Chapter 1 - LEARNING CURVE (Oliver's POV)

AN – This is the first "episode tag" to my new summer series, Lessons: Becoming the Green Arrow. Basically for this one, I just wanted to establish my version of Oliver. I like the darkness and angst he carries so I want to honor that; however, I still want him to become lighter and less tragic too. I also like the more primal qualities that focus on his strength, ninja skills, and use of his senses that I have focused on for previous stories. I also don't want him to be oblivious but instead noble in his own misguided way! I'm not asking for too much, am I?! :)

AN2 – Thank you to Mic RiddyBanon for your wonderful beta efforts! Also a quick shout-out to all who have replied to our requests for extra beta assistance! We really do appreciate your support!

DISCLAIMER – I would love to claim ownership but alas I cannot as CW's Arrow does not belong to me!

Oliver couldn't resist remarking on the Team's cover stories after they decided to accept Walter's offer. He has always been perfectly aware of how Felicity felt about being an executive assistant with an MIT diploma. He really isn't as oblivious as he sometimes seems even if he has made some bad choices.

He actually knows about Roy's 'Lessons', including what the young man thinks about his relationship with Felicity. Oliver even knows that Diggle thinks he's oblivious to his own feelings about their partner, but he isn't. He has already accepted that he loves Felicity just as he has already accepted that he can't tell her. At least not again, not yet.

Giving in to his own selfish desires and telling her he loved her that day in the Mansion had been a mistake. Not because he doesn't love her, but because he has no right to tell her about his feelings. When he stared into her brilliantly bright, suspiciously wet eyes as she said she wanted to be with him, would rather be unsafe with him, he was lost. He voiced his feelings and saw her feelings in her eyes. Reality came crashing in though and he had to step back quickly and reveal the plan - he put not just his life, but the future of the city in her hands and Felicity triumphed. She was the one that brought Slade down. His girl did that - he was humbled, grateful, and proud.

Yes, Felicity is his greatest weakness, but she is also his greatest weapon. Oliver knows both of these things even if no one believes he does. He knows both of these things even if she doesn't. Felicity is absolutely brilliant, but she is the only one he is able to fool. She's the only one who doesn't see how special she is to him - Sara saw it, Diggle has always known, even Roy learned that lesson quickly enough.

Oliver knows more than they do though - he knows that he doesn't deserve Felicity and why. He also knows that once he has revealed everything to her that she may not stay. She could choose to walk away - not because she's not strong enough, not good enough, but because she is too good. It would be best for her if she left him. She already shoulders part of his burden of darkness, his legacy of killing, his family's past choices. Oliver knows has no right to ask her to do more, to suffer more because of him.

He will respect her choice when the time comes. He will respect it even if she leaves him. He won't be the same man without her, but he loves her enough to let her go if she chooses to go. He will fight for her, but the choice has to be hers. He has to be her choice just as she is his.

The time for her choice hasn't come yet though as he's still not ready to reveal his past. She was already amazed to learn he had learned to fly while supposedly stuck on that Island for five years. He knows the other things he learned, the other things he's done will more than amaze her. He isn't ready for that yet.

His journey is made up of a thousand small steps and he had only just started it. He has miles to go before he can rest, before he can even try to be with the woman he loves.

Fortunately for him though, this part of the journey allows him to stay next to her, as her friend, as her partner. Oliver knows he couldn't have gotten to this point without Felicity, without Diggle, and even Roy has been part of his success. They all represent parts of him. They are pieces of the puzzle, pieces of him. He has tried to put himself back together after Lian Yu, after the Undertaking, and now again after Slade.

Roy was his past. Roy was his attempt to atone for his past actually. Oliver needed to find redemption for his mistakes with Slade. That is why he had fought so hard for the young man at the beginning. It was why he violated his Team's trust by bringing Roy in without asking them. Oliver had put the past first. With Roy, he has fought to put the past behind him. Oliver has fought to allow the past to stay in the past even as Roy has had to find his own way and become a permanent member of the Team.

