South Park

Don't be Such a Baby, Kyle!

Episode Summary: Taking place right after the end of "Family Guy's Road Trip: South Park", once Peter does one crazy thing too much, Kyle finally cracks, which results in him starting to act like a baby. At first, they just try to deal with it. But when things don't get better, Stan, willing to do anything to defend his best friends, tricks Peter Griffin into coming back to South Park so they can arrest him and try him in court. Now all they have to worry about is if they can snap Kyle out of his baby trance so he can testify against Peter.

Meanwhile, upon his return to South Park, Stewie attempts to help Tweek overcome his addiction to coffee.

You can really actually consider this "Family Guy's Road Trip: South Park: Part 2" if you want. But it's not an official episode crossover, so that's why it's not under that title. Please do look for this in the "South Park Crossovers" section, though, because despite this not being part of the "Family Guy's Road Trip" series, it is still a crossover with "Family Guy". If you feel I should convert this into a regular South Park story, I shall.

Disclaimer: South Park and Family Guy do not belong to me. They belong to Matt Stone & Trey Parker and Seth MacFarlane respectively.

TV-14-DLSV (Rated T on the site)

Prologue

It was nighttime in the town of South Park. Finally, after a long two weeks of stress and anxiety, everyone is looking forward to a good night's sleep. In fact, nobody was more excited than Kyle Broflovski, our little Jewish friend (Jewish, not retarded).

"Alright, Kyle. We had your door and window locked and sound-proofed, you've got your earplugs, and the Griffins are leaving tonight." Gerald said to his tired son, as he was filling him in on what was going to happen tonight. "There is no way in hell he is going to bother you tonight."

"But dad, you don't know him. He's a crazy maniac!" Kyle warned his father.

"Now Kyle, relax, hon. There's no reason to get all worked up." Sheila assured her stressed out son. "There's leaving in a few minutes, so there's no reason why you shouldn't get a good sleep tonight."

"Thanks mom." The injured and exhausted Jew said as he felt his eyes shutting.

"Frankly, I'm glad they're leaving. I couldn't stand another minute of him." Gerald commented. "He's a f#cking retard for god's sake!"

"I know, but thankfully, they're leaving tonight."

For the most part, Sheila and Gerald were right. The Griffin family were across the street from Kyle's house, and they were packing their things to head out onto the road.

"Oh boy, was this a great two weeks or what!?" Peter said to Brian as they were packing their bags. "I mean, what could be better than this?"

"Spending the rest of your life in a Concentration Camp?" Brian sarcastically said, chuckling a little bit. Expecting a laugh from Peter, he was disappointed when he didn't deliver.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, Peter, let's recap what you've done." Brian pulled out a notepad and turned to a page where he had written down everything Peter had done while they were in South Park. "You started up a band using the Guitar Hero game series, you got into a fight with Cleveland, destroyed his house twice, put a nine-year old kid in the hispital, sexually harassed him--shall I go on?"

"No thank you." Peter said sarcastically. "I get the point. Sheesh, Brian, so I messed up a little bit. It's not like I meant to hurt him."

"Yes, cause I can only imagine what you would've done to him if you actually hated him."

"You know the one thing I can't stand about that kid? H-He's such as sCHtick in the mud."

"He's a what?"

"A sCHtick in the mud. He doesn't like to have fun, he's insecure, basically, he's like the Jews during the Holocaust."

"Peter, he is Jewish."

"Oh he is? Oh. Well that explains why he's a trooper."

"Peter, do you even know what you're saying? God, you are a bigger idiot than that guy I saw on Family Feud the other day."

(Cue Cutaway)

We cutaway to the set of Family Feud, where Richard Dawson, the host, is currently with one of the contestants in the final round of the show.

"Name an animal with three letters in its name."

"Alligator." Was the contestant's response. The audience broke out into seemingly endless laughter, while Richard, fed up, took the man's collar and punched his lights out.

(End Cutaway)

As the entire family started packing their baggage into the car, Peter decided to take this opportunity to have one last bit of fun before he left South Park for good. SO he ran over into the open streets, and lit up a bunch of mini-firecrackers. They all exploded into the sky and in just seconds, they spelled out "South Park, We Hardly Knew Ye"! (The exact title of my last story). The word 'Park' was spelled wrong, though.

"Peter, what are you doing?" Brian asked upon seeing the fireworks.

"I'm making one last horrah! See? I lit up some fireworks in the sky."

"I see that. By the way, you spelled 'Park' wrong."

"Whatever. It's the thought that counts. After all, that's what they say about anniversaries."

(Cue Cutaway)

We cutaway to the entire family sitting at the table, with Lois opening her birthday gift from Peter.

"Happy birthday, Lois." He said as Lois opened her present. Upon seeing what it was, she was very disappointed, considering that Peter had gotten her a sword...again.

"Oh goody, another sword." She said sarcastically and unenthusiastically. "Thank you, Peter."

"Go ahead. Try it on."

(End Cutaway)

"Now if you'll excuse me. I'm going to go enjoy my last day in this country."

"Peter we're in Colorodo."

"My point exactly." Peter set down a small boombox and put in a casette, which turned out to be "Cotton Eye Joe", Peter's favorite song other than 'Surfin Bird'. Oh boy, was South Park in for a rude awakening...again.

As soon as the music turned on...well, you can figure out the rest...(and if you can't, you're retarded. You really are retarded)

The next morning, the Griffins had already left. The music had stopped hours earlier, and they had been on their way before even the paper boy had gone on his route.

