

Edward: They are simply trees.

Carlisle: What is all the shouting about?

Carlisle along with Esme, who has her arm threaded through Carlisle's, and a distressed looking Jasper comes to play peacemaker. We can always rely on Carlisle. Alice runs to Jasper and throws her arms around him. Jasper pats her head to console her.

Alice: Carlisle, Edward has murdered this tree.

Carlisle: Edward how could you. I am so disappointed.

Carlisle shakes his head and looks at Esme the reaches over and touches Alice's arm in comfort. Edward picks up a branch from the massacre and looks at it realising what he has just done.

Edward: Carlisle I am so sorry. Alice please forgive me.

He looks around in panic, then to the mess at his feet and the bare tree that has crashed to the ground.

Edward: Can you fix it Carlisle?

Alice: *Gasp* Yes Carlisle you can fix it. After all you are the best tree surgeon in the world.

Hope comes into Alice's eyes. Carlisle looks confident and squares his shoulders.

Carlisle: Of course! I will do anything for the trees!

Emmett: Can I help in any way?

Carlisle: Yes I need someone strong like you to hold up the tree so I can start the surgery. Though leave all the technical tree surgeon business to me.

Together Carlisle and Emmett get to work reviving the tree. There is tension in the air, so thick it could be cut with a knife. Will the tree be able to be saved? Will it survive afterwards? So many questions. Emmett lifts the tree up into the desired position and holds it there effortlessly, leaning casually against it with one hand and buffing the nails on his other hand against his shirt. By this stage Rosalie has come to see what has been going on and is fawning over Emmett and his sheer strength. I assume Renesmee is with Jacob.

Carlisle has now proceeded to wrap the tree with bandages and apply surgical staples. Edward looks so remorseful and Alice won't stop fidgeting. We wait anxiously for the doctor's conclusion. Then all of a sudden Carlisle steps away and Emmett stops holding up the tree.

Carlisle: Ta da!

Alice: Is he going to make it?

We wait for Carlisle's response...

Carlisle: This tree will be fine and make a good recovery.

There is relief all around at the good news. Alice hugs Jasper and then Carlisle. Esme looks at her husband in awe. Rosalie and Emmett make out. Edward looks at me with relief and regret at the same time. Then slowly moves towards me almost afraid that I will reject him for what he had done.

Edward: You must think me a monster.

He hangs his head in shame.

Bella: Jeez it was only a tree. Don't worry there's nothing you could do to make me think you were a monster. And besides Carlisle saved him so all is well.

I tell him to comfort him and take away the guilt.

He looks relieved to hear me say this and embraces me and kisses me passionately. He then begins to clear the mess he's made. Everyone then departs to the house in a better mood but...

I sit back and wonder what the heck I had just witnessed.