Sorry I'm really into this right now

Feliciano smiled to himself as he got dressed into the fanciest clothes he owned, stuff his father had designed for the capitol. A long red frilled jacket and a deep blue v necked shirt with sequins on it that shined like diamonds. He'd never felt so fancy. He love dressing up, as scary as reaping day was for most people, Feliciano took solace in the fact that he looked good, it helped him push the doubts and fear to the back of his mind, helped him to smile for the cameras.

Lovino looked him up and down from the doorframe, "You look great," he said softly. Feliciano could tell from the tone of his voice that he was forcing himself to say that. All days apart from this one he was as snarky and rude as could be, but Feliciano knew he cared, why else would he have offered to sacrificed himself every year prior.

This year he couldn't, last year was his brother's last year, and this was Feliciano's last year. His name was in as few times as possible and there was almost no chance of it getting picked, he had a feeling he was going to be ok.

He looked down at himself, sighing softly, knowing this was the last time he'd get to dress this well, from now on he'd be making the clothes not wearing them.

"You're going to be fine," Lovino said, hearing Feliciano's sigh, walking up to him and rubbing his arm, smiling at him in the mirror.

Feliciano nodded, "I know Lovi, I'm gunna be fine," he let out another sigh, holding the rosary that hung round his neck and closing his eyes for a moment, "God wouldn't make me do it…"

Lovino smiled, "I know," he let out a small huff, pulling Feliciano into a tight hug. "You're going to be ok I promise."

Feliciano chuckled softly, "Lovino don't worry, I'll be fine, I won't get picked, I know I won't." He smiled as he pulled away, smoothing his clothes out and smiling, "I look nice right?" he asked, trying to change the subject, "Can you help me with my eyeliner? I want it to be perfect and you've got such steady hands."

Lovino nodded, sighing softly, he knew Feli was just trying to be brave… but what if his name was picked? There'd be nothing he could do to protect him, he'd loose his baby brother…

He tried not to think about it, focussing on making Feliciano look pretty.

"There…" he said after a moment, smiling at his work.

Feliciano looked in the mirror, smiling widely, "It looks perfect Lovi, thank you." He gave the taller boy a hug and let out a soft huff, biting his lip. "We should go," he added.

Lovino nodded, "Yeah I want to get a good spot. Have you eaten?"

"Yeah."

"Ok good, let's go then."

He felt Lovino give him a soft pat on the back, trying to control his breathing and not get overwhelmed. They met up with his Papa, Roma, just outside the arena, the man had gone to sort out Feliciano's papers in advance as he usually did.

"My son…" he said weakly, pulling Feliciano into a tight hug, patting his back and kissing him on the forehead. "Are you ready?"

"Yes Papa," Feliciano said weakly, forcing himself to smile as he felt himself grow more anxious, he could see the other children filing in, some of the younger ones crying to their older siblings.

He wouldn't let himself cry, he was the oldest one here now, he wasn't the biggest or the strongest or the smartest, but he was the oldest and everyone knew it, so he had to at least try and stay strong.

"I love you Feliciano," he heard his Papa say.

"I love you too, I'll see you later," he replied, turning to Lovino, "I love you too Lovino."

Lovino nodded, "I love you Feli." Feliciano could hear a shake in his voice, he could tell how nervous they both were.

He walked away from them, giving them a short wave as he joined the line to enter the hall. Smiling softly at the younger children to reassure them, they had nothing to worry about, it would all be ok. He clutched his rosary and said a short prayer for himself, another for the poor soul who was picked this year.

This was it, the last time he'd do this, after he left today he could go on and have a normal life, become a tailor like his Papa, make fabulous clothes, maybe even become famous.

He let his head fill with his fantasy as the people on stage introduced themselves, and the usual 'historical' videos began to play.

It was going to be amazing, he'd have his place in his father's workshop, then eventually he and Lovino would take over, they could start a new fashion trend, it'd be amazing.

He just needed to get through this, then his real life could begin.

He stood up straight as a man walked to centre stage, dressed similarly to himself but in all green, contrasted with his red tipped hair. Feliciano couldn't help noticing how beautiful he was. He wished he could make clothes like that himself one day.

"We'll start with the ladies," the man on stage began, walking over to the large bowl and pulling out a piece of paper, the fanfare preparing to play.

A deafening silence fell over the crowd, Feliciano could almost hear the heartbeats of the people surrounding him.

"Alice Vargas."

Feliciano felt the colour drain from his face, his mouth dropping open, he turned his head, searching from his cousin's face in the crowd.

He saw her, her eyes darting between her and he sister's before she forced a smile and smoothed her sun-yellow dress, saying something to the youngest of them, patting the girl's head and walking towards the front.

"Nice to meet you Alice," the man on the stage said, taking her hand to help her up the stairs.

