11
Tauriel's Fate
Kili's funeral concluded. The brief ceremony was delayed a few days so the dwarves could build the simple stone memorial at the foot of Erebor. As befitted a king, Thorin had been entombed within Erebor the day before. Knowing Kili and Fili had loved being outdoors, the dwarves had constructed their resting places in the open, beneath the sun and stars.
Tauriel stood tall among the dwarves, the only other mourner. As the last stone was laid in place, each of the remaining dwarves of the original company of thirteen that had retaken Erebor came and offered their hand or a small smile and words of consolation. They knew her loss was as great, or even greater, than theirs. She and Kili had overcome the natural enmity between elves and dwarves and fallen in love. Fate had intervened and all they had shared were a few stolen moments. She was now alone in the world. In vain had the dwarves tried to convince her to remain with them in Erebor. She had saved Kili's life once, and had almost lost hers trying to save him again, and they wanted to show her how much they appreciated her sacrifice. They knew she had been banned from the Woodland Realm when she left to help them fight the Orcs in Lake-town.
One by one they marched towards the mountain, looking back a few times, only to see her stand as if frozen in front of Kili's tomb. Finally, Tauriel came to, and turned to walk away from the tomb, and from Erebor. She had not walked more than twenty yards, when from the shadows of some trees emerged the imposing figure of Thranduil.
Tauriel stopped, her eyes wide in surprise. "My Lord", she exclaimed, "I believed you long gone from here."
"I waited until the dwarves' funeral to escort you back home, if you would like to return."
"I do not understand, my Lord," she replied. "I was told in no uncertain terms that I was banished from the kingdom. That was even before I threatened you when the dwarves had gone to Raven Hill. What I did was unforgivable. I know I do not deserve to be allowed to return."
"Indeed, that had been my position. I have reversed my decision, however. Prior to what transpired in the past few months, you had been a valuable member of my household. You had never before given me a reason to doubt your loyalty to me. I have had time to think about your actions. What you did, you did for love. That is the one thing that trumps duty. I would have recalled our army to save the elves, you would have sacrificed yourself to save the dwarf you loved."
"His name was Kili," she rebuked him gently.
"Kili, of course. I am sorry, I did not know his name until now. In any case, you are forgiven if you wish to return home. In another time I might not have done this, but we all have endured much these last few days.
I underestimated the level of your attachment to…Kili. I, perhaps more than anyone, know the lengths to which one will go to save the ones they love. I remained behind to let you know that your place is in our kingdom. You have proved yourself to be loyal and courageous. That is the sort that I need to have round me. One not afraid to let me know when I am wrong, though perhaps a little less forcefully." He smiled a little at this last.
"I do not know how to thank you," she replied, red with embarrassment at remembering their exchange some days past. "I did not know what I was going to do. The dwarves had kindly offered me a home at Erebor, but I could not impose upon them anymore. In truth, I had not place to go."
"Come" said Thranduil. "We must take our leave. A horse has been set aside for you."
They walked a little ways, leaving Erebor behind them. There several elves waited already seated on their horses. Tauriel mounted the horse they indicated was hers, and proceeded cautiously. The only other time she had ridden a beast was to and from Gundabad, riding pillion with Legolas.
Legolas! She flushed with shame remembering that she had not given any thought to him the last few days. Her mind had been occupied only with the loss of Kili. Legolas had always been there for her; he had defied his father to go after her when the dwarves escaped the kingdom, and risked his own life at Raven Hill assisting the dwarves. She did not know what had become of him after that fateful day.
As she began to feel more comfortable astride the horse, she rode a little faster and caught up with Thranduil.
"My Lord" she said. "I do not see Legolas. Is he, has he… returned home already?" She dared not give voice to what she feared, but her tone betrayed her.
"No. Legolas has left. He… was needed elsewhere." Thranduil would not reveal his son's heartbreak at the realization that Tauriel had given her heart to the dwarf.
"But he is all right, is he not?" she asked. "I could not bear it if he had been injured because of me."
