Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own the idea of shows similar to or matching ABC's The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I make no profit off of this story, I gain amusement. Character 2: Not saying she's going to end with Harry- but really, as Plain Hermione, nobody was seeing this.

The Hogwartsette

Chapter 1: In Media Res


Dragon Skins & Fairy Kin, watch the love stump rumblin'.

Push and squeak, his eyes so weak

Make me want to laugh

I should be glad, it's more than I've had

Two times in one week!

Oh Ron, Ron, you must get on

With your getting off

If you're not, then I'll be gone

And you'll be getting soft!

Hermione sung to herself, trying to decide what book she was going to pick up from Diagon Alley, as Ron's only soldier standing pressed on into no man's land. Practical Spells for a Quick Nuptual Nip seemed too nonsensical, according to reviews in The Prophet. Yet, Horrifically Headless Husband Hexes seemed a bit too dark.

"Hermio…ne…yes, yes, call me Harry…" Ron panted, his head took refuge in her cleavage.

"Oh, Harry. I'm your little Death Eater, Cruciate me. Oh please. Yes, that's the ticket." Hermione couldn't have sounded less enthused.

Hermione decided that maybe she should just cheat on Ron with Charlie. Then let Ron catch them. Maybe leave a few letters lying around the house, it might be enough to set him off.

"Yeah, you're a naughty little Death Eater…I'm going to fill you with Expelliarmus. Yeah. Yeah." Ron huffed.

"Oh Harry. Oh Harry." Hermione moved hair from her eyes.

"Mmhmm, yeah..I'm Potter, I'm Potter."

"Use you Corporal Patronus on me. I'm a Dementor."

"Yeah…call me Seamus now…call me Seamus…I'm an Irish stud….yeah…"

Hermione sighed, reflecting on her regret for not kissing Harry in Hogwarts before Voldemort fell. I had to kiss Ron…and for what? Ginny's happiness.

"I'm going to find a four leaf clover, oh yeah..oh yeah…" Ron cooed.

Hermione had an idea cross her mind, and she smiled for the first time in two minutes. "Call me Ginny." She said seductively.

Ron froze in mid-thrust. "Okay, really, that's disgusting." His last man standing retreated over the mole hill, as Ron got up.

Hermione put on her clothes, and put her hair back as best as she could. "I'm going out. I wont be back tonight. Expect the annulment papers by mid afternoon tomorrow. "

Hermione last saw Ron sitting on the bed, shaking his head sadly.

"I'm going to get myself a man." Hermione said determinedly, and strode out into the streets of London.

The sun shone beautifully through the windows of Lola Montblanc's office. She gazed at the curiously famous witch sitting in front of her, all the power of femininity radiated from her like an aura.

"Twenty five wizards, one witch? You?" Lola's blonde eyebrows curved upwards.

"Every week some of the wizards leave, and never return." Hermione said plainly.

"How many on the first night?" Lola put her heels up on her desk, her legs crossed imperiously.

"Ten will be eliminated." Hermione knew well what she was talking about, she had seen it on Muggle television constantly.

"When could you start shooting?"

"Just as soon as you take me to the island."

"Sign here, I can't wait to start." Lola flicked her wand and a contract flew onto the desk.

Hermione's initials never looked so good to her.

AN: Stay tuned for chapter 2.

I'm looking for a qualified & dependable beta. Main duties; bouncing ideas, story flow. PM me for details.

Love, TowerMage