It was the drugs.
The line on the table.
What I needed.
The only thing stable in my life.
They steps never changed.
1 – Get the Crank.
2 – Line it up.
3 – Head down, breathe in.
4 – Enjoy the fucking ride.
I bent forward.
My long hair covered my face.
I plugged one side of my nose.
Breathe.
Follow the line.
Lifting my head, I closed my eyes.
The boy next to me made another line.
He followed my steps.
I made him what he is.
And in some twisted way, I was proud of myself for it.
I walked out of the room, the boy on my heels.
Wouldn't he ever learn?
Nothing he could do would make me want him… sober.
I turned quickly.
His lips crashed to mine.
The high.
The kiss.
The erotic thoughts of him, I kept to myself.
He didn't do such a good job.
I pulled away, smirking at his pout.
His already full lips were swollen.
Cute.
But not cute enough.
I continued forward.
I knew the song.
I had to sing it.
I had to.
So I did.
I sang the most important lyrics I had ever written.
I sang them without feeling it.
Without the pain.
"Tell her I can sing!"
The crowd had more emotion than I.
The drugs.
No need to feel at all.
It ended, the song.
Before I knew it, the set was over.
Max and I left.
The other boys stayed together.
Not us.
We went back to someone's place.
Maybe mine.
Maybe his.
Why the fuck did it matter?
We were inside.
His lips kissed mine.
Gently.
He knew they meant nothing.
Why be gentle?
Gentle was for love.
Not sex.
Love.
And this was most definitely just sex.
So what do I do?
I shove my tongue down his throat.
I push him into the bedroom.
I shove him up against the wall.
I make his hands undo my pants.
I press on his shoulders, making him go on his knees.
I pull his hair as his mouth encloses around me.
I stifle a groan.
But I don't finish then.
I make him undress.
I push him into the mattress.
No preparation.
Just pain for him.
Pleasure for me.
He pleas for me to stop add to my need.
His pants soon become begs.
He wants pain?
He's got it.
I finish.
Not bothering to pleasure him.
I lay my head down.
I close my eyes.
I feel him scoot next to me.
We fall asleep.
I awake with his lips by my chin.
His eyes by my nose.
His green eyes look into mine.
He says something.
Asks something.
He knows my answer.
But do I?
"Ronnie, do you love me?"
"No, Max, I don't."
I leave.
No words.
No goodbye's.
He's lucky I stuck around as long as I did.
Don't worry, I'll be gone when the morning comes.
I guess there is always an exception, right?
Is that what he is?
My exception?
Max Green: My exception.
Max Green, you truly are, my Only Exception.