What if Monica HAD slept with Joey in London? This is a possible outcome of that case scenario... and be forewarned... C&M (as always).
"It's going to be okay," Chandler reassured her for the hundredth time that night. Monica sighed.
"I know," she replied looking at the floor. "I just wish..." she paused. "I wish I could be sure of that."
"Look, Mon, you are the embodiment of the perfect woman. You're smart, you're sexy, you're kind-hearted... there's not a guy in this world who wouldn't kill to be able to call you his girlfriend." Monica smiled at his attempts to cheer her up and looked into his comforting face.
"Thank you Chandler," she said with a heartfelt sense of gratitude.
"Hey, don't mention it. That's what friends are for, right? Besides, how many times have you picked me up off the ground?" He grinned and placed his hand gently on her shoulder. "You going to be okay?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah," Mon assured him with a small smile. "I'll be fine... just need to get some sleep."
"'Kay," Chandler agreed, giving her a hug. "'Night," he said after he'd pulled away.
"G'night, Chandler," she answered, closing her hotel room door. Chandler stood staring at her door for a few more moments and then turned to leave. Deciding that he wasn't quite ready to go back to his room, he opted instead to check out the hotel bar. As he walked into it, he quickly scanned around to make sure that none of his friends were there, mentally scoffing at himself as he did so. Monica was asleep, Ross was probably still saying goodbye to people from the rehearsal dinner, and Joey was more than likely out getting lucky. "I'm the only loser here tonight," he thought with a self-pitying sigh as he took a seat on one of the barstools.
"What can I get for ya?" the bartender asked in a strong Cockney accent.
"Uh... Brandy Alexander," Chandler replied. If he was going to get hammered, which he figured was the case, he might as well do it in style.
"That bad, huh?" the guy asked as he grabbed a glass from the rack. Chandler sighed as he looked skeptically at the man before him who shrugged. "You stick around for awhile, you're going to be smashed and telling me anyway... I figured I'd try to get a head start and get at least some of the saga while you're still sober." Chandler grimaced. "I'm Tony," the bartender offered.
"Chandler," he replied, sighing and nodding his thanks as he accepted the drink. "It's just... well, there's this girl." The bartender nodded.
"There always is," he replied knowingly, and indicated for Chandler to continue.
"Monica... what are you doing here?" Joey asked, concerned when he opened the door and saw her on the other side.
"I... I couldn't sleep," she fibbed as she took a sip of the mini-bar drink she'd made herself. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," he replied, stepping aside to let her in.
"Chandler here?"
"Nah... I haven't seen him since the rehearsal dinner when you guys left. You shoulda stuck around... Ross almost had one of his tantrums when his and Emily's parents wouldn't stop the arguing." His smile faded when he saw Monica's glum expression. "You okay?" Monica simply nodded and scanned the room.
"Where's that bridesmaid you were hanging all over at the dinner?"
"Eh... she got freaked out when I ended up crying while I was telling her about good ol' New York." He sighed. "New York," he repeated wistfully. After a moment, he noticed Monica staring at him. "Well, anyway... yeah, she's probably off with one of the ushers or something." He shrugged nonchalantly. "But hey... we're in LONDON, BABY! Lots of British chicks here... she just don't know what she's missing!" He grinned and snapped his fingers, causing Monica to chuckle. Pleased, he continued. "So... got a hot date tonight?" Monica scoffed.
"Yeah, right." Joey frowned.
"Everything okay?" Monica paused for a moment, debating on which answer to choose.
"No," she replied finally, repeating it with a whisper. "No." Joey pulled her into a hug and rocked her slightly back and forth. He pulled away after a few moments and looked into her eyes. "What's wrong, Mon?" Unable to look him in the eye, she looked at the empty glass she held in her hands for a few moments before replying.
"Everything." Joey frowned and gently took her glass from her, setting it on top of the TV. Monica didn't have the energy to warn him that without a coaster the glass would leave a ring on the surface. Instead, she simply stared at it indifferently. "My life," she added.
"Your life?" he repeated gently. She nodded.
"There's something wrong with me," she replied meekly. "There must be. Otherwise, why would I be stuck in a job where everyone hates me, have parents who are more often than not ashamed of me, and be completely unable to find a boyfriend? I'm hopeless," she added pitifully.
"Monica, you are NOT hopeless," Joey replied sternly. She scoffed again, not looking at him.
"Yeah, right." He gently put his index finger under her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking at him.
"Why on earth would you say that?"
"Because... all the things I just mentioned."
"Look, Mon, your parents are idiots if they can't see what a good thing they have, so they're not worth you worrying about. With your job... I worked with those jerks and I saw up close how dumb they are. Besides, they don't dislike you for who you are... it's a grudge match. Their egos are bruised because of the circumstances under which you were hired. And as for the boyfriend thing," he continued, "he's out there. You're a great catch. You just need the right guy, and trust me, he's out there. I mean, there is no way that a hot girl like you will stay single for long." Monica smiled slightly.
"You think I'm hot?" she asked timidly.
"Hell, yeah!" he replied fervently. Her smile widened. "Hey, remember when I first moved in? The whole lemonade incident?" Monica laughed slightly and nodded. "I thought you were the hottest woman I'd seen. I mean, Chandler told me when I moved in to stay away from you, and he had good reason. He KNEW I noticed how hot you were. Are," he added with a smile. Monica's smile faded slightly and Joey stared, wondering what was forthcoming.
"You STILL think I am?" He smiled comfortingly.
"Always will," he replied gently. Before he could register what was going on, Monica's lips were on his in a fierce kiss. Once he regained his senses, he put his hands on her shoulders and pulled away.
"Whoa, Mon... what just happened?"
"Kiss," she stated matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, got that," he replied bluntly. "Look, I... I don't think this is such a good idea."
She looked at the floor. "You don't want me," she said sadly.
