Illusions of Worth
Freedom77
Disclaimer: I own no part of Supernatural and am in no way affiliated with it. This is for entertainment purposes only. Multiple episodes and dialogue from the show are quoted in this story; they were written by others and d no't belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: After watching 'A Little Slice of Kevin' I couldn't resist writing this story down. Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoy it! Feedback is much appreciated!
"You can't save everyone, my friend, though you try." His voice was too serious, his eyes too piercing, his words too true.
Dean Winchester stared into empty space, his eyes seeing nothing but the painful reality that the Angel had showed him, his ears hearing nothing but the cold truth that Castiel had told him, his thoughts trying to sift through the information and find something that could help him understand.
But there was nothing. Nothing to make what Cass had said better. Nothing to make the memory change again. Nothing to help Dean's state of mind. Nothing to make him feel okay about this whole twisted situation.
For the first time in his life, Dean hadn't failed the one he cared about. He hadn't let his friend down. He had fulfilled his promise and done everything he could to get the Angel out of Purgatory. He hadn't failed.
Cass had.
"Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn't want to be saved."
That was…impossible. Nobody wanted to stay in that forest of evil. Nobody wanted to run and fight for their lives every second of every day. Nobody wanted to be in Purgatory. No one. Except Castiel.
Dean shook his head defiantly. No, the Angel was lying. He hadn't wanted to stay, had not…forced Dean to leave him there. But now that Cass had showed Dean the truth, the Human could not find the strength to deceive himself again. Ironic that he wished that he could feel like he had failed the Angel, feel like…Hell. And he of all people should know.
But it seemed, for the first time in his life, Dean could live with the thought of failing another person that he loved. It was far better to feel like that than to know his closest friend thought so little of himself. Dean had thought he hated himself, but Cass…well, Cass had made a whole new record low of self-loathing.
"It's where I belonged."
But he hadn't. No matter what Castiel had done, no matter how many deaths he had been involved in—all his choices had been to help. They had been stupid, reckless, and had ended in disaster, but Purgatory? No, the Angel didn't deserve to be there. Even if he did—which he definitely did not—wasn't one year in that God-forsaken place—literally—enough penance?
But from the look in those piercing blue eyes, the time he had spent there was not enough.
"I planned to stay all along…I just didn't know how to tell you"
Why had the Angel even travelled with Benny and Dean then if he had never intended to follow through? Why deceive them for so long? More than that, why fight tooth and nail to get to a place he didn't want to go to? A place he wouldn't even use?
But Dean knew. Because he remembered everything else clearly—or he thought he did at least. And when he had first found Cass, after months of searching for him, Dean hadn't given Cass a choice. What had he said? "Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?"
Now, through eyes that knew the truth, Dean saw that memory differently. Cass's eyes carefully sizing Dean and his words up. The way he paused as if to think through his next decision. But he had already made his decision—he wasn't leaving. "I understand." He said and nodded gently.
So why had he gone with them?
But the answer was clear now. He had gone to save Dean.
Just like he had ran that very first night in that Hell. To protect Dean.
"These are not just monsters, Dean. They're Leviathan. I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you. That's why I ran. Just leave me, please."
Dean had told him—and meant it—that he wasn't leaving without Castiel. So, Cass had went along with them, fought with them, all the while doing his best to warn Dean that it 'might' not work. All to get Dean out of there.
Once again, the Angel had rescued Dean, sacrificing himself in the process.
And now, looking at all their fights, it all made sense. Why Cass had constantly warned Dean that he might not be able to save the Angel. Why he had never fought for his life like he cared what happened. Why he had stopped Dean and told him thank you for everything—told him goodbye.
But what made it all worse was that the fact that Dean was responsible for his friend's twisted thinking.
"I rebelled for this?! So that you could surrender to them? I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me!" His words had hurt so much more than his punches or his kicks. But what had hurt the most was the way his anger had all disappeared when Dean looked up at him and begged for him to just finish him off; his face softened, his eyes warmed, and he uncurled his fist.
"I killed two Angels this week. My brothers. I'm hunted. I rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you, and you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world—and I lost everything, for nothing. So, keep. Your opinions. To yourself." He stepped closer to Dean, and there was righteous anger in his eyes and his voice was lower than normal with barely contained emotion.
"I'm doing this for you! I'm doing this because of you!" His words were so sincere, his eyes so desperate for Dean to understand him. Understand and trust him.
