Author's Note (Warning): Shameless angst-y fluff. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I will own Freaks and Geeks when pigs fly.

*Author's Legal Representation would like to say that the Author makes this statement under the assumption that porcine flight is an impossibility and is not responsible in the case of actual flying swine.

'Thanks for breaking up the band.' He tells her. He can see the confusion and guilt seep into her expression and any anger he feels over her unfortunate attempts to bolster their admittedly pathetic band and her naïve desire to help Nick fulfill his ridiculous goal flies out the window, no matter how hard he tries to cling to it. When he walks away from her he can feel her molten chocolate eyes on his back and it's all he can do not to run back and throw himself at her feet and beg for forgiveness.

When Nick tells he and Daniel about their kiss he feels inexplicable rage towards his friend. Rage because Lindsey kissed Nick and not him, because he's loved her since that first 'hello', because her little brother asked him to take care of her, and mostly, even though he hates to admit it, it might just mean that Lindsey likes Nick more then him.

When they kiss and Nick is irritatingly lovey-dovey it's all he can do not to gag, to forcibly rip them apart and kiss her senseless.

'Have you ever been in love?' He and Nick are sitting on the patio shooting pennies into a styrofoam cup.

'Unfortunately.'

'How did it feel?'

'Like I was being burnt alive, except it was worse then that because you want the pain, you need it, you like it.' I love her, love her more the you ever will. He thinks viciously.

'What happened?' Nick asks, drawing him out of his thoughts.

'I never told her and she started going out with somebody else.' Nick claps him on the shoulder in a show of awkward fraternity.

'Well, never too late.' He grunts his half-hearted assent

'What brought this on?' He asks, wishing to drive the topic away from his pathetic love life.

'I think I'm in love with Lindsey.'

'Congratulations.' He says hollowly, even to his own ears. But Nick either doesn't notice or care as he keeps jabbering on about all the superficial things he sees in Lindsey and how great she is (He's the only one who sees all the truly beautiful things in her, like the way she'll struggle not to say anything when Daniel does something completely moronic or how she'll jump into the fray to protect her brother) and all he can do is listen and nod along, suffering in silence.

When Nick starts to do his 'dating creepiness' thing she's clearly uncomfortable and he barely contains himself from strapping on his (Slightly dented) armour, hop on his horse and charge into battle for her.

When Lindsey wants to break up with Nick he shakes his head along with Daniel and Kim while his insides were doing a tango, he still has a chance. After Nick breaks up with with her no matter how hard he tries he can't manage to get the words out, he simply stares at her mutely.

Kim knows, or at least he thinks she knows. As he watches Lindsey he can feel her watching him. She doesn't look at him the way she looks at Daniel, simply as an observer with a knowing glint in her eye that makes him more uncomfortable then he'll ever admit. Sometimes when they're alone together it seems like she wants to say something, she'll open her mouth with the words formed on her lips then close them again, as if unwilling to comment, a pitying look appearing fleetingly on her face. Which makes him even more uncomfortable. It's frozen over in Hell the day Kim Kelly decides not to speak her mind.

Then they get back together and it feels like his world came crashing down around his ears in one fell swoop, like his insides are being removed with a blunt paring knife. But he can't stop, he watches them together and imagined it is he, not Nick, she is kissing, holding, loving.

But he isn't.

He never will be. She is happy with Nick and you know you're in love when you'd rather watch the person be happy with someone else then sad with you. So he watches.