The Frivolous Saga
Disclaimer: Nintendo owns Zelda. I own nothing.
Chapter 1: First Day
Written By: Monkey Fighter Ninja
To-and-fro the tree limbs swayed under the force of the strong northern winds that gust across the vast green plains and rugged hilltops of Hyrule. Flashes of lightning illuminated the dark night sky, and the rain drenched the earth below. A small rickety house stood firm in the path of the oncoming tempest, while our young adventurer Link tossed and turned in his bed unable to get a wink of sleep. The reason for Links insomnia, by the way, was not the storm raging outside, but rather the clouds of anxiety forming in his mind. For you see, tomorrow would be Links very first day of school, and Link was so nervous that he needed to go to the bathroom. However, when Link went to the bathroom he noticed that the door was locked and there was a do no disturb sign hanging from the doorknob. Being turned away was very frustrating because Link needed to take a crap so badly that his stomach hurt. Link lay there on his back staring at the ceiling, with his mind wondering and his stomach churning. For a second time Link got out of bed and made his way toward the bathroom door.
"Are you still in there?" Link asked while clutching his stomach. "Navi, you just gotta hurry up. I think I'm gonna pass out if I don't poop soon, and I do mean soon."
"Sorry Link," Navi responded. "I have a real bad case of the squirts on account of the fact that I ate a very big portion of corn tonight at supper."
Even though Navi is a very small fairy, she can still eat and poop just like a grown up human.
"Just great," Link exclaimed. "I guess I'll just have to go out behind the house and do my business."
"You need to poop that urgently?" Navi inquired. "Well that makes sense. If I remember correctly, you had two servings of corn at supper."
"I don't really think the corn is the cause of this," Link replied. "I'm very nervous about going to school tomorrow. I think that is probably the reason why I need to poop."
"It's most likely a combination of both," Navi explained. "Nervousness can create the urge to take a crap, but the fiber in corn has been proven to..."
Growing tired of Navi's long-winded explanation, Link sneaked away mid sentence and made his way out the front door into the pouring rain. The ground was muddy and the wind was cold, but Link couldn't be bothered with the details because this was an emergency. Link just had to take a crap soon or else he may ruin his breeches. As swiftly as possible Link dashed around the corner of the shabby little house that he called home. "Well that looks like as good a spot as any," Link thought out loud while ducking behind the one and only shrub in his entire backyard. The only shrub that had been fortunate enough not to fall victim to Links hurricane spins. "AAAHHHH!!! Much better! " Even though the storm was raging all around him, Link felt so much relief after taking a big ole dump that he didn't even care that he was soaking wet and freezing.
*****
The Next Morning...
After breakfast, Link and Navi both went out into the driveway to wait for the school bus. Today would be Links first day of school, and Navi had decided that it would be a good idea for her the skip her own classes in order to help Link adjust to his new surroundings. You know, show him the ropes and stuff.
"Ah Chooooo!!!" Link sneezed.
"Have a cold or something?" Navi asked.
"Yeah, thanks to you hogging the toilet." Link answered
"Humph," Navi grumbled. "With that attitude maybe I won't even be your guide at school today after all."
"What makes you such an expert on going to school anyway?" Link asked.
"You must be kidding," Navi grinned. "I'm in the second grade. I'm practically a pro at going to school. You should be a little more respectful of my expertise."
"I'm sorry Navs," Link replied. "I guess I'm just letting my nerves get the better of me."
Link was still uneasy about going to school and Navi thought that was just plain funny and teased him mercilessly. First Navi told Link that his pants were unzipped which launched Link into a panic, causing him to drop his notebook and pencils. Next Navi told Link that he had a snot booger hanging from his nostril, which sent Link fumbling through his pockets to find his handkerchief. Last of all, when their bus finally did arrive, Navi told Link that this wasn't their bus and they must wait for the next one.
"April Fools," Navi rolled around on the ground laughing uncontrollably. "Actually that was our bus, and we just missed it."
"That wasn't funny at all," Link cried. "Its not even April, its August."
"August Fools," Navi chuckled still rolling around on the ground.
"Now what are we supposed to do." Link was visibly annoyed. "I guess we'll have to walk the full ten miles to school."
Navi abruptly jumped up off the dirt and gazed down the long winding stretch of highway. "Oh no," one of those anime sweat drops appeared over Navi's head once she realized the cost of her little joke. "This isn't funny at all."
