Author's Note: Decided it was high time I wrote something new, seeing as I'm on summer holiday and have nothing better to do! This is purely for fun and I'm not sure it'll go anywhere, but hey, it's only fan fiction. It's not going to be dramatic in the least, I've had enough angst for a while. This whole fanfic will be written entirely from dialogue because I want to try something new. It might be confusing because I'm not going to put in any 'he said, she said' bits. Just read and enjoy!

P.S. Not any Draco/Hermione interaction in this chapter, but there will be in the next!

"You're fired."

"I'm sorry?"

"You're fired, you tosser, now get out of my office."

"I don't understand, sir. Fired on what grounds?"

"On the grounds that I don't like your face and you spilled coffee on my shirt yesterday. Now beat it."

"I -"

"GET OUT."

It wasn't easy being the big man at the top. Not all the time, anyhow. There was so much to do, so much to keep up with, so many ugly faces to see every day.

"Fired another one, Draco?"

"Yes, Pans, this was warranted though."

"Hardly, I just heard you call him ugly and, really, Draco, you're still upset about the shirt?"

"It was a great shirt."

"There's no helping you, you're a mad man."

"A mad man who likes his privacy. Feel free to show yourself out."

"Jerk…"

~*~

"So, Malfoy, how are we doing today?"

"People are so incredibly stupid, Zabini. Why do I bother?"

"Because it makes you millions of galleons a year and you get to sit in a nice office on the top floor. Look at this lovely view you've got. My office is on the sodding 8th floor and my view is of the construction going on outside."

"I'm the boss, you know, I could always get you a new office."

"Would you really, mate?"

"No."

"Prick. You could put my office right next to yours. Best mates should be near each other, you know?"

"Tell you what - fire Regina for me and I'll give you an office right next to mine."

"You just hired her last week. And she's nice to look at. Her bum is spectacular."

"Her mouth, however, isn't. Besides, you know the rules. Once you've slept with the secretary, you have to fire her. They start to think they're entitled to anything, otherwise. She already thinks we're dating."

"What! You slept with her already? You promised I could have a go at her first…"

"You were taking too long, I couldn't wait forever."

"Yeah…but…I was just, you know, thinking of some different tactics. What did you do?"

"I told her to stay late, then I just…went at her. She seemed completely fine. Actually, she probably knew she was only hired so I could shag her."

"Huh, if I'd known she was so easy I would have tried to shag her ages ago. I thought she had integrity."

"No woman has integrity. They all say they do so they won't come off as a slag, but really, they're just dying to be shagged."

"Such a gentleman, Malfoy."

"It keeps the ladies coming. Literally. Now be a good boy and send Regina home, permanently."

"Christ, you make it sound like I'm supposed to kill her off."

"That's not a bad idea, actually..."

~*~

"Alright, Ginny, I think we're almost done here. Thank you so much for helping, by the way, I couldn't have done it with you. Cleaning this flat is nearly impossible."

"It's no problem, though I've noticed over the years that you clean when you're avoiding something. Could it have something to do with you quitting your job?"

"It had to be done, Ginny. The Ministry for Magic is a sad excuse for a government. I mean, after the way they treated us during the war? Honestly, my only regret was staying there so long. Though it was very nice being the head of my own department…"

"Department of Magical Law Enforcement is no joke. You could probably ask for you job back if you wanted, you know."

"Of course not! It's a corrupt government if I ever saw one. You wouldn't believe the bribery and fraudulence that goes on in that place! I'd expect to see it on the outside, not the inside."

"So what now?"

"Now I fight fire with fire and show them what real authority is. I'm starting my own firm!"

"Oh no…"

~*~

"Draco, we have to talk about your new secretary."

"What about her? She's gorgeous."

"She doesn't have any qualifications. It's like you just picked her off the street or something."

"…"

"Draco, you didn't!"

"Not technically, anyway. We met at Flint's bachelor party last night. She said her other job wasn't working out for her. What was I to do, Pans?"

"You don't mean to tell me…she was a stripper?"

"…"

"Honestly, Draco, you're such a pig, I can't believe I ever dated you."

"Popped your cherry too, if I recall."

"Absolutely tactless…I'm married now, thank you, so if you could please refrain from saying things like that."

"Happily married?"

"What's that?"

"Are you happily married, Pansy?"

"What a silly question, Draco. Anyways, I've got to get back to work, and so should you. Though I cannot ever remember a time in which you actually worked. You might want to set a good example, being in charge and all."

"You didn't answer the question."

"God, you are exhausting. Goodbye, Draco."

~*~

"So, Mr. Malfoy, I hope all the paperwork was to your satisfaction? We had our best lawyers look over the contracts and they should be in order."

"Yes, they're fine. Is that all?"

"Don't you want to at least look over the contracts? Make sure they are what you wanted?"

"I'll take your word for it, shall I? If it happens that they're not, I'll just sue you. It'll be much easier that way. So that's it?"

"I…I suppose. Just sign the dotted line at the bottom."

"Done."

"Excellent. Welcome to a new era, Mr. Malfoy. Together our companies will flourish and prosper more than any of us could have ever imagined."

"Terrific. Good bye."

~*~

"I'm sorry, Miss Granger, but your plea for a loan did not go through."

"You're joking."

"I'm sorry?"