The Broflovskis (with the exception of Kyle, of course) were already up and awake at the breakfast table. They were all eating breakfast quietly, and were also eagerly awaiting Kyle to join them, to give them a sign that everything went well and that Kyle had a good night's sleep.

They were almost finished with their breakfast when Kyle finally decided to join them. He was carrying Ike's baby blanket, and looked very worn down. He didn't even sit down when he came in. He just stood there by his mother, whom finally noticed him.

"Well good morning, Kyle." She finally said to him. "How is my little angel today?"

Kyle did not respond. All he did was look up at his mother, and hold his blanket even tighter. After a few minutes of silence, Kyle finally worked up the nerve to respond. And unfortunately, it was catostrophic. He started bawling like a little baby, even plopping on the ground while doing so. Confused, and concerned, both parents ran over to the bawling son to see what exactly the problem was.

"I wet myselfi!" Kyle cried out in a babyish tone, whilst still bawling. Sheila and Gerlad both had absolutely no idea what that meant.

"Kyle, what's the matter!?" Sheila cried out, hoping to get a straight answer from Kyle. Instead, all she got was a crying 9-year old, acting like a complete infant. One would suspect that Kyle was acting in this moment of time, but Sheila and Gerald knew Kyle well enough, and knew what he had been through in the past 2 weeks, to know right away that Kyle wasn't acting.

"Kyle, say something!" But that didn't stop them from wanting to believe that this was all an act. But as Kyle continued crying, they grew more and more worried. "Wait here! I have an idea!" Gerald ran back upstairs into Ike's room, and then came back down quick as a whistle, holding a small, purple teddy bear. He handed the bear to Kyle, whom immediately saw it, stopped crying, and took it from Gerald. The expression on Kyle's face quickly turned from sadness to joy, as he cooed the bear in his arms, and eventually plopped on his back and fell asleep with the bear in his hands.

Sheila and Gerald were apalled, immediately knowing that something wasn't right. "I gotta tell you, Sheila, I was so sure that wouldn't work." Gerald even said, as they left Kyle to sleep on the floor.

They were all worried about Kyle, so they took him to the doctor's office. Stan and Kenny, upon hearing the news that Kyle was in the doctor's office, immediately rushed over to support their friend. Cartman, for some reason, chose not to come, as he was agonizing over something he had just found out about. (Look for a later chapter).

The wait for the doctor was unbearable. Kyle was on the bench, hugging his teddy bear tightly, smiling from ear to ear. The mere sight of it creeped Stan and Kenny right out. His constant cooing also made them freak out. Finally, the doctor entered the office with his clipboard, looking very displeased, concerned, and just plain horrified.

"Doctor, what the hell is wrong with him!?" Stan immediately asked him.

"Doctor, is my baby alright? Why is he acting like this!?" Sheila asked frantically, hoping that it was just Kyle faking it. The doctor's facial expressions and head shake were not reassuring.

"Mrs. Broflovski, in my 20 years of medical training, I have never, ever seen anything this severe in my entire life. H-Has anything out of the ordinary last night?"

"Well, er, no..."

"Well, that fat guy, Peter Griffin...he-he played some weird music last night, and it-it just like, boomed throughout the neighborhood all night long, so...that might've kept him up." Gerald explained, remembering what the doctor had said the last time they were at the Hospital."

"Uh-huh. And that's it?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Oh boy...this is just what I feared. Mr. and Mrs Broflovski...I'm afraid your son has had a mental breakdown." The doctor solemly said.

"What do you mean, doctor?"

"Well, we can only assume that the many hours with no sleep, the tension he's been suffering, and the physical as well as mental and emotional trauma overall not just these past 2 weeks, but his entire life...well, led up to this."

"But doctor, what does this mean? Will he ever go back to normal?" Sheila asked.

"In normal circumstances, yes. You see, a mental breakdown is not an official medical term. It instead stands for a sudden attack of a mental illness, including depression or anxiety. Since little Kyle has no previous records of depression, the only thing I can put it as is anxiety or severe strees. Either way it's the most extreme case I've ever seen."

"But is he going to stay like this forever?"

"Well, Mr. Broflovski, this is surely a first for medical history. There has never really been a reported case where a patient suffering from a mental breakdown begins to act like that of an infant. So...there's really no way of knowing right now. I'll run some more tests in the coming days so I can determine if this is permanent or not."

"So where do we go from here?" Gerald asked, obviously worried sick about his son's condition.

"What I would recommend right now is to treat Kyle like you would treat any other infant child. It would be naive to treat him like a 4th grader considering he's acting nowhere near that barrier right now. Think of him as your newborn son...with a mental disease. But, there is a bright side to this."

"What bright side?"

"I'm still rich! Yay me!" Then he proceeded to jump up and down like a little girl and clap his hands really quickly, with Stan giving him the finger.

"So doc, what you're saying is...my best friend...is a brat?"

"Well when you put it that way it makes him sound like a douche, but yeah, that pretty much hits the nail on the hammer." The doctor replied, flat tone. Stan, Sheila, and Gerald all had a hard time dealing with this, with Sheila crying her eyes out, and Stan just plain grossed out. Kenny, however, was a different story. Instead of bawling or throwing up his guts, he simply slowly left the room, stood out in the hallway, opened up his parka hood, pulled out a gun, and shot himself in the head. Thankfully he didn't die, but the paramedics were forced to put him into intensive surgery that day.

Coming up: They all try to cope with Kyle in his newly distraught mental state. But will they be able to take it?

Expected Update: June 1st.

Next Update: Don't be Such a Baby, Kyle! -- June 1st.