Fruits Basket: Truth or Dare.
DISCLAIMER: The characters of Fruits Basket do not belong to me. Sadly. They belong to Takaya Natsuki and though I have begged and pleaded with him, he will not let me share ownership of Akito. Meanie. What I do own however, is the character Lucifer. *Gets punted around the head* OW! Okay, sorry. I share trademark rights over him with my friend Hash. He is from a series we write together called "Satan's Realm" where he is having an explicit Yaoi relationship with Akito! *Giggles obscenely* But that's not why you have come here. You have come here to read about Fruits Basket. Therefore, continue reading and ignore my rambling.
One bright sunny day in Fruits Basket Japan land, the Sohma family all decided to get together so that an inevitable fanfic could take place. They agreed to gather at Shigure's house and sit around doing nothing until such a time as some random author appeared and possessed them, with her or his amazing powers of creativity. It had been two hours since they had all arrived and so far... nothing had happened...
DUN, DUN, DUN!
"Hmm..." Shigure muttered as he picked at a loose thread on his jumper. "Do you think that maybe the author has forgotten about us?"
Hatori's response was to twiddle his thumbs, first in a clockwise direction, then in an anti-clockwise direction. After a while he got dizzy and had to stop and concentrate on something else. Unfortunately for our lovable hentai Inu, it was not him.
Shigure sighed and looked around the room. No one else seemed willing to answer his question for they were all caught up in some pre-fanfic type activities. Kyou, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside Tohru, was glaring heatedly at Yuki who was glaring back at him hard enough to burn a hole through the Neko's head. Tohru, bless her sweet darling nature, (note the sarcasm) was sitting there with a puzzled expression that could only compare to how Ayame might look if Shigure just told him that he was having intimate relations with a woman. One might assume that Tohru was wondering why Kyou and Yuki were glaring at each other in such unfriendly ways. But then again, you never know with Tohru.
A loud snore drew Shigure's attention to the couch where the cute and cuddly (no, this is not sarcasm) master of the Sohma family was curled up sleeping. He resembled a delicate little angel with his shiny black hair, ivory skin and mouth wide enough to fit a couple of bowling balls in. He was snoring so ridiculously loudly that Kyou had more then once tried to stiffle him a pillow only to be stopped by Hatori. It was one of the many reasons Shigure was glad that he did not live at the main house.
The golden haired Momiji giggled randomly and then went silent again. A huge grin still covered his face though so it seemed he was still thinking of whatever it was that made him laugh. Three words: Fluffy pink bunnies.
The peace of the room was suddenly shattered by Ritsu leaping to his feet, inhaling deeply and screaming at the top of his lungs-
.... Three guesses.
....
....
If you said "Gomen-Nasai" then you're absolutely positively right. Geez, how'd you know? You physic or something?
"GOMEN-NASAI!!" Ritsu shrilled, causing the house to rumble and cracks to appear from every corner like jagged spider webs. Every Sohma covered their ears calmly except for Akito who was asleep and didn't even awaken at the sudden disturbance. Those are some really heavy drugs Hatori's got him on.
"Oh Ritsu! It's alright!" Kisa placated in her soft voice, patting the disturbed monkey on the back. She was interrupted by Hiro who clambered to his feet and stood facing the monkey with his hands on his hips.
"No it's not." He snitched venomously; causing Ritsu to burst into another hail of "Gomen-nasai's" as Kisa tried to assure him that he didn't have to apologize for anything. He never believes anyone anyway so I don't really see the point.
Kagura was sitting beside Shigure, staring dreamily at Kyou for a change. Little love hearts floated in her eyes and around her head, harassing Haru who was sitting on her other side. Haru didn't like those love hearts much. They made him think unsanitary thoughts about Yuki, which was the last thing he needed in such an enclosed space.
The only one in the room who didn't seem to be outwardly bored was Ayame who was winking at Shigure from his pouf and making obscene movements with his tongue and hand. You know the one and if you don't then I'm sure one of you're friends do.
