Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters

Chapter 1 BPOV

How I wish I was dead. If I was dead I would fell no more pain. Death is supposed to be peaceful. Anything has to be more peaceful than my train wreck of a life. If I did die I wouldn't get a funeral. No one would grieve my death. I would not be missed.My Father would not miss me, He would miss a cleaner and a cook. He would not shed a tear for his only daughter. He would miss his favourite punching bag to practice on.

These were the thought running through my head as I lay on my small crappy and lumpy bed in my small cramped box shaped room. My eyes were fixed on the gleaming sharp knife in my clenched fist. I didn't know if I could do it .Cut myself. Bleed out. Funny isn't it how I dream of death yet I'm too much of a coward to kill myself? After all, I am still afraid to die

Maybe one of these days he won't stop and he will just keep on hitting and kicking me until I can't take it anymore and I get my wish and take my last breath in this world.He would never let that happen, he is too good for that, he is a well-respected police officer in this town if he killed me people would talk and how can he deal without his precious reputation.. Everyone just tells me how lucky I am to have a father like him. Who would believe me if I told them the truth? Who would believe a seventeen year old girl over a grown man who has served their country? I'm guessing no-one would. I have no-one. No-one is left in my life. No-one but him. How lucky am I?

Ironic isn't that his job is to protect people and save them but behind closed doors I'm the one who needs protection from him. Maybe if my mother was her she would be able to protect me from him but it's my fault she isn't here at least that what he tells me every day of my life.My mother died giving birth to me. He has blamed my ever since and to be honest I blame myself as well. I often wonder what it would be like to have a normal life, to have the normal family, a dog a white picket fence and happy family memories. How nice it must be to worry about trivial things like boys and make-up the newest heartthrob in this year's big blockbuster instead I am here worrying about how to hide the latest marks that appearing on my skin , and how to stomach looking at myself in the mirror.

When I look at myself in the mirror I am disgusted, I see a young girl with mousey brown hair, that covers her heart shaped face and shallow cheeks and dull brown eyes that show no emotion. My unnatural skinny body is almost fully covered in new bruises and older bruises that are beginning to turn yellow. No bruise ever has time to heal because the next day there would be another one to cover it. That's why I avoid mirrors at all cost.

I have never been to see a doctor. He won't let me. I have never hand any medical care except what I do myself which can hardly be called medical car let's say Google has been a big help in keeping my alive... The most I do is clean a wound and make sure it doesn't get infected or just wrap bandages around my ribs to give them time to heal. I imagine a doctor would be horrified if they ever examined me.

I came out of my musings noticing the large knife was still clutched in my hand. I knew I needed to put it back before he came back. I slowly got off my bed and placed my bare feet on the cold floor when I heard a noise. My head snapped up as I heard the crunching of the gravel as he parked his car in the driveway.

"Crap!" I said out loud to myself. What was he doing home so early? I turned to the clock that was on my bedside cabinet "Crap!,Crap!" He wasn't early. I was late, I always seemed to get lost in my thoughts the house should've been cleaned and his dinner waiting on the kitchen table by now. I didn't have anything done. I was too caught up in my own thoughts to look at a stupid clock. He was going to be so angry

"Bella! Get down here now! "He screamed up the stairs at me. I slowly made my way down the stairs. "Yes sir?" "Sir "it tasted like venom in my mouth. I always had to call him sir. He says it shows a mark of respect for your elders. But I know it's just another way to remind me who's in charge. "Where's my dinner?" he asked me in a quiet voice which is more terrifying than when he is yelling. "ehhmm…I…I….I haven't st…started it yet " I stammered out as my body trembled. Before I know what happened his hand connected with my cheek with a loud "smack" and my legs wobbled underneath me. My hand automatically went up to caress my now stinging cheek. "You're worthless, I give you food, shelter and clothes and this is how you treat me, No clean house and no dinner. You are nothing more than a selfish bitch". He matched each of his venomous words with a hard punch into my stomach until I was doubled over on the floor. He added a few kicks with his steel capped toe boots for good measure. "Go clean yourself up, I'm going to the bar. "He screamed at me as he left the house.

When I heard the door slam I groaned loudly in pain as I assessed my injuries. I didn't think anything was broken. I know there would be a lot more when he came back. They are always worse when is drunk.I suddenly had a thought I have nearly every day but today seemed to be the day I was finally going to act on it I was not going to be here when he gets back.

I slowly made my way up to my room and packed the first things my hands touched. I paused when my finger touched the silver framed picture of my mother that I kept hidden from him. My mother was beautiful. People used to say I looked like her. I wish I did. She had long elegant brown curls framing her face and beautiful chocolate coloured eyes which portrayed happiness and love.

I knew I would need money but I'd promised myself I would never go into his room. Now I knew I had to. I approached the closed door and slowly pushed down the handle. The door creaked as I opened it. I knew I needed to hurry. I ripped his room apart until I found the jackpot, two thousand dollars was tapped up underneath his bed frame. I quickly stuffed the money in my backpack. I ran down the stairs and into the cold winter air. I didn't stop running. I couldn't stop running.

I don't how long I ran for but I eventually came to the city .I didn't really know my way around but I found this small narrow alleyway which was empty besides a few stray cats. It was dark and cold and I was exhausted. I slid down to the ground and rested my back against the concrete building. I was so cold. The coldness seemed to touch every part of my being I looked up to the sky and sure enough there were beautiful white snowflakes falling and coating the ground.

The alleyway was like heaven to me. Quiet peaceful and there was no pain. I sat there just gazing at the stars as the snow continues to coat the ground. I didn't feel the cold anymore. I didn't feel anything. It was such a nice feeling. My last thought before I closed my eyes and let the darkness take over was "Now, I'm not afraid to die"

So let me know what you think: D…Amy xxxx