I will never leave you

Dedication: This is for my best friend who died during an operation when I was eight, my grandmother who didn't survive a motorbike accident and my uncle who lost the fight against cancer. You live in my heart.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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I was innocent. When I was young I was innocent. When I met him I was innocent. And when I fell in love I was still innocent.

First shy touches and locked gazes. Neither heated kisses nor passionate nights could take my innocence. Whispered words of love were exchanged, like butterflies so soft.

His hand touches mine and a pained smile lifts the corners of his lips as he looks at me. His beautiful green eyes see me. Not the image I built around me to protect myself. The calloused fingers enclose mine, lightly squeezing to reassure.

"I will always love you." he whispers and buries his face in my neck.

And for a moment I wish it was someone else. I wish that another, not me, has to die. Only to scold myself for these thoughts seconds later. Because no matter how much I pretend not to care about others I still pray for their salvation. Their heaven on earth.

These wishes, short moments of sin, are what stole my innocence. The cancer is what destroys the good in my heart, slowly and steadily. I always thought I am a bad person. They made me believe that my love to another man, the sex I had, is dirty. But then I realized that love is god's wish, the greatest deed you can do for him. It doesn't matter whom you direct it at. It doesn't matter what gender they are.

"I will always love you…" he repeats and kisses my pulse point.

The fingers of my hand, the one he isn't holding, twitch, wanting to tangle themselves in his hair. To stroke his scalp. Like I always used to do whenever he was sad. Closing my eyes I inhale, his scent engulfing me, calming me.

I will fight. For him. For life. He doesn't deserve this. The pain. He has been left far too often and without his acceptance I don't want to leave. Not now. He is my strength. Without him I would have given up long ago. Would have died long ago. My body is collapsing, dying. And I know I have no chance to survive. I know I want to give up. But for him I will stay just a little longer. I can't leave him! I can't!

"I'll never… leave you… Kakuzu…" I breathe, mustering up all the strength I have.

He looks up and kisses my lips, softly, tenderly. His thumb strokes my hand. Like it would break any minute. Like I was a fragile porcelain doll. And if he were anyone else I'd kill him. I've always wanted to be strong. Independent. I have always had to look after myself. I always could. Look after myself. Now all that's keeping me alive is his love. And the machines.

The pain every breath causes is nearly unbearable. Agony. The knowledge that he suffers. His beautiful green eyes dull from worrying so much. Dull from being afraid. And his hand is holding me desperately. To keep me here. Alive.

"I… love…"

You. I want to say. But I can't. I am too weak. I want to fight, but I can't. Coughing racks my body. And it hurts. Like white hot iron, searing pain in my lungs and throat. Blood. There's blood on my lips and tears in my eyes. And he leans down and kisses my mouth first, and then my eyes.

"I understand." he whispers.

I understand… It's like a good bye. Like he wants to say that it's okay. That I can stop fighting now. Because he knows I will stay. No matter what, I will not leave him. Watch him from heaven. Love him forever.

And I'm glad. Glad to finally let go…