Shigure smiled in satisfaction and leaned back against the edge of the couch. Akito had warned everyone that the first person to actually sit on it would be thrown out of the house. Such a delightful young man isn't he?
"My... aren't we a spirited bunch?" The Inu remarked, suddenly reminded that he really wanted to see that movie 'Spirited Away.' He was sure it had a little high school girl in it somewhere...
Momiji giggled and responded with a squeak. "Why yes Shigure! *Giggles* I think we are too!" He then giggled again as if by now that we weren't completely sure that he was hyper. We are.
"I think, and this is just my opinion, that Shigure was being sarcastic Momiji." Hatori said morbidly distracted from his thumbs for five seconds.
This confused the hyperactive Usagi who cocked his head to the side, causing his funny looking hat thing to fall askew.
"He was?"
Hatori nodded, whilst he inwardly tried to will himself to some random beach in Hawaii if only to escape the stupidity of this fanfic. The author however, did not like him and although getting rid of him would have been a wonderful solution, it was more fun to torture him by making him stay. So he did. Mwaa haa haa...
Momiji joined in this sudden Hatori bashing. "Ah, what would you know?!" He squeaked then went back to giggling stupidly. Hatori made a disgruntled moaning noise and tried to bash himself unconscious with a book. It was a soft covered manga though and thus had no effect what so ever on the poor dragon.
Hiro noticed the silence in the room and saw it as the perfect opportunity to complain.
"I'm bored!" He whined in the most unbelievably obnoxious way. Well it is Hiro so it probably is imaginable. "Bored, bored BORED!! ... Bored." He added quickly.
"So is the author." Shigure reasoned casting a small lip lick in Ayame's direction. "Why do you think she's writing this?"
"Because it's the only way to restrain herself from writing bad Akito/Lucifer yaoi lemons?" Hiro suggested, becoming the smartest person in the room for all of one sentence. Hatori nodded in agreement as he searched the room for other hard objects he could maim himself with.
As if things weren't disturbing enough, Akito decided then and there to start sleep talking, confirming Hiro's suggestion and the author's secret desire all in one hit.
"Mmph?" He murmured rolling over to face the wall of the couch. "Oh ... just to the left ... ya know I like it like that ... *snore"
A long silence followed where everyone looked back and forth at one another not sure what to make of this frightening turn of events. Finally Haru saved the day.
"Look." He said calmly, raising both hands as though to keep the others from panicking. "I know it's been said until we're blue in the face ... but he's nuts." The 'he' in question was obviously Akito, but with that family it seemed kind of hypocritical for him of all people to start pointing fingers.
Tohru amazingly thought the same thing. With a disapproving frown she reached over and punched Haru hard in the arm. Yes, punched.
"Don't be mean!" She trilled as Haru rubbed his tender limb and wondered whether or not going Black would be a good idea.
"Hey!!" He snapped, looking down right murderous. "What are you hitting me for? Akito's the one who almost pulled your hair out!"
"That's different." Tohru preached, her eyebrows knitted so tightly together they almost looked like one straight line. Now, try imagining google eyed Tohru with that expression on her face. Yes. It is weird.
Haru was not satisfied with this response. "HOW?!" He shrieked, sounding like a little girl.
"It just is!!" She squealed back tossing her head as she turned on her heel to walk away. Haru got a face full of brown hair.
Shigure offered his own brand of advice as Haru prepared to go Black on the Rice Balls ass. "In other words the author's just biased." He stated wisely halting the Cow in mid metamorphosis. (WTF?)
Haru pondered for a while on his response then, finding it acceptable shrugged and sat back down. "Fair enough."
No sooner had he put his ass cheeks on the floor, then Ayame; no longer content with his trial separation from Shigure broke into a soprano version of Titanic's "My heart will go on," complete with eccentric arm movements.
Shigure gazed at him mournfully. "Oh Aya my love! Why do you wail so?"
