Five Times Jack Almost Proposed To Ianto

I.

"You're going to get married someday," Jack murmured as they danced around his office. It was late, and they'd had a long day making sure Gwen had got married and not killed, but Jack felt more relaxed, more at peace, than he had all day.

"I'm really not, Jack. I'm—"

"Amazing," Jack said, then continued talking before Ianto could protest. "You're smart and sexy and a fantastic dancer. Who wouldn't want to dance with you at their wedding? Wake up to your messy hair and brilliant blue eyes? Drink your coffee and listen to those Welsh vowels? You're a hell of a catch, Ianto Jones."

Ianto shook his head and laughed as they danced cheek to cheek. "I'm a terrible dancer, although I do make good coffee. But I don't plan to get caught, so please don't try to auction me off or anything!"

"Oh, I'm not going to auction you off," Jack replied. "Because someday…" He kissed the side of Ianto's jaw and murmured into his ear. "Someday I'd like to catch you."

"Wait, what?" Ianto exclaimed, his voice rising in surprise. "Was that—are you—"

Jack stopped him with a kiss. "It wasn't, and I'm not. But someday." He pulled Ianto close. "Someday I could."

As they continued to dance around his office, Jack promised himself that someday he would.

II.

Ianto sat at the foot of Tosh's bed, shoulders bent and head bowed, his hands clutching a long silver chain. Jack approached slowly, not wanting to startle him, upset him, or put him on the defensive. Ianto had not talked much over the last three days, other than to take care of the dozens of things that needed to be done: informing Tosh and Owen's families, closing out their files, packing up their belongings in the Hub, all while helping with the cleanup of the city, worrying about his own family, and dealing with his injuries and grief. Now they were at Tosh's flat, collecting anything that was related to Torchwood.

Ianto didn't move as Jack came closer, didn't even look up as Jack sat down next to him. He continued to run the delicate chain through his fingers. Jack heard him breathing deeply, as if holding back tears. He was about to speak when Ianto broke the silence.

"She wore this to the wedding," Ianto said, voice so low Jack barely heard him. "To Gwen's wedding. She looked so beautiful, and now she'll never—" His voice broke, and he curled his fist around the necklace. "She'll never wear it again. And she'll never have the chance to walk down the aisle like Gwen. To get married and live a normal life."

"She was Torchwood," Jack said. "She knew the risk."

Ianto stood up and started pacing. "The risk? It's practically a guarantee, not a risk. It shouldn't be so hard. It shouldn't have taken her life before she had a chance to truly live it! She should still be here, alive and happy, getting married and starting a family. Torchwood shouldn't take that from people."

Jack wondered where Ianto's anger was really coming from and stood up to help calm his agitation. "Hey, hey," he said, pulling Ianto to a gentle stop. "I know you're upset. I miss her too."

"I'm not upset, Jack," Ianto practically hissed at him. "I'm angry. No, I'm furious. It's not right, that she's gone…that Owen's gone…that you were…" He closed his eyes and blew out a breath, as if forcing himself to find an inner peace somewhere, somehow. Jack reached out for him, but Ianto's eyes flipped open as he stepped back, away. For a brief moment, Jack saw nothing but fear. "It's all right, I'm fine. I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Jack said, pulling him into an embrace and holding him tight in spite of the resistance he felt in every muscle of Ianto's body. "And that's okay."

"No, it's not okay," Ianto mumbled into his shoulder. "I miss them both so much, but at the same time I feel guilty because I'm so glad it wasn't you." He shook his head before Jack could say anything. "I know you can't die, but I thought you were gone again. Forever."

"I'm here," Jack whispered. "And I'm not leaving, I promise. I still haven't proposed yet," he teased, only it suddenly it hit him that Tosh and Owen were gone, and it could have just as easily been Ianto would was shot, or Ianto who was trapped at the nuclear plant. He'd meant what he'd told Ianto after Gwen's wedding, and though they'd had some close calls, they always scraped through, all of them. This time they didn't, and Jack could have lost his chance. If Ianto was relieved that he hadn't lost Jack, Jack was even more grateful he hadn't lost Ianto.

He pulled Ianto closer and hugged him tight. Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack's waist and clung just as tightly, and they stood together for a long time, offering strength, taking comfort, remembering the past and thinking about the future. Too soon, Ianto stepped back with a rueful smile on his face.

"I hope that wasn't your attempt at asking," he said. "Bit morbid if it was."

"Attempt at what—oh," said Jack. He shook his head with a smile. "Oh no, I'd never do that. Morbid is not my style. When it happens, it'll be big and romantic—wine and roses and everything. You'll know," he added with a wink.

Ianto shook his head with what appeared to be fond exasperation. "You do know how to cheer a bloke up," he offered dryly. Jack leaned forward to kiss him, long and slow, letting his feelings speak for themselves.