"Are you kidding? Monica, any guy would be crazy not to want you. It's just... I don't want to wreck our friendship," he finished. Monica sighed.
"Look, I'm not looking for some long-term commitment," she said boldly. "It's just... we're two mature adults in one of the more romantic cities in the world... we've known each other for years... what harm can it do?" Joey thought for a moment and shook his head stubbornly.
"Monica, just because you're emotional --"
"It's not that," Mon interrupted. "Please, Joey. Just one night." When he said nothing, she took the opportunity to kiss him again, and was relieved when he didn't pull away. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed her back, hoping against hope that he wasn't making a huge mistake.
Chandler heaved a sigh again and finished his drink with a gulp. "She's perfect," he said to Tony as he set his empty glass on the counter. "She's smart, she's beautiful, she's funny, she's kind, she's... just perfect." He put his head in his hands and shook his head.
"Well, so... what's the problem?" Tony asked matter-of-factly. "If she's perfect, why aren't you with her?"
"She... she's my friend."
"Ah," Tony replied with a knowing nod.
"She doesn't think of me that way."
"Well, have you given her a reason to?" Chandler looked up, confused.
"Huh?"
"Of course she's only going to be your friend if you never give her any reason to think of you as more. Does she know how you feel about her?" Chandler shook his head.
"No. I know I'm not good enough for her, and I don't want to lose her friendship. If I can't have more, I at least want that. I have to have her in my life somehow, even if it's not the way I want her." Tony sighed.
"Look, man, what you're doing here... it's not healthy. Sure, it's nice to be in a safe place where there's no real urgency to take action. But think of it this way: if you don't tell her, and she is as perfect as you say, she's going to find someone eventually. Then she'll get married to him, and start a new life. Your friendship will be different then, because she'll have a husband, maybe a child... a new life. Plus, then you're always going to wonder what could have happened, and if you never get over her, you'll never get a life of your own. You have to tell her, if only to at least know that it won't happen so that you can put it behind you and move on. And, if she does feel the same way about you, you'll be getting what you want." Chandler sat silently, letting Tony's words sink in. After a few moments, he found himself nodding slowly.
"I guess you're right," he said quietly. Tony nodded knowingly as Chandler stood up. "Thanks man," he said, taking out his wallet.
"Don't worry about it," Tony replied, shaking his head. "Think of it as the substance-motivation that you needed." Chandler grinned.
"Thanks again," he said as he walked out. Standing in the elevator, he ran a thousand case scenarios through his mind. Looking at his watch, he noticed that it was already 4 a.m. and realized that whatever he managed to figure out would have to wait for at least a few hours. He sighed dejectedly and exited the elevator once he arrived on his floor. Quietly, on the off-chance that Joey was, in fact, in the room, he slipped his keycard into the door and slowly pushed it open. In the dim light that seeped in through the open curtains, he could barely make out that there was, in fact, someone in Joey's bed. He closed the door noiselessly, stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, and crawled into his bed, asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.
He groaned as he rolled over the next morning, his head feeling as though someone had hit him repeatedly with an anvil. He reached out and angled the bedside clock so that he could see that it read ten minutes to nine. He groaned again as he rubbed his eyes. He looked over at the other bed, squinting, and could make out the form of someone wrapped in the quilt. "Morning, Joe," he said with a yawn. "How'd the night with the bridesmaid go?" As the form rolled and moved, two hands emerged in a stretch, and Chandler noticed a split second too late that they were female hands. "Uh..." his voice caught as he realized that Joey had gone and his date was still sleeping in his bed. He silently cursed his roommate as he realized he was about to be faced yet again with an awkward scenario, one with which he had become familiar due to Joey's frequent one-night stands. For the thousandth time, he cursed Joey's tendency to get up early and leave his "date" asleep in his bed alone. "Before you emerge," he began nervously, "I should probably warn you that I'm NOT Joey," he said, trying to avoid further embarrassment that would result from seeing a strange woman naked. He gathered that she was finally awake by the way in which her body stiffened and she drew the bedclothes tighter around her. "Sorry to wake you," he said kindly. He began to wonder what was wrong with the woman when she wouldn't uncover her head. "Look, I'm not a freak or anything... I wouldn't have even come in last night if I'd realized that you were here... but it's okay... I'm Joey's best friend. We're roommates back in New York." He waited momentarily and breathed a little easier when she sat up, despite the fact that the covers were still wrapped around her. "Uh, forgive me for being presumptuous," he said, trying to ease the tension, "but I'd feel a little less awkward if I could at least know that I'm talking to a woman and not a mummy." He forced a smile as the two hands gripped the edge of the quilt and began to lower it. When two achingly familiar blue eyes emerged, Chandler's breath caught and he felt as though someone had stabbed him through the heart. "Monica?" She looked back at him, terrified and holding the blanket up to her chin. "What are you doing here?" He paused as a terrible realization sunk in. "Please..." his voice faltered and he cleared his throat. "Tell me you and Joey didn't..." When she averted her gaze toward the floor, he recoiled. "You... you and Joey..." He stammered uneasily as he tried to convince himself that he was having a drunken dream, but he was jerked back into reality when her piercing blue eyes looked at him pleadingly.
"Don't tell the others," she begged him. "Please, Chandler." He nodded, dazed, as she continued to look at him intently. She smiled slightly as she looked around uneasily. Realizing that she was more than likely not wearing anything, Chandler jumped immediately out of bed, shaking his head.
"I, uh, I'm going to take a shower," he said quickly. She nodded as he darted toward the bathroom.
"Chandler?" He turned toward her, avoiding her eyes. "It-- It was a mistake..." He held up his hands, telling her not to continue. "Thanks," she said sheepishly. He nodded as he felt his heart break and stumbled into the bathroom.
As he walked into the hotel restaurant, he saw Joey standing by the buffet and walked over to him, his hands clenched into fists and his eyes narrowed. "Hey, man," Joey greeted him with a smile. Without saying a word, Chandler grabbed him by the arm and dragged him behind him until they were standing outside the restaurant. "Dude, what's going on?"
