The first thing I see when I wake up is a body sprawled across the floor. Huh. It looks kind of familiar. Ew. Isn't anyone going to clean this mess up? I looked around. The area seems to be deserted. I stare at the body for a second before going over to it to get a closer look.
No… This can't be. I'll never mistake that head of white-blonde hair anywhere for anyone else. That's my hair. I can still smell the shampoo that I had used that morning. I turn the body over, the glassy grey eyes staring back at me unseeingly. I'm confused. Is this a dream? I snapped my fingers in front of my pale white face before me. No response. Weird. I glanced wearily at my body laying in front of me.
Where am I anyway? I look around to take in the setting when suddenly the world flashed around me, and I was surrounded by mere white space. I looked at the ground. I seem to be floating. I can see my pale feet dangling in the air. I frowned.
Wait… Where are my shoes? I paid good money for those shoes! There's going to be hell to pay… I put my hand behind to retrieve my wand.
What the..?
Where are my clothes? I look down to see that I am completely nude. I can feel my cheeks burn as I look around to see if anyone else is there to see me in what could be the most vulnerable moment of my life. Nothing. All there is is white space. Empty white space. Is this a dream? This has to be a dream. Oh great. Is this one of those nightmares where you're naked and running around and can't find any of your clothes and everyone laughs at you endlessly? Because seriously, those dreams can get pretty annoying. I much rather prefer the random girls dressed… well not dressed at all, draping themselves all over me as I-
"Hello, Draco," a deep voice came from somewhere, cutting off my thoughts. I looked around to see where it was coming from. Again, nothing. I'm beginning to feel a bit queasy. Show yourself," I demanded, trying to hide my panic as a hundred and one questions flew through my mind. What's going on? Where am I? What just happened? Why was my body sprawled like that? And where the hell are my clothes?
"Right here," came the voice again. I looked behind me to see a scraggly old man standing behind me, wearing velvet robes. Oh, so the old man gets clothes, but I don't. His blue eyes shone as they greeted me warmly. I don't like the look of this guy. He could be one of those old perverts who like looking at naked people. Oh well, might as well let the old man admire my perfectly chiseled body. Okay, alright, it's not perfectly chiseled, but I like the sound of that. It makes me sound hot.
"Where am I?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. The old man simply smiled.
"You are nowhere," he replied. You have got to be kidding me. I am nowhere? How does that make any sense?
"Don't play any games with me," I growled. "Am I dreaming? This is a dream, right?"
"Unfortunately, this is not a dream. I am sorry to inform you that you have passed away recently," he said cheerily. Stupid bastard. Why does he sound so happy- wait. Hold up a second.
"I what?"
"You died," the old man repeated himself. I don't believe this guy. This has to be some kind of a joke. And why the hell does he sound so happy for such morbid news? Sick little- "And no, this is no joke, Draco Malfoy," he continued before I could even say another word. What the… Can this guy read my mind or something? Wait, let's test this theory out… You are an ugly old wart with a long white beard. You are an ugly old wart with a long white beard. You are an-
"And yes, I can hear you," confirmed the old man. I could feel my face heating up as he scrutinized me with his eyes. "So, I really am dead?" I asked. The old man sighed heavily.
"Yes, as I have said before, you've passed away."
"So, what now? Am I going to Heaven now or something?"
The man lifted his right hand, raising gates that were plated with what seems to be gold from out of thin air. It seemed like those cliché-like pictures of the entrance of Heaven. I half expected to see cherubs zooming by and angels playing harps somewhere. I wanted to go in so badly. My toes curled in excitement as I took a step forward. To my disappointment, the doors remained closed. Weird. I turned around to face the old man.
"Why can't I get in?" I asked.
