A/N: So, this is basically a drabble about what was going on in Kurt's mind the morning after the argument in the First Time episode. I don't think he would just jump into something with Blaine without having thought about it and talked about it beforehand, and I think it's important for couples to talk about sex beforehand so they know what to expect from one another. And I imagine he probably wanted to talk to Blaine about their argument, but with everything else going on, wouldn't have the time or the privacy. So, here's what I think happened that morning when Kurt woke up and took in Blaine's perspective on the whole situation (even though I think Blaine was a complete jerk that night). Hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think or if there are any revisions that need to be made. Reviews are always welcome!
Kurt woke up that morning feeling sad and puzzled. He knew that he and Blaine would have arguments, many arguments in the years to come, but he had never thought it would be about the pace of their physical relationship.
"I want you, I want you so bad…" The words kept ringing in his ears. Blaine always did have a thing for using cliché Katy Perry lines (or full songs) when it came to their romantic lives. That aside, was he taking it too slow with Blaine?
And yet, Blaine was the one who had told him that they could take it at his pace. Keep things slow and simple for now until they were both ready to take the biggest step they had yet to take in their relationship.
It's not like sex was a hard topic for Kurt anymore. He and Blaine had talked about it before, but it still made him somewhat uncomfortable. Being that intimate with a person, giving all of yourself to them and not knowing if it will be enough or if they will want you in the future was a lot for Kurt to handle. He wasn't sure he could take the rejection if Blaine didn't feel the same way anymore. Yeah, Blaine had told him countless times that he loved him, but Kurt still couldn't believe he had someone so precious to call his.
But after last night, he wasn't sure if Blaine was his. He and Sebastian had seemed to be getting along quite well, and Kurt couldn't help but wonder if there were some feelings between the two boys. He knew Blaine wouldn't cheat on him (at least he desperately hoped and refused to think otherwise), but that Sebastian guy was quite the opposite. If he wanted Blaine that bad, Kurt wouldn't put it past him to take him by force. Blaine was a good-hearted person, but he was also very naïve when it came to others' intentions. Not that this was a bad thing, but in certain situations, Blaine was too kind for his own good, and people (never, ever Kurt though) used this to their own advantage.
Maybe Blaine's kindness overwhelmed his lust for Kurt in their relationship. Most of the time, he was just fine with kissing or hand holding and even kept his distance in public (as requested by Kurt) so as not to put an even larger target on their own backs. But he had been talking more about sex, moving further. Maybe if Blaine was ready, Kurt could at least think about being ready.
He loved Blaine, he truly did, and he really did not want to lose him. But it was more than that. He wouldn't have sex with Blaine just because he felt he needed to for Blaine to continue being his, no, he wanted this with Blaine. It had only ever been Blaine that he wanted. As he thought about this, he really did want Blaine. Blaine was his first love, his first boyfriend, his first real kiss; and he wanted Blaine to be his first time too.
Now, he just needed to let Blaine know this. He wanted to make everything special; maybe flowers and soft music in the background. Blaine's parents were gone for the weekend, so maybe they could go back to his house and just be alone. They needed to talk about this before it happened, but there was no reason to really plan the whole night to every detail. If something happened, it would happen, and there was no reason to push it any further than they were both willing and ready for.
He needed to talk to Blaine. Maybe call him? No, that's too informal. They didn't have any classes together today, and Blaine was practicing with Rachel during lunch. Tonight was opening night and he didn't want to bother Blaine with any more stress before his (well, technically it was their) big show. He knew they needed to talk about what happened last night first. Get things sorted out. Kurt still couldn't help but still feel a bit jealous of Sebastian as well, and he knew that if their relationship was going to go anywhere, he needed to trust Blaine completely and trust that he would be faithful.
That's what their whole relationship had been built upon, wasn't it: trust. They came to one another for practically everything. Kurt had only trusted Blaine when he had been harassed by Karofsky, Blaine had trusted Kurt when he had opened his heart for the very first time, he had to trust that Blaine wouldn't stray to the next attractive gay guy that came his way. He had to trust that Blaine really did love him, and he wanted to show Blaine that he trusted him. He wanted to give Blaine everything he had to offer. He wanted to trust Blaine with his body. Losing his virginity was a big thing to Kurt, and he knew that when it happened, it would be special and he would remember it for a long time.
He's glad he didn't go at it with Blaine in the back of the car. They both deserved so much better than a drunken sexcapade on a whim. They deserved romance, love, soft lingering touches, slow and sweet kisses, just basking in the warmth and light of one another. This is what Kurt wanted, and this is what he was trying to explain to Blaine last night.
Drunk Blaine was an idiot, but the real Blaine was the most loving, caring guy in the world. Kurt knew that when he told him what he felt, Blaine would understand. Blaine had always understood, though it sometimes took him longer than it had Kurt. Kurt knew it was time. Tonight, he would lay his whole heart out on the line. He would give Blaine everything, if that's what Blaine wanted. This time it may have taken him longer to come to the realization, but this is also what Kurt wanted.
Life might not be perfect, love was never perfect, tonight everything would not be perfect, but together, they were perfect.