"What the hell did you do?" Chandler demanded, his eyes flashing.
"What?" Joey asked innocently.
"Last night," he said shortly. "What did you do?" Realizing that Monica must have still been in his room when Chandler woke up, Joey laughed nervously.
"Uh... something stupid?" Chandler grabbed him by the shirt and glared at him, on the verge of throwing a punch. "Whoa, man, calm down. It was a mistake, okay?"
"I don't care," Chandler replied menacingly. "That's Monica. Who the hell do you think you are?" Joey's anger began to take over as he grabbed Chandler's hands roughly and removed them from the front of his shirt.
"You're one to talk, man. Look, I screwed up, okay? Let's not forget which one of us messed around with a certain sister not so long ago." Chandler was momentarily stumped, but quickly regained his composure.
"That's different," he said angrily. "I warned you to stay away from her."
"Yeah, I know that," Joey retorted. "Look, we made a mistake, okay? But we're adults, and besides... what Monica and I do is really none of your business. I realize that this little-boy crush you've got on her might have left you a little upset, but it's not my fault that you don't have the balls to act on it." No sooner had the words left his mouth than Chandler's fist had landed a solid punch on his mouth, and Joey instantly tasted blood. Reaching up and gingerly touching his lip, he glared at Chandler and walked away.
"Oh, my God... Joey, what happened to you?" Monica rushed over to him and took his face in her hands as Chandler watched jealously from the other end of the church.
"Nothing," he replied shortly. "I walked into a door." He looked at Chandler uneasily and removed Mon's hands from his face. "Listen," he said in a low voice, "now that we know Rachel's here and she's not going to wreck anything, why don't we talk for a few minutes, okay?" Monica nodded nervously and followed him into one of the back rooms as Chandler watched the retreating figures with a pang of resentment. As Joey closed the door behind them, he turned to see her curious face and averted his gaze. "Look, Mon," he began, but he was cut off by her shaking her head.
"Joey, look, you're no more responsible for last night than I am, okay? We both know we made a mistake, we both know it was a really stupid thing to do, and we both know that there's nothing that needs to be said, right?" Joey nodded slowly, surprised at how straightforward she was being. "Okay, then. Let's go and watch Ross get married and forget about all of this, okay?" Joey nodded again and watched as she turned and walked out of the room. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He'd done a lot of stupid things in his time, but this definitely took the cake. Not only had he slept with one of his best friends, but he'd screwed over another one. He was fairly certain that Chandler had feelings for Monica, and although he'd never gotten him to admit it, he had pretty much assumed it since the day he'd moved in. He felt like such a jerk, and he had no idea how he was going to fix this one.
Chandler fidgeted nervously as he watched Joey and Mrs. Waltham walk down the aisle, and he stood uneasily next to Monica as he prepared to do the same. "You okay?" He turned to see her looking up at him intently. He nodded, not confident of his ability to hold his tongue. She looked at him for a moment longer and turned as they proceeded to begin their walk toward the altar.
"Sorry it's not Joey walking you up there," Chandler said bitterly. Monica turned to look at him angrily, a look of hurt and disbelief in her eyes. Chandler felt immediately guilty, but couldn't help himself.
"What?"
"Nothing," he replied coldly as they began their walk.
"Is there something you want to say, Chandler?" Monica challenged in a fierce whisper. He shook his head, angry at himself and at her. She glowered at him and turned toward the front of the church. "If you have something to say to me, get it off your chest," she hissed. He was silent until they reached the point where they were to separate. Before she released her grip on his arm, he leaned toward her.
"How does it feel to be a number?" he whispered icily, then turned and walked over to stand begrudgingly beside Joey. She glared at him momentarily, shocked and eyes flashing, and then turned and headed toward the opposite side of the altar. As she took her place beside Emily's bridesmaids, she glared at the carpet as she felt the tears burning in her eyes. Forcing herself not to cry now, of all times, she pasted a smile across her face and refused to look at either Chandler or Joey, knowing that if she did, the tears would fall. How had she been so stupid? After a few moments of pondering that question, she thought of a different one. What right did Chandler have to be angry with her? It was none of his business what she did. She straightened up a little bit, but her deflated feelings remained.
As Chandler watched Emily and her father walk slowly up the aisle, he stole a look at Monica. She was smiling as she watched the bride-to-be, but Chandler knew better than to believe it. He recognized that smile. He knew it was the same smile that she displayed when she was dealing with her mother's criticism and when she was lying through her teeth. He silently scolded himself for letting his emotions get the better of him, but he could feel them churning in his stomach, aching to be expressed. The anger toward everyone... angry at Monica for picking Joey; angry at Joey for doing it; angry at himself for NOT having the guts to do it. The hurt... and the deflating knowledge that he had no real right to BE hurt... after all, it wasn't as though she had any idea how he felt about her. The jealousy that was quite possibly the strongest of the three... jealousy that Joey had gotten to be with Monica... HIS Monica... in a way that he had dreamed of so many times. And, of course, the guilty wondering. Wondering what might have happened if he'd stuck around in her room, or if he had been the one in his room when she'd come knocking. If that had been the case, would it have happened differently? Would HE have been the one with whom Monica drowned her sorrows? He shook his head slightly and tried to push the thoughts of Monica and Joey out of his head as he watched Emily and Ross begin their wedding ceremony.
"I can't believe you let her get on that plane alone!" It was a week later and Phoebe was once again reprimanding Ross for his abandoning Rachel. Ross simply shook his head, knowing that it was an argument he wouldn't win.