"Told you so!" Link yelled. "And there is no such thing as August fools!!!"
***
Meanwhile at the school house...
Zelda and Malon arrived at school a few minutes before any of the other students. Zelda was the princess of Hyrule and as such she lived a very sheltered life. Yearning to see for her self how the citizens of her kingdom lived there mundane day to day lives, Princess Zelda decided to disguise herself as an ordinary girl and attend school for the very first time. Malon, for the sake of this story, is Zelda's best friend and was asked by the princess to help her adjust to school life and learn the ways of the commoners.
"I'm feeling ever so stressed," Zelda complained. "I hope no one notices me."
"Don't you be worrying your pretty little head, Your Majesty," Malon comforted her friend. "With those worn out garments that you be a wearing, ain't nobody going to recognize that you are the princess and all."
"I just love how you talk, Malon," Zelda smiled. "You sound like a hillbilly."
"Shoot, ain't nothing," Malon replied. "Everybody up in the holler from were I come from talks this away."
"Anyway," Zelda gave her friend an approving pat on the shoulder. "I certainly appreciate your service, and don't forget that I am hiding my true identity. So for now on use my codename."
Malon, who felt important since she was in on the secret, nodded with a wink, "You got it, Ms. Tetra."
Without warning, the classroom door suddenly flung open. Three grown-up adults came bursting through the open door, talking and laughing like they owned the place. The first fellow was tall, about 6'5"; and muscular. He had a red complexion, was shirtless, his pants were made of some kind of animal hide and the band that he wore around his head had a huge feather sticking up in the back. The second fellow had a brown complexion, was rather short, about 5'4", and he was somewhat fat. He wore blue jeans that looked like they had never seen a washing machine, a heavily stained white t-shirt, and a sombrero with a hole in the brim. The last fellow was also muscular with a medium height, about 5'10", had a dark complexion, a well-groomed afro, and for some reason he was wearing a karate suit. An odd assortment of characters to say the least.
"Who are they?" Zelda whispered.
"Oh," Malon responded. "Those are just a few of our classmates."
"Classmates," Zelda was confused. "They look like Adults. Aren't they too old to be in our class?"
"Couldn't say for sure," Malon replied. "But the other day when I was signing up for class, they were also signing up for the same class as me. I over heard someone mention that they were foreign exchange students from America."
"America," Zelda continued. "I know that kids in America are taller than us Japanese... I mean Hyruleans, but I still can't believe that they're in the first grade."
"Yup, they sure do look older than your average first grader," Malon commented. "Maybe they are just slow in the head or something and got left back a few years."
"Malon, don't speak rude comments so loudly," Zelda feared that the exchange students could hear.
"Well Well Well. What do we have here," the black gentleman with the afro became aware of Zelda and Malon and walked toward them.
"Oh no," Zelda thought to herself. "He noticed us, and he's coming over here. He probably heard what Malon just said."
"What are you young ladies conversating about?" The afro guy leaned over and looked directly into Zelda's eyes. "Let me guess, you were probably discussing my super fine hair style. Am I getting warm?"
"Uh," Zelda was speechless and horrified. She was certain that this big brute of a man was going to cause her physical harm.
"Shucks no," Malon spoke up. "We were just talking about girl stuff."
"Girl stuff? You mean dusting, washing dishes and stuff like that?" The guy with the afro diverted his attention toward Malon for a moment, then he let out a sigh, shook his head and walked away. "You girls are dull."
"That man was scary," Zelda said once the Afro guy was at the other side of the room with his friends and out of hearing distance.
"Weren't nothing," Malon replied. "He seemed like a nice enough feller."
"I guess your right," Zelda was thankful that she was still in one piece, but simultaneously insulted by the Afro guys politically incorrect remark. "I'm just not accustomed to how regular folks interact," Zelda thought. "Dusting and washing dishes indeed. What century is that guy living in?"
As the morning wore on, a steady stream of typical looking first graders filled the classroom. Lastly a young woman entered the room, and she looked exactly like vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin; seriously she had eyeglasses, wore her hair up, and everything. "Good morning students," the woman said as she sat a stack of papers onto her desk. "My name is Ms. Stricton and I will be your teacher. First of all lets get a few things out into the open, I have zero tolerance for any and all forms of crap. If any of you cause trouble I will beat you with this paddle that I call Mr. Spanky. If you have a question raise your hand, and if I feel like it I may call on you. When I am talking keep your mouths shut. When you sense that I may be in a bad mood, try not to draw attention to yourself or I will single you out and ridicule you in front of your classmates. In conclusion, I hate teaching and more than likely most of you probably aren't interested in learning anyway, but if we all work together I'm sure we can make the best of a bad situation."
