Author's Note:
What more is there to be said? Hit it, Crisper!
Ocelott was asleep in a corner. Out of nowhere she had a nightmare that the Order of the Stone were frauds, but she knew that wasn't true at all!... but, there was still a bit of doubt so she asked someone who she knew she could trust!
"Hey, Jesse,"
"It's three o'clock in the morning! What do you need, Ocelott?" Jesse asked.
"Um, I had a dream that the Order of the Stone were frauds... did they really defeat the Enderdragon?"
"... pftahahahahahahaaaa! Go back to bed, Ocelott!" He laughed before rolling over in bed. Ocelott was relieved, though she didn't know why Jesse started laughing. She walked back to bed and went to sleep.
The next day, she jumped out the window and landed right on top of Aiden's new red Ferrari with a clash. When she went back inside, everyone was sitting around a table about to eat breakfast.
"Yayy! Breakfast! Who's cooking?" She asked obliviously.
"Uh... you are... or at least you were supposed to be." Lukas reminded her. Ocelott facepalmed and ran into the pantry before coming back with cans of pink salmon for everyone!
"Uh... why do we have to eat salmon?" Olivia asked. Exactly ten seconds after Olivia asked that question, Ocelott projectile-puked lava on everyone! Oh, what a mess! Everyone respawned, but the kitchen was a disaster that no one could fix, so they sent Ocelott as a national-threat to be babysat by the Order of the Stone while they fixed the mess.
Olivia was going to drive Ocelott to Soren's house, so she told Ocelott.
"Hey Ocelott, put on your shoes, you have to go the Soren's house." She told Ocelott who was playing with a toy minecart.
"But I don't want to go to Soren's house!"
"Well you have to, Ocelott. It's the only way. I'll be back in ten minutes, and you'd better have your shoes on by then." Olivia left. Ocelott screamed in anger before rolling her minecart across the floor.
"Vroom! Vroom!" The minecart's wheels fell off. "Silly old cart! Silly! Silly!" Ten minutes later, Olivia came back. After some yelling and screaming, Ocelott finally got her shoes on. Olivia walked Ocelott to the car and put the twenty-four year-old toddler into a carseat and got into the driver's seat. Olivia drove for ten seconds before Ocelott starting meowing loudly.
"MEEEEOOOOOOWWWWW! MEWEWEWEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!"
"WHY DON'T WE LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC, HUH?!" Olivia screamed over Ocelott's crying. She jammed a random CD into the disc-player.
Bloody, bloody injury!
Cremed, broken bone!
Blood, blood, blood, blood everywhere!
Creepy Garden Gnome!
Something creepy's in your closet!
Revenant Billy bought coffee!
When you're day's done don't forget to take
Pictures with Smile Dog!
The sad lyrics only made Ocelott cry more loudly before Olivia started screaming furiously. After the world's longest fifteen minute drive, they finally made it to Soren's house. Ocelott screamed and screamed and screamed and-
Immediately stopped when she saw Soren's house.
"Yayy! Soren!" She cried happily. Olivia glared at Ocelott before stopping the car in front of Soren's house. Ocelott's smile dropped. "Wh-why are we stopping?" She whimpered.
"I'm taking you out so that you can go play with Soren." Olivia explained. Ocelott's eyes started to get glassy.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ocelott screamed and cried and flailed and spat while Olivia tried to get Ocelott out of the car. After another set of lengthy three minutes, Olivia finally got Ocelott to the front door. She banged on it while Ocelott continued being a brat, Soren finally opened the door. Ocelott clawed her way into Soren's arms before turning around to face Olivia and kitty-hissing.
"Please... take her..." Olivia panted before slamming Soren's door shut. Soren heard her screaming 'Sweet freedom!' on the other side of the door. He looked down at Ocelott who looked at him with beaming eyes.
"Here's my backpack!" She pointed to a rainbow-backpack on the floor. Soren placed her on the floor and walked to the slouching pack and opened it to see cans of tuna, some relish, Miracle Whip, and a spoon. There was also a coloring book and some blocks of obsidian. He picked it up.