Chandler had avoided both Joey and Monica since the wedding, speaking to them only when absolutely necessary. He had taken the single seat on the flight back, leaving Joey and Monica sitting together while Ross caught a later flight and Rachel spent the week in Greece. Joey looked up from the magazine he was reading and wished for the hundredth time that things were back to normal. Chandler wouldn't speak to him or Monica, and they had barely even seen him since they got back. Rachel was bathing in sunlight in Greece, Ross was endlessly searching for his bride who had gone AWOL, Phoebe was counting down the days until she gave birth, and Monica was acting as though everything was fine. He sighed and flipped a page absently. The group had noticed a palpable tension between Chandler and both Joey and Monica, but when it was made clear that they would receive no explanation, they simply ignored it.
Later that evening, as Monica sat alone in her apartment watching TV, the door opened and Chandler walked in. "Where is everybody?" he asked coolly when he realized that Monica was the only one around. She muted the TV and turned to face him.
"Rachel's in the Mediterranean, Phoebe's at dinner with Frank and Alice, and Ross is sitting by the phone waiting for Emily to call."
"And your lover?" he sneered. Monica's eyes narrowed and she stood up.
"Why are you acting like this?"
"Like what?" Chandler challenged defensively.
"You KNOW what," she replied, frustrated. "Like this. Chandler, I KNOW I screwed up, okay? I don't need YOU throwing it in my face all the time. Like you're so perfect?"
"I know I'm not perfect," Chandler retorted. "But I do think about things before I leap into bed with someone."
"Oh, really? What about Joey's sister? Yeah, you REALLY thought that through, didn't you? Added to which, what right do YOU have to punch Joey in the face?" Chandler paused. "Yeah, walked into a door my ass," Monica jeered. "I'm a big girl, Chandler. I don't need YOU to protect me, okay?"
"Are you sure? Because you sure didn't do such a great job thinking for yourself, did you?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You know damn well what it means, Monica. You're another notch on the bedpost now. How does THAT feel?" The resounding slap was sudden, and he instinctively put his hand gingerly to his cheek. He could see the tears building in Monica's eyes as she glared at him.
"You know what, Chandler?" she whispered through clenched teeth. "Stay out of my life." He felt remorseful when he saw her eyes sparkling with tears and he softened.
"I can't do that, Monica. Look, I'm sorry that I got so out of line. I know I had no right to do that."
"You're damn right you didn't," she replied, angrily brushing the tears away. "I really could have used you to comfort me during all this, Chandler, but no... you had to go and be a jerk." He could feel the irritation building again and he tried to restrain it as hers overflowed. "Who the hell do you think you are, getting all self-righteous? You don't think I was upset? You don't think I KNOW that sleeping with Joey was a stupid thing to do? It doesn't have anything to do with you, anyway... what reason did you have to get so bent out of shape?"
"I was jealous, okay?" The moment he said it, he regretted it, knowing that he was either going to have to tell her the truth or put a lot of effort into coming up with a lie. Monica paused momentarily and then continued with her rant.
"What, because Joey got some and you didn't? That doesn't give you the right to act so childish!" As soon as she said that, Chandler felt something within snap and his words spilled over .
"It wasn't that he got some, it was that he got YOU!" He closed his eyes and froze, too afraid to open them, fearing that he had just pushed his best friend even further away. Monica was silent for a moment as her anger gave way to confusion.
"What?" Her voice was timid and encouraging, and Chandler nervously opened his eyes. He licked his lips, wondering how he was going to put into words what he was feeling and why. Clearing his throat, he tried to avoid her piercing eyes.
"I wasn't jealous that Joey got some," he repeated. "Hell, I'm used to that." His attempt at a joke failed miserably and he sighed, knowing that after the way he had acted, he at least owed her an honest explanation. "I was envious of the fact that you went to HIM." Still confused, Monica remained silent as she sank back onto the couch. Chandler nervously sat on the coffee table in front of her, too anxious to look her in the eyes. "I-- I wanted it to be me," he whispered. "Although I didn't want it to be me for a night. I wanted it to be me, period."
Monica swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat as she stared at him, dumbfounded. "Chandler, what are you talking about?" He sighed, knowing that it was far too late for him to back out.
"Mon, I like you. And not in a friendly way. I've liked you since before Joey moved in, but I always knew I wasn't good enough. I figured if I couldn't have you, I at least wanted to be your friend, just as long as you were in my life in some way, shape, or form. But when I found out that you'd... slept with Joey... something in me just... I don't know, it snapped." He looked at her warily and continued. "I know I shouldn't have let myself get so angry with you and Joey, but it was just so much easier to blame you guys than to blame myself. I'm sorry."
After a pause, Monica asked, "Is that why you told him to stay away from me?" Chandler looked up, confused. "When he first moved in... is that why you said that?" Chandler blushed and nodded. As she let it sink in, Monica gazed at him absently as he continued.
"I just... I wouldn't have told you this, but I knew that after the way I acted, you at least deserved the truth. I'm sorry that things got so out of hand, and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. It won't happen again. I just hope that you can forgive me and we can go back to being friends." He looked up at Monica hopefully. She was silent for a moment and slowly shook her head, crushing his hopes.
"No, Chandler, things can't go back to normal," she said reproachfully. "Because they're different now." She paused. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked quietly. He shrugged and she sat silently for a few more moments, letting it all sink in further. As she looked at him sitting in front of her with his head bowed, she was overcome with a strange sensation that both scared and excited her. She reached out and took his hand in hers comfortingly. "And what makes you think you're not good enough?" she asked gently. He looked up at her, confused.
"Huh?" She looked at him carefully, and finally realized. Softly and shyly caressing his cheek, she looked nervously into his eyes and quoted a line from a movie she'd seen. "Sometimes, the closer you get to something, the harder it is to see." She saw the flicker of hope in his eyes and smiled slightly, leaning toward him. She felt an unfamiliar feeling take over as their lips met in a tentative kiss, and as she felt his hands cradle her head, she tried to identify it. It wasn't until she wrapped her arms around her neck that she realized what it was: contentment. At last, after looking for so long and fearing that she'd never find it, she realized that the old saying was true: sometimes all you're searching for is right before your face.