"Wow! She sounds really tuff and undedicated," Zelda whispered to Malon.
"I hear tale that Ms. Stricton is the meanest most hatefullest teacher in the history of elementary school," Malon thoughtlessly announced so louldly that everyone could hear, even the teacher.
"What was that little missy?" Ms. Stricton heard everything and gave Malon an icy stare. "Would you care to clarify that comment."
"Shucks Ms. Stricton, you got it all wrong," Malon blushed. "I was actually referring to another teacher named Ms. Stricton that everybody hates."
Ms. Stricton could not be so easily fooled, and she knew that Malon was feeding her a lie. However, unbeknownst to anyone, Ms. Stricton had a soft spot in her heart for people who spoke with a southern accent. For you see, Ms. Stricton's father had been a dumb hick, and died from a gunshot wound that he received while burglarizing his neighbor's chicken coop. I think that is the reason why Ms. Stricton has always been so lenient towards hillbilly students. "Seeing that your a simple clodhopper and don't know anything," Ms Stricton said. "I'll look over it this time, but for now on keep your lips zipped."
"You betcha, Ma'am," Malon answered.
Ms. Stricton sat back down at her desk and thumbed through some papers. Usually students would take such an opportunity to chat with their classmates and make a loud racket, but Ms. Stricton's students were so fearful of her that they didn't make so much as a peep. Zelda sat quietly at her desk gazing out the window at the glistening grass and leaves as the sun shined down brightly on the rain soaked vegetation. Zelda was intimidated by the enormous task she was undertaking, but at the same time she was very happy to be surrounded by kids her own age. Like the radiant rays of sunlight appearing from behind the drab gray storm clouds, Zelda felt as though she had left the restricted and gloomy confines of her father's castle for a much more luminous and exciting environment.
Fifteen minutes of silence passed, when Ms Stricton finally stood up and addressed the class. "Now when I call your name I want you to stand in front of the class and tell us something about yourself."
This made Zelda nervous. She had never stood in front of a group of people before, and she wanted to keep her identity a secret. It couldn't be helped; Zelda would have to tell a lie. Zelda didn't like telling lies, but in order to convince the other children that she was an ordinary schoolgirl, she would have to make an exception. She would tell the class that her name is Tetra and that she belongs to a family of struggling pirates facing hard times in a poor economy.
"First we'll hear from," Ms. Stricton hesitated for a moment and studied the paper she was holding. "I believe I am reading this correctly. Would Chief Eagle Bird step up to my desk please."
The huge bulking man wearing a headband with a feather sticking up in the back walked across the classroom floor. The entire building seemed to shake with each step. Standing in front of the teacher's desk with his arms crossed in front of him, Chief Eagle Bird spoke with a deep and resounding voice. "My name is Chief Eagle Bird but my two companions over there call me Indian, you may do so as well. For many moons I have been on what my people call a spirit quest. I have journeyed across many oceans and over numerous mountains in search of the sacred beast. At long last my hunt has led me to this place. I have come here to find the sacred creature that is rumored to inhabit your Kokiri Forest. That is all. Ugh."
"O'kay, that was interesting. You may take your seat." Ms. Stricton said while glancing at the piece of paper she was holding. "Next we will hear from Pablo Diablo."
"That would be me, señorita," Said the man wearing a Sombrero as he struggled to get up from the seat that was far too small for his big fat butt. "My name is Pablo Diablo but my two companions call me Señor Grande Pants."
"That's not true, Teach," the guy with the afro interrupted. "We call him #2 because he breaks wind all the time."
"What he says is the truth," Pablo spoke with a long nasally voice. "One time I farted so loud I broke my couch."
"Okay Pablo," Ms. Stricton shook her head in disgust while glancing at her paper again. "You may..."
"And this other time I...." Pablo cut in.
Ms. Stricton hated being interrupted. "#2 SIT YOUR BIG CRACK DOWN!!!" She shouted.
"Sí señorita," with his head and shoulders slumped, Pablo walked toward his seat joylessly kicking a can. I have no clue were he got the can, but I swear that is exactly what happened.
"Now we'll hear from Jerome Jamal Jackson," Ms. Stricton resumed.