"Oh... it is just this... this ... eternal distance between us 'Gure-San!" The silver haired snake wailed throwing his arms up in the air. Yuki edged a little further away from him. "I don't know how long I can last whilst we are apart dear sweet Shigure!"
"You're only ten feet apart." Kyou muttered to deaf ears.
Shigure sparkled and clutched his hands beneath his chin in a traditional anime lovey-dovey pose.
"Precious Aya! Do not fear! I shall brave the endless abyss of carpet that aspires to stand between us to bring us together!"
With that he leapt from the floor and ran in dramatic slow motion towards Ayame who was clinging to his pouf like a sissy. By the way, yes I know that the Japanese don't sit on pouf's so much as small mats but I'm writing this fic so that makes me GOD. And GOD says, 'Let there be pouf's.'
Shigure scooped up Ayame in his arms and posed dramatically whilst stars and sparklie's flew up behind him. Reunited once more, the eccentric gay couple, of which we are not sure actually are a gay couple, spent a few moments gazing into each other's eyes before Kyou got Homo-phobic and kicked Shigure in the leg, causing him to fall over. This did not have the desired effect that Kyou had hoped for since Ayame took it as a come on, on Shigure's behalf and began randomly groping him. Hatori covered Kisa and Hiro's eyes with the book he had previously been hitting himself with.
As he moved away from the sex-crazed bishounen's, Kyou had a sudden epiphany.
"Hey..." He muttered in a 'I have a most sinister of sinister plot's formulating in my brain' way. "Just how comatose do you think Akito is anyway?"
Everyone but Shigure and Ayame, who were, eh, "busy" turned to look at the snoozing Sohma who, for best left unknown reason's, had managed to turn himself upside down on the couch as he slept. Yuki pulled a face.
"I'd say he's pretty out to it."
"Good! Now's my chance!" Kyou cried gleefully as he raced off somewhere. There was the sound of banging in the next room, stuff being thrown around and the like. A few minutes later he emerged holding a plastic bag full of weed. "Found it!" He cried in triumph.
Hatori paled. "How'd you know where he hid it? Akito's stash is his most prized possession." He looked about nervously and bit his lip. "If he catches you with it again..."
Kyou rolled his crimson eyes in response. "He's not gonna catch me man and besides it wasn't that hard to find. He hid it in a pot plant. Dead give away." With that he sat down and started to pry open the baggy.
As soon as the seal on the bag had parted, Akito's eyes predictably shot open and he sprang from the couch onto Kyou fists flailing.
"How many times-." *Punch punch* "- have I told you to-.." *slap* "- stay away from-" *Right hook* "- my-.." *Kick* "- stash you little-.." *gouge* "- monster!?!?" Akito bellowed between various acts of violence on the feline. Not that Akito seems one to bellow. 'Shriek indignantly' is probably a better description...
"Ha! Look at that! Bloody favoritism!" Yuki snorted seemingly unaware that it was in fact he that was Akito's favourite. DUH! "In the old days you'd whip me if I so much as looked at your stash!"
Akito sat up, momentarily halting his attack on Kyou. "And your point is?" He asked, tone dangerous.
Of course Yuki backed down. "Uh... nothing. Carry on." He wheedled.
Akito went back to beating the tar out of Kyou.
Shigure, who had disentangled himself from Ayame at the disturbance glared at Kyou as he got to his feet.
"Oh look at what you've done now Kyou. Everything was nice and peaceful until you just had to rouse Akito." He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Well I hope you're happy now."
Kyou screamed in pain.
Momiji giggled gleefully no doubt amused at the antics erupting around him. "Well I was really bored before. But all this fun action had cheered me up!" He exclaimed bouncing around on his butt. Does it even need to be mentioned that he was completely happy before Akito went ape shit on Kyou? Guess not.
It was then that Kagura snapped out of her fantasy that involved something like her and Kyou living in a castle together and riding around on beautiful white horses every day to see the source of her fantasy, getting literally turned into sauce by the Sohma family master. This required immediate action!