"Legolas sustained no injuries in battle," Thranduil replied, choosing his words carefully. Legolas's injuries had been only to his heart, but this he would not reveal to Tauriel. "He has gone to join the Dunedain. He will stay there for some time."
"I am only surprised that he did not find me to say goodbye," she said. "I wanted to thank him for saving me at Ravenhill. I would surely have died there had he not come to my rescue and finally kill that filth, Bolg. I owe him my life"
"He was required to depart with some urgency. I am sure he meant no slight. He knew you had other worries."
Tauriel nodded allowing Thranduil's elk to ride ahead, and fell in step with the rest of the elves.
Upon their return, Tauriel resumed her post as captain of the guard. While they had won the battle, they knew the war was not at an end. The elves knew they had to be on their guard at all times. Mindful of the great favour she had been granted by being allowed to return, Tauriel worked tirelessly to prove her worth. She hardly took any rest, but patrolled the woods night and day to keep them safe.
Life regained its usual cadence. The elves, though isolated, continued to trade with the people of Lake-town, who were now, with the gold received from the dwarves, busy rebuilding Dale to its former splendour. The elvish kingdom, having relatively scarce resources, purchased their wine and other goods from the men, and both benefitted from this trade.
By day Tauriel's life was much as it had always been, patrolling the forest and keeping foul creatures at bay. At night however, her life was turned upside down. While always of a serious nature, Tauriel had always enjoyed her leisure time, passing the hours with her fellow guards. Her family had long crossed the sea, and she had been glad of a position within the royal household. Now, the nights held a particular brand of torture for her. Her sorrow at the loss of Kili was so great, she dreaded the nights where she was alone with her thoughts. In vain did she try to occupy her mind with more mundane things; she always went back to relive her brief time with Kili, and the immense sorrow she had felt on his death was her last thought each night. She remembered her request to Thranduil as she held Kili's lifeless body in her arms. Would that he had had the power to take love away from her. This was not what she had thought love was. She had envisioned a life of adventure with a husband that enjoyed the same life. This lonely prison of sorrow and loneliness was never something she would have wanted.
One day, midway through her patrol of the forest, Tauriel was summoned to the halls of the king. She was puzzled. She could not think what could be so important as to recall her from her duties. She approached with some apprehension. She did not think she had committed any infraction, so she could only assume something might be wrong.
"I came as soon as I could, my Lord" she said as she entered the antechamber to Thranduil's private quarters. "I am at your service."
It was then she noticed that there were several people from Lake-town present. She could not think what they could want with her. She looked round, and saw Bard the Bowman, his son Bain and several others. Their serious expressions told her this was no trifling matter.
A woman she had never seen before stepped up, looked at Turiel, then turned addressing Bard. "Is she the one?"
Bain answered instead. "Yes, she is the one,"
More puzzled than ever, Tauriel turned to Thranduil and asked. "What have I done, my Lord? I have not left Mirkwood these past months."
"Do not be concerned, Tauriel. They are here to ask a favour of you. It seems that they were much impressed with you when you were able to heal Kili when you were in Lake-town. There is a young boy taken ill in Dale, and their medicine has not helped. They are here to ask you to go to Dale to see if the boy can be saved."
"I am not a healer, I used Athelas and a regular healing chant, which I learned from my mother. I have no special powers."
"Please, my Lady," said the woman. "My boy is very ill. If you don't come, he will die."
"I am only a Sylvan elf" she replied. "I have no title. Please call me Tauriel. With Lord Thranduil's leave, I will come with you. Only let me gather some Athelas and we can be on our way."
"You may go,' said Thranduil.
"Thank you, my Lord Thranduil," said Bard. "Once again you come to the aid of my people."
"As before, your gratitude is misplaced, I am doing nothing. If Tauriel is able to save the boy, it is she you may thank, although it is no less than any of us would do."
"We are grateful nonetheless for your generosity in allowing her return with us, even if she is not able to save Wilthem." Bard turned to the others. "Let us be on our way, we have a day's journey ahead of us still. There is no time to be lost."