And Cass was right, without Dean, Castiel would still be the good soldier, an Angel of the Lord indeed. But Dean had blinded his faith, twisted his thinking, used the compassion he saw in the confused Angel to help the world. To help Sam and Dean. And for that, Cass had been killed at least three times, been brutally tortured multiple times, lost his home, his friends, his wife, lost his family. All because of Dean.
Castiel had rescued him from Hell. And how did Dean repay him? By inadvertently sending him to Purgatory. It had been him who had forced the insane and scared Cass back into the fight. It had been Dean who had begged until the fallen Angel agreed to go to the one place that he wouldn't go. But Cass had. Because of Dean.
Castiel had only ended up in Purgatory because of Dean.
"You don't want to jump into the jaws of death, that's... fine. How about we run a little errand?" Dean had asked him with as much patience as he could muster up for the Angel that was betraying him yet again—last time he had done too much, this time he was doing too little.
Of course, since the favor had nothing to do with conflict, Cass easily zapped them to the Impala. "Thanks for the lift." He said absently, already moving to the car because he was sure that the Angel would leave and go back to his game of Uno as soon as possible.
"My pleasure." Castiel murmured before pleading quietly, "Dean…"
"Cass, we've been over it." Dean said before he could hear any more excuses, "I get it—you can't help."
"If we attack Dick and fail, then you and Sam die heroically, correct?" Cass asked, surprising Dean with the normal question of something that actually mattered to reality and had nothing to do with flowers or bees.
"I don't know. I guess." He shrugged, staring at the Angel trying to find where this coming from and why.
"And at best, I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or…" Cass started, his eyes moving from Dean's face to the ground, "I don't die—I'm brought back again. I see now. It's a punishment resurrection. It's worse every time."
"I'm sorry." Dean responded awkwardly, unsure of how to respond to such a comment. "Uh, we're talking about God stuff, right?"
"I'm not good luck, Dean." Castiel stated seriously, his eyes searching Dean's face for something.
Dean paused for a second only before he finally stated what he had been thinking ever since Cass had predicted that if he helped he would just destroy everything again. "Yeah, but you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench…" Dean shook his head and continued. "Sorry, but I'd rather have you…cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?" He stopped and waited for an answer but all the Angel did was smile slightly. "What?"
"Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness." Cass said shyly, the smile widening a tiny bit.
"Yeah, well, I'm probably gonna die tomorrow, so…"
"Well, I'll go with you." Castiel promised and Dean stared at him in surprise. "And I'll do my best." The Angel promised and Dean believed him.
And he had gone and he had done his best. And the Angel of the Lord had ended up in the land of abominations who all wanted their hands on him. Especially the Leviathans.
"I needed to do penance. After the things I did on Earth and in Heaven, I didn't deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there."
Penance.
Redemption.
"I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you…I mean it, Dean." His newly healed face heartbreaking in his sincerity, the dried blood all over his clothes making his promise that much more impossible.
When Castiel had made that oath, Dean had thought that nothing the Angel ever did could make his betrayal better. He could never make it okay again. And Dean had meant it. Even when he held that beautiful overcoat in his hands, soaking wet, sticky with blood, empty, Dean had meant it. That didn't mean that he hadn't been grieved over Cass's death. Didn't mean that he would never look back on their times together and almost weep when he saw how much the Angel had changed.
And he still meant it when he had seen—much to his surprise—a living, breathing, real Castiel standing at the bottom porch of a normal house. He had still meant it when they had begun that trip together to save Sam. That trip was one that Dean could never forget.
Emmanuel the Angel who thought he was Human trying so hard to understand Dean's hesitance and anger to him. The 'Human' who didn't understand sarcasm and humor. The perceptive man that had always been able to pierce through Dean's masks and see what was underneath and still could. Castiel telling Dean that it was okay to hate and never forgive him. And though, Dean knew that Emmanuel did not know that he was Cass when he had given that advice, Dean knew that even if he had known who he was he would have said the same thing.
Dean still hadn't forgiven Cass for what he had done when they reached the hospital, though he still defended the Angel to Meg. Though he tried to protect his friend from his own memories because the Cass that Dean really knew wouldn't be able to handle just what a monster he had turned into.
"I'm sorry, Dean." His voice ringed with finality as he believed those to be his last words and his sad eyes broke Dean's cold heart. But no matter how angry or betrayed he felt, Dean knew that Cass was sincere and his apology was honest.