"Hey!!" She yelled leaping angrily to her feet and brandishing her fists. "I'm the only one who beats up Kyou around here!!"
Akito also stood up, but since I've never really compared their heights I have no idea who is taller and tallness is always a necessary factor in fights. So I've heard.
"Oh yeah!?" He shrieked in a really girly way and exposed his bitch claws. Akito fans across the world all sweat dropped in unison.
"Yeah!" Was Kagura's quick response although you could just tell that she was sooo~ooo nervous about taking on Akito and his fingernails.
They started cat fighting, (no pun intended), leaving Kyou rolling around on the floor in a bleeding mess.
"Well ... personally I don't find this all that exciting..." Shigure declared as Ayame clung to his arm like a monkey on a branch. After a few moments of thoughtful thinking, (Once again, WTF?) the Inu came up with the perfect solution. "Hey I know! Let's play a game!"
And thus the point of this fanfic is finally reached.
Everyone stopped what he or she was doing to stare at Shigure. He immediately grew uncomfortable with so many sets of eyes on him that weren't high school girls.
"What?" He asked whinily, wishing that Aya wouldn't gyrate against him like that when he was trying to be taken seriously. For once.
Hatori looked at him with a worried expression. This may have been because he had been banging his head against the t.v for the past five minutes but who knows? "... A game?" He asked.
Shigure grinned enthusiastically. "Yeah you know... a game! Like Spin the bottle!" He momentarily eyed off Tohru who was staring off into a random corner where the plaster was still cracking
Yuki's teeth ground in his mouth. "Keep you're eyes to yourself baka hentai Inu." He warned and Shigure at least had the good grace to look ashamed of himself.
"Ooh ooh like Twister!" Momiji squealed getting even more excited, if that's possible.
Akito just grinned disturbingly. "I'm thinking more along the lines of "Swirly." He hissed eyeing off the bathroom as he said it.
The thought of playing 'Swirly' was of some distress to Yuki. He shrieked in horror and curled up in a fetal position on the floor.
"No! Not Swirly!" He screamed clutching at his head like Cloud in FF7. "It took me ages to get that nasty toilet smell out of my hair!" He shivered in revolt at the memory.
Haru saw the opportunity and leapt to Yuki's side to stroke his back comfortingly. "What about 'I never?'" He suggested grinning stupidly at the fact that he was touching Yuki. Yeah, he really does it for this author too. Or not.
"No it's been completely over used." Hatori declared getting involved in the game naming activity. "How about "Truth or Dare?""
"Yeah! Let's play Truth or Dare!" Kisa squeaked and did a full out Momiji where she bounced up and down on her butt. Unfortunately, Momiji saw her and joined in.
It took ten whole minutes to settle both of them down and by then the other Sohma's had set themselves up in a somewhat retarded circle. I say somewhat retarded because Akito as, 'Sohma family master' felt he had the right to have one whole side of the room to himself. The rest of the family was too scared to argue so he got what he wanted.
"Okay then!" Shigure cried with a hearty clap of his hands. "Who wants to go first?"
"Oh I suppose I will." Ayame huffed, tossing his silver braid over his shoulder and almost braining Ritsu with it. "Fire away, 'Gure-San."
Shigure grinned for a moment at all the Yaoi implications that sentence invoked then shook himself to get rid of them. "All right then. Truth or dare Aya?" He asked in a flirty voice. As if he talks any other way.
"Dare." Ayame decided playing along with what he was sure would be something sweet and juicy. Of course he had to be wrong.
"Right... I dare you..." Shigure leaned close to Ayame and paused, smiling so seductively. He could practically hear the other man's heart speed up. "To... GO PLAY "SWIRLY" WITH AKITO!! MWAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!!!"
Ayame screamed dramatically. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"OH YES!" Akito cackled grabbing a handful of Ayame's hair and dragging him off towards the bathroom. Ayame screamed a bit more as he was pulled headfirst into doorways and walls.