"That would be me," the guy with the afro jumped up from his seat and adjusted his karate suit shirt collar. "My name is Triple J, but you suckas can call me Brother. I am with out a doubt the most coolest, baddest, kung fu-ingest character in this entire fan fiction." Brother then proceeded to do a break dance all the way back to his chair.
"Okay," Ms. Stricton sighed. "Since that little spectacle is out of the way, would Link please step up to my desk."
"Ms. Stricton," a nerdy looking boy wearing eyeglasses stood up in the front row. "I'm Link's next door neighbor and we are supposed to ride the same bus to school. However, Link wasn't on the bus this morning."
"Thank you four eyes," Ms. Stricton replied. "If that is the case, Link will be marked tardy."
"Four eyes," the nerd kid grumbled to himself as he sat down. "She wears glasses too."
"Next," Ms Stricton continued. "Would Tetra come to the front of the class and introduce herself."
"Oh no," Zelda thought to herself as she walked toward the teacher's desk. "I'm so nervous that my knees are beginning to shake. I hope I don't say anything to embarrass myself."
"Okay Tetra, speak." Ms. Stricton and the entire class were now looking at Zelda.
"Very well," Zelda sheepishly replied. "My name is Tetra, and I come from a long line of sea pirates."
"Did she say pirates," the children could be heard whispering to one another. "She's no ordinary girl at all."
"QUIET!!!" Ms. Stricton shouted. "Please proceed Tetra."
"Anyway," Zelda continued, even more nervous than before. "That's correct, I am a pirate. However, plundering and pillaging has been a bit rough lately so my family has settled down here in Hyrule for the time being. I hope we can all be friends." The words wow and amazing could be heard echoing throughout the small classroom. Zelda grew concerned, after reading so many adventure novels in her castle library she was positive that being a pirate was quite common. Gauging the reaction of her fellow students, Zelda had mistaken.
"Ar, Matey." One of the students giggled.
"SILENCE!" Ms. Stricton yelled. "Very good Tetra. You may take your seat."
Zelda blushed as she walked quietly to her seat. She was so embarrassed that she could have died. "That was such a disaster," Zelda thought. "At least things can't get any worse."
"Great job Princess Zelda," Malon stood to her feet cheering and gave a big thumbs up. "You didn't look nervous or nothing."
"Did she say Princess Zelda!" The jaws of all the students and even Ms. Stricton dropped.
"Oh no," Zelda whimpered. "Malon, I can't believe you just did that."
"Oh shoot," Malon slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. "Sorry Princess."
***
Ganondorf's Tower of 1,000 Deaths...
High in the forbidding mountains bordering the Kingdom of Hyrule, the wickedly evil wizard Ganondorf worked tireless at his mission to make the lives of all mortals suck. In the computer lab of his towers upper most chamber, Ganondorf paced back and forth pounding his chest and growling out loud. By contrast, Ganondorf's henchman Moe the Moblin was sitting calmly at the computer humming a catchy little tune that he heard on a morning radio show.
"Blast it all to Hades!" Ganondorf kicked a defenseless little kitten that was asleep on the floor. "Is that confounded program installed yet?"
"Just a moment, Your Nastiness." Moe replied.
"Hurry up," Ganondorf shouted as he picked up the kitten and hurled it out the window. "I'm mucho angry and the next thing I throw out the window might be you. So step on it!"
"Mr. Whiskers," Moe held back a tear and whispered softly under his breath so Ganondorf wouldn't hear. "May you rest in peace."
"What was that?" Ganondorf inquired. "I could have sworn that I heard you speak without permission."
"Yes Sir," Moe replied. "I said that the program has finished installing. Now you can put your evil plan into motion."
"Very good," Ganondorf grinned with delight as he pushed Moe aside and sat in front of the computer. "So, all I have to do is click enter on this icon that looks like the cartoon character Goofy."
"That is correct, Sir." Moe responded.
"Bwahahahahahaaa!!!!" Ganondorf let loose a cruel and evil laugh. "Take this Hyrule Elementary. This is what you get for the childhood that you stole from me. You will learn to never kick Ganondorf around ever again."
"That's what this is all about," Moe thought to himself. "All because some bully gave him a wedgie in grade school."
Ganondorf double clicked the Goofy icon. "How long until we see the results, uh-hilk?" Ganondorf asked. "Wait a minute, did I just say uh-hilk, uh-hilk?"
"You did, uh-hilk." Moe answered. "And so did I, uh-hilk!"
