A/N: Okay, so I've been doing some reading and I've found some things in FanFics that I find rather humorous...if not bizar. But I digress and will allow you to read on about life as a literary character.
Disclaimer: I do not, in anyway, own Wicked or The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. However, this doesn't really matter because The Wonderful Wizard of Oz is now in public domain. This is why Maguire can write his books.
On a rare video interview with Elphaba Thropp and Glinda Upland, the famed witches of the mystical land of Oz, the public can now view the thoughts of these beloved characters in the fan fiction world:
"Well, first off," began Elphaba, "I would not consider myself a 'beloved character'."
"Elphie!" cried Glinda, "You can not mean that!"
"Glinda, in the original books and adaptations, I am a hated character. As you may recall, I was killed in the original Oz series—the first book to be exact."
"So?"
"If anyone is a 'beloved character' it would be you" replied the green witch. "After all, audiences couldn't help but fall in love with you in the Judy Garland movie."
"And you think no one loved you?"
"How many people in the audience do you think didn't cheer at my melting?"
"Well," began the blonde, "there must have been a few..."
"Yeah, like Gregory Maguire; to whom I am very thankful."
"So you would say that Maguire has made your life better?" asked the interviewer.
Elphaba gave the question some thought. "That," she finally replied, "but also to the characters as a whole. It's no longer just 'Wicked Witch of the West', 'Scarecrow', 'Tin Man'. Now they finally have names and a history." Her voice became softer, "Though it's not official..."
"But it only adds more to the original books" interrupted Glinda. "Except for the Wizard."
"Yes, he's still 'The Wizard'." She turned to Glinda, "Do we even learn his name?"
"I don't think so" the Good Witch frowned. "All we know is he's your father—unofficially, of course."
"He's my father? You are so kidding, right?"
"No! I'll explain later."
"Good. Who's this Frex guy who's been raising me? Then?"
"How do you feel about this new nostalgia about you through fan fiction?" continued the interviewer.
Both witches chuckled.
"Actually," replied Glinda, "I don't know of many people who would consider Wicked and Son of a Witch as forms as fan fiction but they can be. Which is why we stated some things as 'unofficial'."
"Personally, I like the new attention" spoke up Elphaba.
"I think you like the idea of finally having a name."
Elphaba threw back her head and laughed, "You have no idea how hard it is to abbreviate your name 'WWW' and explain to people that it doesn't mean 'World Wide Web'!"
"But you can only do that in the Wicked section" the interviewer reminded her.
Elphaba nodded, "Yes, but it's better than every single section. Because, as far as the rest of the world is concerned, The Wicked Witch of the West is my real name and I really am wicked."
Glinda laughed as well. "But I really think something else should have been added to us. You know, to update the story a little."
"Not like we're not getting updated already."
"That's what we get for a computerized world."
"You mean Fan Fiction dot net?" inquired the interviewer.
"Quite" replied Glinda, "You would be surprised to see what people will come up with."
"Some if it, though can be quite wierd" finished Elphaba as Glinda nodded in response.
"Would you care to elaborate?" the interviewer continued.
Elphaba took in a deep breath in thought. "For example," she began, "there is this big fascination with our sexual orientations."
"Agreed," the blonde witch continued, "there are many stories where we are homosexuals—"
"And I think one heterosexual" finished Elphaba. "But, I mean, what's with that?"
"It could be argued because you two shared a room in college" offered the interviewer.
"Still," argued Glinda, "all over America there are bound to be colleges and learning institutions where there are two people to a room—it doesn't necessarily imply that they have a love relationship."
"Our relationship is one of a very deep friendship" the other witch continued. "We can be considered more like sisters than lovers."
"Then" summarized the interviewer, "you are denying your homosexual accusations."
"Not exactly, we are but characters; we are bent to the will of the authors."
"It is quite an interesting life" spoke up the blonde.
"What other things have you encountered on your fan adventures?" asked the interviewer.
"Elphie does get hurt a lot" replied Glinda.
"I have received a fair deal of physical abuse throughout my entire lifetime" Elphaba expanded, "Probably, if you go to the Wizard of Oz section, you will find other stories of me suffering horrific deaths, and under other names as well. Again—back to Wicked as a fan fiction piece."
The interviewer asked, "Were you hoping that Wicked would have brought down your hate?"
"I wasn't expecting it to stop all together" was the reply. "After all, there is always one character who is always going to be that one character that is the 'evil' character and no one likes. And, not matter what, I will always be that character. But yes, Wicked has brought brought down that abuse some."
"Still, people have this fascination with killing her off" Glinda continued. "What is it with these writers and death?"
"Well, us characters can't really die. We just don't appear in the story anymore. Funny thing about characters—once they're created, they keep living on" the green witch clarified. "But it's true, with all the things the authors have me go through, if I were a real person—"
"You'd be dead!"
Elphaba smiled and took in a deep breath: "That too, but I'd have, probably, the highest medical bills in the history of medicare. I could even have my policies canceled. But I'm not the only one who gets injured."
"True" agreed Glinda, "I suffer many pains psychologically."
"In Wicked, 'angst' generally means 'Glinda is at the breaking point'."
"But I do suffer physically" the blonde pointed out. "There are a few stories where I'm dying from some incurable disease and Elphie is the only one who can preform the spell to heal me."
"Again, back to authors and death." The green witch paused for a moment. "Also," she continued, "I seem to always get hurt the same ways."