"Was that better?" he asked with a smile. Ianto nodded.

"Yes," he said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Think you can finish here?"

Ianto looked at the necklace in his hands. "Can I keep this? To remember her?"

Jack's heart broke a little for Ianto's pain. He nodded, and told himself that he would make sure there was wine and roses when the time came.

III.

Jack watched Ianto shut down his station, still moving his arm gingerly. The clean-up of the Good Thinking virus was done, Gwen had gone home with Rhys, and the city would soon forget half of them had tried to kill the other half. Jack, on the other hand, was still struggling with everything they'd been through. And he suspected Ianto was struggling even more; he was the one who had been shot, after all, and born witness as Jack succumbed to the virus while somehow fighting it off himself.

He was still leaning against the doorframe watching when Ianto came over, his coat laid over his good arm. "Everything all right?" Ianto asked, sounding concerned. "You look like something's wrong. And honestly, I think we're due a break on things going wrong—"

Jack shook his head and smiled, stepped forward and answered him with a kiss. "I'm fine, thanks to you. Nothing's wrong, because you helped save the day."

"Just doing my job, sir," Ianto murmured with an embarrassed smile. There were times Ianto was so self-deprecating it hurt. He had fought off the virus better than any of them, and yet he still blamed himself for losing control. "If we don't need to do anything else, I'm going to go home and sleep for twelve hours straight."

"Go," said Jack. "You deserve it. We all do." Ianto nodded and turned to leave, but Jack caught his hand and squeezed tight.

"I'm sorry," he said yet again as Ianto turned around. He thought he saw the other man's shoulders sag before Ianto straightened up and nodded. "For everything that happened, that I said, that I did—"

"I know that, Jack," Ianto replied, sounding weary. "You've apologized a dozen times. It's not your fault. It was the virus. And that prat of arsehole you used to—"

Jack held up a hand. "I'm still sorry. And I'm still worried."

"About what?" Ianto asked. "We've contained it as best as we can, which is remarkably well all things considered."

"I'm worried you'll never believe me now," Jack said. He sighed. "If I were to tell you how I feel, or if I were to ask you to m—"

"Jack, stop," Ianto held up both hands and took a step backward. "You're probably right that it's going to be weird for a while, but that's Torchwood, isn't it? Weird shit happens, we deal with it, we move on."

"Professionally," Jack said. "What about personally?"

Ianto shrugged. "It's not the worst thing that's happened."

"But I don't want it to change things between us, to color our future!" Jack said. "Do you understand? I know you think I only said those things, did those things because of the virus, but that's how it works—it makes you say and do those things to the people you really, truly—"

"Want to kill?" Ianto finished, as if he didn't want to hear the rest. "Yes, I understand, I do. It just…well, it sucks it had to come out like that, doesn't it? Sort of like proposing to someone on their deathbed."

Jack cocked his head. "I didn't propose, did I?"

"I wasn't the one on my deathbed," Ianto replied dryly.

"At least I didn't ruin that then," Jack offered with a forced smile. Ianto rolled his eyes.

"I'm going home. It is what it is, Jack. And it's over." He turned and started toward the cog door. Jack let his head fall to his chest and sighed. Maybe they did need Torchwood relationship counselling.

Ianto stopped at the door. "Are you coming?" he asked, his tone offering for more than his words. "I've still got that bottle of Laphroaig you brought over on New Year's." He paused. "And some cake from last weekend."

Jack grinned. "Sounds perfect. And I promise I won't ask you to—"

"Don't even say it," Ianto warned. "Or I may have to shoot you again."

Jack laughed, grabbed his coat, and joined Ianto at the door. Perhaps they'd be able to work through their experience together after all. Because someday he would ask.

IV.

"It's a good thing you weren't in that trance," Jack said, sitting back on the sofa in the Hub with his feet on the table. Ianto set down some coffee and biscuits and went to a nearby chair, as if he were too nervous to sit next to Jack. He'd been quiet and withdrawn ever since Jack had let slip he'd heard Ianto during his deep sleep. Which he knew he had, only he didn't remember a lot of it. Only the important things, which seemed to embarrass Ianto even more.

"Why's that then?" Ianto asked, sipping at his mug. Jack picked up his own and sniffed at the delicious aroma, immediately noticing something different.

"Add something new?" he asked with a smile. Ianto nodded seriously.

"Splash of whiskey. Been a long day for those of us not laying around in bed."

Jack took a long drink and sighed at how good it was. "The crazy thing is, I still feel tired."

"Your brain is still recovering," Ianto pointed out. "Stella said that's usually the case for brain injuries. Apparently even your big head needs time to get back to full ego strength."

"Ouch," Jack replied.

"Sorry," Ianto replied, shaking his head and looking away. "Just trying to break the tension. It was a bit touch and go there for a while."