"Come on, Ocelott." He said before leading the hybrid into the kitchen. He put the bag on the table and sat Ocelott on the couch. He handed her three blocks of dyed wool and a fishing rod. Ocelott, clearly amused, squealed so loudly that she ended up breaking all the glass in the world! Too bad that on the very same day a bunch of people got their brand-new glass eyeballs and pacemakers. Now that was a disaster. Boo-hoo for those people swimming in those sky-pools too... ouch. After Soren's hearing came back, he handed Ocelott a cookie.
"Now you stay put, I just need to check on something." He left the room. Ocelott placed the three blocks and turned around to fish in Soren's glass cup collection which had previously been reduced to a pile of shards. Ten seconds later, she got bored.
She sneaked into Soren's room and grabbed his cell-phone. It was a store-proclaimed unhackable phone, meaning that if you were three years old you could get into it by pressing and holding a few random numbers, so Ocelott did just that.
After hacking Soren's phone, she started scrolling through his contacts before she found one called Misty. Who was this Misty?! Ocelott called Misty and put the phone to her ear.
"Hey, Soren. You need anything?"
"You listen here, you dirty cheat!"
"What?! Soren, what is-"
"Soren's already got a girlfriend, and he doesn't have time for someone else trying to manipulate him into a wahoo, so make like Micheal Jackson and beat it, you hear?!"
"I... I-"
"You'd better cry!"
"I don't know if this is some kind of prank or not, but you're fired from the Ender-Study unit, Soren. Good day." The call ended.
"You'd better run!" Ocelott shouted into the dead phone before putting it back and skipping out of the room. Another door in the room opened and Soren peeked out in a bathrobe, having had just finished showering.
"Did someone say something?" He asked, because he heard some yelling. Shrugging, he walked to his phone, deciding to call Misty to ask about any updates on the Endermen. "Hello, Misty?"
"Oh, back for more, huh? Listen, Soren! I didn't even have a thing for you, but the way you talked to me was too much! Didn't I just tell you you're fired? So why don't you make like Micheal Jackson and beat it? And for the record, I'm a virgin and I'll never give that away to you!" The person on the other end of the line hung up, leaving Soren in a shocked stupor. Before he could say anything, Ocelott walked into his room with a .45 caliber shotgun singing 'I'm a Honky Tonk Cowboy' and firing at random. Soren took the brunt of the lead.
So a hospital came and picked Soren up. Soren was sure to call Ellegaard and ask her to take Ocelott, and Ellegaard (never liking to be tardy) was there in a staggering two minutes, along with Calvin, her personal assistant. SWAT should've arrived to take Ocelott to Alcatraz, but Ellegaard got there first, obviously. So Ocelott was spared a life-sentence in the looney-bin.
After the long drive to Redstonia, it was lunch-time. Naturally, Calvin wanted to be as much of a help as he could, so Ellegaard let him feed Ocelott while she tried to make a command-block. )Hmm... Ocelott has a command block in her head, so shouldn't she be able to give Ellie one? /give Ellegaard command_block)
"All right, Ocelott. It's your lunch-time, so go sit at the table." Calvin told Ocelott who was currently nibbling on a lever. Calvin went into the kitchen to wait. After ten or so minutes, he finally got the revelation that she wasn't coming. He went back to the living room and saw that Ocelott was still nibbling on that same switch! "Um, Ocelott?"
"Yeah?"
"Your lunch...?"
"... I have to sit in a high-chair, not an adult chair! Itscartooncookie says that I could fall from an adult-chair." She whimpered before nibbling on the lever. Calvin sighed in frustration before picking Ocelott up. While he was expecting to be lifting up a heavy twenty-four year old, he was surprised to be lifting up a twenty-pound cat-hybrid. He put her in a high-chair and retreated to the kitchen to make Ocelott's tuna sandwich.
(You, the reader, suddenly think 'Hey! Was that high-chair always there? And why did that last phrase rhyme?')
Calvin returned to the wheelchair to find that Ocelott was gone from it! He was surprised, too surprised to realize that Ocelott was stuck in the microwave! He heard some muffled crying and turned to face the small oven before seeing the cramped girl slowly spinning around as the clock counted down. He scurried to the microwave and opened it up. Then the unthinkable happened.