"It's going to be okay," Chandler reassured her for the hundredth time that night. Monica sighed.
"I know," she replied looking at the floor. "I just wish..." she paused. "I wish I could be sure of that."
"Look, Mon, you are the embodiment of the perfect woman. You're smart, you're sexy, you're kind-hearted... there's not a guy in this world who wouldn't kill to be able to call you his girlfriend." Monica smiled at his attempts to cheer her up and looked into his comforting face.
"Thank you Chandler," she said with a heartfelt sense of gratitude.
"Hey, don't mention it. That's what friends are for, right? Besides, how many times have you picked me up off the ground?" He grinned and placed his hand gently on her shoulder. "You going to be okay?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah," Mon assured him with a small smile. "I'll be fine... just need to get some sleep."
"'Kay," Chandler agreed, giving her a hug. "'Night," he said after he'd pulled away.
"G'night, Chandler," she answered, closing her hotel room door. Chandler stood staring at her door for a few more moments and then turned to leave. Deciding that he wasn't quite ready to go back to his room, he opted instead to check out the hotel bar. As he walked into it, he quickly scanned around to make sure that none of his friends were there, mentally scoffing at himself as he did so. Monica was asleep, Ross was probably still saying goodbye to people from the rehearsal dinner, and Joey was more than likely out getting lucky. "I'm the only loser here tonight," he thought with a self-pitying sigh as he took a seat on one of the barstools.
"What can I get for ya?" the bartender asked in a strong Cockney accent.
"Uh... Brandy Alexander," Chandler replied. If he was going to get hammered, which he figured was the case, he might as well do it in style.
"That bad, huh?" the guy asked as he grabbed a glass from the rack. Chandler sighed as he looked skeptically at the man before him who shrugged. "You stick around for awhile, you're going to be smashed and telling me anyway... I figured I'd try to get a head start and get at least some of the saga while you're still sober." Chandler grimaced. "I'm Tony," the bartender offered.
"Chandler," he replied, sighing and nodding his thanks as he accepted the drink. "It's just... well, there's this girl." The bartender nodded.
"There always is," he replied knowingly, and indicated for Chandler to continue.
"Monica... what are you doing here?" Joey asked, concerned when he opened the door and saw her on the other side.
"I... I couldn't sleep," she fibbed as she took a sip of the mini-bar drink she'd made herself. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," he replied, stepping aside to let her in.
"Chandler here?"
"Nah... I haven't seen him since the rehearsal dinner when you guys left. You shoulda stuck around... Ross almost had one of his tantrums when his and Emily's parents wouldn't stop the arguing." His smile faded when he saw Monica's glum expression. "You okay?" Monica simply nodded and scanned the room.
"Where's that bridesmaid you were hanging all over at the dinner?"
"Eh... she got freaked out when I ended up crying while I was telling her about good ol' New York." He sighed. "New York," he repeated wistfully. After a moment, he noticed Monica staring at him. "Well, anyway... yeah, she's probably off with one of the ushers or something." He shrugged nonchalantly. "But hey... we're in LONDON, BABY! Lots of British chicks here... she just don't know what she's missing!" He grinned and snapped his fingers, causing Monica to chuckle. Pleased, he continued. "So... got a hot date tonight?" Monica scoffed.
"Yeah, right." Joey frowned.
"Everything okay?" Monica paused for a moment, debating on which answer to choose.
"No," she replied finally, repeating it with a whisper. "No." Joey pulled her into a hug and rocked her slightly back and forth. He pulled away after a few moments and looked into her eyes. "What's wrong, Mon?" Unable to look him in the eye, she looked at the empty glass she held in her hands for a few moments before replying.
"Everything." Joey frowned and gently took her glass from her, setting it on top of the TV. Monica didn't have the energy to warn him that without a coaster the glass would leave a ring on the surface. Instead, she simply stared at it indifferently. "My life," she added.
"Your life?" he repeated gently. She nodded.
"There's something wrong with me," she replied meekly. "There must be. Otherwise, why would I be stuck in a job where everyone hates me, have parents who are more often than not ashamed of me, and be completely unable to find a boyfriend? I'm hopeless," she added pitifully.
"Monica, you are NOT hopeless," Joey replied sternly. She scoffed again, not looking at him.
"Yeah, right." He gently put his index finger under her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking at him.
"Why on earth would you say that?"
"Because... all the things I just mentioned."
"Look, Mon, your parents are idiots if they can't see what a good thing they have, so they're not worth you worrying about. With your job... I worked with those jerks and I saw up close how dumb they are. Besides, they don't dislike you for who you are... it's a grudge match. Their egos are bruised because of the circumstances under which you were hired. And as for the boyfriend thing," he continued, "he's out there. You're a great catch. You just need the right guy, and trust me, he's out there. I mean, there is no way that a hot girl like you will stay single for long." Monica smiled slightly.
"You think I'm hot?" she asked timidly.
"Hell, yeah!" he replied fervently. Her smile widened. "Hey, remember when I first moved in? The whole lemonade incident?" Monica laughed slightly and nodded. "I thought you were the hottest woman I'd seen. I mean, Chandler told me when I moved in to stay away from you, and he had good reason. He KNEW I noticed how hot you were. Are," he added with a smile. Monica's smile faded slightly and Joey stared, wondering what was forthcoming.
"You STILL think I am?" He smiled comfortingly.
"Always will," he replied gently. Before he could register what was going on, Monica's lips were on his in a fierce kiss. Once he regained his senses, he put his hands on her shoulders and pulled away.
"Whoa, Mon... what just happened?"
"Kiss," she stated matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, got that," he replied bluntly. "Look, I... I don't think this is such a good idea."
She looked at the floor. "You don't want me," she said sadly.
"Are you kidding? Monica, any guy would be crazy not to want you. It's just... I don't want to wreck our friendship," he finished. Monica sighed.
