A/N: Oneshot while I work on another Senior and Tali adventure fic. Please enjoy this.
She never had much an attachment to photographs. They were merely moments of time captured for you to look back on at a later date. Many people she knew treated them like precious gifts. They were mourned like the people in them died, if the photos were lost. Sometimes they were the first things grabbed in a hurried moment of escape or threat. She never set much stock in them. They saddened her. Those happy moments where the people within them were blissfully unaware of the tragedy and horrors that would befall them only served to remind her that the happy moment was gone. The people within the image would never know that happiness again.
How stupid was I though, she'd think, seeing pictures of her blissfully ignorant family. To think I could have this for any stretch of time. They were stupid fools. The images of her and Ari and Tali. Rivka and Eli. The future wasn't happy for them in those smiling moments. It was full of death and pain and betrayal. She'd lost a lot of them over the years. Her life was not permanent. She never thought she'd meet her 30th birthday. Mossad officers did not live very long, especially kidon.
Today she was sifting through these snapshots of a happier life. After Eli was killed, she came to his penthouse apartment in Tel Aviv. He kept a Spartan lifestyle. When she'd cleaned out the apartment, selling his furniture and gathering up what little personal effects he allowed himself to own, she'd discovered that he still had the farmhouse outside of the city, in the olive grove, where he'd been born and raised.
The David family traced itself back to the first settlements in Israel. They maintained vast wealth, smartly investing and maintaining lucrative business deals. She'd never been interested in her inheritance, as she never expected to see it. There became a point in her life where she wondered what her father planned to do with it, since it was clear she would probably never be gifted with children. It was consolidated into the farmhouse. His memories and his true joy lived there. She'd gone to it and found he kept everything important to him here, including vast quantities of photographs.
She sat on the floor of the study, boxes around her. They'd been saved from the fire. As much as she pitied those people who tried to save photos over themselves in times of destruction, she'd done the same thing. She couldn't bring herself to lose the only things that were good from her childhood. Things changed within her, more than just physically, when she was pregnant. Priorities changed. She wanted her child to see these one day. She'd relocated the boxes of important items to Schmiel's apartment. He'd been all too happy to keep watch over them for her.
They'd been returned to her, when the farmhouse was rebuilt. She hadn't felt the urge to look at them until now. She turned some of them over, this stack a series of photos from her commission as an officer in the Israeli Defense Forces. She was so young, she thought, touching her fingers to the smiling face of the girl in the image, wearing her new army green uniform, standing in relief against the background of Masada, where she'd been commissioned.
As she searched, she found one that was precious to her, wondering where it had gone. It was her and Tali, in front of the opera house in Cairo. She'd been there on a Mossad mission and Tali had come to visit. It was only a matter of weeks after that image was snapped by a passing tourist did Tali go to a café with some friends and a coward with a suicide vest blew her up in the name of HAMAS. "My Tali, look how young you are," she murmured. Tali's death had been the final blow to her father. He was always an intense and focused man, but losing his wife had been one thing, losing his son to the other side had been another. It was his precious daughter, the only good thing to happen to any of them that had broken him.
She set the image aside in a pile she planned on framing. Now that she had a child, she wanted her daughter to see these things. To know her family. Her sister's namesake would know those happy times, as she would have her own one day. Ziva wanted them captured now. She wanted her little Tali to know her aunt and her grandparents. One day she may even tell her of Ari, but that was a longtime in the future.
"Ima?"
Looking up from a picture of her smiling mother, she saw Tali standing in the doorway, her battered Kelev stuffed animal in her hand. She gestured for her to come over. "What are you doing, neshema?"
"Abba made me watch a movie," she said, yawning. It was only midday, she wondered why Tali was so tired. She sighed. "It was boring."
Well that might explain it. "Do you want to sit with me?" She gestured for Tali to sit down next to her, wrapping her arms around her. She transitioned to Hebrew. It was for Tali's benefit. She wanted her daughter fluent in both English and Hebrew. "Look, this was your grandmother. Her name was Rivka."
"She's pretty."