"Ow! OW! NO not the hair!" He shrilled tears of pain and betrayal streaming down his face. "'GURE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! HOW COULD YOU?!"
Akito shoved Ayame's head into the toilet and flushed. Ayame's long white hair went swirling around and around the toilet bowl getting all tangled up.
"Oh the indignity!" Sobbed the poor snake, though opening his mouth was probably not the wisest thing to do when his head was in the toilet. "'GURE!! Oh you'll pay for this! You'll pay for- Blark! OH EYUCK!!"
Luckily, Akito pulled his head out of the toilet at this point so he did not inhale too much toilet water. The Sohma family master ran cackling into the lounge room where, everyone, Yuki especially, was having a good laugh at Ayame's expense.
"That was great! Anyone else wanna go!?" Akito looked around expectantly as though they should be crawling over each other for a chance to play 'Swirly.'
"Uh ... no thanks Akito." Haru declined as the others sweat dropped in unison.
Ayame reappeared crawling and sobbing into the room, his hair stained blue and tangled up horribly.
"Help... me..." He whimpered, eyes hidden by the layers of his knotted mane. "My beautiful hair..."
"Oh no... looks like it stained..." Akito said in fake sympathy. He then added with a deviant smile. "Oh dear ... guess we'll have to cut it all off..."
Ayame screamed again, no doubt earning himself a place in the Guinness Book of Records for the number of times a person can scream in one fanfic. "No!! Anything but that!! I'll wash it first!"
Akito picked up a pair of scissors that had just randomly appeared. "Let's not delay the inevitable..." He purred clacking the blades threateningly. "Come here Ayame my pet..."
The way he said that sounded similar to how a man in a black car with tinted windows would talk to little children in the street. In which case, Ayame saw himself going down a not very nice path.
"NO! STOP PLEASE!!" He cried and then seeing his pleading was doing no good turned and fled tail, Akito in hot pursuit.
[The author wishes to advice that running with scissors is a safety hazard and simply because insane psychopaths like Akito do it, no one else should. It is dangerous. Very, very dangerous. Don't do it. Thank you.]
"Alright... since Ayame is... uh, busy, I'll have the next turn." Shigure decided as his beloved's screams echoed around the house in the creepy resemblance of 'Project Zero.' "I'll do a dare."
It was left up to Hatori to think of a suitable dare for Shigure. And since he had all but killed off most of his remaining brain cells he was finding it a little hard to concentrate.
As he strained to come up with something a thought came to Momiji's bouncy little bunny mind.
"I have a good one!" He squeaked leaning up to whisper in Hatori's ear. The older man blushed quite uncharacteristically at what he was being told.
"Um Shigure? You have to; "Put on your dorkiest pair of boxers and wearing only them stand on the roof and scream like Tarzan for one whole minute."" He repeated turning a most unflattering shade of puce. Momiji giggled evilly and rolled around on the carpet enjoying the moment.
Shigure went quiet as he contemplated what he was being asked to do. Hatori was just about to suggest something else when the Inu spoke up.
"Oh is that all?" He barked boredly. "I thought it would something difficult."
Without further hesitation he got to his feet and stripped off his clothes revealing a yellow and black pair of Hello Kitty boxers. "Well whose coming to watch?" He yelled cheerfully as he tromped outside.
A hushed silence fell over the remaining Sohma family. (OW!)
"... I take it he does this often then?" Hatori finally asked.
"Every full moon." Yuki replied miserably.
In the background Ayame tore past screaming hysterically with Akito still chasing him.
Kyou continued to squirm on the floor bleeding from his various wounds. "Please ... help me ... can't feel legs..." He moaned.
Everyone ignored him and traipsed outside. They formed a small crowd on the front lawn and watched as Shigure clambered up on the roof and struck a pose beside the chimney like an experienced underwear model.