"What is the meaning this, uh-hilk!" Ganondorf became furious. "This program, uh-hilk, was suppose to torture the fools at Hyrule Elementary, uh-hilk, by making them repeat ad nauseam the catch phrase uh-hilk until they beg for mercy, uh-hilk. Why am I the one saying uh-hilk, uh-hilk?"
"The program must have been faulty, uh-hilk!" Moe scrambled to the computer to investigate. "I see, uh-hilk, when you clicked on the Goofy icon, uh-hilk, you must have been holding the mouse with your right hand, uh-hilk."
"Of course I was, uh-hilk," Ganondorf replied. "What difference does that make, uh-hilk?"
"Well you see, uh-hilk," Moe explained. "I am left handed, uh-hilk. Since I am the one who installed the program, uh-hilk, it became a left-handed program, uh-hilk. Meaning, when you clicked on the icon with your right hand, uh-hilk, the effect of the program was reversed, uh-hilk. Thereby making us the victims rather than the victors, uh-hilk."
"That makes no sense at all, uh-hilk! If I didn't know better I would accuse you of making that explanation up, uh-hilk." Ganondorf threw a couple of chairs against the wall while looking around the room as if he were searching for something. "GROWL!!! Where is Mr. Whiskers when I need him, uh-hilk!"
"You threw him out the window, uh-hilk," Moe was so horrified by Ganondorfs sudden outburst that he was hesitant to answer.
"GROWL!!!" Ganondorf roared so loudly that the tower seemed to shake. "Go get me a new Mr. Whiskers immediately, uh-hilk!"
"Yes Sir, uh-hilk," as quickly as possible the frightened moblin ran to his office downstairs and grabbed a brand new kitten from the archives. Moe was in such a hurry to return that he nearly tripped over his own feet when entering the door to Ganondorf's computer lab.
"Careful you fool, uh-hilk!" Ganondorf scolded. "You almost dropped the poor little fellow, uh-hilk." Ganondorf lovingly took the kitten from Moe's arms, sat it gently onto the floor and then gave it a good swift kick out the window.
"Mr. Whiskers #2," Moe held back a tear and whispered softly under his breath so Ganondorf wouldn't hear. "May you rest in peace, uh-hilk."
"I suggest you stop mumbling to yourself, uh-hilk!" The blood vessels on Ganondorf's forehead were pulsating violently. "And figure out a way to fix this mess, uh-hilk!"
"Right away Sir, uh-hilk," Moe said while pressing control, alt, delete on the computer keyboard. "Problem solved."
***
On the road to Hyrule Elementary...
It was approaching mid-morning, but Link and Navi had only traveled a little over half the distance to school. Navi kept complaining and wanted to stop and rest her wings every so often. Link was beginning to get aggravated with his fairy sidekick, and he even threatened to leave Navi behind if she didn't step up the pace. The fact that the road was all wet didn't make traveling any easier for Link either; he had already slipped and fallen on his butt twice.
"You see that bridge," Link pointed out the covered bridge down the road, so weatherworn and deteriorated that it didn't look sturdy enough for anyone to cross. "Once we get to that bridge you can rest. Can you hold out for that long?"
"I don't knoooow," Navi sobbed pronouncing her words with long whiney vowels. "My wiiiiings are really tiiiiiired."
"Jeez," Link felt like pulling his hair out. "Will you please stop making every other word sound so long? It's driving my crazy!"
"But Liiiink," Navi moaned. "I'm so exhauuuusted and thiiiiirsty."
"I'm thirsty too," Link said as he took off running toward the rickety old bridge. "We can get a drink down by the river."
So focused on drinking water, Link and Navi didn't even notice the rusty brown van with four flat tires parked only a few yards up the river. An old man with shabby bibbed overalls, a bald head and a gray beard stained with tobacco spit stepped out of the van carrying a fishing pole and tackle box. Out of the corner of his eye the old man noticed Link kneeling over the rushing water. "Who do you reckon that is?" The old man questioned the mangy dog sleeping next to the van. "Well Ranger," the old man nudged the dog with his foot. "Let's go welcome our guest."
Navi, who had already gotten her fill of water, became aware of the old man walking in their direction. "Hey Link, what do you think that old coot wants?" Navi asked.
"Old coot?" Link stood up and wiped his mouth with his shirtsleeve. "What old coot?"
"This here is my river," the old man and his dog were now standing in front of Link.