"She was beautiful," she murmured. She looked like her father. Her sister resembled their mother. She kissed the top of Tali's head. Little Tali resembled here, but as she grew, she'd begun to resemble her father in more ways than in her eyes. Her face was starting to shift almost, sometimes her looks were just like his. She had a wicked sense of humor and she could speak faster than even him if there was a topic she liked. In a way she almost had his strange Tourette's like habit of spouting off random facts, except they weren't about movies, she'd become obsessed with books. Any book she could get her hands on, she read. She would recite everything she read back to them.
Tali picked up a picture of Eli and her. "What's this?"
"That's my bat mitzvah." It had been one of the best memories she had of her father. They were dancing. He'd been so proud of her, giving her recitation of the Torah. Her entry as a woman into the Jewish faith. She touched her neck, where a replacement Star of David rested. That was where she'd gotten her old necklace. It was long gone now, thrown somewhere in the Somali desert. She would not tell Tali of those memories. Tali would know her saba as a man who loved his country, his faith, and in his own way, his children.
"What's that?" she asked, cuddling closer.
Ziva inhaled her daughter's sweet smell of bubble gum and her strawberry shampoo. She loved her cuddles. It never ceased to amaze her how much she loved being a mother. She couldn't imagine her life now without her miracle Tali. "That's when a girl becomes a woman. You'll have one, one day. When you're 13."
"I'm six."
"You are six." You're getting so big. I remember when you were a newborn, the midwife passing you into my arms. It had been a moment burned into her memory and it felt like yesterday. She'd been crying and laughing, taking in the sounds of her daughter's first cries, her tiny fists angrily punching at the air and her little feet brushing against her arm as she'd wrapped her up tight against her chest. The moment she'd touched her lips to Tali's damp forehead, she'd sealed a covenant between her and her daughter. To love and protect her until the day she died. Even if she had to fake her death to do it.
She did not know true love until she had Tali. That love could not be captured in a picture, but it came damn close, she thought, lifting a photo from the top of the pile, pointing to it. "That's you," she said, chuckling at Tali's surprised look. "You did not think you could be so tiny?"
"I look mad."
"You were quite upset at being born, I will give you that," she said, laughing. She stroked her daughter's hair, whispering to her. "You came very early in the morning. You kept your Ima up all night long. Then you were born, just as the sun broke over the horizon." The picture in her hand didn't do the moment justice. The day before, Orli had come to visit her, to check on her and give her an update on the threats that tended to touch upon her from time to time. The other woman had become a strange ally in the world.
She'd gone into labor and Orli had stayed with her. Schmiel was in Jordan at a conference, but managed to make it about an hour after Tali was born. Orli had been the only one there besides the midwife. She didn't want her there, but Orli hadn't left her side, saying she did not need to be alone. To her surprise, Orli had located the digital camera left behind in the study and taken pictures. When she'd wanted to know why, Orli had merely said, studying the camera after she'd taken a shot, "because even though you will never forget this moment, one day you will want your daughter to see it too. Or someone else."
Someone else had lost his mind at seeing the pictures. She'd borne the brunt of his anger several times at keeping their daughter from him. That had been a week of passive aggressiveness. Their initial reunion had been heart stopping. She hadn't imagined feeling that much love for him ever again, until she saw him with their daughter. They hadn't spoken much until Senior took Tali so they could have some time alone. She thought she'd never breathe again. They didn't give each other a chance to speak before tearing into each other, like they'd never see each other again. She thought her heart was going to tear out of her chest, unable to think as they made up for more than just lost time.
Then it was over before it began. They didn't want to give up on each other, but they always had trust issues. Now more than ever. Each time something came up that reminded him of how he never knew of his daughter's existence until she was almost two years old, he pushed her away. That had been a little over a year ago. They'd reunited, as they always did, and chipped away a little more at the ice between them when it came to the missing time.
"Where's Abba?"
She took a deep breath. "Well…" This was why she did not like the pictures sometimes. "Abba was not there."
"Why not?"