"Look, I'm not looking for some long-term commitment," she said boldly. "It's just... we're two mature adults in one of the more romantic cities in the world... we've known each other for years... what harm can it do?" Joey thought for a moment and shook his head stubbornly.
"Monica, just because you're emotional --"
"It's not that," Mon interrupted. "Please, Joey. Just one night." When he said nothing, she took the opportunity to kiss him again, and was relieved when he didn't pull away. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed her back, hoping against hope that he wasn't making a huge mistake.
Chandler heaved a sigh again and finished his drink with a gulp. "She's perfect," he said to Tony as he set his empty glass on the counter. "She's smart, she's beautiful, she's funny, she's kind, she's... just perfect." He put his head in his hands and shook his head.
"Well, so... what's the problem?" Tony asked matter-of-factly. "If she's perfect, why aren't you with her?"
"She... she's my friend."
"Ah," Tony replied with a knowing nod.
"She doesn't think of me that way."
"Well, have you given her a reason to?" Chandler looked up, confused.
"Huh?"
"Of course she's only going to be your friend if you never give her any reason to think of you as more. Does she know how you feel about her?" Chandler shook his head.
"No. I know I'm not good enough for her, and I don't want to lose her friendship. If I can't have more, I at least want that. I have to have her in my life somehow, even if it's not the way I want her." Tony sighed.
"Look, man, what you're doing here... it's not healthy. Sure, it's nice to be in a safe place where there's no real urgency to take action. But think of it this way: if you don't tell her, and she is as perfect as you say, she's going to find someone eventually. Then she'll get married to him, and start a new life. Your friendship will be different then, because she'll have a husband, maybe a child... a new life. Plus, then you're always going to wonder what could have happened, and if you never get over her, you'll never get a life of your own. You have to tell her, if only to at least know that it won't happen so that you can put it behind you and move on. And, if she does feel the same way about you, you'll be getting what you want." Chandler sat silently, letting Tony's words sink in. After a few moments, he found himself nodding slowly.
"I guess you're right," he said quietly. Tony nodded knowingly as Chandler stood up. "Thanks man," he said, taking out his wallet.
"Don't worry about it," Tony replied, shaking his head. "Think of it as the substance-motivation that you needed." Chandler grinned.
"Thanks again," he said as he walked out. Standing in the elevator, he ran a thousand case scenarios through his mind. Looking at his watch, he noticed that it was already 4 a.m. and realized that whatever he managed to figure out would have to wait for at least a few hours. He sighed dejectedly and exited the elevator once he arrived on his floor. Quietly, on the off-chance that Joey was, in fact, in the room, he slipped his keycard into the door and slowly pushed it open. In the dim light that seeped in through the open curtains, he could barely make out that there was, in fact, someone in Joey's bed. He closed the door noiselessly, stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, and crawled into his bed, asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.
He groaned as he rolled over the next morning, his head feeling as though someone had hit him repeatedly with an anvil. He reached out and angled the bedside clock so that he could see that it read ten minutes to nine. He groaned again as he rubbed his eyes. He looked over at the other bed, squinting, and could make out the form of someone wrapped in the quilt. "Morning, Joe," he said with a yawn. "How'd the night with the bridesmaid go?" As the form rolled and moved, two hands emerged in a stretch, and Chandler noticed a split second too late that they were female hands. "Uh..." his voice caught as he realized that Joey had gone and his date was still sleeping in his bed. He silently cursed his roommate as he realized he was about to be faced yet again with an awkward scenario, one with which he had become familiar due to Joey's frequent one-night stands. For the thousandth time, he cursed Joey's tendency to get up early and leave his "date" asleep in his bed alone. "Before you emerge," he began nervously, "I should probably warn you that I'm NOT Joey," he said, trying to avoid further embarrassment that would result from seeing a strange woman naked. He gathered that she was finally awake by the way in which her body stiffened and she drew the bedclothes tighter around her. "Sorry to wake you," he said kindly. He began to wonder what was wrong with the woman when she wouldn't uncover her head. "Look, I'm not a freak or anything... I wouldn't have even come in last night if I'd realized that you were here... but it's okay... I'm Joey's best friend. We're roommates back in New York." He waited momentarily and breathed a little easier when she sat up, despite the fact that the covers were still wrapped around her. "Uh, forgive me for being presumptuous," he said, trying to ease the tension, "but I'd feel a little less awkward if I could at least know that I'm talking to a woman and not a mummy." He forced a smile as the two hands gripped the edge of the quilt and began to lower it. When two achingly familiar blue eyes emerged, Chandler's breath caught and he felt as though someone had stabbed him through the heart. "Monica?" She looked back at him, terrified and holding the blanket up to her chin. "What are you doing here?" He paused as a terrible realization sunk in. "Please..." his voice faltered and he cleared his throat. "Tell me you and Joey didn't..." When she averted her gaze toward the floor, he recoiled. "You... you and Joey..." He stammered uneasily as he tried to convince himself that he was having a drunken dream, but he was jerked back into reality when her piercing blue eyes looked at him pleadingly.
"Don't tell the others," she begged him. "Please, Chandler." He nodded, dazed, as she continued to look at him intently. She smiled slightly as she looked around uneasily. Realizing that she was more than likely not wearing anything, Chandler jumped immediately out of bed, shaking his head.
"I, uh, I'm going to take a shower," he said quickly. She nodded as he darted toward the bathroom.
"Chandler?" He turned toward her, avoiding her eyes. "It-- It was a mistake..." He held up his hands, telling her not to continue. "Thanks," she said sheepishly. He nodded as he felt his heart break and stumbled into the bathroom.
As he walked into the hotel restaurant, he saw Joey standing by the buffet and walked over to him, his hands clenched into fists and his eyes narrowed. "Hey, man," Joey greeted him with a smile. Without saying a word, Chandler grabbed him by the arm and dragged him behind him until they were standing outside the restaurant. "Dude, what's going on?"