"Your river," Navi laughed. "This river belongs to everyone in Hyrule, not just one old codger and his flea-bitten mutt. Besides, I don't see your name written on it."
The old man's attention turned away from Link and focused in on Navi. "It can't be," the old man looked confused. "Did that skitter just speak?"
"Huh?" Navi didn't know what the old man was talking about.
"I think he means Mosquito," Link explained.
"Mosquito!" Navi snarled. "You mistook me for a mosquito! I oughta kick your!!!"
"Wait a minute Navi," Link attempted to put himself between the enraged fairy and the bewildered old man.
"Wait nothing!" Navi made a fist and charged at the old man shouting obscenities.
"Hold your horses," the old man yelled while doing his best to dodge Navi's aerial bombardment of kicks and punches. Navi was in the zone, throwing mega-ton punches, lightening flash whirlwind kicks and a new move that she had been working on; which she named the super duper face smashing extraordinaire. The mangy old dog jumped in the air snapping at the old man's face, not to hurt his master but to stop Navi.
"Navi, settle down!" Link shouted.
"I know," a light bulb, symbolizing a bright idea, appeared over the old man's head as he pulled an empty bottle from his tackle box. The old man swished the bottle through the air several times. "I did it!" He smiled holding up the bottle with Navi trapped inside.
"What do you think your doing?" Link took a fighting stance. "You better let my friend go."
"Take a gander at that kid, Ranger," the old man chuckled while pointing at Link. "That pint sized squirt looks like he wants to take my head plum off." Ranger also laughed, or maybe he was coughing up some fleas that he swallowed while chewing on his butt fur.
"Hey mister," Link knew the old man was too big for him to take on in a fistfight so he picked up a rock. "If you don't turn Navi loose, I'm going to bust you up with this rock."
"Hahahaahaa!" The old man laughed out loud slapping his knee. "I like you're spunk kid. That's why I'm going to make a deal with you."
"Just let Navi go," Link was in no mood for deal making. "We're already late for school."
"Listen kid, I'm the one calling the shots here," the old man's smile vanished. "I've got a job I want you to do for me. If you can pull it off, then you can have your friend back." The old man stretched his arm up over his head and tossed the bottle at the racing river currents. "Grab it, Scrapper!" The old man howled. An enormous fish splashed up out of the rapids and caught the bottle in its mouth, and then it dived back into the water below.
"Stop!" Link cried. "That fish ate Navi!"
"You're friend is fine," the old man assured Link. "What you saw was a Hylian Loach named Big Scrapper, the most rare fish in the kingdom. I am the only person is Hyrule who can catch that particular fish. You're friend is safe for now, but after a few days the digestive juices in the fishes stomach will eat through the bottle. You can imagine what will happen then."
"Just tell me what you want!" Link burned hot with rage.
"Outstanding," the old man pulled a scroll from his overall's pocket. "This here is a document that I acquired from the corpse of a moblin. Printed on this scroll is a map showing the location of a temple in Kokiri Forest. At the outskirts of that temple exists a sacred beast known by natives as a Bigfoot. It is said that the feet of this creature contains the most delicious meat known to man. I want you to bring Bigfoot's feet back here to me, so I can cook them in my special homemade stew. Then, and only then, will I let your friend go."
"Fine," Link held back his anger because he knew he had no choice. "I'll do what you say, but only for Navi's sake."
"In that case, I have something that you will need," the old man walked over to his van and pulled a rusty old sword out from under the front seat. "I won this from a couple of dwarves that I defeated in a steel cage wrestling match. The sword isn't much to look at, but if used properly it could get the job done."
Link took the sword, pulled it from its sheath, and swung it through the air to test its weight and range. "I'll be back," Link said while tying the sword to his back. "And I will bring the feet of Bigfoot, but if Navi is harmed in anyway, I will use this sword and take your head."
"Hahahaahaa!" The old man laughed. "You're a spirited lad, but make sure you don't forget Kokiri Forest can be a dangerous place. Follow this river down stream for one mile. There you will find the easiest entrance into the forest, and for making me laugh I'm going to let you take my dog Ranger with you. Good luck little kindergartener, you'll need it."
"I'm no kindergartener," Link said coldly and turned his back on the old man. "I'm a first grader, and this was supposed to be my first day."
To Be Continued...
Author's Note: Thanks for reading. All reviews are welcome. A special thanks to AllApologies451994 and Cass for helping me with this fan fiction.