Musings of a DEER
Disclaimer: This is fan-made. No money has been made in the making of this piece.
Summary: Shikamaru's musings on the one that he loves and those that love him. Shikamaru x Chouji; one-sided Temari x Shikamaru; one-sided Ino x Shikamaru
Author's Note: …This fan fiction was inspired by…nothingness.
Published: May 12 2009
Rating: T
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She was beautiful and yet…She had problems that Shikamaru didn't want to deal with.
Her eyes sized you up, determined if you were good enough or swept over you if you weren't. Her hair was as bright as the sun if not, perhaps, a little dull. She was a beautiful girl whose heart was broken every time the one she loved didn't even spare her a second glance. It was broken every time they got into an argument. It was broken every time he tended to him and not her.
She was bossy, loud, violent…and beautiful.
Beauty…
What did the word mean exactly?
His mind immediately came up with an answer.
Beauty, the combinations of qualities that make something pleasing and impressive to look at, listen to, touch, smell, or taste.
It sounded like such a dictionary definition, but that's actually what beauty was.
Yes, she was beautiful and yet, she could be so ugly on the inside.
She wouldn't give him the time of day if he had been unattractive to her. Maybe she liked intellectual guys… She put down those that he loved without a second thought because of how they looked and that in itself made her ugly.
She criticized and poked fun at him when all he's been is nice to her. She steps all over him just because she wants me. Sometimes, she was just a bitch.
She acted like he didn't know about all of the lovers she had had in her quest to capture him. She liked sex with attractive guys, but relationships weren't built on just sex. She had yet to understand that and when she did, maybe she would change her ways…
Maybe.
She would never have him no matter how much she wanted him.
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She was beautiful and yet…She had problems that Shikamaru didn't want to deal with.
Her eyes also sized you up, calculating and determining if you were good enough or swept over you if you without another glance if you weren't. She was strong, oh so strong and smart enough being a keen analyst. Her hair was as bright as the sun; her eyes, wild, cruel, sharp, caring, gentle.
Her eyes spoke volumes of the things she would do for him, of the things she would do to him…if he didn't accept her.
She was beautiful in her own way and yet… She had problems that Shikamaru never wanted and will never need to deal with.
She was different.
On some level, he knew he couldn't even begin to heal her heart which had been constantly stomped on, torn apart, shredded, ripped, deserted…broken… There was just so many things that had happened to her, so many things that he didn't want to face.
On top of that, her family didn't like him one bit and he didn't think they were the best of people either.
He respected them, but he didn't like them, simple as that.
Why go down a road you know will only end in disaster? It just wasn't worth it…
She tricked him, taunted him, teased him, chased him, fought him, pined after him like he was precious water in a desert.
Once, he saw a different side of her, a side he was sure that no one had ever seen before.
She was weak.
She was weak for him. She needed him like she needed no one else. Her eyes pleaded with him to give her what she wanted, to not shut her out, to not push her away like he had done to another blonde who was also beautiful, bossy, and loud.
He tried to reason with her.
He was too young.
He was a chuunin.
He would be her downfall if an enemy found out.
She would lose her ranking and status as a jounin if anyone found out she was dating someone from another village.
She didn't care though… She loved him too much to care anymore.
She only wanted him. She only wanted him to be with her, to be by her side through the tough times and the good times.
He couldn't do it, however.
Maybe he was a coward.
Maybe he was a bastard.
Maybe he was an idiot for not accepting her in her moment of weakness.
He couldn't love her like he wanted her to… He just…couldn't.
There was nothing wrong with her, he just wasn't the right guy for her for reasons she'd never understand.
Things went too far…
"You're GAY, aren't you?!"
"And if I am?"
Soft hands grabbed his chuunin vest yanking him downwards.
Eager lips crashed against his still ones before pulling away.
He didn't stop her. It was all a matter of time before she understood…before she truly, truly understood.
"Temari-"
"Who is it?!"
"…"
"What guy is fucking you so good that you can't forget about him and be with me!!"
"We haven't even-"
"Just tell me who it is!"
"Look-"
Recognition flashed in her eyes before they narrowed angrily.
" It's him, isn't it?"
"Him?"
"Don't fucking play with me! The guy you're always hanging out with!"
"He doesn't even know I like him that way!"
"Then let him stay clueless! His father's--not to mention your father's--going to kill you!!"
"I'll do what I want Temari."
"…!"
"…"
"…Is it because he looks so much like a girl? Is it because he's got curves like one?! Is it because he's got breasts and an ass like one?!"
"…"
"You son of a bitch!"
The same soft hands grabbed his chuunin vest and began to shake him.
"Answer me damnit!"
Tears began to well up and fall.
"Answer me… Please…"
"…"
He couldn't look at her. He wouldn't look at her. It would only give her hope and he wasn't going to give her that, not when he loved someone else.
Her face was hot, wet, and red with the tears that were spilling from her beautiful eyes. He was hurting her and it seemed like he didn't even care!
"You dirty, rotten, son of a bitch. I love you… I love you!"
"…"
Soft hands connected with his left cheek sharply, a stinging pain causing him to stare down at her with a look of annoyance on his face before he removed her hands from him.
"Troublesome," he muttered, before walking away from her, forever.
She would never have him no matter how much she wanted him…
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He was strong, kind…beautiful. His hair was brown, although it had a blond tint to it. His smile lit up his face making him more beautiful then anyone he ever had the pleasure of knowing.
His almond eyes were the kindest, most amazing things he had ever seen… They enthralled him to points where he wanted to come out and say that he loved him and that he needn't be alone anymore for he would always be there for him.
The brunet would die for him.
It set him apart from the other two. It put him so high upon a level they couldn't even begin to reach.
It was like a race the brunet didn't even have to compete in for he had already won, even if he didn't know it yet…
He wasn't troublesome.
He wasn't loud.
He wasn't bossy or violent.
He wasn't weak.
He was kind and sweet and ready to die for him.
Shikamaru realized that he was ready to die for him too. He was ready to die with him too, if their lives were to end that way.
There was just something about him that pulled him to him ever since they were younger.
He wanted to love him, to protect him, to assure him that he wasn't ugly, stupid, fat or any of those cruel words that he was constantly tormented with.
They wouldn't understand how much he loved him.
He was someone he would cherish to the very end.
He was someone he would leave his village to protect.
He was someone he would love until the day he died…
"I'll love you forever, Chouji," he muttered to himself, sighing. If only he knew that…
"You'll love me forever Shikamaru?" came a familiar voice that made Shikamaru sit up, his cigarette almost falling off of his mouth.
"Chouji…"
The brunet stood there smiling down at him, bent forward slightly, showing his fantastic legs for he wore a pair of shorts, some sandals, and a comfortable looking tank top.
"Heh… Did you mean that?"
"I… What if I did?"
His heartbeat thundered loudly in his chest, sounding loud in his ears. He was surprised that the other male couldn't hear it!
Pink lips curved into a happy smile.
"Then I'd be happy…"