The Inu coughed into his hand, clearing his throat. "Ahem ... Ahem ... Testing 1 2. Testing, testing 1 2 3 testing, testing." With no warning what so ever he started beating his chest and screaming like Tarzan at the top of his lungs. "AHHHHYAAAAAAAAAYAAAA! AHHHHHHAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Some person I have creatively named Random Neighbor Person Thingy stuck his head out of the window to find the cause of disturbance.
"Hey shuttup Shigure!" He roared. "It's two weeks until the next full moon!!"
Other Random Neighbor Person Thingy also added her two cents worth. "Yeah give it a rest would ya? Between you and Kyou it's a wonder anyone sleeps around here!"
"Note to self." Yuki mumbled. "Next time use ball gag."
You as the audience, can take this remark any way you want.
The other Juunishi were thoroughly amused however and were rolling around on the grass laughing until they were crying. All except Hatori, who was trying to loosen a brick on the house, (not that the house is made of bricks but that's the great thing about being an author. You have a license to bullshit.) to beat himself over the head with.
As if this wasn't bad enough Ayame ran past screaming again with Akito still chasing him. However upon seeing Shigure standing on the roof making like George of the Jungle he stopped to stare.
"Now just hold on one minute!!" Akito shrieked. I wish I could find another word just as befitting as shrieked but there really isn't one. "Why is Shigure the first to do this?"
"It was his dare Akito..." Yuki growled, developing a sudden twitch in his left eye.
Akito thrust a hand in his direction almost knocking Yuki flying. "Silence little sister! I don't remember asking you for you're opinion!!"
Hatori gave up his attempts on the brick and turned to the situation at hand, though he knew it would just make him want to kill himself even more. The joys of being the only sane person in a family of freaks. Oops, not that we're supposed to agree with Akito about that or anything.
"And just how is amnesia treating you Akito?"
Akito looked at the doctor, positively confused by what he had said. "Amnesia? W-Wha-? But... but... I-I don't have amnesia..." He stuttered. Hey, but at least he had stopped shrieking.
Hatori looked rather grave and crossed his arms over his chest. "You must have forgotten that you have it. It happens." He added a sad shake of the head for effect.
Akito looked even more puzzled. O.O;; "I did?"
Momiji bounced up and looked at the Sohma family master with his chocolate brown eyes. "Wow you have amnesia? What's it like Akito?! Do you feel all funky and stuff?" He seemed generally excited by this, for what reason escaped anyone. And for the record, trying to imagine a 'Funky Akito' tends to make one think of him wearing a rainbow wig and flares. Oh dear God, forget I said anything. For the sake of the universe, forget I said anything.
" ... Um... I forget..." Said Akito in response to Momiji's question. The little Usagi bounced up and down with glee.
"Ooh wow you're so lucky! I wish I had amnesia!"
"Hai. So do I." Yuki grumbled, obviously in an incredibly good mood.
Akito shook himself like a dog. Take a moment to visualize. "Do not change the subject inferior sub-ordinates!" He said, reverting back to his shrieking voice. "I was going to ask why Shigure is doing something to which I was not notified about!"
This time it was Haru who tried to knock some sense into his psychotic head. "It was his dare you crazy baka!" He said enunciating clearly so that Akito could understand him.
But Akito was beyond reasoning. He was completely hysterical. "It needn't matter! As Sohma family master I should be the first to perform all completely derogatory tasks!"
"You usually are Akito." Hatori mumbled turning his attention back to the brick. The damn thing was better company then the entire Sohma family put together.
In the background Akito was getting louder, more high pitched and more, if possible, hysterical. "I refuse to allow Shigure to be the center of attention for longer then I am!" He declared huffily and in a random move, stripped off his Kimono to reveal a bright orange pair of Cardcaptor Sakura boxers. He then scrambled onto the room, completely contradicting his physical condition, and stood next to Shigure trying to behave like a bigger idiot then he was. The rest of the family stood staring up at them, wondering just what kind of fanfic they had been trapped in.
"Here's to hoping Akito slips on that tile I loosened up there for Kyou..." Yuki said out loud thinking about 'killing two birds with one stone.' Kyou who had finally managed to drag his butt outside, nodded in agreement as he tied another bandage around his arm.