"He did not know. Ima did not tell him." She squeezed Tali tight against her, setting the picture aside and changing the subject. "Do you want to see one of Ima and Abba? Here, you will like this one." She rummaged through some more, for the ones she'd had shipped over from her apartment. She'd left everything in DC when she'd returned to Israel. Aliyah, that's what her father had requested she do. Return to her homeland. She'd given up everything and returned, but she'd asked her landlord to send along some things and the rest the elderly woman could keep or sell.
This was one of those things. "That's Abba," Tali laughed, seeing the picture of him as Jean-Luc Rainer, from their time undercover, more than a decade ago. They looked so young. She'd known him all of a few months when they'd done that job and felt oddly unsettled at his kisses. She kept telling herself it was a job, but in a few moments she let herself imagine that she was married and yes, even as an assassin, she was happy and planning her future family. Then there was that other time she was undercover as a pregnant woman. The bump had felt too fake, but she thought it was a girl and she wondered who the father would be. Only his face swam into her thoughts, no matter how hard she tried to think of anyone else.
"And me," she said, pointing at her in the picture. "Oh, here you will like this one too." She took one out of them all. "That's who Ima worked with, see? It's Gibbs and everyone else."
"McGee," Tali said, pointing and she grinned. "And Auntie Abby."
"Yes it is." She felt Tali pull from her, growing bored at looking at the pictures. She let go of her. One of the worst things you could do was force Tali to stay in one place if she didn't want to be there. They shared that in common. She looked over at Tali, who was picking up and setting down some of the pictures, having no idea what she was truly looking at.
She sighed, smiling at her daughter. Tali picked up a picture of her father, turning it towards her. "Abba?"
"Yes." She took the image Tali had and her heart fell slightly. A deep breath swelled in her chest. She held it for a moment and nodded, slowly releasing it through pursed lips as she calmed herself. It was of him, sleeping on the chaise that was on the porch of the house that used to stand on the very land where they'd rebuilt they one they were in now. She'd taken the camera from his bag, flicking through the images he'd taken in his search for her during the months before.
There were some other ones. Before she went to Israel, they'd spent time together in D.C. They'd done tourist things. Gone running on the National Mall, visited pandas at the zoo, and sat on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. She looked happy and so did he. There was one a tourist took of them in front of the White House, their arms around each other like they were lovers and not friends. She would have to see if she could get that one off the camera before he left.
She'd taken the camera out onto the porch to ask him about the photos and instead snapped his image, thinking it was funny to catch him off guard. Then she'd set it down and gone to wake him up. When he showed up on her doorstep she'd been surprised, but ultimately realized it was just a few months in the making. They hadn't said much to each other. Their mouths were too busy with other things. Then one day he said he had to tell Gibbs where he was. That sort of did it for her. The beginning of the end.
Then they'd fought and talked for the first time since he showed up on her doorstep. Maybe they would be friends in the future, but she knew she wouldn't return with him. The moment in the olive grove was the final nail in the coffin on their friendship. They both wanted more. They'd gone back inside after that and shown it to each other over and over. It was different then. Far more emotional. Tali had been conceived then. Those few weeks when they were doing their best to make up for the past few years when it was obvious they wanted more from each other. She thought it was a miracle, wanting a fresh start and to rediscover herself and what better way than to become a mother, have a child?
All she had of those weeks where they were together, delaying the inevitable, were on that digital camera he'd left behind. Maybe on purpose. She looked at a few more, on harsh printer paper she'd used on her home computer, after flipping some of them to black and white. Photos always looked better to her in black and white. She looked down at one he'd taken of her, sitting in a chair looking out the window, wearing one of his shirts and her arms wrapped around her knees. She released a long breath and looked at Tali, who was watching her. "Why do you look sad, Ima?" she asked.
"I'm not sad."
"Are the pictures making you sad?"
Yes. The smile on her lips flickered in time with her emotions. "Of course not. I'm just thinking of the past." Ziva didn't want her daughter to think, as her father taught her, that emotions made you weak and you had to suppress them, but she also didn't want her to know things just yet. She would be a child as long as she could.
"How did you meet Abba?" Tali asked, looking at one of them together again, the one from Paris. She must have had a dozen copies of that picture. It was one of her favorites. That's why she sent it along with Tali to him. It was a clue. He'd followed it. "Did you meet in Paris?"