"I-I didn't know. I don't remember you. I'm sorry." Emmanuel whispered quietly, his head bowed in sincerity, his mind searching for memories he couldn't access.
And for some reason, it had been the amnesic Angel's apology that had hurt so much. Hurt because he didn't know what he had done, didn't know his reasons, didn't know what he was apologizing for. But still he didn't hesitate to lay the blame on himself and take responsibility and apologize for it.
And in that moment, Dean had forgiven Castiel of everything—not forgotten but accepted. Accepted and forgiven. That was why he had been so worried when Emmanuel promised to do his best to save Sam and the innocent Angel had stood in front of four demons alone. That was why he so desperately didn't want Cass to know what he had done, because he himself didn't want to be reminded of it. But as he watched from above, Emmanuel became Castiel. And Dean could see it—there was no true physical changes, no flashes of light, or thunder and lightning. But there was…something. The way he stood, the way he tilted his head as he destroyed two demons, the way he heartbreakingly stared at the last enemy as he killed him. And as Dean watched he realized just how much he missed his friend. Just how much he wanted him back.
"Cass?" He asked hesitantly. Afraid to know the answer—whatever it was. Afraid because Cass—Emmanuel wasn't turning around to acknowledge their existence. Afraid because there was a familiar silence surrounding the man before them.
"I remember you." He finally answered and his voice was once again the low, rough voice of the Angel and Dean could not help but breathe a silent sigh of relief. "I remember everything." Then he finally turned to look at them and Dean's relief disappeared as soon as he saw the coldness in Cass's eyes, the stillness in his face, the horror in his voice.
"What I did—what I became! Why didn't you tell me?" He asked and there was more than a hint of anger in his voice.
"Because Sam is dying in there." Dean answered him honestly, trying desperately not to expect a miracle but hoping—praying for just that. Just like a certain Angel had taught him.
"Because of me! Everything. All these people. I shouldn't be here." He shook his head and walked away, ignoring Dean's yells.
And for a moment, Dean wanted to let him go—to figure out who he was, to come to terms with everything that he had done and what he had become. But he couldn't for so many reasons. The most important on his list was because of Sam but Cass was right up there as well. Who knew what an Angel of the Lord would consider good enough punishment for what he had done, but it couldn't be good. And so, he followed him—alone and with no clue of what to do next.
"If you remember," he began as he caught up to Cass, "then you know that you did the best you could at the time." A truth that Dean had only just now truly accepted.
"Don't defend me." Castiel ordered forcefully. "Do you have any idea the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?" He reached the top of the hill and stopped. "We didn't part friends, Dean." He stated blatantly.
Dean froze for a moment remembering all their fights, remembering watching the Leviathans take over Cass, remembering all his anger. None of that mattered any more. "So what?"
"I deserved to die. Now, I can't possibly fix it…" Cass looked to the side, his eyes seeing more of the past rather than the present before he turned once more to Dean and asked, "So why did I even walk out of that river?"
"Maybe to fix it." Dean answered but the Angel merely looked away again, ashamed to meet his eyes. "Wait." Dean whispered as an idea struck him.
Afraid that Cass would disappear at any second, Dean quickly opened the trunk of the Impala and gingerly pulled out a very precious treasure: Castiel's overcoat. He stared at it as he held it out to the fallen Angel.
He could remember pulling it out of the river, knowing full well that Cass was well and truly dead. He would not be coming back this time. But, through the course of six months, Dean had never been able to get rid of it. Never even had the strength to wash it. But sometimes, when life had been so hopeless, he had pulled out the coat and prayed. Remembered. Grieved.
"Dumb to keep. I know. I saw you dissolve or whatever. But…"Dean paused before he continued with the truth. "But, just in case. 'Cause I never stopped wanting to fix it either. So we got something in common." He pushed it closer to the Angel. "Just—take it. Please."
When Cass had taken his coat from Dean's outstretched hand, Dean still didn't know how the Angel could ever truly redeem himself in Dean's eyes. He just knew that his friend no longer needed to for the reasons that Dean had thought. Cass needed to redeem himself for Cass, not for Dean. And somehow, Dean would make it right in Cass's eyes.
But Cass proved him wrong; he could redeem himself to Dean—whether he needed to or not.
"What do you mean you can't?" Dean asked, his hope crumbling to ashes.
They stood leaning against the wall in Sam's room. His brother lay on the bed, looking worse than he ever had, his eyes flickering closed only to startle open again and again.
"I mean there's nothing left to rebuild." Cass explained, staring at Sam with pained eyes.