"Yeah with any luck..." He then thought about what Yuki had just said and something clunked into place. "Hey hold on-.."
He was distracted from any homicidal thoughts toward the Nezumi by the sudden loving embrace of a certain boar we all know and love.
"Kyou-kun! Oh my darling!!" Kagura exclaimed as she leapt onto his back.
Kyou: screamed in fear and hatred. "Stupid female!"
The older brunette developed a dangerous looking twitch that escalated into a full-blown rage. "OH KYOU!!" She thundered and started hitting him with all sharp objects in arms reach including Hatori's brick. "Why don't you love me?!?! Why, Why, Why, WHY!?!!??"
"My brick!" Hatori sobbed.
"Gyaaah!" Kyou cried running for his life. "Baka boar!!"
"Ha ha!! Scardy neko! Scardy neko! Ahahhahahaahahahah!!" Momiji squealed jumping from side to side as he pointed and laughed.
"This fanfic seems to be full of nothing but unnecessary violence and people running away from each other." Hatori mumbled as he retrieved his abused brick from the ground. Haru gave a slight nod of agreement.
"Yeah... I mean couldn't the author think of something more original?" He bitched, his personality somewhere between Black and White mode. He was startled by Yuki who slapped his hand over the cow's mouth and looked at him urgently.
"Don't say that! She'll be throwing in Yaoi next!" The Nezumi cried as he glanced about fearfully.
Haru gasped and shut up, although we all know perfectly well that he wants nothing more then to get down and dirty with Yuki under the covers. Shh! Big secret!
Meanwhile on the roof it seemed as though Shigure had won out in the Tarzan contest. He continued hollering happily whilst Akito leant against the chimney for support, panting.
"Ha ha! Shigure Sohma! King of the Jungle!" the Inu crowed leaping atop the chimney and brandishing a fist victoriously. As if to clarify it, he beat his fists against his chest again.
Akito reached up calmly and shoved Shigure down the chimney. "Baka Inu..."
"AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" Came Shigure's fading scream as he plummeted downwards. A loud THUNK ensured from the lounge room followed by a far off 'Ow."
"OH NO! 'GURE!!" Ritsu screamed and ran inside sobbing and moaning. (Okay um, that sounded a little wrong.)
"Do you think Shigure's gonna be alright?" Tohru asked with a concerned expression.
"It is Akito I am more worried about at this point Miss Honda." Was Yuki's reply and he gestured to the roof as if to prove his point.
There was Akito dancing around crazily on the roof laughing much like Kefka would if he had taken speed and inhaled giggle gas all in the one go.
"OWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!!" He, uh, giggled. "I AM THE ALMIGHTY AKITO SOHMA TO WHOM YOU ALL SHALL BOW DOWN BEFORE AND MARVEL AT MY DIGNITY AND MAGNIFICENCE!!" He shrieked pointing down at them all.
He's still only wearing his Cardcaptor boxers.
Tohru nodded in a brain washed way. "You are very dignified and magnificent Akito."
Akito glared down at her as though she were absurd. "Of course I am Rice Ball!" He snitched and began strutting along the rooftop. "I will have order, I will have perfection..." He stopped and brandished a fist in the air. "I will have vanilla custard and ice cream!!"
"Um ... 'Tori? Has Akito had his medication today?" Yuki asked politely, though it was pretty clear what the answer would be.
Hatori sighed in aggravation and rubbed his forehead. "I knew I'd forgotten something..."
Above their heads Akito giggled like a bimbo and did a cartwheel. Yes, a cartwheel. "Wheee!" He cried sounding like Momiji.
"Gosh this is embarrassing..." Hatori grumbled then yelled up to Akito. "AT LEAST ACT LIKE YOU'RE SICK!!"
The Family master giggled and twirled some hair. "How about, like, no?" With that, he resumed his strutting, singing the Cardcaptor theme song.
