Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even the plot, it belongs to a friend. :) The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, btw.
HAHAHAH, I hope you like it.

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"Edward, it's true." I suppressed a laugh.
"Bella, I don't believe you. How did we even get to this conversation?" He questioned.
"I'm not lying, Edward. It happened when I was younger. I'm not exactly sure what age." I tried convincing.
"Yeah, Bella. Is that so? Who's the father?" he challenged.
"Mmm, Edward… It was mm, uhh, it was J-J-Jacob," I stuttered.
His face completely fell. Rage was entering his expression. Oh, shoot, maybe I shouldn't have said that.
"WHAT?! … I mean, oh, okay." He was trembling. Yep, I shouldn't have said anything.
"I'm sorry, Edward. Never mind, just forget it. I'm really sorry I brought it up," I apologized.
"No, no," he objected, "continue. Where did this happen?" He rubbed his temples.
Oh shoot, oh shoot. I shouldn't have started this. I'm pretty sure he won't let it go. Continue, I must… I guess.
"In this room," I murmured.
"UGH. WHAT?" He choked. He gracefully and angrily stood up and walked up to window. He kicked his feet out of the window and I panicked when I thought he was leaving. He ended up just sitting on the window sill taking deep, long breathes.
I really, really, really, shouldn't have said anything. I'm so stupid.
"Where is the baby?" he spat.
'Oh, what should I say? He'll be so mad later.' I thought.
"He's at, um, my mom's house. I had to leave him there because it would be too embarrassing to bring him here." I tried saying calmly.
"I'll be back. I'm going for a—" Edward tried saying. I'm so stupid. This isn't even funny. Why did I bring this up? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Ding dong. Who can that be? Edward turned around and stared at me.
"Just wait here. I'll get the door and explain everything after." I pleaded. He kept silent.
I ran down the stairs and nearly fell on my face. I opened the door and Alice was standing outside with a wide, mischievous grin plastered on her porcelain face.
"Alice?" What was she doing here?
"Did you tell him already?" She whispered. Edward would probably be dwelling on the thing I just told him. He probably won't hear or read anything.
"Yeah. I feel so stupid. He's furious." I explained.
"This is hilarious. Okay, keep it up. I have a plan." She grinned scarily once again.
"What plan? What's going to happen? Edward's really mad, Alice!"
"Yeah, it's okay. He'll be fine later, just do as I say." Alice said sternly. I slowly nodded.
"Okay, well, for now keep him busy. Tell him more things. I have a surprise for both of you," she stated, "and it's coming in a couple hours. Maybe even minutes. So, just keep him clueless, and try not to provoke him TOO much." She smiled maliciously.
I nodded slowly again and looked down on the floor. How did this even happen? I looked up and Alice was gone. I went up stairs and checked on Edward.

He was still there, a perfect statue.
"Bella."
"Hello," I squeaked.
I sat on the bed and silently watched from behind his back. Guilt, confusion, and stupidity were clouding around that room and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to breathe soon. I could tell from just looking at his back, he was in great pain. How did I even come up with the plan to tell him about my little playtime with Jacob when I was younger?
"Bella," he said so beautifully.
"Yes, Edwar—," I couldn't finish the sentence, the doorbell rang.
When I left the room I could practically feel the self-caused stress to shove off. I opened the door and there was Alice… and my mom.
"MOM!" I screamed and hugged her, hard.
"Bella, this is your surprise. I updated her about everything and she's in with the plan. Is Edward still upstairs?" She smiled that same malicious smile. And wait… is my mom wearing one, too?
"What's the plan?" I said.
"You'll figure it out later. Just go along with everything, okay?" I nodded.
We headed upstairs and lead my mom into the room. Edward's head jerked upwards. My mom smiled thoughtfully and sat on my bed, facing Edward.
"I'm sorry about Bella. I'm not exactly sure why she suddenly told you this, especially with the fact that it was very unceremonious." Mom said quickly.
"Well, I'm sorry, Mom!" I pouted.
"Anyways, it's true what she said. But please don't shun her for that. It was an honest mistake, and you two can cope with it together." She tried convincing, and Edward quietly growled. Alice punched his arm.
"Mom, just tell him."
"Okay, please, are you prepared? I mean, don't faint or pass out, okay?" I saw Mom smile conspicuously.
Edward laughed. Yeah, of course, like he would faint.
"Okay, well. When Bella was about 12, her and Jacob always played together during summer. One summer evening, their little knowledgeable minds got a little close. They were playing house and Bella was Mom while Jacob was Dad. That summer, Bella became pregnant. They both knew that it would take a long time until the baby would be born so Bella went home to Phoenix with the baby. The next summer, Bella visited Forks again. The baby finally gave birth there and he was close to dying. He was very much overdue. I knew Bella would never know how to take care of him, so I took him in. A couple years later, Bella came here and I kept the baby with me. This is the picture of the boy when he was born," Mom handed Edward a Polaroid picture of my baby teddy bear, the one I got from Jacob when I was younger, "You see? It was all an accident. Jacob and Bella were playing house, they were married, they produced a child, and I keep the child bear in my house now." Alice giggled in the background and I carefully watched Edward.
"Do you get it Edward? Bella's clean, she's a virgin ("MOM!") and all this nonsense was because of a game of House that included too much knowledge."
Alice laughed hysterically.
Mom smiled and worriedly looked at me.
I apologized constantly.
Edward tipped over and lied there in shock.

THE END:D

HAHAAHAHAHAH... :
Well, I thought it was funny.