Ocelott deflated.
"OH MY NOTCHGAMM FLAPJACKS!" He screamed, sounding really, really... girly...
"Itscartooncookie said that the Notch G-A-M-M word is a bad word!" He heard a squeaky voice behind him. He turned around and saw that Ocelott was sitting in her high-chair, eating a tuna sandwich. He stared at her, his mouth gaping like an End-portal.
"... WHAT THE HECK?!"
"Heck is a bad word, too, Mr. Calvin!" Ocelott cried before flipping a random switch. After a few ticks, the floor opened up from under Calvin and he fell through a piston trap which closed to be invisible just as Ellegaard walked into the room.
"Did I just hear someone say the Notch G-A-M-M word? Because I think that's a really bad word... then again, it's NOTHING like the words Magnus says..." She looked at Ocelott who was smiling with horrificly noticable satisfaction. "Uh... hi...?"
"Hello, Miss Ellegaard." She replied in a British-accent.
"... where's Calvin?"
"He's in the No-No hole!" She replied, her voice back to it's squeaky, annoying normal.
"No-No hole... um... Calvin? Where are you?" At that point, faint screaming could be heard coming from the floor. "Uh..." She looked at the floor before grabbing a pickaxe and mining a few blocks before Calvin leapt out of a hole and into her arms. "Calvin?! What happened?"
"... actually, it wasn't so bad down there. They had concessions..." He calmly stepped out of her arms and hopped back into the hole. "Um... if you don't mind...?" Ellegaard looked at the blocks in her inventory.
"Oh! Uh, here you go..." She sealed the hole again. Loud dubstep rumbled underneath them and Ocelott began to question the punishment-side of her No-No hole.
"Hmm... maybe I put too many gold blocks down there...? Oh well... can I help you with your Redstone?" Ocelott asked happily.
"... sure... I guess..."
After a few minutes, Ellegaard and Ocelott walked into Ellegaard's great Redstone laboratory. After giving Ocelott a few "toys" to play with, Ellegaard went back to work. Ten minutes later she turned around to see Ocelott standing and surveying her own work.
"Soo... what is it?" Ellegaard asked, looking confusedly at Ocelott's contraption: a redstone torch next to a single block of redstone dust.
"I call it 'Uh-Oh'!" Ocelott replied. "It's not finished yet, though..."
"Hmm... what's missing?"
"This!" Ocelott shut her eyes and began to work in her command-block brain.
/fill 234 82 76 241 88 72 TNT
Ellegaard stared in shock as the first block of TNT was lit, the block that would cause an explosive chain-reaction to the 7x6x4 block stack of TNT.
"Uh-oh..."
Ten minutes later...
Ocelott, covered in soot and ashes, watched as paramedics wheeled a steadily moaning Ellegaard into a helicopter. Directly after her rolled a non-responsive Calvin who had a look of enjoyment on his face, a reasonable thing. He had been in the No-No hole at the time of Uh-Oh's activation.
Ocelott watched as the helicopter whirred off, leaving her surrounded by a soot-covered, smoky mob of Redstonians. She glanced nervously around, seeing their angry faces.
"Uh... who wants Chewits?" Star-Fox interviews told her that Chewits were powerful. Not in this case.
The mob swarmed with screaming and passion before a bright light shone from above. Ocelott looked up into the sky, a smile on her face.
"Yayy! It's Jesus!" She shouted happily, reaching up to the source as helicopter-wings beat above her.
"I'm not Jesus!" A somewhat familiar voice yelled. "Grab the ladder if you want to live!"
"But what happens if I don't want to live? What if I don't want to grab the ladder?" Ocelott asked curiously before a hand grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the helicopter. Once inside, she saw that it was Nohr the griefer.
"Oh! Hi, Nohr!"
"Hey, Kit-Kat." Nohr replied. Kit-Kat was sort of a griefing nickname Ocelott had suddenly earned, mostly because Nohr couldn't remember her name and didn't care. "Uh, what's up with you and this Jesus guy?"
"I'm a Christian! It happens!" Ocelott replied happily. Nohr slowly turned around.
