Disclaimer: I own nothing. But ideas.

miss you.
by BigBenMitchell

I brush my brunette hair out of my face as I get up from the table and leave. I can see the girls look at me with questioning eyes, but none of them bother to ask me why I'm doing so. I hated these girls. They acted like they care with each other when behind their backs; they talk trash among each other. I wonder if this is what it takes to survive the Hollywood pressure. I start to walk away from them and I could hear they snicker behind my back.

I shake my head and throw my juice in the trash before walking away completely.

I walk to my apartment and push the key in. I turn it and almost immediately I step myself in inside of the apartment. I expected to see my gothic, moody roommate Amy alone doing whatever she is doing only to found she's on the couch, making out with her ...um, boyfriend? Yeah, you could say that. I can't really remember what's his name is, and frankly I don't really care. That's the only reason Amy actually approve me as her roommate, the fact that I look like someone who won't go over her business just because we share the same apartment. We have been living together for almost two years, and even though we don't communicate a lot, we get along pretty well. I get used with her really crazy antiques and she tolerates with me, being a busy actress and all.

Amy stops and looks at me with her eyes. I stop in my track, actually surprise when I know I'm not supposed to, to find her in this situation. She rolls her eyes, "Do you mind, skinny?" she snaps at me and I can see her boyfriend, Rick or is it Ralph, smirks. I shake my head and go straight to my bedroom. I hears as Amy mutter something about me being thick and ask her boyfriend where were there before I slam my door shut.

I hate this. I hate my life. I miss living with my dad. I miss actually having friends around. I know being an actress is hard and all, especially when my acting career is expanding. I have gotten a really great role in a new TV show starring Tina Fey and I'm not for one is going to miss taking this chance. I lean my head against the door and shut my eyes. I'm growing up, I remind myself all over again, and leaving someone you love behind is apart from growing up... right? I'm not sure. I bang my head softly against the door because I really don't know. Is it? Is growing really need you to leave everyone you love behind just a little while when you're trying to chase your dream? Is that how it's supposed to be? 'Cause I found that rule is pretty stupid. But it is, somehow, in my case.

My dad couldn't come with me anymore because my sister needs him. My brother too, he's graduating this year if I'm not mistaken. They're all back in Connecticut. I wonder how they are now. It has been weeks since I talked to any of them. I miss my mom. I know she has been gone for thirteen years now, but I couldn't help it. She looks a lot like me, a lot like my older brother too. I wonder how her face would be like if she saw each of her children succeed in life. My big brother is a great professor, I'm an actress, my younger sister is a journalist-in-the-making, and my youngest brother is going to graduate and going to be an accountant. I blink; the tears are threatening to fall now.

I miss Jo, my best friend in Palm Woods. Oh, it has been so long since I visit that place. She has grown up so well now. She isn't with Kendall now; they broke up after a while. She's still happy now, though. I heard she's dating singer Joe Louie, which I'm so excited about because Joe is really great, I met him once, and he's super sweet. He would be so good with Joe, if I must admit so. I sigh. I miss being with Big Time Rush.

Big Time Rush, that name echoes in my mind.

I bite my inner cheek until I can feel blood seeping out and land on my taste bud. I miss Kendall, I miss Carlos, I even miss Logan and of course I miss James, my boyfriend. Something clicks inside of me. Nobody ever believes me when I said James is my boyfriend. Maybe because he's way out of my league and I'm not someone like he's material. I'm too average, they think while he's up there on stage, all glamorous. I don't blame them really. Heck, I even question that sometimes to myself. Why did James like me? Why am I still his girlfriend?

I asked him those questions one day when we're alone and he's putting his arms around me. I'm small, petite you may say, so I fit under his large body perfectly even though I'm not supposed to. They told me that James is just using me. I don't trust them but I can't lie when I say that they're voices don't haunt me sometimes. I asked him and I remember he looked over to me. His expression turned into something serious. He bended down to me and kissed me hard on my lips. I returned the kiss back as he lifted my chin up so he could kiss me better. I held onto his shirt, gripping it between my fingers as if I'm afraid he would let me ho. I think he sort of bit my lips, I couldn't really remember, but it's so hard, like he's claiming me, he's making me his. He pulled away eventually, desperate for air but his eyes were closed. He pressed his forehead against mine and breathed so closed to my face. "Don't ever say that, Camille," he told me, pressing our forehead further if that's even possible, "Just don't, okay? Just... don't. You're mine. Mine, do you understand?"

I never talked anything of the subject anymore as I nodded my head to him, making him a silent promise. "I'm yours, James. And you're mine, right?" I asked him innocently. He laughed, almost in a second the serious expression was gone. He nodded and kissed me on my lips again, "yours," he murmured silently into the kiss. I like the way he kiss me. It makes me fill with different emotions at one time. Sometimes I feel excited, sometimes I'm hunger for it, sometimes I just want to kiss him just to make sure he's there, sometimes because I just love the taste of his lips. I touch my lips and close my eyes, trying to remember it all again.

I wonder if James thinks of me the way I think of him, which is often. He's on tour, alongside with Big Time Rush, invading Asia. I think he's in Singapore right now, making another concert yet again. He'd do great, just like he always does. We don't talk a lot when he's on tour, mostly because the time line, none of us knew what time is it here and there, and both of us are really busy. I'm with my TV show; he's with his singing career. I guess that's okay.

