Full Summary: They had never considered sweet, reliable Simmons' life in much detail. Finding out the well known agent they were being made to work with had a past involving Simmons came as a surprise. Putting down her hesitance around him as bitterness though was a mistake, none of them automatically questioning the fact Jemma flinched away and seemed to hover the furthest corners of the room when he was around like a beaten animal.
Almost too slowly, they started to work out there was something severely wrong in Jemma's past and it had come to find her.
Warnings: Past abusive relationship, mind games, future violence (towards my dick of an OC 3), mentions of past violence. Hurt/Comfort Galore and in general the moral of the story is don't fuck with those Ward likes. Never mind those he loves.
A/N: Next few chapters will be up soon and will contain more interactions. Endgame is Biospecialist thanks to the votes of lovely tumblr people. This part is mostly for setting up Simmons' ex having to work with the team and a hint at relationship. The next one especially will start dealing with reactions and people starting to see it's more than Simmons being petty. Enjoy. x
Emotional Manipulation: Methodically wears down sense of self-worth, self-confidence, self-concept and trust in their own perceptions. At its worse, victims lose all sense of self and their personal values.
Her skin had always bruised easily, a lifetime of books and facts having done nothing to harden it to the harshness life outside of a lab could offer.
Papercuts and typing had hardened the very tips of her fingers, making an art of how her long and delicate digits could create the words for the most intricate of processes. Like a pianist, she'd perch herself forwards, dedication and borderline obsession with always being the best creating for her a universe nobody else would ever truly have access to. Even Fitz, with his intelligence and years by her side, would often find it hard to keep up with certain parts of her always working brain. Her obsession with being the best founded in the sake of knowledge rather than the sake of being better than others only a reflection on her personality.
Simmons had always been a terrible liar, from when she'd been a little girl sneaking into her father's office to when she'd joined S.H.I.E.L.D, her character too genuine for her to ever master quite such a talent no matter how necessary it was for her own wellbeing. There were always ways to twist the truth, always ways to divert people's attentions when it truly came down to it.
If push came to shove, it was easy to ensure nobody focussed on her.
Such innocence showed itself in different ways, making her easy to misread simply due to a team like theirs all used to looking too much between the lines. Looking for subtext when with Simmons would never work because her very nature was to wear her heart on her sleeve and her brain on her lips- thoughts spoken as they happened, sharing even what others wouldn't understand as if forgetting that her intelligence made her in any way better. Forgetting not everyone knew all that she did.
Perhaps if she'd been given warning she could have masked her reaction.
She'd been told no more than anyone else: they were working with an expert. A well known agent who would come in useful for the predictable future- Coulson's respect in regards to him echoing in his tone, offering no further details. No name, no past, simply the fact they were to come meet their new 'teammate'.
"It's time."
If she'd been given warning, she could have found any way out of this situation, freezing like a cornered deer when she entered the room alongside Fitz, smile faltering and colour draining from her cheeks.
He wasn't quite as tall as she remembered, though he was still a great deal taller than she was. Lips curved in a seemingly pleasant manner as he nodded at whatever was being said, sharp eyes flickering to her with a smugness she had no idea how nobody else was seeing. Black hair short and a messy scar tracing his cheek from cheekbone to jaw, something that hadn't been there when she'd met him.
Even in a normal situation, her ex joining the team would be a nightmare. A betrayal in the sense Coulson had read her file- he hadn't even questioned her before letting the man she'd specifically requested never to work with onto their team.
The only thing she'd asked for, unable to move from where her shoes had seemingly grown roots into the ground. She'd asked just one thing and apparently it was too much.
"Simmons." Her panicked reverie was broken by Ward, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he remained besides her (when had he gotten there?). "Everything alright?"
It was probably a good thing she couldn't find the voice to answer, lips briefly parting before closing again. Just about managing a nod with barely a spared glance at him. No, no she wasn't alright and the situation wasn't alright. How could anything be alright when she couldn't even blink in fear this nightmare would get worse?
"Here she is." Coulson said before she could consider being honest, a swift movement of his fingers indicating she was to come closer. "I'm told you and Agent Carmichael here are already acquainted."
Acquainted was certainly one word for it, Jemma knowing the ache of faded little scars was psychological, forcing herself to ignore the urge to rub the pale white lines decorating her back. She resisted the urge to turn and literally run a mile, tightly crossing her arms as she looked over the overly familiar face- one that had offered nightmares long before those of falling and drowning.
The man who made her long for drowning because at least water had the mercy of offering numbness as it took her breath.
Her nails were digging into her palms as her arms crossed tighter, little thought going onto how her posture could be taken by the others as unusually detached eyes looked at Carmichael. It was likely they would take it as how they would have it- aggressive and removed, closing herself off to the new presence. Anything but it being a defensive action, hugging herself tightly to reassure herself. To steady herself as Coulson's next words caused a frown and her eyes to finally move to him.
