Is this what it feels like to be on crack??
Disclaimer: I can only wish I were brilliant enough to be the creator and owner of -Man and its characters.
"No, you stupid little Moyashi."
"Come on, Kanda. Just say it. I don't want to end up like Krory." Not that Allen didn't already know what it was like to get on General Cross's bad side. Cross had agreed to return to headquarters under one condition: anyone entering would be required to say a passphrase which he would devise and change when he felt like it. Moreover, it would not suffice to simply tell the gatekeeper the passphrase. It had to be to a member of the Order whether that member be a finder, scientist, or exorcist. Generally, the exorcists had better things to do, but Allen was covering while a finder took his lunch break. Allen hoped that wasn't a ruse because Cross had apparently been as drunk when he came up with this passphrase as when he convinced the other generals to agree to his terms.
"Do you think I care if you end up like that damn vampire? Just let me through. Nobody would dare pretend to be me anyway."
But as much as Kanda's wrath worried him, Cross conjured up a far greater fear in Allen.
"Kanda, nothing you can do to me could possibly be worse than Cross."
"You're going to be proven wrong unless you open the fucking door right now."
"No."
A feral snarl was the only response for several long seconds. Then Kanda spoke in an almost singsong manner. Allen could only think of two things that might compare: sugar laced with poison or an evil Lavi. It terrified and unnerved him that Kanda would ever behave in such a way.
"Moyashi-kun, you certainly are insistent that I say that passphrase. I wonder if you would make anyone else say it, or if you just want to hear it from my lips. You know, that's what I'm going to have to believe if saying those obscene words makes you open that door. Why, I would expect you to run away as fast as your little beansprout feet could carry you, but no, you would welcome me home."
Allen felt a shiver something he assumed to be apprehension run through him.
"Kanda… are you well? You are not acting like yourself."
"Maybe I am, Moyashi-kun. I'll bet this is how you would rather I act instead of being an insensitive bastard all the time."
"Are you drunk?"
"Do you want to taste my breath and find out?"
Allen shouted wordlessly as a jolt of heat ran through him.
"What…?"
"You heard me."
"Okay… I don't know what you are, but you definitely are not Kanda. Maybe that shape-shifting Noah or… something. But not Kanda."
Allen heard an impatient sigh, then an angry voice much more like Kanda. "Fucking beansprout don't call me a fucking Noah just let me in!" The door shook. Allen assumed that Kanda had kicked it. "I will break this fucking door down before I say that fucking passphrase!"
"So do it! At least they can't blame me. You're the only one who'll get in trouble."
"I don't give a shit about who gets in trouble. I just want to eat some soba, meditate, and sleep. The three things I ask from life, and you, Moyashi, are keeping me from them." Allen heard the swish of fabric sliding against stone and the slight thump of a body hitting the ground. Kanda seemed to have sat down. "Fucking Moyashi," he snarled. And just as the finder didn't seem inclined to return, Kanda didn't seem inclined to talk anymore.
Allen glanced at the door, down the hall, back at the door, and down the hall again. He walked away.
A few minutes later he returned. It was silent.
"Oi, Kanda! You still there?"
Although no one answered, there was a tension in the air that indicated yes. Allen held a plate through the slot in the door.
"What are you, my fucking jailor?" demanded an angry voice.
"Do you want the food or not, BaKanda?!"
Allen held the plate for a few seconds more, then it was taken from him.
"You could have at least thought to get me some water too, idiot. After living with Cross so long you'd think you'd know it helps stave off hangovers."
Allen was about to be mad at Kanda for his ingratitude, but he realized that, even though he'd still called him an idiot, Kanda had said not only one, but two entire sentences without swearing. That had to count for something.
"I can't fit a glass through that without spilling it everywhere. I did bring one though for when you decide to quit throwing your temper tantrum and come in."
"Temper tantrum?" Allen heard the other man stand. "You call this a temper tantrum, not wanting to say that fucking passphrase? You know what, Moyashi. I'll make you a deal. I'll say the passphrase so we can go on our merry fucking ways, but you have to say it to my face when I come in."
Allen swallowed. This was definitely not something he wanted to do, but if it was the only way he would get to sleep in a bed that night…
"Fine."
"Fine?"
"Yes, fine! Don't act so surprised, BaKanda! I don't want to be stuck here any more than you do and this will show you how petty you're being!"
"Well come to the door then." They locked eyes through the slot. Kanda took in a breath and growled out the passphrase.
"I want to fuck you into the wall so hard that you won't even know it's there."
Neither of them moved or said anything for several breaths that seemed, along with every other minute sound, to be abnormally loud. Then Allen moved away and the door swung inwards.
Kanda was inside and the door slammed shut in the space of a second. Another second and Allen was shoved roughly against the wall, pinned by a body that had hardness besides that of muscles. As their eyes met, inches away, Allen realized with embarrassment that the same was true for him. It only worsened when Kanda's breath, which did reek faintly of alcohol after all, whispered across his face.
"Say it."
Allen swallowed. "Let go of me, Kanda."
"Say it!"
Allen clenched his jaw. Kanda pressed against him harder. Suddenly, something inside of Allen snapped and he shoved back with enough force to pin Kanda against the parallel wall instead. To the very surprised Japanese, he said:
"I am going to fuck you into the wall so hard that you won't even know it's there."
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