"You don't go around and slap people with Salt-Scrolls and slam other religions do you?"
"Uh... no. I mostly make cat-noises."
"... owkay... uh, Magnus sent me to grab you. Ellegaard called, said something about it was his turn to switch out, also that she'd be gone for a while. Eh, wonder what happened..."
"I griefed Redstonia on accidents..." Ocelott replied sheepishly.
"Awesome! I've been waiting for this!... you ever play Death Bowl?"
"Uh, no... you know how to fly a helicopter?"
"Fly a helicopter?! I thought this thing was a video game!" She shouted before punching the delicate panels with a passionate fury in her harsh thrusts. "I want my quarter back!" The helicopter, having been getting such hard knocks to its interface, didn't take too kindly to Nohr's physical aggression.
"Stop punching me or else!" It shouted.
"Helicopters can talk?!" Nohr shouted. Suddenly, the helicopter was a puppet being controlled by Notch.
"In this world, yes." He replied happily, blinking his tiny pixel-eyes. Suddenly, Notch was a giant puppet being controlled by Jeb!
"Hi, everyone!" Jeb greeted before he was a puppet being controlled by Caillou.
"Kay-low?!" Ocelott screamed horrifiedly before her hair fell out. When she went and looked in a mirror, her reflection turned into Magnus and said these very words:
"Now you look like me."
"OCELOTT! WAKE UP!"
"AAAAAHH!" Ocelott woke up in a dark room after being shaken awake by Magnus. "I don't look like you, do I?" Magnus blinked his eyes and they just stared at each other for a few minutes before Ocelott noticed his mask. "Do you ever find it weird how your eyebrows go over your mask?" She asked, tilting her head to the side as she stared at the marvel of science.
"Geez, glad you're awake!" Magnus scoffed irritably before walking off.
"I had an amazing dream!" Ocelott shouted happily. An obviously fake smile appeared on Magnus's face.
"Me too! But then I realized that I was in BOOMTOWN!" He shouted as he made jazz-hands to emphasize his point.
"O-okay... so, I blew up Redstonia, so-"
"Oh, that happened." Silence rang through the room before running footsteps were heard. Ellegaard appeared at the door in some of Magnus's clothes.
"Where am I?! I need to get back to Redstonia!"
"Ah! You're finally awake! Shall I mention that you snore like a pig?"
"Shut up, Magnus! This is serious! If I don't get back to Redstonia, everyone will think that griefers did this!" She glanced around the room in a tizzy before her eyes landed on Ocelott. "YOU'RE STARTING A CIVIL-WAR, OCELOTT!"
"I am?" She had a flashback of seeing Aiden bouncing on his head while singing the Caillou theme-song, "Hey! I am!" Suddenly, DanTDM appeared in his blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth! DanTDM's blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth came in good time since Ellegaard needed to get to Redstonia and fast!
"Dan, you mind if we share your blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth to get back to Redstonia?"
"Sure we can share my blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth to get you back to Redstonia! Hop into my blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth, and we'll get you back to Redstonia using my blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth!" Dan replied cheerily.
"Herh!" Dr. Trayaurus added. Ellegaard hopped into DanTDM's blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth, and before you could say 'Stop saying 'blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth', they were gone!...
In DanTDM's blue time-travel Doctor-Who telephone booth! (just had to! don't freak out!)
Magnus slowly turned to face Ocelott who was nibbling on her toes.
"Uhh... you stay here, and don't move." He told her before running off. Ocelott completely ignored him, she was too busy nibbling on her toes. Meanwhile, Magnus was on the Internet. He downloaded Mr. Crayfish's furniture mod. He crafted a box and returned to his main room where Ocelott was still nibbling on her toes. He placed the box next to her.
"In." He commanded. Ocelott looked at the box, then back at Magnus.
"Why?"
"Because I said so." He replied crisply. Ocelott looked at the box, then back at Magnus.
"So, if someone says something, the other person has to do it?" She asked. Magnus glanced at her uneasily.
"...yyeess...?"
"Okay!... in."
"... it doesn't work that way."
"Why?" He cleared his throat annoyedly. Would this girl ever stop asking questions?