Diggle is his present. They are brothers in arms, soldiers. They are fighting together to protect the city and make it better. However, Diggle has already fought his demons and survived them. Oliver often feels he walks a few steps behind his friend instead of beside him because he hasn't yet laid all of his own ghosts to rest. Secrets, regrets, and guilt are all heavy burdens and Oliver still carries a lifetime of them. He falters at times under the weight, but with Diggle in front of him, always ready to lend a hand, Oliver presses forward.

Felicity will be his future - not just who he wants to share his future with, but also who he wants to be. Oliver dragged her into his world, his darkness, his struggles and she has born the weight of it with grace and beauty. The tragedies and trials didn't break her, they didn't harden her. Felicity kept to the path, to the mission and continued untarnished. Yes, she has her own scars, her own nightmares, but Felicity kept her soul, her heart, and her mind intact, wholly hers.

Oliver is still putting the pieces of himself and his life back together and each of his Team helps him with that in their own way. Team Arrow isn't perfect and each has faltered, but as they do, they help one another, and they learn. Oliver learns.

As Roy struggles to find his purpose and his own code, Oliver sees his own struggles and learns. As Diggle struggles not to become the very darkness he fights, Oliver sees his own struggles and learns. As Felicity struggles to believe in herself even as she believes in others, Oliver sees his own struggles and learns.

Oliver isn't as oblivious as they think - instead, he is learning, growing, and changing. He has a lifetime of learning to make up for so there's a lot to learn. His learning curve isn't the same as everyone else's, but he is learning.

The first part of his life was colored by wealth and privilege. He learned what wine to drink, how to drive fast cars, and how to appreciate beautiful women. He did not learn how to appreciate the wine without overindulging. He did not learn to accept the consequences of driving too fast. He did not learn how to love a woman.

There then was Lian Yu - purgatory did teach him many things though. He learned how to kill, how to fight for himself and others, he learned how to survive. He did not learn how not to kill, how to save another's life. He did not learn how to share with others, communicate with them. He did not learn how to live.

He is learning those things now - each moment he spends with Team Arrow, each moment they train, each moment they fight, Oliver is learning now and he wants to learn now.

He didn't always want to learn though. He fought Yao Fei's lessons and nearly died. He fought against Diggle's help and would have failed without his brother. He fought against Felicity's light, against her conscience but then she became his light, his conscience. He fought against Roy's responsibility to make his own choices, his own mistakes before he was able to accept him back on the Team and allow his ghosts to rest in the past.

After the Undertaking, he ran away and was ready to give up. This year though, despite Slade's near destruction of his city and the loss of his family, he has stayed. Oliver has learned not just to survive, but to live and his life is in Starling City with his Team, with Felicity. Oliver has learned not just to kill, but how not to kill and now he fights to save lives instead of taking them. Oliver has learned to love and to give of himself to others, even as he is learning to accept their help, their love.

Oliver has learned a lot, however, he knows there is still much to learn. He also knows there's much he can teach the others too as he has learned that is what it means to be a partner. Give and take. Push and pull. Lead and follow.

Hmmm, Mayor Oliver Queen…Tommy would have laughed about that one.

He certainly never pictured himself as the Mayor of Starling City either, but he had also never expected to be the 'Green Arrow' and work to save the city with an ex-soldier and an IT genius as his partners. He never expected his sister's 'boyfriend' to join the fight nor to return to them even after she had left.

Oliver knows he is not the hero thatthe city sees - he still lives in the shadows, in the darkness. However, he now welcomes and craves Felicity's light and he chooses to follow her as he wants to live in the light. He wants to live a life free of the past, he wants to live a good life. To do that, Oliver knows he must be better, he is trying to be better.

He recognizes the election as another opportunity to do something good, to atone for his past sins and so he will do what's right even if he has doubts. It helps that he knows his partners are beside him, with him. He will just have to continue along his path in hopes of creating a better for future for the city, for the Team, and for himself. He will just have to continue learning and hope that he learns fast enough.

AN3 – So the next new episode of Lessons: Becoming the Green Arrow will be up next week and there will be another chapter posted here as well. I do hope you'll come back then! :)