Tauriel did not trouble herself with gathering any of her possessions, but left immediately with them, gathering some Athelas as they traveled out of Mirkwood. While en route, she asked the mother what sort of illness had befallen her son. It seemed that the boy had found an Orc arrow while playing and had cut his hand. The arrow had been coated with some sort of poison and the boy had fallen ill almost immediately. Bard's daughters Sigrid and Tilda, who had been witness to Tauriel's healing of Kili had urged them to go to the Woodland Realm to find her.
Upon reaching the outskirts of Dale, they were met by some of the kinsmen of the boy. They had waited anxiously, as his health was deteriorating by the hour. They rushed Tauriel and the boy's mother to the home.
Upon reaching the dwelling, which was even then little more than a few rooms in the rubble that had once been a modest home, Tauriel stopped for a moment before going in. "What if I can't heal the boy?" she feared. "They are counting on me to do this, and I don't know if I can." She knew that part of the reason she was able to save Kili was because of her strong feelings for him. Elvish medicine was part physical and part magic. Would her wishing to save the boy be enough? Then, she recalled her feeling that day in Lake-town when she saw Kili in his fevered state, and enveloped herself in that emotion. "I can do this" she thought to herself, realized everyone was waiting for her to enter, and walked in.
As she walked up to the boy, she realized there was no time to waste. He was as ill, or even more so, than Kili had been when she saw him at Lake-town. Luckily, she was ready. She dismissed everyone from the small room except the boy's mother, and a couple of strong men to help her hold the boy down. The cure would hurt the boy, and she did not want him to harm himself or his mother, while she was working.
She nodded to the men, who grasped the boy's arms down, and moved forward. She took the Athelas leaves, as she had done with Kili, and crushed them in her hands. She then rubbed the crushed leaves with the sap that had been released by her actions into the boy's hand. "Menno o nin na hon" she started. On she went reciting the incantation repeating it over and over transferring healing energy from her to the boy.
By and by the boy, who had been struggling against the pain began to quiet down, his face, which had been contorted in pain, began to relax, and a look of relief took its place.
"She has done it!" the boy's mother exclaimed. "She has healed Wilthem!".
At this, Tauriel stepped back, and allowed the boy to be gathered by his mother, who embraced and kissed him repeatedly. Tauriel found herself drained and slightly light-headed. The healing had taken almost all her energy. She found a chair along a wall, and settled herself on it. She was only able to sit for a few moments. The boy's mother, remembering her, turned from her son and came over to Tauriel.
"Thank you!" she said, taking Tauriel's hands and kissing them, her tears falling on their joined hands. "I am forever in your debt. Whatever you want or need, if it be in my power, shall be yours."
Tauriel was taken aback by this; she was unprepared for this display of emotion. "I was glad to be of help," she countered. "I did only what anyone else would have done in my place."
"I do not think so, my Lady," said the woman. "I have been told that only those of royal blood have the healing power."
"All elves are able to heal in one form or another," replied Tauriel. "I was lucky enough to find a way to transfer that healing to your son. And again, I am not a lady, I am just Tauriel, a lowly woodland elf". She smiled as she said this to ensure her words did not cause offense.
"There is nothing lowly about you, Tauriel," the woman replied. "You are a mighty healer, and I will say so to anyone who says otherwise."
"Thank you," said Tauriel. "I will need to return now. I have been gone from my duties a long time, though for the best of all causes."
"I will escort you back," said Bard. "There is a horse ready for you, though we would like you to take some refreshment before you leave."
"Thank you, I shall be glad for something before the ride back."
Once she finished her small meal, she and Bard mounted their horses and rode back to Mirkwood. She dismounted at the edge of the forest, and bade him goodbye. He had wanted to accompany her to the portals of the Woodland Realm, but she insisted she was able to find her way from there. This was her home and she knew every tree and trail within it.
She returned, and resumed her regular duties. Sometimes as she patrolled the woods, she marveled at her new skill. She, who had seen so much violence, and indeed, had killed so many, had been able to heal!
