Title:
By: punkgothicjackal
A/N: It's amusing how a song about prostitutes (the song Hotel Lobby) can make me think about werewolves… anyway, it's set in the third year. Note to self: Arienette
Prologue
She had been his, once. A long time ago… but not anymore. Now she was gone, and he didn't know where. Not that he would have gone after her if he did; she had made it clear what she though about him years before, on that cold June day in the great hall.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice trembled slightly, trying so hard to hide the emotions that were showing on her pale face. "You lied to me, Remus… you could have killed me!"
"Anna…" He reached out to touch her hand, but she recoiled, as if he were some… beast.
"Don't 'Anna' me! How could you have done this!" She exclaimed. He ran a hand through his hair, unsure what to tell her. He couldn't tell her it was for this exact reason that he hadn't told her. That he didn't want to lose her because of something he couldn't control.
"Answer me, Remus!" Her expression was hurt… something he had never wanted to do to her.
"I'm sorry Anna. I'm so sorry…"
Anna shook her head, her blonde curls falling around her shoulders. "No… I'm sorry. I can't do this."
He stared at her, going numb. She couldn't…
"What, Anna?" He asked softly, not really wanting the answer.
She looked up at him, her blue eyes welling up. "This, Remus. I can't do this… You're dangerous. I couldn't go on knowing that one night you might snap… kill me… our children… everything…. I'm sorry Remus."
He said nothing, watching as she turned and left, the last time he ever saw his Anna.
Chapter 1: Reminders
The same faded, yellowed picture stared at him from the mantle of his shabby apartment. The same grinning faces… most of whom had no association with him now.
He still remembered the day clearly, it had been three day before he and his best friends graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There was James and Lily, clearly in love, Sirius and Peter, goofing off as usual, and himself… with Anna.
Anna hadn't been one of them, per say, but she had been close enough to be allowed to follow them around. She had special privileges, being James' baby sister, and she had been adopted by Sirius and Peter as family as well. Everyone but Remus. Remus looked for something more in her.
He sighed and looked away from the picture, going into the small bathroom and taking a shower, trying to think of anything but the past. It hurt too much. His new teaching job came to mind. He had filled the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at his old school, mainly because he needed the money. Not many people wanted to hire a monster, he'd have to take what he could get.
The prospect of going back to Hogwarts was a hard one. Not just because of Anna, but because of the rest of his friends, too. The school held too many memories. James and Lily at the ball, Sirius sliding down the banister railings for breakfast, Peter and his never-ending jaunts to the kitchens.
But she made her choice. As had Sirius. He couldn't help but resent them both, most of the time. Sirius for his betrayal, and Anna for affecting him the way she did.
He went into the room that served as his bedroom and looked at the robes that were piled on the cot that was his bed. It had been a long time since he had bothered to get a new set, he tended to ruin all of his new ones in no time, so he no longer bothered.
With his robes and other necessities packed, he took another look at the picture on the mantle. There were times when the picture made him angry, and it's frame showed many cracks where it had been thrown many a time in fits of rage. Damn them all.
But today the picture didn't make him angry. It made him sad… sad over the needless lost lives, over the lost happiness between them all.
"Just hurry up and take the picture! I'm hungry!" Sirius whined cheerfully to Raina, a fellow gryffindor.
"Quiet, Noir, I'm working on it!" She laughed. "Alright, everyone ready?"
Remus looked at his friends, who were all joking among themselves and having a good time. He smiled at the girl in his lap, who made a face at him and stretched lazily. "Thank Merlin exams are over." She muttered. "I thought that Charms exam would never end… what was Token thinking, making us do all that?"
Remus laughed. "I'm sure it wasn't that bad."
"Oh, I forget, you're the genius, of course you wouldn't think so." She teased playfully.
"Hey, I can't help it if I happen to be good at charms."
"Oh yes you can. You can hang out with Sirius more and dumb yourself down." She laughed as Sirius glared at them. "I heard that!"
"Good!" She grinned. "I wanted you to, or I wouldn't have said it."
Sirius made a face. "Don't make me come after you."
"You wouldn't dare… Remy'll protect me!"
"Remy?" Sirius snorted. "I doubt Remy will do anything about it."
Anna looked up at him and pouted playfully. "You'll protect me, won't you?"
"Of course I will."
The answer was always yes. He had always vowed to protect her… ever since that one night during Christmas break their first year. He had spent the two weeks at James (full moon had been the week before break started, and James had insisted he come) and had been woken up by none other than James' little sister herself. She had been crying, a fact that had confused him at first, and happened to go into his room by accident. After she confessed the nightmare her young mind had conjured, he promised her he'd save her from her bad dreams.
And he'd been saving her ever since.
The train ride to get to the station was uneventful, and he was way early. He went and chose a compartment in the back, yawning tiredly. It had been a sleepless night, thinking about days long since past. After stowing away his trunk and bag, Remus promptly fell asleep, lulled by the silence.
He was unsure what woke him, the sudden stopping of the train or the onslaught of young voices as they tripped over each other in the dark. "Stay where you are." He muttered, lighting his wand and taking a step forward, only to stop when the door opened to reveal something he never wanted to see in his life. A dementor.
His eyes narrowed, beginning to tint with slight gold, and he held his wand steady, ignoring Harry as he fell to the floor. He would have to take things one at a time, and the dementor was a currently more pressing matter.
"Expecto Patronum!" He roared, and a bright white light shot out of his wand, slamming into the dementor. He had seen it enough to know that it took the form of a grim, a thought which sometimes made him bitter. Must he constantly be reminded of those he had lost?
He didn't even look up as the lights flickered back on, but instead turned back to gaze calmly as Ron slapped Harry, trying to wake him up.
"Harry… are you alright?" Ron asked, looking about four shades paler than normal.
"Who was screaming?" Harry asked, sitting up.
"No one screamed." Ron said, even more nervously than before.
"But I heard screaming-"
Remus broke off a piece of chocolate and held out a piece to Harry. "Here, you'll feel better." He watched as Harry took it but didn't eat it.
"What was that thing?" Harry questioned, looking confused.
"A dementor, one of the guardians of Azkaban." He shoved the wrapper back in his pocket, still watching the almost mirror image of James on the floor in front of him.
"Eat it." He repeated. "It'll help. I need to speak with the driver, excuse me…"
For once in his life, Remus could honestly say he wasn't paying attention to anything Dumbledore said. All he really wanted was for the feast to begin. It was the first actual meal he'd had in weeks.
While the sorting went on, Remus wasn't really paying attention to that, either. He was still thinking about the dementor on the train. Why had it been there? It was obvious Sirius wouldn't have the gall to board the Hogwarts express with all those people around. Or would he?
These thoughts occupied him until he heard McGonagall say something that made his attention snap back. He glanced up quickly, nearly knocking over his goblet in the process. Had he heard correctly? It could have just been his imagination, but something in his mind sorely doubted it. The name still rang clearly in his ears, a name that brought confusement and so many bombarded thoughts that it was hard to concentrate on anything else.
"Lupin, Arienette."