The old man looked sympathetically at me. Huh? Okay, now I'm starting to feel kind of nervous. Am I going to Hell? I was a pretty bad guy for most of my life, but I don't think I deserve to go to Hell… Although I've certainly been told that I do by many…
Almost as if to confirm my thoughts, the man lifted his other hand, raising a black gate from out of nowhere. I could see the flames licking at the mouth of the gates, calling me in as the gates flung itself open. I shrank back in fear. I could feel the heat from here. I was sweating already.
"No," I pleaded, suddenly falling down to my knees and clutching at the old man's robes. "Don't send me there, please," I begged. The man pushed his glasses back. Speak, for Merlin's sake! I'm begging on my knees, naked! Say something! Anything!
"You have another choice," said the old man slowly. I looked up, hope glistening in my eyes. "Anything. I'll do anything," I promised.
The old man looked straight ahead at a spot behind me, raising both of his hands. I looked behind me to see some kind of a portal. I peered inside. It was cold and pitch-black. I gulped.
"You are to return to Earth," he said. I brightened up as he said that. That wouldn't be so bad. The next sentence made me almost consider going to Hell after all. "You are to be your own guardian angel. You are to change nothing. Just watch and learn from all of your decisions and mistakes."
"How am I supposed to be a guardian angel if I can't change anything, though?" I asked, confused. He looked at me like I was some kind of an idiot. What? It was a perfectly good question to ask. He had some nerve to look at me like that. Honestly. I scoffed inwardly before mentally thumping myself on the back. This weird old man can hear me inside me head. DAMMIT DRACO, FOCUS! Don't insult the guy!
Okay, he isn't a weird old man. But he's old. Come on, don't look at me like that, old man. You didn't even tell me your name yet. What am I supposed to refer to you as if I don't know your name?
"Merlin," he said. Why is he swearing? I swear, I'm half tempted to wring this irritable man's neck if it weren't for his ultimatum offered to me on the line. "Well, if you don't like my thoughts so much then why do you keep listening to them?" I said, annoyed. Although I took care not to be too rude. This guy was getting me out of Hell, after all.
"No, I mean my name is Merlin," the old man said, shaking his head. I froze. I can feel my eyes grow as wide as dinner plates. Mmm, Dinner… I think I want mashed potatoes- FOCUS!
Wow. So that's how Merlin looked like… Somehow I always imagined him to be Dumbledore-like… Well, he is kind of… with the twinkly blue eyes (though, mind you, they never twinkled at me back in my day at Hogwarts), the scraggly white beard, the velvety robes… Anyway, back to the point.
"You're really Merlin?" I asked him, not believing my ears. I always thought he'd be like one of those more powerful looking type wizards. He seemed rather frail, if you asked me. The old man- Er, I mean, Merlin, looked at me like I was an idiot. I've been getting a lot of those looks from him, it seems.
"So, what do I actually do as a guardian angel?" I asked.
"Simple. You watch and protect your human self as you wander your way in Earth from your birth to your death," Merlin replied.
"But how do I protect myself if I can't change anything?" I asked, exasperated. Merlin sighed.
"You are just in charge of… Well, prodding, you could say, yourself in the right or wrong direction, so that the decision is made."
Well that made almost zero sense. Clear as mud. Whatever. I'll eventually figure it out myself.
"When does my so called guardian angel business begin?" I asked, sighing. This was not going to be fun. I mean, if I was someone else's guardian angel, it wouldn't be so bad, because I'd be watching over someone else, watching their mistakes and decisions. Not mine. I'd have to live through every excruciating experience I've ever had, every humiliating moment, every decision that I've ever made that had either turned out to be brilliant or horrible. This would be a harrowing experience. You know, like when you hear your own voice being played back to you in a Pensive. The insecure moment where you'd be thinking "Oh, do I really sound like that?" Except this would be about a million times worse.
Merlin smiled at me. He should stop doing that. It's getting kind of creepy. "It begins now," he answered, shoving me into the portal. Unable to control myself, I let out a rather girly shriek as I plunged headfirst into the universe and all the way to Earth.
That sneaky little bastard. Screw you, Merlin. Screw you.