A/N: trigger warning( thoughts of suicide, attempt, self harm.)
Romano's P.O.V
I am done. I'm done with everything. I'm done with people always saying how great fratello is and how awful I am. Don't they know that I know I'm not as good as him. I get it! I'm shit, worthless, a fuck up! I GET IT! I can't do this anymore! The cutting doesn't work anymore. I have more scars on my arms then people in my country. I can't do it anymore. Maybe if I cut deeper? No that wouldn't work. Someone could walk in and stop me or call the police. I could shoot myself. No, I don't have any bullets. There's a bridge just down the road. Maybe I could jump. No one goes near the bridge. No one would notice me if I left. It's perfect! I quickly wrote a note goodbye. It read:
"This is my goodbye. I hope all of you are happy! Now you have my wonderful fratello. Fratello, I love you. You now have to take care of us. Maybe Seborga can take my place. It's not like I'm that irreplaceable. Anyway, goodbye fratello. To Seborga, take care of my people. And don't fuck it up! Belgium and Netherlands, you guys are like family to me. Take care of each other. I love you both. Potato bastard, take care of my fratello. To wine and other potato bastard, I never said this but you two were my best friends. And finally Spain, you are so stupid. All these years you didn't notice my pain. But, your smile always made me feel better just a little. I wish I could see it one last time. I love you. Not I'm a friend way but in a boyfriend way. You are probably wondering why I decided to die. It's because I'm done. I'm done with being a screw up. I'm done with everyone telling me I'm not worth it. I KNOW IM A PIECE OF SHIT, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND ME. Anyway, goodbye everyone." I put the letter in my pocket. I was going to put it on my kitchen table. When I made it downstairs, I carefully put it on the table. I wrote "read me" I'm big letters on it. I walked out my door. I didn't bother to lock my door. I walked down the road to the old bridge. I then proceeded to climb onto the railing. I was just sitting there having second thoughts. I wish I would've had one more of Spain's tomatoes. But I had to do this. At most only like 6 people would miss me. And they would move on eventually. I'm not that important. I'm about as important as a rotten tomato. Not at all. In fact, you have to get rid of them. I took a deep breathe. I started to lean towards the water when I heard screaming. I turned to my left to see Spain running full speed towards me. "Why is he here?" Before I could even finish that thought, he had pulled me off the railing. He wrapped his arms tight around me. I felt him shaking a bit and I knew he was crying. He was crying because of me. I then started to cry. I didn't want to hurt him. I put my head into the crook of his neck and cried. "Why Romano? Why" Spain kept repeating that over and over again. My answer was my sobs. He picked me up bridal style and carried me back to what I assumed was my house. I knew we were at my house when I heard him open the door. He sat me down on the couch. I refused to make eye contact with him. "Romano...why?" I didn't look up. "Why because I deserve to die, and my life is shit." Was what I thought. I just let a tear slip. I was done crying. Crying doesn't solve anything. I got up, completely ignoring the Spaniard on my couch. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed my suicide note. I walked back into the living room and handed Spain the note. He was looked at it with a confused expression, but took it none the less. As he read it, his expression changed from confused, to sad, to surprised, to sad again. When he was finished, he looked at me like a kicked puppy. I couldn't stand the look he was giving me. I ended up looking away from him. I could hear him getting up and waking over to me. He engulfed me in a hug. "Romano, you are definitely not a piece of shit. You are wonderful. Even if you don't think you are. You are. In my eyes, you are better than Veneziano. You are a great cook, a great dancer, a great actor, a great artist, a great singer, and you are a great country. Romano you are great at so many things. You are great. Romano killing yourself doesn't solve your problems it just ends the chance or things to get better. Things will get better. And I'll be there to make sure things get better." I was in tears once again. "Goddam it Spain. Stop caring about me." I said as I shoved him away. I wasn't mad. I wanted to believe things would get better, but things like that don't happen to me. I made the mistake of looking him in the eyes. He had a face of complete brokenness. "Good things never happen to me. Almost every country hates me and wouldn't care if I died. I would be doing the world a favor. Then Veneziano could be the only one or Seborga could take control. So don't try and fucking tell me things get better because they NEVER DO!" I quickly ran up to my room. I locked the door and went to my drawer. I pulled out my only friend in this world; my razor blade. I traced the old and new scars with it. I was numb to the pain. No matter how deep I cut I still couldn't feel it. That's all I wanted was to feel something besides this depression gnawing at me. I was so engrossed in the cutting that I didn't notice Spain beating on the door. I realized that he was when my fucking door was busted down by him. "What the FUCK man!? Put my dam door back!" My words went on deafs ears as he ran to me and pulled my arm. "Romano what the fuck are you doing!?" Spain almost rarely cusses these days, but when he did that meant he was either extremely mad or scared. I went quiet. I didn't know what to say. "Why am I doing this?" I looked up at him. "I don't know," I said in all honesty. He put my arm down and raised his arm. "Shit shit SHIT! He's gonna slap me!" Were my thoughts at first until he put his arm down. I had unconsciously flinched away from him. "Oh Romano... I'm sorry." I lifted my head up to see him. He had tears flowing from his eyes like a river. He was shaking slightly. He looked like how I felt. I quickly got up and hugged him. I held onto him tight. "I'm sorry Romano." He kept repeating it over and over again. At this point I was also in tears. "Dammit Spain why are you sorry? I should be not you. You bastard." He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry because I saw you hurting and did nothing to help." I looked down and tried to let go of him, but he held onto me. He grabbed my chin and made me look into his eyes. "But from now on Romano," he said,"I will always be here and make sure that I will always help you. No matter what." And from that day on, I knew I could get better. Because I had Spain. Spain was more than the man who helped me. He was my lover, my boyfriend, my salvation, and my happiness. He was a light in a dark place. And now I am happier than I've been in a long time. To whoever is reading my story, you are worth it. Keep on living because there are so many things you have to wait for. Your happiness is right around the corner. So stay alive, and be you. Goodbye.