"It doesn't work that way because I'm the king here... I tell people what to do."
"So you're a bossypants?"
"What?! No, I'm not a bossypants! Are you a chatterbox?"
"I'm not a chatterbox! I'm a Nyaynman hybrid! The first and last of the species! My species' manufacturing ended before a male counterpart was created, thus I-"
"Stop! Stopstopstopstop I don't wanna hear anything else!" He interrupted her, hoping she wasn't about to start talking about (shivers) the thing.
DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN!
"Okay... why do I have to get into the box?"
"So that I can lock you in a corner."
"Wh-wha?"
"Ah! Nothing!" Magnus replied, looking away.
"No, I heard you."
"No you didn't."
"It's okay."
"YOU HEARD WRONG!" He suddenly shouted. Ocelott stared at him in shock for a few seconds. And then she started to cry. Well started to, at least. Then she thought it was a good idea to slap the King of Boomtown... horrible, dreadful mistake.
"Yelling is mean!" She shouted meaningfully as Magnus's cheek turned red. He slowly turned to face her and then slapped her back, but sent her flying across the room. Shockedly, he gazed at his hand.
"I didn't know I could hit that hard."
"It's alright! I only weigh twenty-pounds." She explained before walking back over to him and slapping him on his other cheek which instantly turned red. "Don't slap girls!" She noticed his face and gave a loud laugh. "Ha! Now you look like a clown!"
"What the heck?! You're gonna be in sooo much pain when I'm finished with you! If you don't wanna die at the Death-Bowl, get into the box!" He shouted. Ocelott nodded sadly and jumped into the box. Instead of landing on the bottom, she went straight through and ended up falling down some endless hole. Magnus heard her scream fade into the bottom of the infinite tube.
"... what?!" He leaned over the box. "Hello? Wh-whoaaa! Oh my ! #$! ! goodness! It's a hole!" Magnus fell into the box before yelling a word that Ocelott wouldn't be able to understand. Ocelott, hearing his screams, climbed out of bed and stared at the box confusedly. Then she closed the box and taped it shut. Magnus was stuck in the box-dimension, looking for the duplicate Ocelott. He would never be seen again.
At this point, Ivor walked into the room with a dog-leash and a cat-toy.
"Hiii!" Ocelott greeted happily.
"Um... hello..." Ivor walked up to Ocelott before putting the leash around her neck and popping the toy into her mouth. He patted her on the head and left the room. Then Nohr blew him up. Then Nohr blew herself up.
Ocelott was alone in a dog-leash with a cat-toy, so she started nibbling on her toes before the final member of the Order of the Stone showed up. It was Gabriel.
"Oh my $&%^ *#$ goodness! It's Gabriel the #$%^ *# Warrior!" Ocelott blurted much to Gabriel's shock.
"Don't ever say that again!" He shouted angrily. Ocelott smiled happily. "Who taught you that, anyways?"
"Magnus did. He's in there." Ocelott pointed at the box which Gabriel stared at confusedly for a few seconds. "Hmmm... I wonder what happens when you turn it upside down." She picked up the box and turned it upside down. Loud screaming slowly became audible and then Magnus fell out the bottom. Magnus started singing happily and kissing the ground.
Ocelott looked at Gabriel.
"I think that we can all learn a valuable lesson." Gabriel randomly said before Ocelott turned into a cheese pizza. So Magnus and Gabriel at pizza.
As for Ellegaard, she came back to an empty Redstonia. About a month later, she received word that the griefers and the nerds were contemplating war. Logically, there was only one way to stop it. Ellegaard forced herself to marry Magnus. On the night of their honeymoon, they decided that they needed a prince, and nine months later, Ellegaard gave birth to a girl. Magnus got mad at her for their child not being a boy, even though that was mostly his fault and not Ellegaard's.
Ocelott somehow resurrected and started a school of stupidity, randomness and other fun things. Her first science project was an atom-bomb, and... we can all guess how that ended. Meanwhile, the government decided to start using alternate dimensions as punishments, so Ocelott was banned to the box-dimension.
Aiden was a french-fry.
The End!
Author's Note:
Crackycrackycrackycrack! Goodbye!