"What the hell did you do?" Chandler demanded, his eyes flashing.
"What?" Joey asked innocently.
"Last night," he said shortly. "What did you do?" Realizing that Monica must have still been in his room when Chandler woke up, Joey laughed nervously.
"Uh... something stupid?" Chandler grabbed him by the shirt and glared at him, on the verge of throwing a punch. "Whoa, man, calm down. It was a mistake, okay?"
"I don't care," Chandler replied menacingly. "That's Monica. Who the hell do you think you are?" Joey's anger began to take over as he grabbed Chandler's hands roughly and removed them from the front of his shirt.
"You're one to talk, man. Look, I screwed up, okay? Let's not forget which one of us messed around with a certain sister not so long ago." Chandler was momentarily stumped, but quickly regained his composure.
"That's different," he said angrily. "I warned you to stay away from her."
"Yeah, I know that," Joey retorted. "Look, we made a mistake, okay? But we're adults, and besides... what Monica and I do is really none of your business. I realize that this little-boy crush you've got on her might have left you a little upset, but it's not my fault that you don't have the balls to act on it." No sooner had the words left his mouth than Chandler's fist had landed a solid punch on his mouth, and Joey instantly tasted blood. Reaching up and gingerly touching his lip, he glared at Chandler and walked away.
"Oh, my God... Joey, what happened to you?" Monica rushed over to him and took his face in her hands as Chandler watched jealously from the other end of the church.
"Nothing," he replied shortly. "I walked into a door." He looked at Chandler uneasily and removed Mon's hands from his face. "Listen," he said in a low voice, "now that we know Rachel's here and she's not going to wreck anything, why don't we talk for a few minutes, okay?" Monica nodded nervously and followed him into one of the back rooms as Chandler watched the retreating figures with a pang of resentment. As Joey closed the door behind them, he turned to see her curious face and averted his gaze. "Look, Mon," he began, but he was cut off by her shaking her head.
"Joey, look, you're no more responsible for last night than I am, okay? We both know we made a mistake, we both know it was a really stupid thing to do, and we both know that there's nothing that needs to be said, right?" Joey nodded slowly, surprised at how straightforward she was being. "Okay, then. Let's go and watch Ross get married and forget about all of this, okay?" Joey nodded again and watched as she turned and walked out of the room. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He'd done a lot of stupid things in his time, but this definitely took the cake. Not only had he slept with one of his best friends, but he'd screwed over another one. He was fairly certain that Chandler had feelings for Monica, and although he'd never gotten him to admit it, he had pretty much assumed it since the day he'd moved in. He felt like such a jerk, and he had no idea how he was going to fix this one.
Chandler fidgeted nervously as he watched Joey and Mrs. Waltham walk down the aisle, and he stood uneasily next to Monica as he prepared to do the same. "You okay?" He turned to see her looking up at him intently. He nodded, not confident of his ability to hold his tongue. She looked at him for a moment longer and turned as they proceeded to begin their walk toward the altar.
"Sorry it's not Joey walking you up there," Chandler said bitterly. Monica turned to look at him angrily, a look of hurt and disbelief in her eyes. Chandler felt immediately guilty, but couldn't help himself.
"What?"
"Nothing," he replied coldly as they began their walk.
"Is there something you want to say, Chandler?" Monica challenged in a fierce whisper. He shook his head, angry at himself and at her. She glowered at him and turned toward the front of the church. "If you have something to say to me, get it off your chest," she hissed. He was silent until they reached the point where they were to separate. Before she released her grip on his arm, he leaned toward her.
"How does it feel to be a number?" he whispered icily, then turned and walked over to stand begrudgingly beside Joey. She glared at him momentarily, shocked and eyes flashing, and then turned and headed toward the opposite side of the altar. As she took her place beside Emily's bridesmaids, she glared at the carpet as she felt the tears burning in her eyes. Forcing herself not to cry now, of all times, she pasted a smile across her face and refused to look at either Chandler or Joey, knowing that if she did, the tears would fall. How had she been so stupid? After a few moments of pondering that question, she thought of a different one. What right did Chandler have to be angry with her? It was none of his business what she did. She straightened up a little bit, but her deflated feelings remained.
As Chandler watched Emily and her father walk slowly up the aisle, he stole a look at Monica. She was smiling as she watched the bride-to-be, but Chandler knew better than to believe it. He recognized that smile. He knew it was the same smile that she displayed when she was dealing with her mother's criticism and when she was lying through her teeth. He silently scolded himself for letting his emotions get the better of him, but he could feel them churning in his stomach, aching to be expressed. The anger toward everyone... angry at Monica for picking Joey; angry at Joey for doing it; angry at himself for NOT having the guts to do it. The hurt... and the deflating knowledge that he had no real right to BE hurt... after all, it wasn't as though she had any idea how he felt about her. The jealousy that was quite possibly the strongest of the three... jealousy that Joey had gotten to be with Monica... HIS Monica... in a way that he had dreamed of so many times. And, of course, the guilty wondering. Wondering what might have happened if he'd stuck around in her room, or if he had been the one in his room when she'd come knocking. If that had been the case, would it have happened differently? Would HE have been the one with whom Monica drowned her sorrows? He shook his head slightly and tried to push the thoughts of Monica and Joey out of his head as he watched Emily and Ross begin their wedding ceremony.
"I can't believe you let her get on that plane alone!" It was a week later and Phoebe was once again reprimanding Ross for his abandoning Rachel. Ross simply shook his head, knowing that it was an argument he wouldn't win.