"How so?" asked the interviewer.
"Well, I'm either stabbed, or I really melt."
"It does tend to get rather unoriginal after a while" continued Glinda.
Elphaba's voice became a yell, "I mean, people: come on! Have my brains blown out, or something; enough with the stabbings with daggers!"
"You two seem to really dislike this means" the interviewer observed.
The witches laughed. "Here," smiled Elphaba, "we'll show you." She got up and walked a ways from Glinda. Suddenly, Glinda screamed as Elphaba pretended to received a knife wound to the chest.
"Elphie! NO!" cried Glinda. She ran to her friend as she fell to the ground. Resting Elphaba's head on her lap, Glinda teared as Elphaba tried to speak:
"Glinda, pull it out."
"No," tears streamed down the blonde's cheeks, "you'll bleed to death!"
Elphaba screamed, "It hurts too much, Glinda! Pull the dang thing out!"
"No!"
"Fine," Elphaba grabbed the invisible dagger, "I'll do it myself..."
"NO!"
Elphaba yelped in pain as she pulled the invisible dagger from her chest. Glinda quickly grabbed a bit of cloth to try to stop the "wound" form bleeding. "Elphie," she wept, "Why?"
"Because no person in Oz would ever care for me and I was going to die anyways and might as well have been sooner or later so that those annoying little 'I'll do anything for you, Wizard/Glinda' Ozheads can sing out: 'Good news! She's dead!"
"You find them annoying, too?"
"Yeah, who doesn't?"
"Oh, Elphie!"
Elphaba pretended coughing up blood, "Oh, Glinda, it really isn't that bad; I still die in the end."
"Not if this is a fanfic that takes place after the musical/book and you are to come and live with me in Oz forever!"
Elphaba frowned, "Live with you how? As in what way?"
Glinda shrugged her shoulders: "I don't know." She continued sobbing, "Just don't leave me!"
Elphaba began getting weaker and weaker. "I can't" she whispered.
Glinda held the other close to her. "I can't live without my best friend!" she wept, "Please, don't leave me!"
But Elphaba's body relaxed and all signs of life disappeared. Elphaba managed to whisper one last time: "You're my friend too..." Glinda looked down at the body in her arms.
"No," she teared once more, "Elphie! NO!" She pulled the body close to her once more and cried.
"Hey, hey, hey!" cried Elphaba, "I don't want another shower here!"
"Oh," Glinda quickly pulled away allowing the green witch to get up. She wiped her eyes. "Sorry. Wha?" A grin came over her face. "Elphie!" she cried, "You're alive!"
Elphaba faced the other and grinned. She was rather surprised when Glinda quickly jumped into her arms and hugged her tightly. "I thought you were dead!" she teared once again.
"It was only because I couldn't let you know that I was still alive" the taller witch stroked the other's hair.
The blonde witch pulled away. "I'm glad" she smiled.
Elphaba smiled too, only to receive a strong smack across her face. She coiled back and rubbed her throbbing cheek.
"Don't you ever scare me like that again, Elphaba Thropp!" the blonde scolded.
"Ow..." Elphaba managed to say, "Sorry."
"Oh, I hope you are!" the other huffed. Her voice then turned softer, "I didn't hit you too hard, didn't I?"
The other witch smiled, "No, just enough to get our point across."
"What point was that?" asked the interviewer.
"Oh, that besides getting stabbed a lot," replied Glinda, "when Elphie returns to Oz to visit me, the first thing I usually do is slap her."
"I don't know how it started," continued Elphaba, "but whoever started it: Please, STOP!"
"It does have the tendency more to become like a Three Stooges rutene."
"So much can go wrong with that one little act."
The interviewer was puzzled. "Such as?"
Glinda slapped Elphaba across the face.
"OW!" the witch yelped.
Glinda slapped again. But then shook her hand out. "Ow...Elphie, you have a hard face!"
"Is that so?" Elphaba smacked Glinda, "How do you like being hard faced?"
Glinda smacked Elphaba again.
The green witch coiled back. "Oz! Glinda, you hit my nose!"
Glinda gave the face of "ouch." "Sorry!"
"And that's what you mean by 'So much can go wrong'?" asked the interviewer.
"Quite" replied the witches.
"I'd say you're all crazy."
The two women laughed.
"But it's not just our generation that authors are fascinated with" continued Glinda, "They also seem to be quite interested in our children."
"True," agreed Elphaba, "Whether the fathers be Fiyero, Boq, some guy known as Lord Chuffery: there a few stories where one of us has a son and another a daughter and, through both of them attending Shiz, end up getting hitched."
"Also, I am often given a daughter who I also loose. What's with that?"
"What's even weirder, is somehow: you always manage to name her after me."
"I think some sort of symbolism is going on" reasoned the blonde, "Maybe since I loose Elphaba in the original story, authors think that is also means that I will also loose my daughter Elphaba—or whatever I disguise her name to be."
"Liir also appears to be apparent in the Wicked: The Next Generation."
"The son Maguire gave you?" inquired the interviewer.
"Yes."
Glinda sighed, "Then, there are those stranger stories in which the father of our children end up being each other..."
An awkward silence covered all. Elphaba and Glinda eyed each other.
"You didn't have to bring that one up" Elphaba broke the silence.
"Sorry," the other replied, "but they do occur."
"Yes, once in a while. Again, back to Gelphie fics."
"Indeed," the interviewer wrapped up the interview, "never a dull moment as a literary character."