By and large her life returned to normal, but she found that her reputation as a healer had spread among the people of Dale. Almost every month she was asked to ride to the city to perform some healing or other. She would take no payment, but many insisted in giving her some token of their appreciation, which she then gave to the keepers of the Woodland coffers; she had no need for riches. Everything she needed now was within the woods.
One day, Tauriel was again summoned to Thranduil's receiving rooms. She was puzzled why she was being sent for; the requests for her healing services were now handled by the guard and did not need to involve Thranduil. She rushed in, again hoping she was not to be censured. Though she was again captain of the guard, she was ever mindful of Thranduil's kindness towards her, and made sure she would never give him reason to regret allowing her back.
As she approached, she noted the gathering was held in the throne room. This was even more puzzling. There was rarely reason her to be present here. Only nobility was ever received in this room. She could not think why she was being required at such a high level gathering.
She entered the throne room, and immediately sensed, rather than saw, Thranduil's discomfort. He was standing amidst a group of some four or five dwarves. Though she did not know the entire reason, she knew he detested dwarves. They had fought together at the Battle of the Five Armies, but theirs was a tenuous alliance. He did not trust dwarves, and did not like to be in their company.
She looked at the group, and saw Bofur's friendly face among them. She then saw Balin, and they were both smiling at her. She then knew there was nothing amiss, though she still could not think what they wanted with her.
As she stood before the group, she realized that one of them was a female, though she could barely see the difference between them. This female had a beard, and dressed much the same as her male counterparts. She was a little smaller than the men, but not by much. Her dark hair was shot with gray, giving the color a silver sheen. The female stepped forward, and looked towards Thranduil. "Is this she?"
Thranduil nodded and said. "This is Tauriel". He looked at Tauriel and explained. "This is Dis, sister of Thorin Oakenshield, King of Erebor."
Tauriel was momentarily disconcerted; what could she want with Tauriel? And suddenly she realized what this meant. This was Kili's mother!
"King Thranduil, could I speak to Tauriel privately?" said Dis.
"Of course," he replied. "Please use my sitting room for as long as you need. I will have refreshments brought up for your companions." He pointed to a smaller room that opened out from the throne room. You will find them there when your business is concluded. I am afraid I must take my leave from you now. Urgent matters require my attention. My lady, you need only to ring if there is anything you need."
Tauriel smiled a little at this. She could think of nothing that would be of such import as to require the king's immediate attention, but she knew this was only an excuse to remove himself from the company of the dwarves. One day she would like to know why there was such enmity between them, but her immediate attention must be to why the dwarf princess wanted to see her.
"Please follow me, my Lady," she asked of Dis. They entered Thranduil's small, but exquisitely appointed sitting room. This was part of the king's private quarters, and she had only been inside once or twice in her life. There was little personal business between them that required her to visit these rooms. She had been here only with Legolas before this day. She looked around and admired the lovely carved furniture and the few, but beautifully executed tapestries that lined the walls. This was where the king, his wife and Legolas had spent their nights when she was alive.
She knew that Legolas was ignorant of the details of his mother's death. He had said as much when they were outside Gundabad. She wondered why Thranduil did not speak of her, was there a shameful secret there, or like Tauriel was the memory of his beloved so painful he did not want to speak of it?
Suddenly Tauriel remembered she was not alone, and turned towards Kili's mother. The furniture in the room had been constructed to Elven standards, and Tauriel was discomfited to see that her visitor had perched herself on a footstool, as the chair that it paired with was evidently too tall for her to manage. She approached the lady and stood before her, with a slightly puzzled look. She still could not fathom what this great lady wanted with her. Though they were a different race, she knew this woman was as high-born as any Elven royal. She pondered for a moment if she should offer to send for a chair better suited to her size, or whether the mention of it would embarrass the lady.
Sensing Tauriel's dilemma, the princess laughed softly. "Clearly these fine chairs were never meant for Dwarvish comfort". She smiled at Tauriel to put her at her ease.
"I am so sorry, my Lady. I can send for more suitable chairs if you like."
"Nonsense, I have endured much worse seats than this fine and thickly padded footstool. Come sit on the chair next to me."
