So not only is the whole demon Dean thing getting to me, but freaking Cas's face when he thought Dean was dead. And he still doesn't know that Dean's alive. I lost the ability to can with that episode. I'm still not okay. Is it October yet?
"He's dead too."
It's just three little words, but their impact is huge, shattering Castiel's world like it's made of glass. He can't bring himself to believe that Dean, the man whom he'd risked everything for, is gone. Everything that transpires thereafter goes by in a blur. He feels numb, like there's no reason for any of this anymore if the one person he'd done it for is dead.
The only thing that he's thinking when he leaves Heaven is that he has to see him. Even if it's to grieve over his body and say one last goodbye, he has to see Dean. The drive to the bunker seems to take an eternity and when he gets there, the sight of Sam, near mindless with anger and sadness does nothing to quell the feelings inside him.
He makes his way to Dean's room, heart heavy with dread and he inhales sharply once he sees his hunter lying motionless on his bed. He sits on the edge of the bed, wishing for nothing more than the power to bring Dean back to him. Tears well up in his eyes, falling before he has a chance to wipe them away. He brings his hands up to Dean's face, skin cold beneath his fingers. He still can't believe it, even though the evidence is lying in front of him.
He leans down, resting his forehead against Dean's, closing his eyes tightly.
"Dean, I'm so sorry," he whispers.
He knows that he shouldn't, but he draws on the last of his dwindling Grace, using everything he has to try and revive his human. He heals Dean's wounds, one by one until the only thing left to do is start his heart beating again. He rests one of his hands on Dean's chest, pouring all his power into the palm of his hand and sending it into his body.
After a few exhausting moments, he finally feels a thud beneath Dean's skin. Breath pours over his face and he opens his eyes, staring down into bright green ones that are just as beautiful as the day he'd pulled him from Hell. He laughs in relief, smile blooming on his face.
Before he has a chance to think twice, he leans the rest of the way down and presses his lips to Dean's. His heart sings in his chest as Dean wraps his arms around him and kisses back, full of life and love for the angel who's saved him so many times.
"I love you," he murmurs against Dean's lips.
Before Dean can reply, light starts to fill the room. It glows softly underneath Cas' skin and he knows what's happening. The little bit of Grace he had left is dying and it's taking him with. He covers Dean's eyes with one of his hands, not wishing for him to see this.
"Cas? What's happening?" Dean says, trying to pull away Cas' hand.
Cas only shakes his head, forgetting that Dean can't see the gesture. He laces his free hand with one of Dean's, twining their fingers together.
"My Grace is burning out. Just as Metatron said it would," he answers.
"You're dying?" Dean rephrases.
"Yes."
The hunter's attempts to pry Cas' hands away become more frantic at his answer. Dean shakes his head, not accepting the fact that Cas is going to be leaving him.
"No, you can't go. There has to be something-"
"There is nothing we can do, Dean."
"Cas, please, don't go."
"I'm sorry," Cas says, squeezing Dean's hand in his.
He leans down one last time, placing a gentle kiss on Dean's forehead. The light flares brighter and he closes his eyes, waiting for the inevitable. Dean shouts his name just as his Grace burns itself out, filling the room with holy light. The hand covering his eyes slides away with ease and Dean blinks, staring down at Cas' unmoving body lying next to him. He swallows thickly, waiting for Cas to move.
"Cas?" he chokes out.
He reaches out, checking for a pulse, breathing, anything to indicate his angel is alive. He feels nothing and everything turns cold. He starts talking to Cas, begging him to wake up, unable to accept that he's gone. He pulls Cas into his arms, smoothing his messy hair back and praying for him to open his eyes.
When Cas doesn't move, Dean buries his head into his angel's shoulder, letting the tears come and he clutches him tighter as sobs wrack his body. And when he finally regains his composure, he presses a kiss to Castiel's forehead.
"I love you too."
So I know this really doesn't help matters any, but I was listening to the Supernatural soundtrack and other sad songs and it made me sad and I wanted to write something and it just ended up like this. Title of the fic is the name of a song from the soundtrack, you know, the one that plays during Chuck's narration at the end of Swan Song.