A.N: Hi! Thanks for stopping by! After breaking my heart whilst writing True Love Never Really Leaves, I've decided it's time for some SwanQueen fluffy feels to heal my soul! Admittedly this first chapter isn't very fluffy at all as I had to set the scene etc. and build up to the changes that are going to happen but I promise there will be happiness in the next chapter and beyond if you fancy sticking with me. :) All rights etc. belong to A and E/ABC, as do the characters I'm playing with and the dialogue that features in this chapter. No profit is being made from this, I just have to get my SQ kicks from somewhere! So there we go. I hope you enjoy!
"This isn't fair. It's all my fault."
There's a sadness in his voice that sounds so surreal. Henry, my Henry doesn't do this kind of upset.
"What do you mean?" I ask him wondering how he can possibly attribute this twist of fate to his own doing. I can hardly bear to look into his eyes but I know it'll be the last time I ever will so I force my gaze up to his.
"If I had never gone to get Emma, if I'd just lived under the curse with you, none of this would have ever happened. I thought I was alone, I thought you didn't love me." His words cut like a scalpel into my heart. "But I was wrong."
How I could ever have wasted that time with him, made him feel so lonely and unloved makes me sick to my stomach. If I could take it all back… But I won't let him think this is all his fault.
"Henry, I was wrong too. It wasn't your fault, it's mine. I cast a curse out of vengeance." That's it. That's really where it all went wrong. One curse cast by one bitter woman and this is the life I've condemned us to. "And I'm…" I pause. I don't even know how to describe a person who inflicts this kind of pain. My eyes flit down to the floor in shame. "I'm a villain. You heard Mr. Gold. Villains don't get happy endings." It's like I actually have to say it out loud for the gravity of the situation to sink in. That's who I am. Only a villain acts as I have. I deserve to have everything I love, ripped away from me.
Then he speaks again, the most important, life-defining, soul-splitting seven words I've ever heard.
"You're not a villain, you're my mom." Now these threatening tears I've been blinking back are bursting over their eyelid dam and snaking down my cheeks. He leans into me, like he hasn't done for a long time and I breathe him in. If this is the last time I will ever see the one thing that keeps my dark heart beating, I'm going to make it count. I feel his warm heat against my own and, as his arms snake around my body I pray to whatever being out there is greater than this. My mind still whirrs. There has to be another way, there's always another way. But this time there isn't. For him to be happy this is how it has to be.
The town looks on and to my right, another mother is saying a final goodbye to her child. Guilt strikes again as I realise this is the second time I'm taking their daughter away from them. After everything Emma has been through, it's cruel that her time with her parents is up. She has to be a parent now. Properly. Alone. I have to speak to her, warn her about what's going to happen. But she's walking away.
"Emma," I call and she spins round."There's something I haven't told you," I say, utter contempt for myself apparent on my face.
"What now?" she asks but not unkindly. She's been crying too; emotion is damp on her cheeks. I remind myself that I'm not the only one this is devastating.
"When the curse washes over us, it will send us all back. Nothing will be left behind. Including your memories." Her eyebrows raise in shock and confusion; another piece of crucial information I neglected to divulge in my haste to make sure Henry escapes. "It's just what the curse does. Storybrooke will no longer exist. It won't ever have existed. So these last years, will be gone from both your memories and we just go back to being stories again." She manages not to show the pain of my blunt blow. I don't know how. I feel like I'm taking her lifelines away, severing her heartstrings one by one.
"What will happen to us?" she asks, worried, but I know she doesn't mean 'us.' She means 'Henry.'
"I don't know," I say quickly, not wishing to drag out my uncertainty.
The expression on her face tugs at my insides. "That doesn't sound much like a happy ending."
"It's not," I shake my head, preparing to reveal the one small thing I can do to ease a fraction of her pain. "But I can give you one."
"You can preserve our memories?" she asks, eager to know whether these past years have to be forgotten.
"No." She's disappointed again. "I can do what I did to everyone else in this town… And give you new ones."
"You cursed them and they were miserable!" She's incredulous now. She doesn't understand, she thinks I want to do what I did to everyone else here, but I don't. My head is screaming that she doesn't know what I mean.
"They didn't have to be." I take her hand in mine. "My gift to you is good memories. A good life for you… and Henry."
She still looks as though she doesn't want me to go anywhere near her memories and I can't blame her. I've managed to destroy any chance at happiness that Emma has ever had. But there's something I can do that might show her how I feel about her. "You'll have never given him up. You'll have always been together." It's worked. The look on my face melts me. Tears roll unchecked once again.
Emma chokes back a sob, her hair blowing in the wind but nobody cares. "You would do that?" I want to reply, to tell her that I would move heaven and earth to make sure the two of them can have the Happily Ever After they deserve, but there isn't time.
"When I stop Pan's curse and you cross that town line, you will have the life you always wanted," I promise. No, swear.
"But it won't be real," she replies, worry catching in her throat.
"Well your past won't but your future will," I assure her, and that seems to be enough.
"Now go," I instruct, squeezing my son's shoulder for the last time. "There isn't much time left and the curse will be here any minute," I manage as I envelop Henry, my external heart, one last, gut wrenching time. Emma knows. I can finally see in her eyes that she knows I love him just as much as she does. This war we have been fighting over our son has been worthless because looking at her is like looking in the mirror. And although she gets to keep Henry, she's losing just as much as I am today. I give my boy, my life, my everything one final kiss and step back, ready to do what must be done. The echoing thunder grows louder as Snow says a final goodbye to the daughter with whom she has only just been reunited and then it's down to me. My turn to do what I should have done long ago. Finally, something good. I turn to face the residents of Storybrooke and unfurl the scroll of paper in my hand. Ripping off the section I need, I scrunch it up between my trembling hands and hope to goodness that this is going to work. The green smoke is billowing towards us, enveloping trees and buildings as it comes and I know we'll be next if I don't hurry. Spreading my arms wide, fingers fizzing with purple charge, I begin to raise my hands towards the sky in defence. This is it. This is my one chance to save the people I should have saved long
ago. Purple shards of electricity speed up into the air to push against that impending smoke and-
An arm from behind, looping around my waist.
I'm yanked backwards.
The power in my hands stops, my magic disturbed. I'm spun around until another hand takes mine. As it pulls me away from Storybrooke, I whirl back to see the residents of Storybrooke engulfed in jade smoke.
I've failed.
We've lost.
Pan's curse has won.
But the hand is still tugging. It's warm and commanding and I want to follow it but I haven't finished yet. I haven't saved everyone. I'm stumbling, tripping over my own feet until I look down.
The red line.
The town line.
I've crossed it.
I look back, desperate to see that someone, anyone has escaped from Pan. But there's no-one. Nothing. No smoke, no people, no buildings.
I turn around to see the owner of the hand. My lifesaver.
"Emma?" I manage before I sink to the ground and everything turns black.