i - I Know

"Hey, Evans."

"Potter! You startled me."

"Sorry. I didn't expect to run into anyone. So what are you doing up here on a such a nice night?"

"Astronomy, genius. It is the Astronomy Tower, after all. What are you doing up here?"

"Oh, I just wanted to sit and think for a while. Alone."

"Alone? Where's your better half?"

"I assume you mean Remus and not Sirius."

"Maybe I meant Peter."

"Doubt it. But they're all in detention."

"Naturally. And how did you get out of it?"

"I was already in detention when they got in trouble."

"Brilliant."

"No, not really, just lucky. Then again, I get my birthday off, but they're shelving dusty old books with Madam Pince for the next three hours, so what's the point if I have to spend it alone?"

"It's your birthday?"

"Same day, every year."

"I didn't realize. Er, happy birthday."

"Thanks. I think."

"So why are you up here and not celebrating somewhere else?"

"I told you I wanted to think."

"And you weren't kidding."

"I can be serious once in a while, you know."

"Well, you don't show it much, you know."

"Sort of like how you don't let anyone know you can have fun?"

"I do have fun!"

"I know. I remember last year's Quidditch Cup celebration, but you don't show it much otherwise."

"Yes, well, we both have reputations to uphold, don't we?"

"What, I'm fun and you're not?"

"I'm serious and you're not."

"But neither is really true, is it?"

"I suppose. Potter, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get comfortable. Budge over."

"You move, you've got the whole tower. I was here first, and I need to copy star charts."

"I happen to enjoy the view of the lake from here. I won't bother you."

"You came all the way up fifteen flights of stairs to watch the lake without bothering me?"

"I did."

"Ever thought about throwing yourself in?"

"Not tonight, no. Too cold. Plus it's my birthday, and I do plan to celebrate at some point, you know."

"So what are you going to think about until then?"

"Not sure, but I can't really think if you keep prattling at me, can I?"

"Then feel free to leave. I know I'll get more done."

"No, I like it up here. It's a bit like flying without the extra work. So, what's wrong that you're up here by yourself pretending to study?"

"I am studying."

"You forgot your telescope and you've barely enough parchment for one chart. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Mm-hm. Then why are still talking to me?"

"Because you haven't left yet."

"And I'm not planning on it. At least not until you tell me what's wrong now."

"Then I'll leave. See you around, Potter."

"Wait! Come on, Lily. Something's obviously bothering you. You stormed out of the Great Hall, you're sitting up here alone, and you haven't called me one bad name yet."

"Maybe that's because I can't think of any more. You've finally worn me out."

"Or maybe because it's my birthday, and you're finally going to be nice to me for once?"

"If you want to think of it that way, go ahead. Consider it your birthday present."

"I think I'd prefer a good insult."

"I happen to prefer peace and quiet."

"Fine. I'll leave you to it then."

. . .

"So…what are you thinking about, Potter?"

"What are you upset about?"

"Never mind. I have to study."

"And I have to think."

. . .

"Where are you going?"

"Not sure, but I can't think with you pretending to study so hard."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I guess."

"It's okay, only…how about you come with me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You heard me. Come with me. You don't have to pretend to study anymore. I can cheer you up, even if you won't tell me what's wrong."

"I doubt it."

"I can. What would you like to do right now?"

"Beside get away from you?"

"Yes, beside that. You're always trying to get away from me, for some reason or another. That's old news. What else do you want to do right now, more than anything?"

"Honestly? I'd really like a butterbeer and a pumpkin pastie."

"The kitchens, then. Come on, that's easy. Maybe the elves will get me something extra for my birthday."

"No, I was really thinking about the Three Broomsticks. Only the next Hogsmeade weekend isn't for two weeks."

"Well, I can manage that, too. Let's go."

"Where?"

"We're going to Hogsmeade, of course—the Three Broomsticks by way of the third floor corridor."

"We can't just leave the grounds without permission, James—we'll be caught for sure! And what do you mean, the third floor corridor? You're mad."

"No, I'm a Marauder, which means I happen to know every single secret passage in and out of the castle."

"Passages? Is that your big secret?"

"One of many. So are you coming or not?"