Tauriel walked around her and sat on the chair next the footstool. The woman had turned and they now faced each other.
The princess looked at her for a few seconds before speaking. "I can see why Kili was attracted to you," she said. "You have a strong, intelligent, and may I say, pretty face. He did like pretty girls of substance." Her voice cracked a little at this, but she continued on. "You may be wondering why I came here. Please do not worry. I just wanted to meet the woman who captured my son's heart." At these last words, the tears that had been forming in her eyes, spilled over. "Kili was my youngest child, and dearest to me. His brother was his father's son, and from a tender age, knew he was destined to rule Erebor, if we ever took possession of it again, but Kili was not so strictly brought up, and was the delight of my heart since he was born." She took Tauriel's hands in hers. Indeed, her small hands were only able to grasp part of Tauriel's larger and calloused hands.
"You are a hard worker, I see," she said looking at Tauriel's hands. "You are no lady of leisure." Tauriel inferred that this was the lady's way of changing the subject so she could compose herself.
"No, my Lady. I am a captain of the guard in King Thranduil's service."
"Yes, I have heard that the Silvan Elvish women fight alongside their men. I admire that. We Dwarvish women are left behind all too often." She smiled at that. "Please do not call me my Lady. Though I am of royal blood, we Dwarves only use our name. Please call me Dis."
"Thank you, I will try to remember."
"Now that we've exchanged pleasantries, you must be wondering why I'm here."
"I… confess I am puzzled why you would want to see me." Replied Tauriel.
"I wanted to see for myself the woman who captured my son's heart."
Tauriel recoiled at these words. Since the day of her return to the Woodland Realm, she had never heard Kili spoken about. All that she had of him was in her mind.
"He captured mine." She replied simply. "Although we were from different backgrounds, Kili and I found a commonality between us. We were both headstrong and perhaps reckless, and understood each other. In the brief time we were in each other's company, I felt a kindred spirit in him. I would have done anything to save him, but I could not." Tauriel was unaware that by then her own face was moistened with her tears.
"I know all about it." Said Dis. "As is our custom, his belongings and Fili's were returned to me after their burial. Balin and Bofur undertook this sad task, and I had them recount my sons' last days to me. I needed to understand what happened. Bofur explained how you saved Kili from death from an Orc poisoned arrow through your Elven magic. And then you defied your Lord, and went to Raven Hill to try to save him again, and almost lost your own life in the process. I have no words with which to thank you. There is nothing more pure than a mother's love, save perhaps the selfless love of a woman who risks everything for the man she loves."
"I did not see it that way," replied Tauriel. "This was just something I needed to do. I could not leave him, or the others, of course, to be killed by the Orcs when I could try to help. Sadly, all my efforts were for naught."
"It was not all in vain. The Orcs were defeated, and you helped bring peace again to our lands."
"But I could not save Kili."
"Some things are meant to be. I always knew in my mind that he would die young. That is our lot in life, us Dwarvish women. Our men go to war, and we are left to mourn them. All the family I had left died in that battle. But for you Kili would not have died along his kin. That is a noble death, you gave him that."
"I would rather had saved him."
"Yes, I would have had that as well, but our destiny is now always in our power to change, but enough of that. We can spend the rest of our lives wishing but it does not change the past. I had another reason to come and see you, so let me get to it." She turned and placed in her lap a large bag of some coarse material that she had been carrying but which Tauriel had not noticed. She searched around for a bit, and brought out an object.
"Give me your hand." She asked.
Tauriel extended her hand towards her. Gently, almost reverently, the elder woman placed a smooth black stone in Tauriel's hand. As Tauriel moved her hand back, she discovered that it was the rune stone she had placed in Kili's hand when he died. This was the stone he had given to her when they had parted at the shores of Dale, as a sign of his love.
At this, Tauriel's tears fell freely. She held the smooth stone against her cheek, and wept as she had not since the day of Kili's death. This small object bound them, but Kili had been given it to be returned to his mother, and she never gave a thought that she would see it again.
"It is yours to keep." Said Dis.