(Never noticing how both Fitz and Ward seemed like statues, still in their places as worried gazes didn't leave her.)
"I trust you're both capable of separating your differences and be civil for the sake of the team." She'd never been as close to screaming as she was in that moment, not even certain she could summon enough calmness to find her voice.
"Of course we will. We're both professionals." Carmichael's smugness alone was enough to cause her eyes to sharpen, knowing him too well to mistake it for politeness. Years away from him, years away from mind games had strengthened her only enough that she didn't shatter simply at being in the same room as the hateful man. "Can't we, Gem?"
That nickname. She'd held it together so well until the nickname left his lips, her tone coming out so hard even she wanted to flinch at it. Overcompensating in hope of hiding how her voice was shaking, hiding how her nails had dug into her palms until she could feel a wet warmth beneath her nails.
He knew how much she hated it. He knew how it would trigger a response, how she wouldn't be able to just smile when the name he used to call her when he lost his temper echoed in her ears.
"My first name or variations are for friends. I would much rather Doctor Simmons, if it's all the same to you."
Years away from him and he still knew how to play her so he came out smelling of roses.
Alienation (Powerlessness): A person believes that his or her actions have no effect on outcomes.
When she'd first met Carmichael Jemma had barely been legal- so wide eyed and tender skinned it was a wonder she had enough competitive spirit in her to already be so advanced for her years. Still right at the start of her friendship with Fitz, so lonely and isolated from others it had barely taken a conversation started by him for some part of her to admire the older man enough to not mind what just seemed like 'quirks'.
Some part of her, young and hopeful, uncertain of what a normal relationship actually held, took a long time to realise things weren't as they were meant to be. Simply glad enough that somebody wanted to break her world of silence that she didn't question far too much.
It had started with insults.
It had started with insults always followed by a light 'don't take yourself so seriously' or 'I always forget you have no humour about yourself' that had her blushing and apologising.
They weren't as obvious as they felt, a girl with as little of a ego as Jemma only noticing the more cutting ones. Only noticing when remarks about her appearance had her hiding under more layers, trying to find something she knew would never be her to make him happy. For a rare moment of positivity rather than another snippy comment about her looking like a child in mother's clothes.
"It's no wonder you're always alone if that's how you ramble."
If she'd had more than one budding friendship, it was likely he would have isolated her- surrendering on separating her from Fitz simply because he'd often said it got her desire to talk at least slightly out of her system. Him getting jealous or annoyed with her was her fault after all, she couldn't get so defensive when all he was doing was caring about her.
The first time he gripped her wrist hard enough to leave bruises Jemma had wanted to leave. She'd wanted to walk out of the door and listen to the little voice in the back of her head telling her something was wrong.
Carmichael convinced her to stay with a tender kiss, soft compliments and endless apologies.
She couldn't walk away over something she'd triggered after all, both promising the incident wouldn't be repeated.
And if she wore too long sleeves far after the bruises had faded, she tried to convince herself it was because she liked the feeling of them. She tried to convince herself anything but that it was to do with wanting anything to hide her a little from the world she had usually been so good at being ignored by.
The second time he left bruises it was fingerprints on her neck, a row about how long she was spending studying with her 'new friend' leaving her pinned to a wall.
Back then of course, Fitz barely knew her. He was still learning about her as she was about him, nothing telling him there was something odd about her choice to wear varying turtlenecks of increasingly dark shades despite lovely weather.
When he had asked, she'd said it was due to her still being used to English weather, an odd curve to her lips and a rushed change of topic following before he had time to point out that for all America's flaws at least the weather was better than in Scotland.
There was never any compromising, Jemma had long since realised by the final hit, almost a year of increasingly angry reactions like a simmering pot of water, only growing hotter and more dangerous the longer it stayed on the flames.
It took a glass door and the promise of finally leaving him for her to finally – finally – prefer anything to another moment with him and his horrid temper. Such a decision and the naïve hope that it wouldn't be safer to announce it from several countries away, left a grand total of seven permanent marks on her back. No single one larger than a fingernail yet where each bit of glass from going through the door in the wrong sense had kissed remained a mark.
A lab accident, the file said. An experiment had gone wrong and she'd gone flying. Fitz had brought her chocolates and sat with her when she waited to be freed from medical like a loyal terrier. Oddly protective of his first actual friend.
Trusting enough to believe the story he was told rather than pushing to see what S.H.I.E.L.D had pushed under the carpet.
Certain agents were far too good and well connected to be lost over one little incident with someone who wasn't anyone yet.
Jemma let herself hope that for once, just once, luck would be kind enough that she'd learnt her lesson and such a part of her life was over. Grades continuing to be perfect and easily proving herself to be more than some girl people who knew about Carmichael assumed had cried 'wolf' for attention.
When her parents asked about the accident, all she did was give a sad smile and said she'd played with things she didn't understand yet without thinking through all the repercussions.