"That depends. This isn't like a date, is it?"

"It can be, if you want it to be."

"I don't want it to be a date."

"It is my birthday, you know. And I'm not a bad date."

"I don't want it to be a date, Potter."

"Well, I'll keep it to myself, then. We're almost there. Let me check something."

"And what's that?"

"Well, it's a secret. Promise not to tell anyone?"

"Of course not."

"Then I won't show you. In fact, I'll cancel our date."

"It's not a date, remember?"

"Maybe not, but you never know how it'll turn out. Here, this will get us to Hogsmeade safely. It's a map of the castle, see. It shows you every single person on the grounds, that way we can come and go without getting caught. And here is the very statue we need, with no one around to see us leave. Perfect."

"How in Merlin's name did you get this? It's amazing!"

"That's another secret, and it will cost you another date to find out."

"No thanks, then. I'm happy to remain blissfully ignorant."

"Too bad. It's a good one. And I'm telling you, I'm a good date."

"You're impossible. You know that, don't you?"

"I know. And that's why you're sneaking off on a date with me."

"It's not a date."

"It is my birthday. Just pretend for me."

"Actually, I'm just keeping you company until your mates can get you pissed later. And you're supposed to be cheering me up."

"I think you sound better already. You know, you never told me what was wrong."

"Buy me that butterbeer and maybe we'll talk."

"I'll hold you to that, Evans."

"I hope you do, Potter. Oh, and James?"

"Yes?"

"Happy birthday."

"Yes, well…thanks for the date."

"It's not a date."

"I know."

ii - Exactly

Eight months later...

"Sod off, Potter!"

"You first, Evans!"

"I was here before you."

"It's not your bloody tower."

"It is when I'm studying Astronomy."

"You said that last year. You forgot your telescope again."

"I'm working on an essay. I have N.E.W.T.s in eight months."

"I came up here to think. That's just as important as your stupid essay."

"I hardly think contemplating the size of Carin O'Connell's breasts qualifies as important."

"I think about other things besides girls' tits, you know."

"I doubt it."

"I told you last year I could be serious. Didn't I convince you?"

"Last year, maybe. This year, no."

"Well, that's what I need to think about."

"How you're a shallow prat?"

"No, how this year is different."

"Well, I need to study."

"And I to think."

"Why?"

"It's none of your business. Look, I'll take this side of the tower, you take that one. We don't even have to look at each other."

"Fine."

"Fine."

. . .

"James?"

"What is it, Evans?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Whether or not I should jump."

"James! You're not serious!"

"'Course not, he's inside. But it'd be a right bit quieter if I did, wouldn't it?"

"I'm sorry."

"Keep writing, Evans. The heavens wait for no one."

. . .

"James?"

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

"Because it's your name?"

"Just call me Potter. It's a bit scary when you use my first name."

"Fine. Is everything all right, Potter?"

"Yes."

"Then what do you need to think about since you're not thinking about…well, you know?"

"Tits? Actually, if you must know, I'm trying to work up my wand to talk to Dumbledore."

"Why? Did something happen?"

"Not yet. I'm quitting as Head Boy tomorrow, though."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm rubbish at it, that's why."

"You are not."

"I've had three detentions, failed two exams, and lost the first Quidditch match. Oh, and I slept through the last prefects' meeting in case you didn't notice. I can't do it all."

"I think you're brilliant, if that helps."

"It doesn't. You just don't want to work with Robertson since he's the next best replacement."

"You're right, I don't. He's a git, and I'd rather work with you."

"Bollocks. You'll be glad to be rid of me."

"I will not."

"You're lying."

"I am not. Don't quit, James. You can figure out all that other stuff."

"Not all of it."

"What else is there?"

"Nothing."

"What about me then?"

"What about you? You'll finally be rid of me."

"You're not quitting because of me, are you?"

"No, I'm turning in my badge because I'm not supposed to be Head Boy."

"Dumbledore wouldn't have chosen you if he didn't believe in you."

"Dumbledore makes mistakes. It turns out I'm one of them."

"What's with the sudden pity party, Potter? It's not like you at all."

"Back off, Evans. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Too bad. You got me to spill once last year. Tell me why you're really quitting, and I'll tell you if you can."

