I am standing on the edge

Of returning or just running away,

I am letting myself

Look the other way,

And the hardest part in all this is

I don't think I know my way back home,

Is it worth journey?

Or do I let my heart settle here?

I want to go home, but there is nowhere to go to. It's like I lost the family I used to have, everyone has either died or just gone insane. Do I want to find my family again, or is to broken to even be called that?

How cold have I become?

I didn't want to lose you by what I've done,

Caught in the grey

Was I selfish for running away? Selfish for being scared? Selfish for knowing that you needed me, but left anyway, not knowing whether I would come back? Everything was falling apart, and I couldn't stand to see everything disappear, like it had before.

I don't want to look you in eyes

You might call me away,

I don't want to give you the chance

To make me stay,

You were my true father, though you never acted like it. You wanted to take me to my real family, the family you abandoned. Like I could be your saving grace, and be the key to be back with your family. Then there was you, the one who raised me as her own when your sister was killed, because of me. You knew all along and never told me, you wanted me to say with you. To stay and never find out my mother's mistake.

And the hardest part in all this is

I know my way back,

I don't want to go

And let you see,

All that has become of me

I should've known,

I should've known

I didn't have a chance

I know that you all would welcome me back with open arms and never think twice. But I can't stand to face you, to see what has happened to me. I made that deal, the deal I said I would never take. But fate worked against me, I was always supposed to become this, no matter how far I ran away.

How cold have I become?

I didn't want to lose him

By what I've done

Caught in the grey

I left you, even though it wasn't you that I left. They said you were dead, and I didn't want to believe, but you weren't there. I was caught in my fear that you were gone, that I didn't have the chance to tell you how much I wanted to be with you. I was caught in my denial.

It burns for a moment

But,

But, then it melts you,

Takes you and leaves you just

Caught in the grey

I know it must hurt you, if you are even alive. Deep inside you must right? I can still feel your grace, it surrounds me all the time. It shines brightly, it makes me feel safe, but it fades away at times. It fades for a long time, and leaves me cold. Just like that.

In your deepest pain,

In your weakest hour,

In your darkest night

You are lovely

In your deepest pain,

In your weakest hour,

In your darkest night

You are lovely

Is it true what you said before? That you would make sure nothing would ever happen to me? Were you lying to me back then? I don't see you anymore, and now it seems that you left me. You abandoned me to fend for myself. I don't know where to go, and it seems I am losing faith in everyone around me.

I am standing on the edge

Or just running away.

I have lost in faith in everyone. But there is just a sliver of hope inside of me. I don't want to be a coward anymore and run back to Heaven, but I can't stand to face you knowing that he is gone. Gone from my life, and I never got to tell him how I really felt. I cannot run from God's plan anymore. I used to believe that together, we could change our fates, but not anymore.