It was times like these that Hatori seriously considered erasing his own memory. He wandered inside muttering to anyone that cared that he did not know the skinny enigma on the roof wearing the Cardcaptor boxers. He narrowly missed being bowled over by Ayame who was circling the house for the upteenth time, still screaming his head off.
Akito, who was in the middle of another, strut suddenly slipped on Yuki's loose tile. "WHOOPS!!" He cried as he plummeted off the roof and landed on Ayame, silencing his screams once and for all. "Oof!" He exclaimed giving his head a little shake and looking down at the unconscious snake. (Tee hee that rhymed!) "Well that was lucky... not so much for you but..." He suddenly twitched, as have most characters in this fic have done so far and got love hearts in his eyes. "Oh Ayame-San! You're my hero!"
Akito threw his arms around Ayame and hugged him passionately.
Yuki groaned and looked at the ground in defeat. "Told ya. Here comes the hentai..."
He however made no move to help his poor passed out brother who was being nuzzled by the over affectionate Akito and called repulsive pet names.
"Hey can we get back to playing the game already?" Hiro snarled who really didn't care what else was going on.
Kyou raced past, still trying to fend off Kagura. "Yeah lets keep playing already!!" He yowled. Because he's a cat and cat's yowl. ... I think.
They all trooped back inside, Akito still attached to the unconscious Ayame. They entered the lounge room to find Ritsu apologizing consistently to Shigure who was lying half in and half out of the fireplace looking as though an apology is the last thing that would help him.
"OH SHIGURE!! HOW COULD YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?!?" Ritsu sobbed clearly in his element.
Shigure, who was busy dusting himself off, looked half amused and half annoyed as are most people when exposed to Ritsu.
"Really Ri-chan. It's alrigh-.."
Ritsu cut him off. "NO!! NO IT IS NOT ALL RIGHT!! I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON!! HOW COULD I HAVE LET AKITO SHOVE YOU DOWN THE CHIMNEY WHILST I STOOD BY IDILY, DOING NOTHING!?!!"
"You would have started apologizing to Akito then for ruining his fun..." Yuki muttered with a roll of his eyes. If Ritsu heard this he ignored it because he continued with his apologizing vendetta unfazed.
"I'M A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!!! GOMEN-NASAI!!!" With the dramatic flair worthy of an Oscar, he threw himself to the floor at Shigure's feet, hair spread out around his shoulder's like a chestnut cape. "PLEASE, CRUSH MY HEAD BENEATH YOU'RE GLORIFUL HEEL SO THAT I MAY BE REDEEMED!!"
"I'LL DO IT!!" Akito offered enthusiastically.
Everyone glared at him.
"Um Ritsu... that's not really necessary-.." Shigure said climbing to his feet and offering the monkey his hand. Ritsu pulled away from it and threw his own arm against his forehead.
"YOU'RE RIGHT!! MY SKULL IS NOT WORTHY ENOUGH TO BE CRUSHED BY YOU'RE SHOES!! YOU'RE FOOTWEAR IS FAR TOO GOOD FOR ME!! I DON'T DESERVE TO BE REDEEMED!! ALLOW ME TO LIVE WITH THIS TERRIBLE GUILT IN THE HOPES THAT I MAY ONE DAY EXPLODE FROM IT!! LET ME-.."
"SHUTTUP!!" The other's screamed, near to exploding themselves with annoyance. Ritsu sobbed pathetically from his curled position on the floor and nodded until his head just about came off.
"HAI! HAI!" He cried then thankfully shut up.
Kyou growled irritably. "Lets keep going with the game already..."
(Chapter 2 should be up soon... if I get at least three nice reviews! This is only my first fic on the net so I hope at least one person likes it. Don't judge me too harshly! I'd love to get some dares mentioned to me from reviewer's but I don't know if that's allowed so I won't get my hopes up. Anyway, I beg you; I implore you, please review! Or flame, I don't care as long as I'm getting some attention! ^__^)