"I know," Jack said. He watched Ianto for a moment, then patted the sofa next to him. "Come sit with me?" he asked. "It'll help me recover faster."

Ianto rolled his eyes but came to sit next to Jack. He did not sit close enough to touch, however, and still seemed stiff and uncomfortable. Jack laid his hand on Ianto's knee, hoping it wasn't rebuffed.

"To answer your question—I'm glad it wasn't you because I don't know if I would have figured out how to short out the virus, not in time. You were amazing, coming up with that EMP pulse."

Ianto shrugged it off, like he usually did. "We had to try something. I'm just glad it worked." He glanced sideways at Jack. "It wasn't right, seeing you like that. Like you were going to die."

Jack held open his hand, relieved when Ianto took it, surprised when he squeezed so tight.

"I'm not going to die," Jack said softly. "And I don't want to, not now." Ianto only nodded in reply; Jack could see from the tight set of his jaw he was too upset to speak.

"And of course," Jack continued, hoping to lighten the moment. "If you'd been unconscious, I would have talked your ear off. Hours and hours of stories from all around the galaxy!" He saw the smallest hint of a smile on Ianto's face and moved closer, bumping the Welshman on the shoulder. "I bet you would've woken up just to tell me to stop talking!"

Ianto laughed through his nose and sipped his coffee. Jack leaned his head on Ianto's shoulder.

"I could have proposed," he said thoughtfully. "Good practice, since you couldn't say no." He waited for Ianto's reply and was rewarded when Ianto put his arm around Jack and kissed the top of his head.

"Your incorrigible," he murmured. "And I'm thinking I rather liked the peace and quiet now that you're awake."

"Hey!" Jack said, sitting up with a grin. "I just proposed and you're telling me to be quiet?"

"You didn't propose, and no…" He sighed. "I don't want you to be quiet. It was terrifying, and despite all common sense, I do prefer you up and active."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Up and active? Is that a euphemism?"

And finally Ianto laughed out loud. "No, it wasn't, but of course you would see it that way. I simply meant…I'm glad you're back. Alive."

"Me too." Jack pulled Ianto toward him for a kiss. "Thanks to you." They'd shared a quick kiss at the hospital, but now that they were back at the Hub and alone, Jack made it count, trying to convey his gratitude, his relief, and his love all at once. And then Ianto spoiled it by pulling away.

"So…care to show me just how up and active you are?" he murmured. Jack laughed, tumbled him to the couch, and kissed him again. They would be all right. And Jack still had time to ask.

V.

"Jack, if we don't make it out of this…well, if I don't…"

"Stop," said Jack, shaking his head as he maneuvered their stolen car through the crowded streets of London toward Thames House. "Don't say it, we're going to get out of this."

"We're walking blind into unsanctioned negotiations with a hostile alien species hell bent on kidnapping children for a drug high," Ianto snapped, his voice bordering on frantic. "That's a lot bigger than rounding up a few Weevils."

"We've saved the world before, we can do it again," Jack replied, forcing himself to grin. Ianto did not roll his eyes.

"We've saved Cardiff a few times, Jack—this is the entire planet and millions of children!" He threw his hands in the air. "Never mind, I'm not arguing semantics. But if something goes wrong this time, I need you to—"

"No," Jack practically growled. "I'm not going to listen to your last will and testament or any other final declarations, because it's not happening. We are going to beat these things and go back to Cardiff and rebuild the Hub and watch Gwen have a baby and spoil it like two crazy uncles. Got it?"

Ianto looked like he was holding back an equally angry retort as he stared out the side window. "Fine," he finally said. "Then I won't tell you my any of my passwords and you'll have to figure them all out yourself—which you won't— if you ever want to pull my James Bond movies off the server again."

A slightly hysterical laugh escaped Jack's lips. "I won't have to. You'll be there typing them in yourself while I feed you popcorn. This isn't how it ends, Ianto. There's still so much we haven't done, haven't seen, haven't said…" He trailed off, unable to continue as he thought about all the things he hadn't said to Ianto, and felt rather than saw Ianto turn toward him.

"Like what?" he asked softly.

Jack spared him a quick grin before turning left onto a busy street. "Well, for one, I haven't had a chance to propose yet!"

Ianto's head fell back against the seat, and he laughed through his nose as he gazed out the side window again. "You know, you've said that so many times I don't know whether you're crying wolf or if I should actually believe you."

"You should believe me." Jack reached over and took his hand, prompting Ianto to look back at him with sad eyes. "Because I mean it every time. Someday, Ianto Jones. Someday."

"I just hope it's not too late," Ianto whispered. Jack held his hand until they were forced to stop and make their way toward Thames House on foot. They would beat the 456, and it wouldn't be too late, because he would never forgive himself if he missed his chance with Ianto Jones.