Hello! Please to enjoy my 2nd fan fiction story! Chock full of random, insane, boredom-inspired goodness!!! Mmmm, goes down smooth!
DISCLAIMER!!! Full Metal Alchemist and Tina Turner are not mine! Neither do I own clowns… or teacup rides… or kittens for that matter, I'm allergic. Well, I'm not allergic to clowns or teacup rides, only to kittens. Oh, and cedar. And pollen. And stuff. But I don't own those things either!!!.
Caution: Spasmodic laughter may or may not occur. Taking multiple types of cold medicine may increase this risk. Please read responsibly.
One morning, after spending the night in a nifty little hotel, Ed and Al walked down a bright city street. Just then, Al spied a kitten.
Ok, ok, this is pretty boring, no?
Let's spice things up a little!!!
After narrowly avoiding an attack by angry hookers, Ed and Al ran through a darkened alleyway with a pack of demented clowns hot on their trail! It was pouring rain and thunder cracked and lightning struck and Al had a chest full of kittens! Yes! Kittens! With strep throat! And they had to get to the cat hospital (cahospital?) to get them some medicine before they died of pneumonia!!!
The clowns were crazed and suffered from dementia (and not just the regular senior-citizen-forget-your-teeth-in-the-litter-box kind,, the reeeally reeeally bad kind!)! Oh! And also, they were equipped with weasel cannons! Yes! Weasel cannons! That shot weasels rapid fire at over 165 miles per hour!!!
So the ran, as fast as they could, trying to lose the clowns along the way. It wasn't easy, as you can imagine, because they had to dodge speeding weasels and Al desperately tried not to rattle the plague-stricken kittens (he failed miserably). But all would be lost in those kittens did not get to the hospital! What's more depressing than kittens with malaria?
So anyway, back to the clowns (Did I mention that they were gender confused?) who were secretly angry because nobody likes clowns anymore and also because Al accidentally killed their friend (Meemo, the tiniest clown) when he tripped and fell on him, crushing him completely!
Just then, Ed and Al realized that they had been running down a dark alleyway – a dark alleyway with a DEAD END!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!!! (Dramatic music) "AHOY MATEYS!" Colonel Mustang swung into into view on a rope dangling from-
Who cares, I'm bored again.
CHANGE PLACES!
Hawkeye, Armstrong, Hughes and the Elric brothers watched as Colonel Mustang performed a lip-synching routine in full drag to "Rollin on the River" by Tina Turner. (WTF???) It was awe inspiring, to say the least.
NO! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Ed and Al spun out of control in the teacup ride on an indoor carousel! Ed was decked out in a full fledged set of bunny footie pajamas, complete with eared hoodie and tail, while Al struggled to pry bumper stickers off his butt.
-FOUR HOURS LATER!-
It was a battle to the death! The ultimate DDR competition between Ed and… ELYSIA!!!! Ed was still in his footie pajamas, but to no avail! Elysia was totally kicking his ASS!!! WINNER! Elysia wins! "THE ULTIMATE CHAMPION!" Hughes screeched. "Wait a minute, let ME have a try!" The Fuehrer jumped onto the dance pad, bumping Ed to the ground with his curvy-fuehrer hips (loser) and challenged Elysia to the FINAL FINISH!!!!!!!
Just then, Al rushed in with a box of (guess what) kittens!!! With both hepetitus and mono combined!!! "LOOK!" he roared, turned the box sideways and spun around flinging the diseased kittens around the room (where cruel fate caused many to meet with walls or furniture)!
FACED! A kitten infested with severe herpes smacked Colonel Mustang in the face, spoiling his chances with the ladies (and probably the men) for all eternity!!!!
-A NEW DAY!-
Gluttony projectile vomited a duck, 3 whales, a railroad track and 4/3 of a Puerto Rican boy all over Envy's living room carpet. "YOU SLUT!" He bellowed and slapped Lust in the face before hurling her at Gluttony's crotch. The two collided, causing Lust to projective vomit all over Envy and Gluttony to throw up two more half-eaten Puerto Rican boys on the couch.
- BACK IN THE TEACUPS!-
Kittens spun wildly out of control! All with various horrible diseases!
Gonorrhea! Leukemia! ADHD! Obesity!
And being so small, they rapidly circled the walls of the cups and shot out the tops like small furry projectiles, splatting on and infecting whatever they hit. Al screamed, running wildly, trying to help the kittens but only managing to have them splat all over his surface. "ED!" Al screeched as he ran into view, rushing to hug him (at the same time infecting him with multiple fatal diseases!!!) Ed screeched in anger, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- Oh well, let's go get smoothies."
-THE NEXT DAY!-
NEWSPAPER HEADLINE!
The ENTIRE cast of Full Metal Alchemist:
DEAD!!!
MAULED BY WEASELS!!!
Owari! Teh End
Reviews are appreciated, while flamers are gay!