You're scared.
No, you're not scared. You're fucking terrified.
You're going to see Santana, face-to-face, after weeks of skyping.
If she visited last week, you'd be over the moon. But she's coming this week, and there are rumors circulating about break-ups, specifically within the glee club. Finn and Rachel broke up (you thought they broke up months ago, but now people are talking about some Brody guy), Kurt broke up with Blaine, and, okay, they're not the most healthy relationships, but you can't help, you really, really, can't get rid of the fear of Santana breaking up with you.
Sometimes, you wonder why she hasn't broken up with you yet. She got out of Lima, and she's doing well in UofL, and whether she still wants to sing or become a doctor instead, you know she's going to make it. You? You got held back, you just threw the presidential election, and you have no idea what to do with your life. You'll probably be a Lima loser until you die.
Your hand shakes when you turn the door knob to the choir room.
You see her, her back facing towards you. She's sitting next to Brad, and when you hear a gruff chuckle you're pretty sure she has her iPhone out and making fun of her college classmates with him.
"Hey."
She turns around, and your breathe catches. She's so beautiful, so, so, beautiful and you feel tears welling up in your eyes.
"Brittany."
She stands up and smiles, and before you know it your legs start moving and you're hugging her. You hug her tight, to make up for all those weeks and all those miles apart, and you breathe in that Santana smell, and you miss her, you miss her, and tears are running freely down your face.
"You're not going to break up with me, are you?"
You hate yourself for doubting, but you're still so scared.
She lets go of you, and you let go of her, and she walks to one of the chairs and sits. You follow her, and you notice that Brad walked out of the room; you're the only people here.
"I heard that Hudson-Berry and Kurt and Blaine broke up."
You nod your head, and you wait for her to continue.
"They're sort of like us, you know. They were in love, or at least they thought they were, and they had to leave each other and be separated by miles."
She takes your hand, and you look into each other's eyes.
"Honestly, I don't want to be part of one of those long-distance couples that hang on for a few months, then break up when someone eventually cheats or things get weird."
She's breaking up with you.
She's actually breaking up with you.
You feel your heart rip into two, and you're starting to take in gulps of air because you've forgotten how to breathe.
You gather whatever strength you have left and start to talk. You have to get over with this, you have to get out of this building, you have to go to bed and pray that this is all a bad dream.
"I—I understa—"
She gently places a finger to your lips.
"Shhh, Brittbritt. What I wanted to say is that I don't want to be in one of those couples, and I'm lucky that I fell in love with you. Because I love you with everything that I am, even before I knew it, and I know you love me the same way. And, yeah, the other glee club break ups, they scared me too, but, well, I just wanted to remind you that we're different."
She kisses you on the cheek, and you can't move. You're relieved and happy and in love.
Santana walks to the instrument closet and picks out a guitar. She goes and picks up the piano stool and moves it, so that it's right in front of you.
"I took guitar lessons," she smiles at you.
She starts strumming the opening chords.
You were in college working part time waiting tables
Left a small town, never looked back
I was a flight risk with a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts
I say can you believe it?
As we're lying on the couch
The moment I could see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now
Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
Flash forward and we're taking on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes
But we got bills to pay
We got nothing figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes, this is what I thought about
Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
And I remember that fight, 2:30 a.m.
As everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street
Braced myself for the goodbye
'Cause that's all I've ever known
Then you took me by surprise
You said I'll never leave you alone
You said I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter
She is the best thing that's ever been mine
Hold on, make it last
Hold on, never turn back
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
Do you believe it?
We're gonna make it now
And I can see it
I can see it now
The song ends, and both of you are crying. She drops the guitar, walks up to you, and kisses you.
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