But... it's not. Not right now. Not when I need him. Oh god, I really need him right now.

I don't care if people won't believe I'm dating James Diamond just because I look like a cow-girl when I'm standing next to him, I need him. I need to feel his breath on my neck as he kisses me from behind. I need to feel his arms around me and his laughs tickle my ear. I want to feel his finger playing with my brown curls and his thumb running across my lips and my eyebrows. I need to feel his hazel eyes staring right through my deep brown ones. I need to see his smile and I need to be memorized by his staring. I need him to take me dancing under the night sky while he sings, because what's a dance without a song? I need to sleep until its afternoon with him by my side because it feels just right. I need to hear his words when he tells me about the stars, about his family, about his days, about how... wait, am I... am I crying?

Oh no. Just no. I promise myself I wouldn't do this. I just...

I couldn't help it. I just need him so much right now. I miss him. But he's probably out there, singing, and not even remembering me right now. Maybe he'd forget that he has a girlfriend, who is pathetically crying of him right now, maybe that's it. Maybe he does forget. Oh okay, that helps. That certainly helps... I wipe the tears away as I slide down the door and ends up on the floor. Suddenly my phone rings. I pick it up, thinking it's one of the TV crew asking me to come to the studio right away. "Camille Roberts' speaking," my hoarse voice speaks up.

"Babe? Babe, it's me. It's James," his voice rings out.

I open my eyes shockingly. I furrowed my eyebrows together and blink. Wait, what? I shake my head and grip on the phone tighter between my fingers. I sit up straighter, "J-James? Is that you?"

He sounds relief when I recognize him. I can imagine him smiling now. "Yeah, that's right," he said through the phone and for a second, I feel like a child who has amnesia and just trigger a memory and tells an adult about it. I melt when his voice meets my ear. I miss him voice. I miss him so much. "Camille, baby, are you crying?"

I sniffled and wipe my eyes, as if he is there to see me. I smile, putting on a fake smile, "What? No! I couldn't- I wouldn't-," I take a deep breath. Oh wow, this is what they call a great actress? Ugh, I hate it. I hate the fact that James could see right through me, even just by hearing my voice. "I just... I-I... I miss you, James. I miss you so much, it hurts. They're terrible here! They're... I just... I couldn't. Ugh... I don't know what to d-do, James. What should I do?" my voice comes out as a whimper and pathetic.

James takes a deep breath. "I love you Camille," he said and then I just realized how soft and tender his voice really is. And almost like magic, everything is a lot better than before. Even those words, it actually makes me feel like there's nothing wrong with this whole situation. I nod my head at his words.

"I love you too, James."

I could practically feels as he smiles on the phone. "I miss you so much, baby."

I laugh, because I could imagine him saying that. "I know you do," I play with him and I hear as he chuckles. I love when he does that. Silence for a while until I say, "You'll come home?"

"Soon," he promises. "Very soon. Just another two weeks and I'll be right home to you, babe. I promise. I promise." He repeats that word. That could only mean he wants me to know that he means that word. He'll come home. To me. He promised.

I sniffled more, "Okay," my squeaky voice comes out.

"Babe, please don't cry. Please. I love you, Camille. Alright? Never forget that. Never forget that you're mine. Just mine. I love you, alright Cam?"

"Yes, yes, I know you do. I love you too, James." I smile and play with my toes. With that, I whisper "I'm yours."

"That's right," he whispers back and something deep inside of me stirs.

Then something happened at the end of the line, like someone's calling him. "Cam, baby, I need to go. They're calling me. I need to go now, kay? I'll call you back. I'll call you soon. Alright, babe?"

I stands up suddenly. I don't want him to go but... "okay, okay. Go! Go! You'll call me. I know you'll do."

"Bye," he said, finally.

"Bye," I whisper back.

Then the line goes off. I sigh, slowly putting the phone to my chest. His voice... is gone now. But that's okay. He'll come back in just two weeks. He will. He promised me. I smile to myself. I love you, Camille. His words keep ringing in my mind. I can feel blush creeping up on my cheek. Suddenly, my door is knocks. I turn around and hesitate.

"It's Amy!" she shouts from the other side of the door.

I sigh and drop my hand to my side. I step forward and turn the doorknob and pull the door towards me. Amy stands there, looking at me. I notice her boyfriend is gone now. Amy shakes her head, "Randolph's gone. I sent him home. I know we don't, like, talk to each other but I'm not going to have loud sex with you in the room, alright? That's just... ugh, disgusting," she tells me, leaning against the doorframe. I stare at her, bewildered. Amy waits for me to say something back but after a couple of minutes passed, she rolls her eyes. "Uh, dinner's served. Do you want to eat or do you plan on starving yourself to death, uh bones?"

I think she's jealous of me being thin or something. At least, I don't think I'm that thin. I smile at her and shrug my shoulder. "Fine. Thanks," I tell her and follow her to the kitchen.

"So your boyfie called?" she asks suddenly.

I gape at her for a while. "Uh, yeah. Yeah he did," I nod my head.

She shrugs, "cool."

I roll my eyes at her typical answer, but a smile comes across my lips. Amy sees this and smile too, making a face as if she's annoyed. She eventually laughs, me too. Maybe, this is not a bad day after all.

It sucks, I know. But I just love Jamille so much, I need to make one. Reviews?