"Why not?" Dean questioned, trying not to let the hopelessness and depression and grief take over him and failing.
"Because it crumbled. The pieces got crushed to dust by whatever's happening inside his head right now."
"So you're saying there's nothing?" Dean stared at his brother and felt it all come crashing down on him. "That he's gonna be like this until his candle blows out?"
"I'm sorry. This isn't a problem I can make disappear. You know that." He shook his head sadly and silence fell between them.
A strange look passed over Castiel's face as if he had just had a revelation. "But I may be able to shift it." He said mysteriously.
"Shift it? Wha—" Dean started, a tiny spark of hope lighting in his soul.
"Yeah, it would get Sam back on his feet." Cass interrupted him as he moved to sit on the side of the bed.
This was good, this might work—whatever 'this' was. This was what Dean had prayed for. So why did Dean have a horrible feeling about this whole thing?
"It's better this way." Cass promised, staring directly into Dean's eyes. "I'll be fine."
"Wait, Cass, what are you doing?" Dean asked desperately, taking a step closer to the bed.
But Cass didn't answer him, instead he spoke to Sam. "Now, Sam. This may hurt. And if I can't tell you again…I'm sorry I ever did this to you."
Then he laid his hand on Sam's head. Sam cried out in pain as red lines moved from his head to travel up Castiel's hand, moving all the way up his arm to his face, stopping only when it made his eyes turn red. The Angel stayed silent through the process but his face betrayed the pain he was feeling. Dean stared, afraid of what was happening.
Finally, Cass removed his hand and fell forward. Sam's eyes flew open as he drew in a huge breath of air.
"Sam?" Dean rushed to the other side to study his brother. He still looked horrible but not nearly as bad.
"Dean!" Sam said shocked, sitting up far too quickly. "Cass?" He asked surprised to see the Angel alive. "Cass, is that you?
Cass raised his head to look at them but when he saw Sam a look of terror passed over his face. He stood up and backed away quickly until he hit the wall, still staring fearfully at them. Dean shared a look with Sam but there was nothing either of them could do to help the Angel.
In that moment, Castiel had more than redeemed himself in Dean's eyes. Not just because he had saved Sam when Dean had been sure that his brother would die insane, but because of how he did it.
Cass had sacrificed himself for Sam—not to redeem himself to Dean, but because Sam needed help and he alone could give him it. Because Castiel had voluntarily given up his sanity and taken on all of Sam's memories of Lucifer's Hell. More than that, he had taken on Lucifer himself. And Dean had no doubt that the devil's brother knew a lot more of what Lucifer was capable of then Sam. And he had it all in his head.
He had said he would be fine, but Dean was pretty sure that had been a lie. He couldn't be certain but there had been something to the way the Angel had told him that it would be better this way. The way, he had refused to tell him what he was doing. The way he had told Sam he was sorry. It had been so…final.
And now, thinking back, it reminded Dean of a much later farewell that the Angel had made. To Dean.
"I'm just saying…" Cass stopped Dean with a hand on his shoulder. "If it doesn't work…Thank you for everything."
Dean had simply taken it as one of Cass's quirks, he had shrugged off the bad feeling he had and continued on his way, and he had let Cass go. But no, that was wrong, he hadn't let go.
"What happened? Back there. Purgatory." Dean asked Cass outside the car, wanting so desperately to believe that Cass was telling the truth but failing. Trying so hard to make himself feel better—to put the blame on the Angel and not his own failures but he was unable. "I told you I would get you out. We were there! It was like you just gave up. It's like you didn't believe we could do it. I mean, you kept saying that you didn't think it would work. Did you not trust me?"
"Dean…" Castiel tried to speak but Dean kept going.
"I did everything I could to get you out! Everything." Dean yelled. He paused and Cass narrowed his eyes at him in wonder. "I did not leave you." He stated forcefully. If he could only say it enough and with enough passion then it would be true.
Castiel stared at him and asked in a surprised tone, "So you think this was your fault?" He asked as if it had never occurred to him that he had been trapped in that Hell because of Dean.
It was Dean's turn to stare. Of course it was—because no matter how hard he tried, the fault was his and his alone. And nothing Dean did could change it.
But he had been wrong. He could change it. He only had to remember.
And now he could.
"That was a bonehead move back there." Dean rebuked the Angel angrily, far too worried about the safety of his friend than anything else at the moment. "You could have gotten yourself killed. Why didn't you wait for me?"
