Title: Five years.
Author: A. M. Glass
Copyright: July 26- 27th, 2009
Ratings: (USA) T (UK) PG (AUS) PG
Disclaimer: The characters from "All My Children" belong respectively to Agnes Nixon, A.B.C. and the Disney Co. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred.
Author's Disclaimer: Let's face it, I don't own "All My Children" or any of the characters, back story, etc. I'm not making a cent from it – if I did, I'd buy a new computer and some other things. The story; along with any original characters are mine though... I think; pesky copyright laws.
Author's Notes: Thanks go to my friend Becca who read the story and pointed out some glaring errors, which I have to say for my own defense, noticed after I sent her the story. This is an ANGST filled story.
Special Note: I've been asked to interviewed, along with two other authors regarding "AMC". I've been asked to speak about Lianca, while the other two panelists will discuss BAM (Bianca and Maggie) and Bianca and Reese. If anyone's interested, please drop me a line and I will send the particulars.
* * *
Lena slowly sips her coffee as she reads the newspaper, her eyes quickly scanning the articles, absorbing the information like a sponge.
She does not listen to the radio playing in the background, nor does she notice the sun warming her skin.
She is oblivious to the sights and sounds around her.
Her life has been void of color the past five years.
Her eyes glance at the top of the newspaper – she looks at the calendar hanging on the wall. She deftly closes the paper – finishing her now cold coffee and stands up from the kitchen table.
After getting her things together she leaves her apartment. As she traverses the stairs, she knew it was a silly thing she was doing – or was about to do – yet she could not help herself.
As she exits the lobby, she slips on her sunglasses and begins walking.
Her destination wasn't very far, six blocks to be precise and there was little need to get her car for such a short trip.
Lena kept her gaze focused and straight ahead.
By the time she arrives her mood had grown heavy.
Pulling a scarf from her purse she covers her head and ties a bow underneath her chin.
She gave no thought to how it made her look.
It was a ritual – one she could – would not forego.
She climbs the steps and enters the building.
She could smell the incense in the air.
Lena dips her fingertips into the small fount and crosses herself.
She did not by choice go to church regularly, but there were a few instances when she felt the pull, the need to do so.
She walks slowly towards the statue of the Madonna and Child.
Pulling out a few coins, Lena drops them into the offerings box. She takes a taper and lights a candle.
The first was for her mother.
She had finally succumbed to the cancer which ravaged her body three years ago.
Lena sniffs but did not wipe at the tears which fall from her eyes.
She was glad.
Their presence let her know she could still feel.
She was still human, not the façade she projected, which like a suit of armor no one had been able to make a dent into, although many had tried.
Lena did not allow anyone to get close, nor did she open her heart to the possibility of love, once was enough.
After saying a silent prayer for her mother, she lights another candle.
This one makes her hand shake.
It was puzzling to her.
Why should lighting this candle be any worse than lighting one for her mother? As the tears slip down her cheeks unabated, she looks into the eyes of the Baby Jesus.
Lena finds comfort in them.
"I'll see you again next year," she says quietly.
She crosses herself and leaves the church, off came the scarf and her stride quickly ate up the distance to the apartment complex.
She practically sprints up the steps and enters her apartment. She makes it to the couch before she collapses on top of it. Her body shakes as she was overcome with tears.
When would it end?
How much longer could she put herself through this?
How much more could she take?
How much more?
Lena's body rocked back and forth.
***
The apartment was dark when she finally wakes up.
Her body was sore and she knew without looking, her face would be blotchy, her eyes red from crying.
She gingerly lifts herself from the couch, wincing as she turns on the lights.
She looked at her watch, it was 10pm.
Lena wasn't surprised to find she was not hungry. She shuffled toward the bathroom and walked to the sink where she splashed her face with cold water. After drying her face she went to her bedroom and sat down on her bed.
She gently picked up the picture frame that was on the night stand. Her heart clenched tightly in her chest. Unbidden a smile, ever so briefly, appeared on her face.
Her fingers traced the photograph as they had done so in the past.
"Happy birthday my sweet angel," she said haltingly.
She gazed at the photograph a moment longer before putting back where it belonged, as she lay down, she stared at it, unable to tear her eyes from it.
Miranda would be...
"She is," Lena stated out loud. "Five years old today."
Five years old.
Five years to be without the little girl she loved as her own.
Five years of having to live with the gaping hole in her heart.
Five years of denial.
She had tried to see Miranda once she found out she was alive.
But it was futile.
Not even with Kendall's assistance could Lena see the child who meant so much to her. Who without even knowing it; was her salvation, her chance to live a normal life.
Bianca had left Pine Valley with Maggie and Lena had lost all hope of ever seeing her baby grow up.
She only had the photographs Kendall would forward to her.
"Don't worry Lena. I won't let her forget you."
How could she forget something she never knew?
As her eyes drifted shut, Lena whispered, "I love you."
The End.