A/N: Thank you to our amazing Beta, Starbuck0322 for all of her amazing editing and feedback :) We hope you enjoy the story.

"I'm sure I'll be able to forgive you, you know," Alec says, sitting up and letting Gillian's head slip from his shoulder to hit the bed gently. He rubs his eyes and reaches for his glasses.

Gillian raises herself up on her elbows and looks over at Alec. "What do you mean, forgive me?" she asks, a hint of anger seeping into her tone. "Forgive me for what, Alec?"

Alec gets up and pulls his boxers on, walking to their en-suite bathroom to get himself a glass of water. He drinks quickly then refills the glass, taking another mouthful before carrying it out and handing it to Gillian.

"You know what."

Taking the glass from his hands, Gillian continues to stare at him. She is sitting partly shocked and very confused.

'Surely he can't be blaming me for Sophie being taken away', she thinks.

Sitting upright, she clutches the sheet to her body like a safety blanket and asks Alec for clarification. "I don't understand, Honey." Her voice is soft and barely comes out as a whisper. She looks up into Alec's eyes, while trying to fight back the tears that are beginning to burn her own. "What did I do?"

Alec adjusts his glasses and sits down on the edge of the bed next to Gillian. He brushes her hair from her face and kisses her softly on the lips.

"Let's talk about it later," he suggests, fidgeting slightly.

Since Sophie was taken from them he's been doing everything possible to avoid getting high again, but it's becoming far too much for him to handle; the loss of his daughter, the disappointment of not being able to bear children of their own, Gillian's incessant requests to discuss it.

He runs his fingers through his hair as he chews the inside of his cheek. He needs a fix. He knows if he's careful he can probably get away with it without Gillian noticing. He licks his lips slightly and looks at his wife again.

"Why don't you take a nap?"

Gillian can see the way he is fidgeting, can see that Alec is trying hard not to give anything away. But she knows those signs, has seen them before and knows he is deflecting the situation.

She shifts her weight and clutches the sheets tighter sliding back up the bed slightly and putting some space between them. She looks up at him calmly, trying hard to keep her composure.

"Please, Alec. Can't we just talk about it? I don't want to take a nap." She loosens her grip on the sheet and slides one hand across the bed to grasp Alec's. "Please honey, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong?" she pleads.

Alec takes his hand back, his brow furrowing as he frowns.

"I told you, I can't." he tells her. "It hurts, Gillian, and I'm not one of your patients. You can't sit there and play shrink with me like you're going to make it all better. You're just as screwed up as I am," He stands again and begins to pace.

Why can't she just go to sleep so he can do what he needs to do?

He wants it so badly; feels as if he might die if he does not have it. He clenches his fists tightly as he continues to pace.

"Talking about it isn't going to bring Sophie back," he continues. "Don't you get that? You spend so long talking about your touchy-feely garbage sometimes I think you forget what reality is. Here's what it is. For all of your shrinking and obsessing over voices and facial twitches, or whatever that rubbish is that you call work and insist on pouring our money into, regardless of whether we're getting a return on investment or not, you still couldn't pick a mother that wasn't going to take her kid back. How far did all of your talks and crap get with Sophie's other mother, huh? You were so damn sure that she was the right one and she was positive about her decision. It's a joke, Gillian! It's not a science, it's a carnival trick and because you believed in that crap they took MY daughter away. Tell me how talking about it is going to fix that, because I'm dying to know!"

Gillian feels as if she has just been hit by a bus.

She can't breathe, can't think. She can't stop the tears that are blurring her vision, trailing her cheeks.

She sits muted as Alec launches his verbal attack. He's blaming her, for everything? Not just Sophie but her job, her passion, her life's work? When Alec calls Sophie his daughter she almost loses it.

She tries to keep telling herself that Alec is lashing out at her because he is emotional, distraught and angry. She's the closet one to him.

Psych 101: we often hurt and lash out at those closest to us.

Gillian knows this, but she can't help but take it as a personal attack. The things he is saying are personal, Alec isn't attacking the situation, he's attacking her personally and everything that she holds dear.

So she does the only thing she can think of; Gillian rises to her feet, sheet still draped around her body, and walks towards Alec. Her tears are still freely flowing down her face as she tries to meet Alec's eyes.

"I know it hurts, sweetie. I know you're hurting, but so am I." She speaks softly, as it is all she can muster. Gillian moves to brush her hand down Alec's chest, trying to comfort him and herself.

"I love Sophie, she is my daughter too. She is our daughter. We were a family, and it was cruelly ripped away from us...but we can get through this... together... We can get through this." As Gillian speaks she doesn't know who she is trying to convince more; Alec or herself.

Alec shakes his head, taking Gillian's hand off his chest.

"You can't fix this. You can't give me my daughter back, just the way you couldn't give me one in the first place. Just let it go, Gillian. Don't you think there's a reason this keeps happening?" he asks her, shaking his head and walking off

Gillian watches her husband walk from their bedroom. A few moments later, she hears the front door slam and his car start.

He has left her alone, a mess and in tears. He has just laid everything that had ever gone wrong in their marriage and with their infertility issues. He blamed her, for ALL of it; for not being able to have children, for not giving him a child in the first place, and now he's left her; broken and alone.

She wants to be comforted by him; within his arms, whispering to her that they were going to be all right, that it wasn't her fault.

But instead she knows he's gone to get high. That he's gone to one of his "regular" hole-in-the-wall back ally bars.

How soon would he be coked out of his mind?

She thinks of calling him; of going to get him. But she's hurting far worse than by the words he has lashed at her.

She feels as if she's dying inside; like she's inadequate as a wife; as a mother and as a woman. Alec has made her feel all this when he's meant to be protecting her, loving her, helping her!

She needs to get out of the house, as far away as possible from this, from her life.

Gillian quickly slips on a pair of jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. She heads for the stairs, stopping by the kitchen to grab her purse and keys. She finds them quickly then leaves.