Feliciano continued to watch, his mouth hinged, unable to believe they'd picked her.

She was the same age as him, and such a fiery girl… She had a chance.

The crowd cheered for her, Feliciano trying to join in, but he could feel his will fading. He watched her walk to the corner of the stage, and watched the well-dressed handsome man walk over to the other bowl.

He felt himself tense as the paper was pulled out.

He couldn't be picked.

But then… if Alice had been picked, who's to say his wouldn't be?

"Feliciano Vargas."

He felt a weight hit his gut, tears springing to his eyes. He had to have heard wrong.

They couldn't have said his name, it was impossible.

"Mr Feliciano Vargas?"

He turned his head at the sound of a shout, seeing Lovino fall to his knees, screaming in anguish.

The crowd was cheering but he couldn't hear anything, he couldn't feel his legs, all he could feel was his heart in his throat, his tears running down his face, he let out a tortured scream of "No!"

He felt his legs give way, and felt a rush of pain as his head hit the floor, his vision going dark at the edges.

He let out a loud scream, feeling his soul tear itself apart. Why would this happen? Why would god do this to him?

How could this happen?

He felt someone grab at him, trying to pull him by the arm, he pushed them back and tried to pull away, but someone else appeared behind him, he couldn't see his face.

The man pulled out a baton, giving a swift hard hit to the back of his head.

….

Feliciano let out a groan as his eyes flickered open, he saw his Papa standing over him.

Had it been a dream?

"Papa, I…" he mumbled softly as he got up, letting out another moan and touching the back of his head, he looked down at himself and saw he was still wearing his reaping clothes… it hadn't been a dream.

The older man pulled him into a hug, "I'm so sorry Feliciano," he said softly, rubbing his back.

Feliciano felt himself burst into tears, hugging him back and pawing at his shirt.

He wasn't meant to be chosen, this wasn't meant to happen.

He couldn't believe it.

Roma pulled out of the hug, he pulled away and looked around the luxurious room, only one thing came to mind.

"Where's Lovi?" he asked, "I want to see Lovi."

"He's…" the man bit his lip, "He's trying to get them to change their mind, he's trying to get them to let him go in your place."

Feliciano shook his head, "He can't do that… I-It's against the rules."

Roma nodded, "I know, I tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen. I…" he closed his eyes, "I don't know if you'll get to see him before you go."

Tears came to Feli's eyes again. "I need to see him, I won't go without saying goodbye."

As he said the last word the door opened, Lovino stepping in with tears in his eyes. "They won't let me," he said weakly, "They just kept telling me to shut up and come to say goodbye."

Feliciano forced himself to his feet, ignoring the flood of dizziness that almost overcame him and staggering to Lovino, hugging him and sobbing into his shirt.

Lovino stood still for a moment before letting out a sob, holding him tight and kissing his cheek. "I love you Feliciano, y-you fucking… Why did you have to get picked? The one year I can't save you."

Feliciano shook his head. He didn't know why this'd happened.

"I'm so sorry," he said weakly. "I love you Lovi, you're my best friend."

Lovino let out a loud sob, taking Feliciano's hands.

They both knew Feliciano wouldn't survive this.

The look they shared said it.

"I'll name my sons after you," he said softly, "I'll tell them all about you."

Feliciano nodded, blinking away his tears, "Thank you Lovino. I-I'll think of you."

He jumped as the door opened again, and the handsome man who'd been on stage earlier walked in. "If it isn't my drama queen," he said with a smile, "Are we ready to go?"

Feliciano felt Lovino's grip tighten on his hands. He forced himself to look over at the man, "…I think so."

"Good," he said. He looked at Lovino and Roma, "If we could have some time alone..?"

Roma nodded, walking over to put his hand on Lovi's shoulder, looking Feliciano up and down. "We love you Feliciano," he said weakly, leaning over to kiss his forehead, "You're a smart boy, you can get through this."

"I'll try my best Papa, I love you."

Lovino looked down at their hands before slowly loosening his grip. "You're going to make us all proud Feliciano, I know it."

Feliciano nodded, more tears making their way down his face.

He didn't know what to say, what do you say the last time you see someone you love?

He watched the man usher them out, feeling a sob escape him as the door closed. He moved to sit down, putting his head in his hands, letting his tears fall onto the floor, forming a small pool.

The man walked over to him and rubbed his shoulder, "It's ok… I know it seems hard, but once you get over the shock you'll be able to enjoy it." He swallowed hard, "… You've got a poor stature for this, but that doesn't mean you're going to lose, the sneaky ones are always the best, and the most fun to watch. Just focus on that and you've got a good chance."

Feliciano nodded, "Ok," he whimpered.

"Don't give up hope yet. We're all rooting for you."

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