"No, we met in Washington, D.C."
"How?"
Were you having phone sex? The first words she'd said to him. She chuckled. That seemed like an entire lifetime ago. He'd been cocky, arrogant…so had she. It would be a difficult assignment, she knew, but she was confident in her abilities to handle these people. They were clueless compared to her, didn't have her skills, her awareness, nothing. How wrong she'd been. She hadn't anticipated the snark that came off of him. The way he constantly confused her and not just with the idioms and movie references. She imagined herself better and smarter than him in so many ways, but he still found how to upstage her when he could. The heat had been pure annoyance. About nine years later she'd found out that it was the attraction, not the annoyance. "Work," she said, chuckling. She dumbed it down for Tali. In a world where to her princes and princesses were the norm and singing animals and fairy godmothers helped them be together. "We were on the same case and we met at work. Your Gibbs put us together."
"My Gibbs is the best," Tali said, confident. She adored him. All her treasured possessions save for her necklace and Kelev came from Gibbs. The dollhouse he'd built for her, the little boxes he'd carved for her that she kept her treasures in, and even the model boat 'The Ziva' that she kept on her dresser. They both wondered when a real boat would show up on their doorstep instead of a replica.
"I know you love him very much."
Tali melted a bit, cooing. "Was it love at first sight?"
"It was more like annoyed at first sight."
"Ima! That's not true love!"
"Ah, but think of your favorite movies," she said, teasing her daughter. "Remember Flynn and Rapunzel? Or Klaus and Anna? Princess Buttercup and Westley?"
"Abba is not Flynn or Klaus or Westley!" She took great offense at her heroes being lumped in with him. She grinned, showing a missing tooth on her upper row of teeth. "He's Abba."
She chuckled and shrugged, beginning to tidy up the pictures and put them away. "Well sometimes neshema, true love starts with a beautiful friendship and many times between two people where true love is the last thing on their minds."
"I don't get it."
"You won't, until one day," she said.
Tali played around with the pictures for a few minutes. There was something on her mind. She looked up again. "What's a soulmate, Ima?"
Ah, a soulmate. She wondered where Tali heard that. So she asked. "Soulmate is a very big word, Tali. Who told you it?" Or maybe she heard it in a movie. God knew there were movies running all the time in the house. Especially when he needed to think. The week where they didn't really speak, he'd been in the study, lying on the couch and watching movie after movie, sometimes the same one three or four times in a row.
"Auntie Abby." Of course it was Abby. At the wedding, she thought, remembering the toasts. Abby spoke of soulmates and destinies, how they were each others. Nothing in common, mostly biting each other's heads off and competing the entire time they knew each other, and yet they were the only ones for each other. She glanced at Tali again, who shrugged. Things sat with her daughter for a long time. She was very sensitive like that. "A soulmate is someone who…no matter where you are or who you both may be…a soulmate is someone who you are supposed to be with. You'll find each other." Her voice softened and she reached over, cupping her daughter's cheek, looking at her earnest expression, trying to understand. She smiled warmly and her eyes crinkled in the corners. This was her little girl, who thought the world of them both. Who didn't know anything of the pain that had gone into her parents finding each other or even of her path to existence. She thought her grandfather who died was a hero, because that's the person she wanted Tali to know of Eli David, the one who loved his country and died for it.
She didn't want Tali to be her one-day, looking at these photos of them all and growing sad at the happy memories that turned to painful ones. She wanted Tali to look at the picture of her Ima and Abba together in Paris, point at it, and say that they loved each other and they were happy together. "Are you and Abba soulmates?" Tali whispered, looking down at their picture.
"Maybe," she said. She quirked her lip up. "Auntie Abby seems to think so."
"Auntie Abby believes in ghosts." Like this was why Auntie Abby couldn't be trusted on such matters like soulmates.
"And you don't believe in ghosts?"
"No," Tali said, although she seemed quite uncertain, her tiny brow wrinkling. The picture in her hands returned to the box and she stood up. She reached over for her and gave her a hug and picked up Kelev. The dog held to her chest she turned away and left the room without another word, absorbed in her thoughts.