"Well, I didn't get killed. And it worked." Cass said, shrugging off his dangerous play as if it had been nothing.
"And if it didn't?" Dean asked, almost afraid to hear his answer.
"It would have been my problem." Castiel answered glancing over at him.
"Well, that's not the way I see it." He responded honestly. It scared him, what Cass had done, and anything that concerned the Angel was his problem. He had learned his lesson the last time he had ignored Cass's problems.
"Hey, everything isn't your responsibility." Cass said, turning to face Dean all the way, staring into his eyes the way he did when he was trying to get his point across. "Getting me out of Purgatory wasn't your responsibility."
"You didn't get out." Dean pointed out angrily, guiltily. "So whose fault was it?"
"It's not about fault. It's about will. Dean, do you really not remember?" The Angel asked strangely, a wondering look crossing over his face, and he narrowed his eyes slightly as if confused by something.
"I lived it, Cass." Dean laughed harshly. "Okay, I know what happened."
"No. No, you think you know." Castiel shook his head sadly. "You remembered it the way you needed to."
"Look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay?" Dean yelled, rounding on him. "For failing you like I've failed every other thing that I care about! I don't need it!"
"Dean. Just look at it." He raised his hand to Dean's forehead and though he didn't know why, Dean flinched back from it as if subconsciously he knew that he didn't want to see what the Angel was about to show him. "Really look at it."
And suddenly, Dean was back there in that awful place called Purgatory.
They were running uphill towards the blue portal that was closing much too fast. He glanced back and saw Cass stumble. "Cass! Come on!" He screamed. Dean reached the portal and stepped into the light. It was a force to be reckoned with and he had to fight the wind with all his remaining strength to turn around and stretch his hand.
"Come on!" He yelled and Cass grabbed on but his grip was weak and shaky. It didn't matter. He was so close to getting the Angel out of there and then everything would be that much better. They were so close. "I got you! Hold on!"
"Dean!" Cass yelled, his hand was held tight but there was something in his face that made Dean hold his hand tighter.
"Hold on!" He commanded again. Just a little bit longer and they would be out of this Hell. Just keep holding on.
"Dean." Cass said and his voice was very calm. And then, very suddenly and very purposefully, Castiel pushed Dean's hand away from his, forcing Dean further into the portal.
Dean stared at him blankly, not understanding what was happening. Not understanding what his friend was doing. And then, as it sunk in, a look of horror passed over his face.
"Go!" Cass ordered his eyes deadly serious and his face determined.
Then before Dean could do anything, the force of the wind snatched him up and the portal closed behind him. Leaving Castiel alone inside.
Castiel removed his hand from Dean's head and suddenly Dean was once again in the present. He shook his head slightly trying to process the new memory. This was just…wrong. There were no words to describe how he felt. Nothing to express just what was going through his head.
"See, it wasn't that I was weak." Cass said, and Dean raised his eyes to stare at a whole new Angel in shock and horror. "I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn't want to be saved."
"What are you talking about?" Dean asked quietly. This was just too much, this memory—the one that he had erased from his mind and created a new one, a better one—was just too…impossible.
"It's where I belonged. I needed to do penance. After the things I did on Earth and in Heaven, I didn't deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there." Dean stared at him, feeling his entire world crashing around him as he listened to the Angel's impossible reasons. He couldn't actually think these things…could he? The Angel continued speaking the awful truth, "I…I planned to stay all along. I just didn't know you to tell you."
Dean stared heartbrokenly at his friend and could think of nothing to say. What was there to say in the face of this secret? What could be said to make Cass understand the truth of where he belonged?
"You can't save everyone, my friend…"Castiel said sadly, "Though, you try."
It wasn't just that Cass thought that he belonged there in Purgatory, it was more. It was the finality of his decision to stay. When Cass had pushed him away, there was no turning back. He couldn't just change his mind later and leave. No, when he had forced Dean to leave without him, Cass had meant to stay there alone. Forever.
Dean had been his one and only shot out of there. He didn't know—couldn't have known that somehow he would get out anyway. He had given up his only chance of freedom. When he said he thought he belonged there, he meant it. There had been no other way out. Yet, still he had let the door to freedom close with him on the wrong side.
Because Dean believed him now—Cass didn't know what or who had gotten him out. He didn't know why. And how did Dean know this for certain? It was so simple, that terrible memory had cleared it all up for him.
