Dedicated to the bae, DJ, and his epic roommate.

Heyyyy gurlz (and broz whatevz). My names Lana Kane and I'm like this totally badass spy chick with big tits and the body of a model. My ex-boyfriend is a total babe, but he's also a douche because he got a little happy when his momma dear called, if ya know what I mean. ;) But I still love him….so there's that too… I mean, what? Voglio scopare lui e avere i suoi bambini caldi (because, I totz speak Italyan) Anyways, I'm always wearing these sexy sweather dresses because they show of my body, and who would nit want my body… besides my man hands I am God's gift to men and women a like. But I only had pity sex with Pam once so…. I'm not bi. My other ex boyfriend has a sex problem…. But he is VERY gifted down below so it was fun while it lasted.

I want a baby…I really want a baby. But since I'm just spending my days with male hookers and they all like protection because 'I don't wanna pay yyou fuckiing childsupports " so… yeah. I mena, theres not even those really sexy hookers like in the movies. These all smell likes STDs and drugs. The drugs bother me more than the STDs tbh because Archer smelled like STDs… Oh Archer I just love him… Where were I? Hookers? Oh yes, Cyril kinda became a hooker too… because he likes sex and food.

Anyways, so I was at the male strip club, throughing all my cash when…Archer walked in?!111111!?/ What the hell is he doing here…with me… at the male `strip club?

"Archer, dude, what the fuck man?" I shouted to him as he walked towards the back

"Hi Lana…I kinda work here to pay childsupport for wee baby Seamus, my pear shaped potato child."

"Oh yeah…but you wont give me a child!" I sramed loudly, thoughing my cash and drink in the air. The liquid covered Archer, and he just hurlded off his clothes

"Well… I guess that happened." Archer looked at the clothes and I laughed.

"Haha that was your favorite sweater you bastard!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" He cried, falling to the floor. He started to tear up.

Men always looks so sexy when they are on the brink of tears and I forgave him for being a dick. And I felt like I have made a mistaje so I grabbed towels and started to dry his clothes and his body. My hand touched his junk.

"Oh, Lana… you have to pay extra for that." Archer laughed magically, suddenly he was in his stripper outfut. He was so sexy I felt aches in my body.

He whinnked. "Wish you kept this around right?"

"Haha yup," I flirted sexyily, sticking my breasts out even father. I knew he still had the hots for me… I will win him back now or I will kill him. Tbh I'd enjoy either… he is kinds a dick…a sexu, hot dick, but a idck not the less.

Archers started to be his stripper self so I pulled the extra cash I hiad hidden in my fancy panties and threws it at him.

"This smells like hooker!" He laughed at me when he caught it. "Dirty, hooker smeel!"

"You'd know!"

"I would! Haha!"

He stripped and all the ladies were going crazy and giving him hundreeds and I got jealousy. I pulled out my gun at wavered it in the air. "Back of bitches he is my ex man!"

"Yeah, ex!" Screamed…Carol? Cherly? Whatever the bit called herselfs now.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

That bitch flipped me off. "I'm here like always to see Archer. Woo archer !"

Lana and that weird chick from the office were shouting at eachother so I decided to completely strip to see if it would pull them out of it before Lana got kicked out. Because… she was still siper fine. Like, hotter than all the prostitutes money could buy sitting on the beach on me, hot. Well… artually that image is pretty hot… but she's still hot, okay?

Lana's rack jiggeld as she begn to pound Carol? Cheryl? Whatever the fuck her name is into the ground. She was started to kill the girl… but I think that creepy chick was sorta liking it. Anyways…I was kinda liking it too. Oh… well, know they no that… cuz Im naked.

So I started to swing myself around the pole, hoping it would slightly hid the fact that I was a little too pleased to see Lana being so sexy fine like that… So so… Oh god I need ot think unsexy things like of my mother…oh god that's not heling… Ummm…

"Oooh look at that fine piece of man meat!" Ooh look at that creepy blue haired fat chick that yelled that at me… Yeah,,, that calmed me down.

Lana finally looked up at me after she finished killing? Beating? Doing whatever she did to thtat chick. Her dress was hanging in the the right places, and her hair was tossled like sex hair… like the hair she had after I put my tallywacker in her chichi.

I could tell she was so turned on by my hot, hot body… What? I can say I have a hot bod if I want to! Its my body, the body that even 17 year olds cant resist. She winked at me, and I knew she wanted to .ON!

So when my shift ended I scooped her passively into my arms and I carried her backstage. We did a hot sex. She organed so many times, I knew I was a good lover.

"So…are we back together now?" I asked as swet dripped down me?

Lana threw her clothes back on. "Yup!"

I changed back into my clothes and I carried her back out. We would be going to my place so she could move everything in… I may have to kick out a few strippers and hookers thought…. Hope she does care ;)

But…as I entered back into the main room of the club with my Lana in my arms, I realized I had really entered…. THE DANGER ZONE!

I wondered why Archer stopped moving, so I unburied my head from his muscley chest and looked. All the woman were staring at us, and this weired on with blue hair had a fork in her hands. It was then that I realized she was working for a rival spy tream! She was going to kill us while the other womane thought we were fighting over my Archer.

"Archer! She is spy from rival team!" I shouted, my breasts flopping with my frantic hand gestures that occumapined my words.

"Oh shit!" He pulled his gun and dropped me to the floor.

"Oh! You bastard! If you weren't my Archer I'd kill you for here!" I pulled my gun from where I had restasted it in my breast and shout at the woman! She jumped away, and the other women swarmed us to attack me, wanting kill me because they wanted my Archer.

Archer was seeming to be aroused by this, and I didn't like it! He was my archer… I was about to shot up the women, but then the bartender Patrick swooped in! He was so fast, like a science that doesn't exist! He grabbed the biggest blond bimbo and punched the highlights out of her hair!

"You two need to get out of here!" He shouted. "I'll call the cops for you and have these woman arrest!"

"Oh Pat, you are the best!" I hugged him, then jumped back into my archers arms.

My Archer pulled out his phone. "I need to call woodhouse to have him set everything up for us… set it up all romatic!"

"Oh, my archer, you are thes best! Can we have a baby!?"

"Maybe." He said, before he pulled me to hhis lips patiently.

And we had hot sex for the rest of our lives and we took over the company then we had lots of sexy children because my archer is hot.