A/N:This is an idea that just won't leave me alone. I've been wanting to write something with these two, figured it would be flirty, smutty, just a lot of fun...an then my muse decides that it's going to be sad and showcase Gabriel's protective brother instinct and love for family and show how Balthazar deals with Cas calling him Judas and stabbing him. So now I have entered angstville and I'm desperately trying to find some comfort to go with all this hurt, hopefully will find some in in chapter 2

He's dead. It's the first thought that passes through his mind, but that isn't quite right.

His head is throbbing and his lungs burn in protest as he tries to draw in a breath of air. He feels like he's in a haze, he's aware of his limbs, but control still remains out of reach. He coughs trying to gulp in air and groans at the sharp sting radiating from his ribs that the motion brings.

No, he's not dead; too much pain for him to be dead.

There are cool fingers against his forehead brushing away his hair and a soft whisper of "You're gonna be ok, just breathe."

Talk about a blast from the past. He blinks his eyes open squinting against the harsh light trying to adjust to the brightness.

"Hey there sleeping beauty, glad you finally decided to join the land of the living."

Turning towards the voice, Balthazar coughs attempting to sit up.

"Gabe?"

And really he must be dead if he's seeing Gabriel. He wasn't there when it happened, but he heard from Cas…and oh that's still a sore subject. Perhaps pain does come with dying.

A hand pushes him back down, and his head is swimming too much to protest.

"The one and only," Gabriel grins, leaning into view so Balthazar can see him without having to move.

Eyes slipping shut Balthazar feels his brows knit together, "but you're dead?"

"Allegedly dead," Gabriel counters with a click of his tongue.

"Wha-how," he asks eyes opening in question and this time when he pushes up Gabriel doesn't stop him.

"A magician never reveals their tricks," he comments off-handedly.

Balthazar knows his brother well, and he knows when Gabriel rather not talk about something, so he nods and hesitantly asks, because he has to be sure, "I'm not…you know…"

Gabriel picks up on what he's trying to ask fairly quickly and shakes his head violently, "no, not at all."

"But I-"

"We never truly die Bal, our grace gets recycled and we come back on Earth. Dad could never kill his children, put us in time out yes, but the big guy has trouble with letting go of those he loves."

Balthazar looks around for the first time at the world around him, "and just where was I recycled?"

"Well originally you were intended for Rhode Island, but I pinched your grace. Trust me when I say that you'll like here far better."

"What's here exactly," Balthazar asks taking in the green hills and blue skies.

"Welcome to New Zealand," Gabriel beams extending his arms out to motion at the landscape.

"It's beautiful," Balthazar whispers in awe. Eyes turning to Gabriel, he nods softly, "you look good."

"Yea and you look like death worked over," Gabriel comments eyes roving over Balthazar taking in the haggard appearance of his brother.

Balthazar flinches, a hand coming to rest at the cool sliver of scarred flesh over his heart. You don't know the half of it, he wants to say; instead he remains quiet averting his eyes as his thumb skims over the scar.

Gabriel's eyes soften as he sees his brother's shoulders droop. "Bal, what happened up there?"

There's no answer, just shallow breathing and the soft stuttering of held back tears. What happened?

Hand coming up in an aborted attempt to soothe Balthazar, Gabriel falters and instead turns away, eyes slipping shut as his hands clench into fist murmuring, "Oh Cas, what did you do."

There's a sharp intake of air behind him and Gabriel knows he's hit the hammer on the head. Cas you oblivious angel, what've you done.

"Gabe," the shaky hushed tone is like a direct blow to Gabriel, he stills turning to look at Balthazar. "Don't go…please?"

Gabriel nods silently as he moves to sit beside Balthazar, "of course not kiddo."

Balthazar is quiet and it makes Gabriel want to scream. This isn't his brother, this is a broken angel, and it hurts to see him this way. He doesn't mention Cas to Balthazar again, it's too soon, because while he's left behind a scar, the wound is still very much an open one.

The sun has long since set before Gabriel chances speaking again. Balthazar is a heavy weight against his chest, and while he's no longer shaking, Gabriel knows they have to move, it'll be getting cold soon and the ground is no place to sleep.

"Bal, we have to go," he whispers ducking his head to Balthazar's ear.

Grey eyes flutter open, still bleary with sleep, and Gabriel hates that he can see the haunted look in those orbs that use to dance with mischief.

"You can't stay here, I'm taking you home."

Gabriel sees the look of panic in Balthazar's eyes at the mention of home and how he tenses instantly and he feels like kicking himself. Until recently, home meant Heaven, but that's not really an option anymore.

"My home Bal, I'm taking you to my place."

He doesn't relax completely, but his shoulders are no longer a rigid line of tension, and Gabriel thinks he just might be able to get through to him.

"You still a fan of silk," he asks as he stands up dusting off his jeans.

Balthazar nods and Gabriel grins, "good, I have just the room for you," and then his fingers are on Balthazar's forehead and the lot is now empty, the last occupants thousands of miles away nestled into a safe house.

Gabriel's not stupid enough to think that Balthazar will talk and spill all the details tonight, so he leaves him alone, just showing him to his room and sending a silent prayer that his dreams remain terror free before he closes the door and heads to his room down the hall.

It's a week later before Balthazar begins to move out of his haze. He hasn't spoken much, a few words here and, often he simply sits out on the porch, legs pulled up to his chest, and just looks out over the landscape for hours on end. This morning however, a rainy Tuesday, the dam appears to finally be ready to burst.

There's a crash that has Gabriel running down stairs at a speed even Usain Bolt would envy, as he comes careening into the kitchen. It's the blood that he sees first, not the shattered china or the spilt tea.

Balthazar looks up at him wide eye and shaking, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I didn't mean to-"

"Shh, it's not your fault Bal. It's just a little mess."

An apparently those were the wrong words to say because now Balthazar is on his knees scrambling to pick up shards of the shattered cup an mumbling repeatedly "it's broken, gotta fix it, make it whole, gotta fix it…"

Gabriel feels tears sting his eyes as he watches his brother clutching pieces of broken china, the floor covered in a puddle of tea and blood.

Stepping forward Gabriel grabs a towel and kneels beside Balthazar. "Let it go Bal," he whispers reaching for his brother's hands.

"No!"

Gabriel's surprise by the force of the outburst, but he remains quiet knowing Balthazar needs a moment.

"I can fix this," he murmurs looking at the red tinted china in his hands.

Fingers wrapping around Balthazar's wrist, Gabriel carefully pulls the shards out of his grip. "You don't have to do it alone Bal."

Shuddering Balthazar lets his hand go lax and the pieces fall to the floor. "You'd help?"

Gabriel draws Balthazar's hands in his lap, softly dabbing away the blood, before he whispers "just say the word."

Nodding towards the bathroom Gabriel gently lets go of Balthazar's hands, "now let's go get you cleaned up." He's on his feet an heading to get supplies when he hears it.

"Thank you," it's soft, barely above a whisper, but Gabriel hears it nonetheless.

"It's nothing," he shrugs unscrewing the peroxide bottle.

That's the first day since he left that Gabriel sees Balthazar smile. It's barely a twitch of lips, but it's a start and he'll take it.