"You're right. I uh... I-I don't like myself..." Becky muttered as she looked down at the ring. She heard the crowd chant her name and she felt her heart soar. She looked at the belt across her shoulder. She finally has what she worked so hard to achieve. She did it.
Confidently, she spoke as she looked back up to lock eye's with one of her old idols.
"I love myself."
She meant it. She's never truly meant it before. She used to let everyone use her and walk all over her. Not anymore. Never again. She was done being a pushover. The crowd roared and she could only widen her smile.
Edge looked down in disappointment, and he gave her such pleading looks; it pissed her off.
He had no right to get into her and Charlotte's business. He didn't understand what she put her through. He couldn't. Becky didn't know what came over her as she spoke again.
"Now stop being so condescending to the champ and get out of my ring." She stood up and smirked down at him. "Careful you don't hurt your neck again going through those ropes."
It was cruel, but she didn't care. He had the audacity to try to get involved in something he had no knowledge of.
No one will ever get in my way again.
She wasn't surprised when Charlotte came out to defend him. Ever since she was drafted to Smackdown she had tried to seem like a hero in a sense. A good person who always had her friend's back. It was a lie. It was all a lie.
She was barely even listening as she walked up to the ring and stood before her. She looked into her green eyes and for a fleeting moment she thought she missed them. The very fact that the thought crossed her mind made her almost actually laugh.
"You love what you've become!?" She asked before straightening her back and smirking at her. Becky used to love that smirk. Now she wanted to beat the shit out of her every time she saw it.
"Then you're going to looove what I do to you."
Becky rolled her eyes, not even trying to listen anymore.
"Right now!" Becky felt her world spin as her back hit the ring and she was being attacked. Charlotte's blonde hair flying frantically as she hit her over and over with such passion behind every punch. It took her a moment to register that this bitch just speared her before she flipped her and got the upper hand, not even registering the pain from the woman's fists.
In another time, in another place, if she saw Charlotte do that to another person, she would've laughed and thought it was cute. She would've teased her for it, and called her a dork. Her tall, stunningly beautiful dork of a friend. Not now. Not anymore.
Adrenaline ran through her veins as security tried to separate them. She wanted so desperately to hurt her, to make her feel the pain that she caused her. As they dragged Charlotte away her heart ached and angry tears threatened to spill from her eyes, but the tears were easy to keep from falling. She's gotten better at it.
That night, she went to a bar. She felt a little bad for turning to alcohol again, she's had problems before with it but that wasn't something she could help at the time. One drink, just one. She needed something to calm her down. She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for the girl on shift to make her drink. She was still so angry. So, so angry. She was about to slam her hand down and tell the bartender to hurry the fuck up when she finally handed it to her. A simple margarita, nothing fancy. Immediately she brought it to her lips and tilted her head back, planning to gulp the whole thing down. Her resolve immediately shattered as the old familiar taste hit her tongue. She decided fuck it, she's having another one.
"Becky!"
She nearly choked on her drink and she shot her head up to the urgency in the very familiar voice. Charlotte. She was standing right next her, disbelief and concern in her eyes.
What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck!
She jumped out of the stool she was sitting in, spilling some of her now half empty drink all of over her hand. She ignored it.
"What the fuck-"
"What are you doing here Becky!?" She felt as if Charlotte's eyes were looking into her soul. She looked concerned. She knew about Becky's past drinking problem. The champion found herself unable to look her in the eye.
"Fuck off! Don't pretend you care! How did you find me!?" Becky's eyes flickered between Charlotte and her drink. Why was she suddenly so anxious!? She didn't care if she knew.
"I followed you." She answered honestly. Becky finally fixed her full attention on her with an angry scowl.
"Why the hell did you do that? You want another fight? You wont win." She set her drink down and got into her face, her heart began racing even faster when her blonde hair accidentally brushed her cheek.
"No Becky, I just want to talk. Please." Charlotte answered in a hurry, taking a few steps back. Becky didn't care, she was sure ready to fight her earlier, why not now? They didn't even get to finish. She was about to lunge for her when the bartender told her to calm down or she'll be kicked out.
She turned her attention to the bartender. "Stay the fuck out of this!" She was about to tell her off before she stopped herself. She took a breath. Without a word she walked away, heading for the exit, leaving Charlotte and her drink. She needed to calm down. She needed to breathe.
Outside, it was cold. She didn't mind. Before she would make a bad joke to herself.
Good, I need to cool off anyway.
And of course, yes, she would laugh at her own untold joke. Not now.
She felt someone behind her. It was Charlotte, she knew it was. She always knows when she was around, but before, her heart raced for an entirely different reason.
Of course she would follow her; she had always been bad at taking hints.
"Becky, please." Her voice was shaking.
A chuckle escaped Becky's lips. "You always have to get in my way, don't you? Even when I'm trying to relapse." She almost let out a sob. Almost.
"Becky." She was starting to sound desperate. Pathetic.
Finally, the irish woman turned around to looked at her. She was holding herself, tears spilling down her face. She was crying.
Fuck.
She hated seeing her cry, but it wouldn't work. It wouldn't.
"Fuck off. Or I'll beat the shit outta ya." She ignored the voice in her head telling her to comfort her and shot her a cruel smirk instead. "Again."
"Why? I just want to know why. And don't give me that 'I stole your opportunity' bullshit."
That struck a nerve in her.
"Bullshit!? That's what you did! That's what you always did! What, the fact that it happened so much made it normal for you!?" Becky felt like she could only see red. She needed to hit something. She punched the wall of the bar, ignoring the pain. Ignoring Charlotte who she knew was watching her warily. She didn't care in that moment if she broke her hand. She was close to crying, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't give her the satisfaction.
"Are you serious!? Are you hearin' yourself!? Fuck you!"
She started frantically pacing, her hands in her hair, not caring when she realized her knuckles were bleeding. She was a fool for ever thinking Charlotte cared about her. She was using her. Using her as a stepping stone. She never should have forgiven her after she betrayed her the first time. When her back was turned.
She stopped and finally looked Charlotte in the eye. She was staring back with a far-off look, her expression solemn. She didn't seem to be crying anymore, but she never wiped her tears.
"I loved you, ya know that?" She threw her hands up towards the other woman before letting them fall back to her sides, giving her an ironic smile. "You were everything to me."
She saw Charlotte's lip quiver, but other than that her expression didn't change. She didn't move.
"You hurt me, you betrayed me, but I forgave you. I jus' wanted you back by my side." Fuck, she needs to stop or she'll actually start crying. Why was she telling her this?
"You never noticed of course, no matter how many ques I gave you. I was so stupid. You never cared."
"Of course I cared Becky-"
"Liar." Becky interrupted, looking straight into Charlotte's pleading green eyes. She was beautiful. She was beautiful and Becky hated her for it.
It was silent for a few moments. Becky wanted to leave. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't.
"I'm sorry." She heard Charlotte whisper. Becky blinked in shock. Charlotte never apologized to her. Ever.
For a moment she wanted to forgive her. For a moment she just wanted to be in her arms; she'd do anything to have Charlotte hold her. She wanted to kiss her beautiful lips and tell her that she was perfect and that she would always keep her safe. She wanted to see her smile again and hear her tell her how much she loved her accent.
The moment passed. She was done. She was done being a pushover.
She turned to walk away. She was through with talking. Nothing else needed to be said.
"I loved you too. So fucking much." She heard the blonde start to sob behind her and Becky stopped in her tracks. She turned her head back and looked at her former friend dead in the eye. She ignored the yearning and pain in her heart.
"That's a shame."
She kept walking, and didn't look back again. She'll never let herself be used again.