A/N: It's all dialogue. And you can blame the dark chocolate brownies for this.
Sirius starts and then Remus. The pattern keeps from there.
Hope you like :)
"Be my snuggle bitch."
"Pardon?"
"Be my snuggle bitch."
"Your—Your what?"
"My snuggle bitch."
"And that means what, exactly?"
"That you'll be my snuggle bitch, and every time I need a snuggly I can just come to you and get my snuggly."
"You're kidding right? You've got to be joking."
"I don't joke when it comes to getting my snuggly."
"You…you have completely lost your mind!"
"No I haven't. It's just someone conveniently misplaced my Smoopsie. And now that someone needs to make it up to me by being my snuggle bitch."
"Or?"
"Or what?"
"Or what exactly will happen to this someone?"
"They'll have their chocolate stash raided and consumed while they are tied to their bed."
"Oh. Well then. I guess that settles it."
"Thank you snuggle bitch."
"Must you call me that?"
"Yes. From now on, you are my snuggle bitch. I should get you a t-shirt."
"Please don't."
"Yes, hmm. And it will say 'Beware of Snuggle Bitch,' and you shall be feared throughout the castle."
"Oh, Merlin."
"And all those who are deemed unworthy of looking upon your great snuggliness will fall on their knees in apology for their offense."
"Please stop. You're very scary."
"…"
"Thank you."
"Your welcome."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Hey Snuggle Bitch."
"Oh great. It's in capitals now."
"I need a snuggly."
"That's lovely. And as your…snuggle bitch…I would love to fix that, really I would, but I have an essay due tomorrow that determines if I pass the class."
"I need a snuggly now."
"So go find someone else to have your snuggly with."
"That's not what we agreed on Snuggle Bitch. Don't make me have to go through with my threat. I don't want to."
"…Oh fine."
"Woo-hoo!"
"Hey! Get out of my lap!"
"No. I'm having my snuggly."
"But must you sit in my lap to do so?"
"Yes. Yes I must. Now shut up and enjoy the snuggly, Snuggle Bitch."
"Fine…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Are you finished yet?"
"Not quite."
"People are staring."
"So? I'll make you the t-shirt when I'm done. Then all will be explained."
"If I get a detention I'm going to kill you."
"You're not going to get a detention. We're just having a snuggly."
"You have got to admit, it looks inappropriate to outsiders. And considering this constitutes a snuggly, I don't even want to know what you did with your Smoopsie."
"No, you don't. Now shut up Snuggle Bitch. I'm enjoying my snuggly."
"Wonderful."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Okay, I'm done."
"Thank Merlin."
"Alright. Thank you Merlin. And thank you Snuggle Bitch."
"Your welcome, I guess."
"Good. Now help me finish this essay. I don't understand."
"That wasn't part of the deal."
"Oh, I understand. You weren't done with the snuggly yet. Oh, how rude of me. If you'll just shift your arm a bit."
"No! I mean, it's fine, really. I don't mind helping you with your essay."
"Well, if you're sure."
"Oh, I'm sure. I'm insanely sure."
"Okay, Snuggle Bitch. If that's what you want."
"Thank you."
"Yes. But you should know that my nightly snuggle is longer."
"Argh! Merlin's pants, one day you're going to be the death of me!"
"Hey, Snuggle Bitch, wait up! You can't run from me! I'm taller! And snuggly-er! Hey! Get back here!"
"Muahahahahahahahahahaha!"
"SNUGGLE BITCH!"
"Oof!"
"Ha! Gotcha! Now, I believe this calls for an emergency, intensive snuggly, don't you?"
"No."
"Of course you do. Come along Snuggle Bitch."
"Only if you give me chocolate."
"Deal."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome Snuggle Bitch."
"I have to find your Smoopsie."
"You can if you want. Either way we're still having some serious snugglies."
"What?"
"Yeah. I mean, you agreed to be my Snuggle Bitch. Oh, and here."
"You didn't."
"I did."
"I hate you."
"I love you too. Put it on."
"No way in Hell."
"Welcome to Hell, Snuggle Bitch."
"I hate you."
"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!"
"Good."
"There's no need to be grouchy."
"I'll be grouchy if you want. I look like a sissy with this shirt on. I mean 'All Hail Snuggle Bitch'? Really?"
"Yes."
"... I just don't know how to respond to that."
"Don't. Just be my Snuggle Bitch and let's go have a good snuggly."
"…Oh alright."
"Woo-hoo! Come on Snuggle Bitch!"
"...Sigh..."