Castiel had wanted to stay in Purgatory. He hadn't freedom. He hadn't wanted out. And he still didn't. Castiel still wanted to be in there, he still thought that he belonged there. Still believed that he deserved to be in there.
And now that he was here, Dean was even more worried about him—though he had never thought that to be possible. But his stunt with Crowley had proved to Dean that the Angel wasn't okay. It was his actions in the factory that had clearly showed that he was telling the truth.
Because Cass didn't care about his own well-being anymore. He was reckless. Dangerously so.
"You're not all the way back, are you?" He had asked him after Cass stumbled into the wall after burning one demon to death. It used to be he could take countless demons and not suffer ill effects from it. But now?
But they moved on until they reached the door they needed. Dean tried to lock it but the lock was too strong. Stupid Demons and their powers, Dean thought absently as he kept trying. "It's not working." He said frustrated.
"Dean, I'm going in." Castiel informed him.
Dean stood up to face him and shook his head quickly, "Cass, no." He whispered protectively. The Angel still looked exhausted from his fight with the one Demon; there was no way he could take on the King of Hell—especially since that Demon had a particular desire to crush the Angel between his teeth. "You're not strong enough."
But by the time the last word left his mouth, Dean was talking to thin air. Castiel had gone in.
Dean couldn't hear anything from the other side of the door and he couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, he tried to pick the lock again but it wouldn't budge. So, he went the old fashioned way and decided to try to ram it with his shoulder. Except for hurting his shoulder, the move didn't do anything, the door still didn't budge. But Dean kept trying. He was not going to lose Castiel again.
Suddenly, underneath the door, a very bright light appeared, blinding Dean for a moment and a terror filled his heart. From inside the room he heard that monster Crowley yell faintly, "You're bluffing!" He sounded…scared—an unusual emotion for the King of Hell and it scared Dean because whatever Cass was doing could not be healthy. For either of them. Dean intensified his efforts to open the door.
But then, as clear as day, as if he was right beside him, Dean heard Castiel's calm and solid voice. "Do you want to take that chance?"
Abruptly there was a very loud crash as if a bomb had gone off and the door opened suddenly. Dean should have been happy that the first sight that greeted him was a very much alive—if bloody looking—Kevin Tram. But he barely spared the kid a glance before he saw the Angel lying on the ground. Luckily, Crowley was nowhere to be found—probably why the door had finally opened in the first place.
He moved quickly to his friend's side and helped him to sit. He looked horrible but he was alive.
"What if you had died?" Dean had demanded of him before Cass had torn the blindfold off from around his eyes.
"Well, I didn't get killed. And it worked." He had answered.
"And if it didn't?" Dean had asked, heedless of the answer.
"It would have been my problem."
Bu the Angel was wrong. It would have been Dean's problem too—because that's what family did. They took care of each other no matter what. Castiel was wrong in believing that he could throw his life away because he didn't deserve it just as he was wrong in believing that he belonged in Purgatory.
"You can't save everyone, my friend…Though you try."
He was right, of course, Dean couldn't save everyone. But that had never stopped him before. He did try to save the ones he loved. And he would try to save Castiel. But he would do more than try, he would save the Angel. Even if he didn't want to be saved.
Because Dean had very few people in his life anymore that he claimed as family and Castiel—no matter what he had done or what he would do—was still part of Dean's family. And he needed to be rescued. He wouldn't like it, but Dean had been fighting everyone's will for so long that it would be just like coming home to start again.
But it was more than family that made Dean resolve to save him. It was history. Because, once upon a time, an Angel had taken a chance on a poor, lost Human: he had given his all, sacrificed everything, done all that was asked of him, all to be distrusted and betrayed. So, now that same Human would take a chance on a fallen Angel and he would do everything he needed to do to save the Angel from himself.
He would show Castiel the hero that Dean saw when he looked at him. He would make him see the Angel of the Lord that Dean still saw whenever Cass randomly showed up on their doorstep. He would make him understand that he deserved to live. He would show Castiel that he deserved much more than Purgatory—he deserved to be free.
It would take time and perhaps more effort than Dean could afford to give, but he didn't care. He would do this, he swore to himself and silently he swore to the Angel.
As if he could sense Dean's promise, Castiel turned to look at him and smiled a tiny smile. Dean smiled back and nodded to him. One day, he would make that smile turn into a grin again. It was what Cass would have done for him. It was what Cass had done for him.
Dean smiled again and turned away. This time though…This time, it was Dean's turn to save the Angel.