The Songfic To End All Songfics

This is my way of showing amusement at the really stupid things people put in Harry Potter fanfics sometimes. Namely songfics. Don't take anything to heart – I'm only having a laugh and you should know that I always mean well (Y). And I know some of the characters are dead, but that can't be avoided. (seeing as JK has kinda killed off half the main people.)

It was a seemingly normal, non-musical, quiet yet blissfully rational winter morning at Hogwarts. It was also a Saturday, and most of the students were terribly bored. The toast they had been provided with was unusually overdone; when Fred Weasley made a joke about something Filch had recently been seen doing to a suit of armour near his office, most of the resulting grins were adorned with pieces of charred bread.

Nobody noticed that, in a corner, the Grey Lady was having a muttered argument with Nearly-Headless Nick, as if she were trying to dissuade him from doing something. She appeared to be succeeding, but he had an uneasy, shifty look. He shrugged his transparent, blood-stained shoulders and finally, after the Grey Lady had uttered a last warning, he began to drift away, visibly sulking.

His facial expression soon changed to that of pure mischief, though, as he gleefully decided to carry on anyway. He swooped under the Griffindor table, and his head slowly reappeared upon an empty plate which once held toast.

He started jerking his head to imaginary music, which weirded everyone out – they started rolling around in fits of laughter (apart from the Grey Lady, who looked mortified). Then, Nick started shouting –

'IT'S COMING UP, IT'S COMING UP, IT'S COMING UP,

IT'S COMING UP, IT'S COMING UP, IT'S COMING UP,

IT'S DARE!'

'OOH!' sang the Creevey brothers, who were now dancing on the table.

And then, out of nowhere, bizarre Muggle music started. Two others had joined in – Flitwick on keyboards and Hagrid on drums. Unable to control themselves, the students boogied on down in the aisles between the tables, horrified at what they were doing. Dumbledore himself frowned, worried.

'STUDENTS!' he bellowed, dancing rigidly all the while, 'WHO CAST A GORILLAZ SPELL OVER THE SCHOOL THIS MORNING?'

At which point, Harry, Ron and Hermione entered the Hall, and immediately started doing incredibly difficult dance moves.

'–NEVER DID NO HARM, NEVER DID NO HARM - '

'Harry! HARRY! Wasn't this the spell you found in the Half-Blood Prince's book yesterday?' Ron asked, terrified. Harry nodded.

'But it wasn't me! I didn't cast it!' Harry shouted back, whilst doing the hand jive with some first years and Professor McGonagall.

'-THAT'S WHAT YOU DO BABY – HOLD IT DOWN, DARE!'

'I TOLD YOU THAT BOOK WAS DANGEROUS!' Hermione screamed, unable to control herself from dancing with Ron. Actually, she rather liked it.

'Maybe the Prince is hidden in the school right now?' Harry thought.

If anyone could have left the Hall at that point, they would have seen Snape dancing along the corridors in a very provocative manner.