"There's got to be some mistake. I followed everything by the book. There was virtually no way I could be denied. So please tell me what went wrong."

"Nothing went wrong, Miss Granger, Gringotts is not entertaining any notions for a start-up loan at this time. The economy is suffering and we cannot simply give out loans like candy, especially for a firm that has no chance for survival."

"Excuse me? 'No chance for survival?' This is exactly the reason I left the Ministry! It's incompetent, arrogant people like yourselves - or actually, you're a goblin, I'm sorry - that make the Wizarding world such a failure! You've all been brainwashed, every single one of you!"

"I beg your pardon, Miss Granger…"

"No, I'm not finished! You could be so much more. You don't have to take the injustice that Wizards are serving you! It's time to bite the hand that feeds, my friend. You have rights too, you know."

"Ah, I knew your name sounded familiar. You were behind that SPEW fiasco a few years ago, weren't you?"

~*~

"Zabini, I think this is one those moments when my greatness needs to be acknowledged. I wouldn't object if you wanted to bow down to me right now."

"Fat chance. What did you do?"

"I single-handedly merged the company with Sofia Telecommunications International. Bulgaria's all the rage right now."

"Oh Christ, Draco, what the fuck?"

"That's not a very impressed expression on your face. Why aren't you impressed?"

"Let me see the contracts. I want to see all the paperwork right now."

"Listen, I don't like your tone…I was going to offer you a glass of champagne…"

"The contracts, Draco! Let me see them! Now!"

"…"

"…"

"You really are the world's greatest idiot. I mean, really, how the fuck you managed to be the head of your own company, I will never understand. Jesus Christ."

"Okay I am definitely not offering you any champagne. It's expensive stuff and it can't be wasted on insulting wankers like you."

"Do you realize what you've done? Do you?"

"I…merged the company with another very successful one?"

"Sofia Telecommunications International is now in charge of The Malfoy Group. Completely, irreversibly in charge."

"No, we're partners. See? The top of the paper says 'Merger.'"

"If you'd bothered to read the rest of the bloody contract, you'd see that yes, we are indeed merging with them, but they have complete rights to all our assets and will henceforth be in control of almost everything we do. They were one of our biggest competition, Draco!"

"But…the man was encouraging me to read the contract! I thought for sure if he as pushing me to read it that there wouldn't be any…nonsense…in there."

"You know what, I bet he was counting on you to think that like, you daft fucking loser. Your reputation precedes, you evidently."

"What reputation?"

"Being a mindless caveman who's only interests are chasing skirts and making money."

"Okay, don't forget that I'm your boss. I'll fire you in two minutes if you don't apologize."

"Go ahead! Thanks to you, we're all in control of Bulgaria."

"Look, I'll hire the world's greatest lawyer and we'll settle this. I did tell the man I'd sue him if anything went wrong."

"There's no fixing this. There's not one single loophole in this contract. You signed at the bottom, thereby giving them permission to fuck us in the ass."

"I really don't want to be fucked in the ass."

"Too bad. You're looking at a sore anus for the rest of your life."

"I absolutely refuse. I'm getting a lawyer first thing tomorrow."

"No one's going to want to represent you, mate. You've exhausted your welcome with the law and no person in the right mind would take on a dead-end case like this."

"What do we do, then? I can't lose my company! Do you know what that would do to me? I'd slowly lose all my income and become poor, poorer than the bloody Weasleys!"

"You're richer than the Queen, you tosser, you've got nothing to worry about."

"Listen, we've got to make this all go away. I can't have this getting out that I'm an impotent."

"You mean incompetent. Though, I don't know, you could be impotent too."

"Whatever the fuck, we need to fix this."

"Alright, you know what, this isn't all bad."

"Really, did you find a loophole?"

"No, I just realized I haven't raised hell in a long time. This could be fun."

"What are we going to do?"

"We're going to take down Sofia Tel with force. They'll rue the day they took advantage of your brainlessness."

"Shut your mouth about my brain, Blaise, or I will hex you into the next century."

"Save your strength, mate. Bulgaria is about to get what's coming to them. I've had enough of the Vratsa Vultures, too! They've won the cup six times too many."

"We'll burn Viktor Krum to the ground!"

"And eat his flesh for dinner!"

"How exactly are we doing this, then, Zabini?"

"No bloody idea."

~*~

"Ron, I think we should have sex."

"Uh, Hermione?"

"It's just that I'm in a very upset state right now. I've been turned down for a loan from everywhere I can think of, and it's been a while, and I think the logical thing to do would be to have sex."

"You know I love you, I really do, but we tried that already…"

"I said sex, Ron, not love. We're definitely not going down that road again."

"Oh! Alright, then. Right now?"

"Yes. Ravish me, Ron, I'm giving you full permission."

"…"

"…"

"Blimey, Hermione, this isn't any fun anymore."

"I know. Oh well, might as well finish what we've started."

"This feels like a chore."

"Tell me how you really feel, you insensitive jerk. Get off, then."

"No, I'll finish for you."

"Wow, how big of you."

"I am big, aren't I?"

"Ugh. Hurry up and come, I can't stand you right now."

"I think this might have been why we broke up in the first place. You're a bitch in bed."

"No, it's because you're absolutely lousy in bed."

"You know what - ahhh…AHHH….mm, that was good."

"I can't believe my life sometimes…"