They'd laughed and told her it sounded typical of her.
Controlled Outbursts: The partner who seems to lose their cool when in a conflicting situation, but only with the victim. In front of friends, family and co-workers, they can stay even-keeled in a stressful moment, but when just the two of them, they can't seem to control their emotions.
She hated how badly she'd messed up, being the first to act hostile instantly triggering Coulson's disapproving glare being focussed on her. Putting down her behaviour to an emotional response – putting it down to her not being able to distance herself from the past.
That was true though, Jemma couldn't pretend it wasn't the past leaving goosebumps on her arms under the baby pink blouse, her nails digging so hard into her flesh she would be amazed if all her nails didn't end up painted by it. It was an emotional response even if it was bound to be read wrong, her throat tightening as she forced her breaths to be deeper, trying to fend off the upcoming panic attack. She tried to control her breathing simply so she wouldn't pass out there and then.
When everything had first happened nobody had listened to her when she'd gotten the courage to even try to tell. Nobody listening to the young genius when she tried to tell them an agent almost nine years her senior would even look at her twice, never mind dig his nails so deeply in her flesh she still had crescent moons on her white skin. Nobody had listened when she'd tried to have him pushed out of her life- barely even friends with Fitz yet and as such unable to turn to him.
Now, the only thing stopping her from telling all of them and begging for him to get away from her was the fact somewhere in her head she'd let herself accept the belief nobody would ever believe her.
Getting the request to never work with him had taken turning up to medical beaten to the point she'd barely been able to stand. Only the parts not covered by clothing free of bruising, people still doubting it was the truth but accepting her request when one of their brightest minds made it clear she'd be gone in a heartbeat if they didn't.
She half wished Skye was there, the woman's absence from the suddenly frosty room easy to notice. Jemma would have given anything for her intuition, her ability to look at things and work out that something was wrong. Hell, she would have given anything for someone to make a sarcastic comment to break the horrific silence that filled the room. But Skye wasn't there, Jemma unable to ignore the momentary curve of Carmichael's lips before he dramatically sighed.
"I see you're still bitter then."
Bitter. There was no way of telling even for her if she wanted to cry or laugh at the use of the word. Bitter had connotations of once being disappointed at something ending rather than such relief she had never felt before- the same sort of relief she'd felt at Ward catching her. The same relief as when Skye had first opened her eyes after being shot. She was anything but bitter: frightened, frozen, even angry.
Now it had been spoken though Coulson shook his head, eyes alone making it clear in which way he was seeing things already. "I apologise. I don't know what's gotten into her." Just… wonderful. His frown deepened as he shook his head. "Simmons."
Her name was muttered like a parent trying to urge a petulant child to apologise. A child with no cause for stamping their feet and clinging to any possible surface rather than continue in the direction they were being told to.
(In this case, Jemma felt like the only one aware she was being walked back towards a fire far bigger than herself.)
"I requested not to work with him." Why was her voice so soft? Jemma forced the words out with what energy she had left for speaking, unable to look away from the blue eyes she had seen angry one too many times to ever feel safe around ever again. "Sir…"
She was borderline begging.
The sound of Ward taking a step closer from where he'd been behind her barely reached her, ears filled with the panicked pulsating of her own heart. Still, the agent stilled at a single look from Coulson.
"With everything going on he's a necessary addition." There was no arguing, no room for movement. "Unless you have an actual reason for this other than your hurt feelings I'd suggest you get over your issues with Agent Carmichael."
Nobody had believed her when she'd tried to tell before. Nobody had believed her when she'd told people what the perfect little agent was capable of, how angry he'd get the moment there were no eyes other than hers to see it.
Nobody had believed her, and she wasn't certain she could survive seeing people she cared about so much not believe her this time too.
Whatever part of her had once believed it was her fault too raised its head, slipping a worn and heavy hand over her lips to block what broken words she wanted to get out. Stopping her from voicing why she couldn't be near him for what was clearly a while too long, Coulson shaking his head as he moved past her.
Only briefly he softened his voice, "Then you need to put this behind you. We set off in ten."
Carmichael smiled again, glancing from Ward to Fitz and to Jemma, tone light as he only briefly moved closer to her. Straightening her white dotted tie with a brief chuckle.
"This is going to be fun, don't you think?"
Faltering after Carmichael left, it only took Jemma a few seconds to shoot from the room far quicker than either remaining man could stop her, the sensation of sickness in the pit of her stomach quickly evolving to an actual sickness. Bitter and burning at the back of her throat.
More than ever before since joining the team, Jemma just wanted to go home and hide.
It's two in the morning so likely this is full of errors, for which I apologise. Also, this author is very much British so lots of British spellings :)
If you guys like it I may even drag this out into a recovery series- it seems both Ward and Simmons will have a lot of healing to do.
Until then, what did you guys think? Please leave feedback, it means the world to me. x