"I can't, my Lady. I… mean Dis," she said. "Kili said it was meant to be returned to you."
"It was a sort of talisman that I hoped would help keep him safe, but it was no more than that to me. It is however, something that Kili wanted you to have, and so you shall. I have many years of memories, and a lot of other things to remind me of Kili, this was given to you, and will be all you have. I know enough of Elves to know that you will never love again. It is my hope this small stone will be a comfort to you somehow."
"It will, I always felt a little closer to him when I held it, and I will continue to do so."
"Then its purpose shall be realized. My son will be remembered by two women who loved him, and that is all I could hope for. Now, I have a long journey back to the Blue Hills, and I am not as young as I used to be. Coming to see you was something I needed to do, but I must go and rejoin my kin. I will not live at Erebor again, but I also wanted to see it one last time. Take care, Tauriel, I am not long for this world, I hope you find some happiness to sustain you in your long journey."
"Thank you, Dis. Your gift will be all the solace I need."
At this, Dis jumped off the footstool and they made their way to the anteroom where refreshments had been laid out. They partook of some food and drink, and the dwarves departed. Tauriel accompanied them to the edge of the forest, where they said their farewells.
The rune stone became a sort of talisman for Tauriel. She found she was able to gather her strength for her healing rituals much easier now, and she often held the little stone of a night, and felt more at peace than she had ever been. She was now more able to recall her brief happy moments with Kili, rather than dwell on his death and the aftermath.
Her healing became more and more her principal role, indeed, she began to resent taking up her bow and arrow now, as she saw the consequences such weapons might have. She made her decision, and began to make plans for a momentous change. At the end of some time, after her plans had solidified, she asked to meet with the king.
"My Lord," she said, as she entered Thranduil's study, where he had agreed to meet with her. She started to speak immediately to ensure she did not lose her courage. "For many years now, I have been healing the men, women and children of Dale. This has been taking up more and more of my time, and I have found I am needed there much more than here in the guard. These two occupations are at odds; in one I am the agent of violence, and in the other I repair some of that harm. Of course, I have never taken up arms against the people, but I have felt conflicted nevertheless. I would ask that you release me from your service so I may live amongst the people. The time of Elves is nearly at an end. I will not want to go West; it is not something I have longed for as have other Elves. I would like to stay amongst the people I have been serving until my time is done."
Thranduil looked at her for a few moments before replying. "I have felt for some time that you would come to a point where you would need to make a choice. I cannot fault you for choosing a future where you help those who seek it. I will release you from your service to me whenever you wish. As you say, the time of Elves is coming to an end, and I will soon lead as many of our people to Valinor as want to go. I have served here as best I could, but my fëa longs to be reunited with that of my wife at the throne of Iluvatar. That is my destiny, but you must do as your conscience commands."
"Before you go, I want to explain something that occurred between us many years ago. I know you will recall the day. On the day that Thorin Oakenshield and his company was captured, I mentioned how fond of you Legolas had become. You told me I would never allow him to be pledged to a lowly Silvan elf. I agreed, and I I knew this hurt you at the time, but it was something that needed to be done. This was deliberate, though the actual reason was not that I saw you as less than Legolas and myself. My wife was a Silvan elf, and I never had a moment's hesitation about pledging myself to her. It was the best decision I made in my life."
"I saw you grow up alongside Legolas, and I observed his increased affection for you over the years, just as I saw that you would never feel the same way towards him. To you he was a playmate and fellow adventurer, and I daresay you could have talked yourself into believing you loved him, but I knew what love was, and I saw that this was not what you felt for Legolas. My reason for not wanting to approve of a match was not that I thought you not worthy, but that I knew that you would eventually love someone else."
Tauriel bowed her head. "Thank you, my Lord. You were more kind to me than I deserved. I do not know the circumstances of your wife's death, I only know she was killed in Gundabad, but you have been a great leader to our people, and deserve to be reunited with her. My future lies in Dale, and I will leave now. I wish you a good journey West."
"Goodbye, Tauriel, may you enjoy a fruitful existence as long as possible," said Thranduil as she walked out of the room.