until my pity party's in flames
.
.
"You're bleeding…"
Mirajane is slow to come out of her stupor and the feeling is not unlike the one when she lies at the bottom of the tub of rosewater, eyes closed, hearing muffled, body weightless. As if in slow motion, her head cranes to the source of the sound and it's Elfman's voice, deep and keen at the same time; it's that awkward transition from boyhood to adolescence.
She has scant time to think he's growing up so fast, and the other sibling is stuck at thirteen.
No one knows how long it takes for her to completely forgive Elfman.
She loves her little brother. She does. Elfman is all she has left, the only remain of the once happy family that she failed to keep together, the only one who she doesn't need to tiptoe around but she does it anyway. She sees him walk around their tiny home, his footsteps muted as if he doesn't want to stir the air around them, as if he feels he isn't allowed to exist.
And some small part of Mirajane says let him feel that way.
She hates that part of herself, but it's not like it's wrong, because when she closes her eyes the forthcoming image is his large, beast hand sweeping against Lisanna so hard the boulder she crashes against shatters and she's dead not long after.
That is why she allows the anger, because it's better than sadness.
Mirajane sees her brother's hulk (when did he get taller than her?), a large, dark hand poised in front of her with a finger pointing at the center of her face. Something wet trickles down her nostril and her tongue darts out to the side of her lips to taste blood, austere and metallic.
"Ah, I haven't been sleeping well, I suppose," and she means to say that she hasn't been taking care of herself since they got back from that mission, that she doesn't feel like she deserves to sleep because Lisanna's doing just enough for both of them.
(They didn't even have a body to bury.)
Elfman shuffles, the tray of bread and cheese small in his hands and he doesn't know if he wants to sit beside his nee-chan or leave her to her thoughts. He can never shake the feeling that she hated him since Lisanna died. So he settles for standing by her bed, forcing words out of his chest. "Can I do anything for you, nee-chan?"
No, not really, is what Mirajane thinks but she will keep the small remains of her family together so she voids that tar-like feeling in her chest and allows a small smile on her lips. "You can help me buy food for tomorrow's service. Master is thinking of making me the head waitress and I want to show him what I can do."
Perhaps it hurts her to go on as if nothing is wrong but when she sees the goofy grin that blooms across her brother's face, she thinks it is enough for now, the pang in her chest be damned.
note: No one really talks about Mira and Elfman's days after Lisanna's deaths? Maybe I'm not just looking around more? But I always love reading about it, it's such a tragedy and I felt like it was tantamount development for them which is why, if i'm being honest, I'm very disappointed that they brought Lisanna back. She's not really...doing anything. I love her but I always feel she's so ornamental you know? I HATE IT. PLEASE GIVE LISANNA A KICKASS ARC OR ROLE