"If I can quit? I don't need your permission."

"You do when you're acting like a shallow prat. Go on. Tell me why."

"I already told you—it's too much."

"I've seen you handle much more and much worse, James."

"It doesn't get much worse than this, Lily. I'm drowning."

"Then learn how to swim."

"Brilliant solution, Evans. I hope I'm never lost at sea with you."

"Are you sick of me, is that the rest of it?"

"Of course not!"

"Why quit, then?"

"Merlin's pants—this is another reason why! Because I just can't work with you, Evans. Not anymore."

"I don't understand. What's suddenly different?"

"I'm tired of it, Lily. I'm tired of bickering every day, of fighting after every meeting. I really hoped we'd get along this year, especially after that trip to Hogsmeade, but I was wrong. I give up—on you, on me, on everything."

"Oh."

"Real articulate, Evans."

"Don't give up, James."

"Why not? Aren't you sick of me? You certainly act like it."

"Sometimes. But I still don't want you to stop trying."

"I'm sick of trying."

"I like that you never give up."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"So do you, when you think about it."

"I don't know how else to show you, Evans. You're intense."

"Well, you're always joking around!"

"Not this year. I've worked my arse off this year, but it's hasn't made a difference. It's just not working."

"What's not working?"

"Everything! Classes, Quidditch, all these damn duties. I'm tired of it."

"You mean you're tired of me."

"Godric's Galleons, Evans! Why do you keep twisting it to be about you?"

"Because I know you. You can handle those other things."

"You don't know me, Lily. You've never bothered to try getting to know me."

"I know quite a bit more about you now, after working with you for two months."

"Er, can you back off?"

"Why? Am I too close?"

"Stop playing games with me, Evans. It's not fair, not now."

"I'm not playing games anymore, Potter. I know you."

"You don't."

"You're stubborn, that's for sure. You're loyal. You're a wicked flyer and brilliant in your classes."

"Not Herbology."

"Plants are boring. You have a good sense of humour and a strong sense of responsibility. You hold your liquor well."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"You can even dance, a bit. You have a sense of right and wrong. You stand up for what you believe in. You can listen—you proved that last year."

"Stop it. Just stop it. You're making me into something I'm not."

"You're not a quitter."

"Then don't think of it as quitting. I'm just being responsible and turning the position over to someone better qualified than me for the job."

"You're just right the way you are, James."

"I'm failing, Lily."

"Not at everything."

"Evans, what are you doing?"

"Something I should have done weeks ago."

"Have you been hit by some sort of funny spell?"

"I don't think so."

"Then stop taking the piss and back off. I'm serious about this."

"So am I."

"No, you're not. You can't stand me."

"Sometimes. And sometimes you can't stand me, right?"

"Right now, yes. I don't like being played."

"I'm not playing you. I want you to stay on."

"Tell me why. Why now, after all this time."

"Because I'd miss you."

"Why?"

"I like working with you, James. I like you. There I said it. Now stop being so stubborn about it."

"You're a real mystery, Evans. I didn't come up here expecting anything, you know."

"Neither did I. I actually came up to study."

"And I came up to think about my badge. Only now you've given me something else to think about."

"Would you rather do something besides study and think?"

"Such as?"

"Hogsmeade, perhaps. Like last year."

"Right now?"

"Maybe. We can celebrate again."

"What are we celebrating exactly?"

"You're staying on as Head Boy."

"Because you like me."

"I do, yes. You're surprised."

"I'm gobsmacked. But it's a date this time."

"Of course it is."

"One more thing before we go."

"What's that?"

"Stop talking and finish what you started."

"What I started with…oh, that."

"Exactly."

End Notes:

Happy birthday to my very favorite Marauder! This is for Natalie who was one of the first to encourage my mad descent into the James/Lily-verse. The first part is based on a drabble originally written for the Lily/James ficfest on LiveJournal a while ago that I adapted and expanded in honor of James's birthday. Because fictional people have feelings too. :) The second part was also inspired by a drabble I wrote for the Lily/James ficfest on LJ. I do hope you enjoyed them. James and Lily are my forever OTP. Thank you for reading and reviewing!