The photos were tidied up by the time Tali had walked out. She closed the lid of the plastic tub they resided in and pushed it with a scrape over the floor into the closet, closing the door on the past. She picked up the ones on the floor she wanted to keep and set them on the desk to get framed later. "Housekeeping?"
"You know me better than that," she said, not bothering to look up.
"Taking a stroll down memory lane?"
"Something like that." She looked up from the desk. Tony was leaning against the doorway. "What's Tali doing now?"
"I don't know, she went running off to wake Senior." He walked over to her, reaching down for her hands. She held her palms out and smiled as he walked their fingers together, lifting them up in the air, their hands clasped as he leaned in and dropped a kiss to her lips. She returned it, smiling. Something was going on. "Sweetcheeks." Yes, of course something was going on. "How long is my adoring father planning on staying with us?"
She chuckled. She loved his father. Having him around always made her smile. "Why? He getting to you?"
"Oh you know, he has a habit of showing up at the wrong times." His eyebrows wiggled as he looked down at her, his voice husky. "Like last night when I had you right where I wanted you and he couldn't find his phone charger, which you had in our room."
"I borrowed it."
"Well he needed it and couldn't wait because his phone was dead and apparently he had to chat with the lady down the street from him in DC who he has been pursuing for some time." He shook his head, sighing. "And Tali thinks the world of him."
"Because to her he is a doting, kind, and adoring grandfather who would die for his granddaughter." She kissed him quickly, her voice dropping to the same husky tenor as his had a moment before. "And besides, he's going to take Tali into town later to pick up some dinner. Seeing as it takes almost half an hour just to get there…" Her tongue darted out to lick her lips, which worked as his eyes dilated and he leaned closer to her, his grasp tightening on her fingers. She grinned darkly. "We have the house to ourselves."
"For almost an hour and a half if he prolongs dinner with stories of his exploits to Tali…and maybe even two hours if Tali keeps him talking…hmm…this could work." He spun her around, nipping at her earlobe and grinning. "You are evil Mrs. DiNozzo."
"Blame it on the hormones, I was as annoyed as you last night." She felt his hands trace down to her stomach. The stretchy shirt she'd chosen to wear showed off how big she'd gotten the last couple of weeks. It was like with Tali. Except this time around she knew what to expect and no longer worried at the slightest twinge.
He looked down at the photos, reaching around to pick up the one on top, of her in his shirt. "It looks better in black and white," he murmured. He peered around to study her calm expression. "You still have those pictures?"
She reached beneath the stack and took out one, which she lifted up. "You're a dead man," she said with a smile. As she'd gone through the camera, she found that he'd taken a few photos of her sleeping. Some were actually quite beautiful, if she did say so herself, and then he must have thought he'd been really funny by taking a picture of her snoring, with her mouth wide open. At least he'd found some lightness during those few days of absolute emotional torture for them both.
"I can explain."
"I am drooling!"
"And a very cute drooler you were too," he said, kissing her quickly. He smiled. "How much time do I have?"
"Ten seconds," she bit out.
"Hmm…." He waited all of two before he spun away from her and took off through the house. "Tali! Tali! Tali! Save Abba, Ima is mad at him for things completely out of his control!"
"You took a picture of me drooling!"
"That was six years ago!"
"Abba!" Tali screeched, laughing as he spun her around as a shield, lifting her off the floor. She hit him with Kelev, giggling maniacally, happy bubble laughs coming up from her toes. "Put me down! You silly!"
"See, she thinks I'm silly Ziva!"
"You're dead," Ziva laughed, in spite of herself. She dodged him around the couch and then screamed in laughter as Tali ran at her and pinned her knees, knocking her down onto the couch. "Okay! I'll give!"
Tali jumped up beside her, bouncing on the couch cushion. "I got you! I got you! Abba, I got Ima!"
"And you're one of only a small minority who can say they've done that, tzipporit." He fell down beside them both on the couch, his hand going protectively towards her stomach. He kissed her lightly. "Not too much for the baby?"