Chandler had avoided both Joey and Monica since the wedding, speaking to them only when absolutely necessary. He had taken the single seat on the flight back, leaving Joey and Monica sitting together while Ross caught a later flight and Rachel spent the week in Greece. Joey looked up from the magazine he was reading and wished for the hundredth time that things were back to normal. Chandler wouldn't speak to him or Monica, and they had barely even seen him since they got back. Rachel was bathing in sunlight in Greece, Ross was endlessly searching for his bride who had gone AWOL, Phoebe was counting down the days until she gave birth, and Monica was acting as though everything was fine. He sighed and flipped a page absently. The group had noticed a palpable tension between Chandler and both Joey and Monica, but when it was made clear that they would receive no explanation, they simply ignored it.
Later that evening, as Monica sat alone in her apartment watching TV, the door opened and Chandler walked in. "Where is everybody?" he asked coolly when he realized that Monica was the only one around. She muted the TV and turned to face him.
"Rachel's in the Mediterranean, Phoebe's at dinner with Frank and Alice, and Ross is sitting by the phone waiting for Emily to call."
"And your lover?" he sneered. Monica's eyes narrowed and she stood up.
"Why are you acting like this?"
"Like what?" Chandler challenged defensively.
"You KNOW what," she replied, frustrated. "Like this. Chandler, I KNOW I screwed up, okay? I don't need YOU throwing it in my face all the time. Like you're so perfect?"
"I know I'm not perfect," Chandler retorted. "But I do think about things before I leap into bed with someone."
"Oh, really? What about Joey's sister? Yeah, you REALLY thought that through, didn't you? Added to which, what right do YOU have to punch Joey in the face?" Chandler paused. "Yeah, walked into a door my ass," Monica jeered. "I'm a big girl, Chandler. I don't need YOU to protect me, okay?"
"Are you sure? Because you sure didn't do such a great job thinking for yourself, did you?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You know damn well what it means, Monica. You're another notch on the bedpost now. How does THAT feel?" The resounding slap was sudden, and he instinctively put his hand gingerly to his cheek. He could see the tears building in Monica's eyes as she glared at him.
"You know what, Chandler?" she whispered through clenched teeth. "Stay out of my life." He felt remorseful when he saw her eyes sparkling with tears and he softened.
"I can't do that, Monica. Look, I'm sorry that I got so out of line. I know I had no right to do that."
"You're damn right you didn't," she replied, angrily brushing the tears away. "I really could have used you to comfort me during all this, Chandler, but no... you had to go and be a jerk." He could feel the irritation building again and he tried to restrain it as hers overflowed. "Who the hell do you think you are, getting all self-righteous? You don't think I was upset? You don't think I KNOW that sleeping with Joey was a stupid thing to do? It doesn't have anything to do with you, anyway... what reason did you have to get so bent out of shape?"
"I was jealous, okay?" The moment he said it, he regretted it, knowing that he was either going to have to tell her the truth or put a lot of effort into coming up with a lie. Monica paused momentarily and then continued with her rant.
"What, because Joey got some and you didn't? That doesn't give you the right to act so childish!" As soon as she said that, Chandler felt something within snap and his words spilled over .
"It wasn't that he got some, it was that he got YOU!" He closed his eyes and froze, too afraid to open them, fearing that he had just pushed his best friend even further away. Monica was silent for a moment as her anger gave way to confusion.
"What?" Her voice was timid and encouraging, and Chandler nervously opened his eyes. He licked his lips, wondering how he was going to put into words what he was feeling and why. Clearing his throat, he tried to avoid her piercing eyes.
"I wasn't jealous that Joey got some," he repeated. "Hell, I'm used to that." His attempt at a joke failed miserably and he sighed, knowing that after the way he had acted, he at least owed her an honest explanation. "I was envious of the fact that you went to HIM." Still confused, Monica remained silent as she sank back onto the couch. Chandler nervously sat on the coffee table in front of her, too anxious to look her in the eyes. "I-- I wanted it to be me," he whispered. "Although I didn't want it to be me for a night. I wanted it to be me, period."
Monica swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat as she stared at him, dumbfounded. "Chandler, what are you talking about?" He sighed, knowing that it was far too late for him to back out.
"Mon, I like you. And not in a friendly way. I've liked you since before Joey moved in, but I always knew I wasn't good enough. I figured if I couldn't have you, I at least wanted to be your friend, just as long as you were in my life in some way, shape, or form. But when I found out that you'd... slept with Joey... something in me just... I don't know, it snapped." He looked at her warily and continued. "I know I shouldn't have let myself get so angry with you and Joey, but it was just so much easier to blame you guys than to blame myself. I'm sorry."
After a pause, Monica asked, "Is that why you told him to stay away from me?" Chandler looked up, confused. "When he first moved in... is that why you said that?" Chandler blushed and nodded. As she let it sink in, Monica gazed at him absently as he continued.
"I just... I wouldn't have told you this, but I knew that after the way I acted, you at least deserved the truth. I'm sorry that things got so out of hand, and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. It won't happen again. I just hope that you can forgive me and we can go back to being friends." He looked up at Monica hopefully. She was silent for a moment and slowly shook her head, crushing his hopes.
"No, Chandler, things can't go back to normal," she said reproachfully. "Because they're different now." She paused. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked quietly. He shrugged and she sat silently for a few more moments, letting it all sink in further. As she looked at him sitting in front of her with his head bowed, she was overcome with a strange sensation that both scared and excited her. She reached out and took his hand in hers comfortingly. "And what makes you think you're not good enough?" she asked gently. He looked up at her, confused.
"Huh?" She looked at him carefully, and finally realized. Softly and shyly caressing his cheek, she looked nervously into his eyes and quoted a line from a movie she'd seen. "Sometimes, the closer you get to something, the harder it is to see." She saw the flicker of hope in his eyes and smiled slightly, leaning toward him. She felt an unfamiliar feeling take over as their lips met in a tentative kiss, and as she felt his hands cradle her head, she tried to identify it. It wasn't until she wrapped her arms around her neck that she realized what it was: contentment. At last, after looking for so long and fearing that she'd never find it, she realized that the old saying was true: sometimes all you're searching for is right before your face.