Clark Kent sat without word, channeling his energy through sheer concentration. His eyes were patiently shut, he had to take his time with this. One fine inhale, one focused exhale. Of all the challenges he had had ever faced… Lex Luthor, Brainiac, Lobo, Doomsday, and Darkseid… None have come close to Clark Kent's ultimate challenge. TAKING A FAT SHIT.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Clark screamed brutally loud. All the glass in his apartment shattered, several car alarms went off chaotically. Louis Lane in the next room had her ear drums burst horrendously. Clark continued screaming epically. His face was reddening, and his veins were practically popping out to say hello to the world.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHH!"
!PLOOP!
"Ah, finally." Clark stated. He flushed the toilet.
"I have to save some more people. I can't afford to waste time by wiping my ass." Clark said to himself pulling up his pants. He spun in a circle that caused a tornado that destroyed the whole apartment. A huge piece of debris fatefully fell on Louis crushing her internal organs making her spit out a glob of blood. Once his costume was on he flew out the destroyed roof.
"Hmmm. People getting shot by machine guns… An old lady being kidnapped…. Cops surrounding some lady, she's about to dive to her death… A wild fire…. GASP dear god..." Superman heard the sound of a strange weapon being loaded. 'It must be an alien weapon of mass destruction. Time to save the day.'
Superman dashed darting himself forward at a catastrophic rate, a sonic boom was made and he reached a speed that was so fast that he caught on fire, the heat was so strong it sent all the civilians below him on fire.
"Jimmy that's no fair, you've got the biggest nerf gun." Tim complained like a whiny little bitch. I mean come on that wouldn't even had been acceptable if he was on his pms.
"I got the best one because – " SPLICK Superman had landed on Jimmy to hard that he exploded into guts and organs.
"W-why superman?" Tim asked with a nerf gun still hand.
"You don't fool me alien scum." Superman said in a voice of true righteousness. "I'm gonna make you suffer…" Superman shot a weak beam of his laser vision at Tim's face. The smell of burning flesh entered Superman's nose, Tim's face made a very apparent sizzling noise. The red beam from Superman's ceased climatically when Superman heard Tim's heartbeat stop. The corpse fell to the ground and his skin on his face was gone leaving nothing but charred bone. The juices from his eyes dripped majestically onto the ground.
Sirens were heard and Superman turned. A few cops got out and the chief of police ran over and looked at the kid.
"My god…" The chief said as he stared into Tim's vacant eyes. "You saved us all Superman!"
"Your welcome." Superman said with his hands on his hips, his epic trademark pose. The wind picked up with supreme force giving out a soft 'woo sound' Superman's cape beautifully flapped continously to compliment the wind.
"How can we ever repay you?" The chief asked?
"There's no need to repay me. The good work I do on this earth and the benefit to the people it does, is all the pay I ever need." Superman said turning. He took gentle flight away off into the sky, the sun's bright light shining proudly.
"An alien from the worlds beyond. Yet out of all of us, the most human one of us, would be him…" The chief said feeling a tear stream down his face.
The end…