She shook her head, her hand covering his. Tali crawled over and weaseled her way in between them. She kissed her daughter's head. "You want to see a really cool picture, Tali?" She'd completely forgotten until he'd mentioned the baby again. She hadn't shown Tali yet. She leaned over and reached into his back pocket, pulling out the photo he carried with him since their visit to the doctor yesterday morning. She set it down on her belly, the black and white image reflecting what was inside. "See Tali?"
"Oh wow!" Tali leaned down and pressed her ear to her stomach. She giggled. "I can hear the baby!"
She touched her daughter's hair, smiling again. "It's probably just Ima's stomach telling her she's hungry. But maybe it's the baby."
"I love the baby." Tali kissed her stomach for good measure and took the photo, looking at it. She turned it around. "Is it a boy baby or girl baby?"
They both exchanged a look. He dropped his hand to her stomach, whispering. "You think we should tell her?"
"Hmm…I think we should." She smiled, curving her hand around Tali's cheek. She leaned down and Tali moved up so she could kiss her nose, smiling, lovingly at her daughter. She whispered, her words full of happiness. "It's a girl baby. You're going to have a little sister."
Tali's eyes lit up like all the stars in the sky, her giggle infectious as both of her parents laughed with her. "I'm gonna' have a girl baby sister! Yay!" She jumped off the couch. "I gotta' tell Senior!"
"Well that's going to put a cramp in our night," he said, grinning and pulling her against him. "Senior will want to celebrate."
"I'm sure I can talk him out of it. He listens to me."
"You've got him wrapped around your finger. Like Tali."
That might be true. Her father-in-law loved her in ways she wished her own father had shown his love. He gave her giant hugs and told her he loved her every day. He was always there for them, more than he'd ever been for his son, making that up each time he did as they asked. She kissed him softly, her forehead touching his. "You wanted to know why I was looking at all those pictures?"
He shrugged. He knew she'd tell him in her own time. The trust between them sometimes faltered, but they worked at it, like most couples had to work at their relationships. Nothing ever came easy with them. She framed his face in her hands, breathing softly. "I want to look back on my life and remember those moments, even the bad ones. Even the sad ones, because moving forward I want Tali to have those good pictures and those good memories. I want to put them around our house so she can see them every day."
Tony smiled and she saw his eyes shining. He kissed her again. "You need help with that?"
She shook her head. "No, I can do it myself, but…I want the ones of you. I want Tali to see both of her parents. I want her to have ones of us all too."
"Then we'll show her." He sat up on the couch, looking down at her and grinned. He reached for his phone and snapped a picture with it, lowering the phone down. "There. That should be a start."
"You will delete that photo."
"No."
"Yes!" She laughed, grabbing for the phone, but he was too quick for her, jumping up and running out the door, yelling for Tali as she chased him.
That evening she hung a couple of the pictures in Tali's room for her to see when she woke up the following morning. She took one she'd printed while Senior and Tali had been out for their grandfather-granddaughter dinner, and hung it up on the wall in a frame she'd located in the closet. It was of them all, standing in front of the Western Wall, the holiest of holy sites for her, which she'd taken them to when they'd returned to Israel for the first time since she "died." Tali was on her father's hip and Senior had his arms around both their shoulders, while she just smiled, one hand underneath her stomach and the other wrapped around Tony's waist. She'd sent it to Gibbs to let him know where they were.
It was a nice photo of her family. Once the baby was born she'd get another one of them all and do the same. Until she had covered her home in family photos. She dropped her hands to her sides, staring at the picture. She smiled and touched her fingers to their faces, dropping them to her side and turning when she heard Tony yelling for her. "I'll be there in a second!" she shouted.
"Well hurry up sweetcheeks, we got another hour before they get home and I don't like rushing things."
She rolled her eyes, smiling in spite of herself. She turned away from the picture, walking towards the bedroom, where she leaned against the door, her hand on her hip. "Bonjour, mon petit pois," she teased. She skipped over to him and jumped into his arms, grinning wide. "Well? What are you waiting for? We have one hour left."
With a throaty chuckle, he swung her legs up over his arm and spun her in a circle, spinning her off towards their room, as she laughed.
THE END